From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Existence, (1/1) Date: 01 Jul 1998 07:27:06 PDT Title: Existence Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimers: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB. The song ‘Fallen from Grace’ is the property of Blue Rodeo. Summary: Angel realizes what he has become after being cursed by the gypsies. This is basically an escape from the last chapter of Repercussions, which is coming very slowly. :) Feedback: Please...good, bad, whatever. Thanks: Jenn and Rachel //The sun won't ever shine Not like it used to do And there will be moonlight in the sky Won't mean a thing to you Friends and relations say you've changed They say it's written in your face Better get used to living like this Now that you've fallen from grace// 'Please make this a dream.' The words rippled through the pain in Angel's mind. These memories running through his head couldn't be his, couldn't be real. He stifled a sob, visions of ugly deaths, deaths he had caused playing in his mind. He paced around in the darkness of the cellar the gypsies had locked him in. His hands held his head as he remembered the words they said to him, the hatred and revulsion in their eyes. He gripped his head tighter as the memory of a young gypsy girl dying in his arms rolled through his mind. Gagging at the images he collapsed on the floor, unable to believe the monster he had become. He remembered the last day he had seen the sun, the angry words he had flung at his parents before heading off to the pub. His head swam, so many deaths, so many deaths he had caused. A sob escaped him as he saw his mother's face, felt his teeth at her neck. He could feel the blood coursing down his throat as his mother's life faded, her eyes disbelieving. He shuddered, remembering the screams of his sisters as they found his mother's body and the joy with which he killed them. Rocking back and forth he tried to block the images, tried to convince himself they weren't real, but he could see his father's eyes to clearly, the horror and the fear that he looked at his son with. Sobbing he curled into the dirt, praying for oblivion. //And you will walk across the floor As the night becomes day There will be trouble coming round Sent down to test your faith And when the friends you used to wait for Stop coming round to your place You better get strong somehow Now that you've fallen from grace// He lay silent for hours, the tears stopped by the horror. It was too much, he couldn't absorb all the terror and destruction he had caused. He struggled to his feet, a strange sensation beginning in his middle, wrapping his arms tightly around himself he moved around the room. The feeling grew stronger, more familiar until he began to moan, realizing the demon still existed in him, still hungered in him. Pacing frantically around the room he tried to ignore the feeling, wanting desperately to subdue the memories of feeding, of the joy he had felt in the killings. Swallowing the disgust that rose in his throat he concentrated on overpowering the craving, afraid that if he saw a human he would be unable to stop himself. He stopped, his mind spinning wildly at his thoughts, only then realizing that he wasn't human any more, that he hadn't been human for a very long time. He stopped his pacing, smelling something outside that tore at his self-control. He could hear the gypsies talking softly, the thought flashing through his head for a moment that they may kill him as soon as he tried to leave. The craving increased, taking away his ability to think, he heard the growl low in his throat, felt the changes in his teeth. Reaching up he felt his face, felt the ridges and running his hand inside his mouth he felt the sharpness there. He fought against the almost overpowering urge to break through the door, to run out into the night and kill. He ran his hands over his face again, trying to join his memories with the feel of his face. He coughed, choking on the memories, taking deep breaths to calm himself, realizing as he did that he hadn't been breathing. Memories of his first nights as a vampire overcame him, memories of Darla as she’d taught him the pleasures of killing. He shook his head, unwilling to remember the joy he had felt while killing, unable to believe that he had loved it. Moving slowly towards the door, the craving leading him, he pulled it open, surprised at his strength. He walked up the stairs, expecting the gypsies to attack him any moment, praying that they would. He moved carefully out into the open air, fearful of what would happen next. He saw the gypsies hiding in the shadows but he kept moving forward, terrified he would lose control. He felt the demon raging inside him, ordering him to feed, to kill, but he ignored it, moving slowly towards the place he used to call home. Dru, the memory of what he had done to her tormenting him, he felt the need to rescue her, he couldn't just abandon her to Spike. Walking hesitatingly down the stairs into their hideout, standing in the middle of the room, looking at Spike and Dru sprawled out on the floor, sated from blood. His stomach turning he watched them, sickened to think he had once been happy to be with them, to kill with them. Spinning around silently he left without saying a word, realizing he would find no comfort in Dru's arms, no pleasure in Spike's company. //Better get used to the sorrow Better get used to the pain Don't even worry about tomorrow You know it's only today all over again// He wandered aimlessly throughout Europe for years. Feeding only on rats and dead animals, only ever enough to keep himself alive. He wanted to die, found himself praying endlessly for some release from the guilt at what he had done. He hadn't seen Spike of Dru since the night he had been given back his soul. He winced at the thought of the torture he put Drucilla through, of how he had stolen her sanity. Walking slowly down a dark alley, he wondered again why he didn't end it, why he didn't lay down until the sun came up and ended this torture. Was he afraid of Hell? He laughed bitterly at the thought, knowing that there was no way Hell could be any worse than the existence he lived now. Other vampires avoided him, the legends of the horror he had committed following him. He was glad they feared him, glad that they left the towns he was in, left the people in relative safety. He spent his nights thinking of his crimes, picking out one death to mourn, one life to cry for. It was the only way he could handle it, the guilt was too strong. He would kneel in the dirt, head low and let the memories of one death pour through him while he cried. He would let the guilt for the death absorb him until the first signs of the approaching dawn. Then he would find a place to hide, hopeful every time that he wouldn't make it that the sun would rise too fast and take him with it. And every morning as he once again hid he realized why he continued, why he would always continue. He would suffer for the pain he had caused, the gypsies had a right to their vengeance and he would not take it from them. He would give them the satisfaction of seeing him suffer for all eternity. //Never mind the paper and the pen They can't help you anymore Forget about the music That used to lift up your soul And when the lover that you lean on Turns round and shows you a stranger's face Better get used to living like this Now that you've fallen from grace Better get used to living like this Now that you've fallen from grace// Running became his life, running from memories, from town after town that he had left his mark in. So many people dead, so many lives ruined. The monstrosity that he was astounded him, every new death he remembered shocked him as much as the memory of the first one had. He searched all of Europe for a moment of forgetfulness, one second when the horror of what he was released its grasp on him. He tried everything, the music he used to lose himself in for hours as a human. The drawing's that used to consume him, everything he drew now was full of death. He looked around his room, at the pictures of crimes he committed spread all over the floor. Laying on the floor among his pictures, feeling unbearable guilt for these people who didn't even have names in his mind, just memories of whether or not they fought him. Feeling the tears of remorse welling in his eyes again he struggled to his feet, running once more. He wandered down a deserted street, barely noticing a couple embracing in the shadows until the way the woman moved prodded at his memory. He remembered a beautiful blonde haired woman that he had loved and killed with. He walked closer, feeling a pit of dread forming in his stomach. The woman was dressed in a kimono, her blond hair pinned up from her neck. He stared horrified as memories of nights spent taking blood from that neck coursed through him. She turned slowly, sensing his presence, her face contorted in the demon's shape. The tears coursing down his face he stumbled backwards, running from the street, ignoring her voice calling after him. 'Darla' her name running through his head, he could remember loving her so clearly, but she was a monster like him, he couldn't be near her. He found himself hanging around the waterfront two weeks later while searching for one of the rats that were so plentiful around the water. Watching the passengers laughing as they boarded the boat. He stared wistfully at them from the shadows, his hunger temporarily subdued. He watched them board with so many hopes for what the journey could bring them. Glancing back at the land that he had killed so many on he moved quickly through the shadows, finding an empty cargo box and slipping into it. Maybe he would be discovered at sea, maybe the sunlight would find him and kill him, but maybe he would find some peace, some way to make amends in the New World. Closing his eyes he offered up one more prayer for the souls of those he had killed as the boat pulled away. ********* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: Reflections 7/7 Date: 01 Jul 1998 18:53:37 EDT Title~ Reflections 7/7 Author~Shani Timeline~ let’s say between Go Fish and Becoming I & II--Becomings will not happen here Summary~ Angelus becomes Angel, but has some thinking to do before going to Buffy...if he decides to go to Buffy at all. Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. No infringement intended. Story for entertainment purposes only. Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!! Please send all comments to TruPhile@aol.com “She should be back by now,” Angel said pacing across the library. “According to the book, if the prayer worked, the room would have been filled with a bright light that destroys the evil within. I think that the vampires knew to get out. However, Buffy being the slayer, I don’t know what effect the light would have had.” Giles tried to explain. He hoped he sounded more certain than he felt. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy was barely able to stand on her own by the time she reached the school library. Before entering, she gathered all of her strength, hoping not to worry any of her friends. “Mornin’” Buffy said. She heard various things from people throughout the room... “Buff, you ok?” “What happened?” “Buffy?” Angel came up to her. She looked in his eyes. “It worked, I think. There was this bright light and when I woke up, I was alone. Except for this.” She said, handing the flower to Giles. She closed her eyes, feeling weak. Angel tried to help her sit down, but she insisted that she was fine. “Where did this flower, umm, where did you get this?” Giles asked. “It was just lying there in place of the golam’s...ashes” She collasped. Angel caught her just before she hit the ground. “I’m taking her home.” He said. Once again, Giles looked up in time to see Xander, Cordelia, and Willow staring at the swinging library doors. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: _-Sun-_ Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 42) Date: 01 Jul 1998 17:22:24 -0700 Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 42) Author: _-SuN-_ Email Addie: Kbleyle@Earthlink.Net Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....) Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes. Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm just warning you. Feedback: Yes! Send it now! Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...) Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire? Charlotte Sometimes (Part 42) He looked down at the bundle laying on the cold floor. Her charred hair, spiraled out away from her body. A disgusting mixture of dirt, weeds, and blisters all over her once perfect skin. Angelus stood up from his kneeling position next to her. So Darla was right. He was destroying the person he loved. In his rash movements, and nature.. He was killing her. He hadn't wanted this! Just a little fun... A little something to fill that gap that had been with him since Spike had left. He didn't need him, he knew. And he didn't need Darla either. But it didn't help much - them being gone... Angelus's head fell into his hands as he growled. He didn't want this for her. For his precious Drusilla... He looked up with reddened eyes. What hell had she gone through in that fucking pit of witches because of him? What hell had she created in herself because of her parents deaths? What had she gone through nearly three hours ago, because he was to stupid to realize she would run from him? That the towns people would run to her? And what new hell would she wake up to? Angelus smiled as Drusilla groaned and pushed herself into a new sleeping position. He thought for a moment she may awaken, and he slipped into the shadows. That she was to weak to go through anything that would involve him... Angelus thought for a moment, changing his plans, and picked her still sleeping form from the ground. ***** Drusilla awoke on cold pavement sending shivers through her body. She forced herself to stay still, to not open her eyes for fear of where she was.. Who she was with... How many times had this scene played itself out? She listen to the voices - as they were nearer then faded. Perhaps in the next room or outside the door, she instantly recognizing one of the voices... * Angelus was minutes away from ripping this mans throat out. "Just, take care of her? Alright? Can you do that?" He put his hand up, unwilling to hear the man to speak "And, *when* I come back and even think for one moment anything bad has happened to her, your gonna beg for death" "Yeah, sure buddy. Don't worry a bit about her. She's in _real_ good hands." Angelus looked the skinny man over. His long brown hair that was twisted and braided, and he wore a long dark coat conveniently hiding whatever was behind. It wasn't that Angelus didn't trust the man. Ian knew about vampires, and was a continues help towards a select few in the community.. But he didn't like this place. He used to have faith in Ian's fighting abilities but this place was disgusting. He couldn't imagine leave Drusilla here in this infested place. Mildew, rats... The people here looked tough. Violent and tough. He swore under is breath, as he was quickly running outta options.. Angelus met Ian's eye's "I'll bet. Look, just give her these" He said as Angelus tossed a small bag of things he'd managed to escape from the house. There wasn't much. A dress or two, a brush, he'd gathered about a dozen roses and tossed them in as to apologize for leaving her in this forsaken place, and a doll.... -- _-SuN-_ SD - Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html K - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/kinky/ Daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for days. And moving lips to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes And found myself alone alone. Alone above a raging sea That stole the only girl I loved, And drowned her deep inside of me (The Cure) _ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _ _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _ _ - _ Plan For World Domination, _ - _ _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss-- "Fallen From Grace" -- Oy, Help! Date: 01 Jul 1998 21:50:58 EDT I can't determine if I've already posted chapter nine or not. Could someone please EM me privately and let me know? Thanks. Rachel ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (10/11) Date: 01 Jul 1998 22:02:22 EDT Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing pieces. :) Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear to belong to High God Joss. Distribution: Not without my permission, please. Feedback: YES! To KylenRevik@aol.com, please, whether it be good or bad or something in-between. And now, on to the show! ~ Ten Breathlessly pounding on the door to Buffy's Watcher's apartment wasn't something Pike considered to be a great way to kill time when a fucking _scary_ vampire was after you and there was basically nothing whatsoever you could do about that fact. On the other hand, if Stuffy actually opened the door, then he and Buffy both would be able to cram themselves inside and stop worrying about Angel. Which would be one hell of a relief, he had to admit. After what must have been at least five minutes, Pike heard somebody moving inside, and a few seconds later the door opened in their faces. Hating the fact that Buffy had been protecting his back while he had been the one pounding on the door, but knowing it was the best way to handle a situation like this, where she was the one with the metahuman abilities and he was just the putz from out of town who had happened to save her life-- he thought, hoped, and knew was probably untrue-- Pike offered a slight smile when the door opened. "Uh, hi, hey, could we, um, come in a sec?" Stuffy looked at them both for a split second before concern flooded his expression and he stepped aside. Buffy grabbed Pike's arm, dragging him in, though Pike wasn't sure why-- it wasn't as though he would _refuse_ to come in or anything. "What happened?" the Watcher asked, glancing from one to the other. Pike shook his head. "Fuckin' _A_, man, this is one crazy town..." "Angel," he heard Buffy say beside him. "He-- he killed somebody. Left the body back at the mansion." "Mansion?" Pike asked, confusion on his face. He hadn't seen any mansions around here in his entire trip. "Killed someone?" "Bashed his brain to a pulp on the floor of the garden," Buffy said quietly, shaking her head at Giles' question. "Spike told me Angel would be going to the Bronze, and he wound up attacking me on my way there. Angel, I mean." "I...see," Giles replied, still looking half-confused. "So what now?" Pike asked. Buffy and Giles exchanged glances, shaking their heads. Finally, the Watcher spoke. "Perhaps," he began, "it would be best if the two of you stayed here tonight." Taking Buffy's hint, Pike nodded. "Yeah, okay," he said. Buffy had already started up the stairs, leaving Pike somewhat confused until she reached the landing halfway up and turned back. "Giles?" she asked. The Watcher turned up to face her. "Yes?" he asked. "Do I need to change the sheets in the guest room?" Pike raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, simply listening as the Watcher shook his head. "Not unless you want to," Giles was saying. "No one else uses it." Buffy nodded. "I'm gonna have a shower first," she said, before turning and moving up the rest of the stairs and out of sight. Once more, Pike found himself alone in a room with the Watcher. He managed a weak smile. "So," he said, "I take it this sort of thing happens often?" The Watcher nodded, moving to a closet, which he opened and pulled a few blankets from. Placing the folded material on the coffee table, he straightened. "Something like that," he affirmed. "Now, the kitchen," he said, pointing, "is that way. And the bathroom is through that hallway." Pike nodded, cataloguing the information then moving to pick up the blankets the Watcher had left behind as the other man moved to walk up the steps. As the water began running upstairs, though, Pike felt words suddenly rising up into his throat and cleared it. Giles turned on the stairs. "Something wrong?" he asked. Pike shook his head, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the Watcher despite the sudden hesitance he felt, the sudden realization that he was the odd one out, here. Buffy had her place. She had her life. He was an outsider, and if he didn't separate himself from her and her life, he was most likely going to drag her down. She had practically gotten herself killed by that Angel guy, even though he had shown up in time to smash the bastard with a flashlight, and if it hadn't been for Pike she never would have gone in the first place. "Pike?" Giles asked again, his voice slightly gentler than it had been before. Pike shook his head. "Nah," he said suddenly, looking at the Watcher. "Look, I'll clear outta here in the morning." Confusion scampered across the Watcher's face, though Pike could have sworn he saw a trace-- or maybe more than just a trace-- of relief in the older man's expression. "You needn't hurry yourself," Giles said quietly with a glance toward the upstairs hall. "Buffy-- she has enjoyed your company, what little of it she's been able to have..." "Nice try," Pike said, shaking his head slightly. "But y'know, the thing with lying like that, I mean...it's seriously see- through. In a major way." He didn't give Giles time enough to answer, continuing, knowing he had to get the words out before anything else was said. "I'm a third wheel." He managed a weak smile, remembering the words that had been exchanged earlier, in the library. "And hey," he continued, "at least you've _accepted_ that this is your destiny. Hell, I thought I was just hanging around 'cause she has a killer ass." The joke was hollow, empty. Pike could tell that both of them knew the words were untrue. For once, he was thankful for British propriety-- meant this guy wouldn't try to call him on a lame lie like that one. He hoped. For a few seconds, the Watcher just stood there, regarding Pike carefully. Then finally, Pike got tired of waiting, and flipped the lamp off, sitting on the edge of the bed. Out of the darkness, Giles' voice came. "You'd better wait for her to wake up in the morning," he said, his tone hard-edged. "If you don't say good-bye, it _will_ hurt her." To that, Pike could think of no adequate response. Instead, he remained silent while the Watcher's footsteps rang in his ears, retreating up the staircase. * Lying in bed, Giles was finding sleep an unattainable goal. Pike's words kept ringing in his ears. First the bit from earlier, in the library. Then, his own words-- condemning the boy for following his destiny unknowingly, when Giles had to admit that was the best way to go through life. Not knowing that what you were doing, you were doing for a reason. Thinking there might be such a thing as free choice. Down the hallway, Buffy was likely asleep, Giles thought as he glanced toward the clock. It was shortly after three in the morning, and the two children had showed up on the doorstep around one. Shifting position, Giles tried to make himself stop wondering what sort of reaction Buffy was going to have when she learned that Pike was leaving. Part of Giles-- a rather large part-- was furious with the boy. Showing up like that, insinuating himself into the situation, and then pulling out when he realized what he'd done. At least he had hit the nail on the head, Giles thought to himself. At least it hadn't been a case of someone's being too thick to see what he was going to do to Buffy if he wasn't careful with himself, and Pike certainly hadn't been that. But in the morning, Giles thought with an inward sigh, the price for the carelessness would make itself known-- and Giles had the feeling it would hardly be a cheap one. Or perhaps, he thought to himself, perhaps he was over- analyzing things. It was perfectly possible that Buffy found the boy to be as much of an annoyance as did Giles himself. And if that was the case, then everything might work out perfectly well. Letting that thought, no matter how farfetched, quiet the nagging voice that kept saying perhaps it would have been a better idea not to inform the young man of the prophecy that supposedly applied to him, Giles found he was finally able to drift into a restless sort of sleep. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (11/11) Date: 02 Jul 1998 13:11:59 EDT Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing pieces. :) Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear to belong to High God Joss. Distribution: Not without my permission, please. Feedback: YES! To KylenRevik@aol.com, please, whether it be good or bad or something in-between. And now, on to the show! ~ Eleven A bright light came on overhead, and next thing he knew somebody had brought a pillow down on Pike's face. Sputtering and pushing his attacker away, Pike heard girlish giggling, and once he placed it he felt his own lips widening into a smile. It had been forever since he'd heard her laugh like that-- it was good to know she still could. "Crap!" he yelled, finally getting a grip on the pillow and looking into her eyes. "Jeez, Buff, think you could maybe pound my _face_ in while you're at it?" His tone was a humorous one, and it was almost a full second before he remembered his words to her Watcher the night before. While he was busy sobering himself with that thought, Buffy had grabbed his arm and was pulling him out of the seat. "Come on," she said. "Giles' got this great balcony-type thing upstairs, the view of the city's great..." She trailed off, giving his arm another tug. "Come on," she said. Pike managed a smile, and let her guide him up. Before long, they were standing upstairs and outside, in the warm breeze. Pike glanced toward Buffy. "You seem pretty...okay," he ventured. She smiled a little, nodding. "Yeah," she replied. "Any reason?" "Giles got a call from the Network, early this morning." Buffy turned, leaning against the railing and looking back at Pike. "Turns out, that guy who died? He was the one who was leading the whole 'let's kill the Slayer' thing." Thinking back to the man he had talked to, Pike had no trouble agreeing that Alistair Blake would be at the head of that kind of effort. "Total bastard," he heard Buffy murmur, though the words were more to herself than to him. Then she looked up and spoke, and this time the words _were_ for his ears. "So," she said. "I guess things...between us...didn't get off to the best start." Dipping her eyes toward the ground for a moment, Pike felt his heart wrench inside when she looked back up at him in that quiet, almost flirtatious way she had. The look that was far too tempered by maturity to be entirely teenie-bopperly in nature, but at the same time, had the cast of affection one rarely saw in young women over the age of twenty. "How long are you around for?" Pike swallowed, glancing back out at the view-- which he now realized, mostly consisted of the next building over. He shrugged. "I was thinking it might be a good idea to pull out this morning." He didn't look back at her to see her reaction. He wasn't about to let himself go that far, because then he would lose all semblance of resolve and stay here, no matter how bad an idea he had decided staying would be. "This morning?" Buffy whispered, her incredulity blazing like a beacon at night. "Yeah," Pike said gruffly, scuffing the sole of his sneaker on the fire escape's floor. "Get some distance between me and this place, you know, before..." Buffy shook her head. "I don't understand," she said. "I thought you wanted to visit. Talk. And stuff." Pike swallowed, smiling faintly. "Yeah," he said, "but I mean, how much of that is there to do, right? I mean--" He broke off the bullshit, seeing the pain in her eyes grow by orders of magnitude, and swallowed hard. "Buff," he said quietly, "I gotta get out of here. Away from this...the slayage thing." "I don't under--" Reaching out to place a finger on her lips, Pike shook his head. How was he supposed to tell her this? He loved her, almost too much to do something like this. But even more importantly, he told himself, he had to love her enough to tell her the truth. If he was going to do this. Walk into her life and then pick up and go. Deep inside-- well, maybe not so deep-- he knew a part of him was glad to know she would miss him. But the same part was also upset that he was the cause of what had to be just another piece of pain on top of everything else that had happened to her. "Your Watcher..." He shook his head. "Look, Buff, I don't know how to say this. Your Watcher says it's fate. That I'm supposed to be here, giving what I've got for...this quest." He shook his head, smiling faintly. "Hey, though, he said somethin' about me being destined to be one of them, too, so it's like, you know, not something I'm putting a lotta stock in." Seeing his lame attempts at lightening the moment were far from working, Pike sighed and shook his head. "Okay," he said, "lemme start over." Just watching him, silent, Buffy nodded. She hadn't moved since he had put his finger over her lips, and she didn't move now. Slowly, Pike took his finger away and ran the hand through his hair, almost nervously. "I mean, we have a great thing going here. Friends and all," he added quickly. Then he shook his head. "But at the same time...it's like, I don't want to wake up in ten years and find out I was playing the fool for fate. You know?" Her voice trembled when she spoke. "Lucky you. You've got a choice." Pike winced at the tone, and shook his head. "Buff," he said, "look, I didn't want it to come out like that, I just--" She pulled away from him, shaking her head. "You just want a normal life." Nodding, the Slayer took another step back. "Yeah. I can understand that." Pike shook his head. "I'd stay. I really would. But I want to make sure this is _my_ choice, and not fate's." "I understand," Buffy repeated, shaking her head slowly. "I mean...you couldn't have stayed anyway. You have classes." "And you've got your life, and uh, and Slaying, and..." God, did he ever sound like an idiot. Up until this morning, he had thought looking at Buffy was even a way to prove to himself that he wasn't the world's biggest fool. Then he'd had to go and tell her he was leaving. And why. *Excellent fucking move, O High Putzly One.* With a final sigh, Pike watched her, wondering what she would do if he moved forward to kiss her goodbye. Would she push him away, evading him like she had in the library? Or would she let him have one, final kiss. "I'm sorry," Pike said quietly, realizing that within himself, there was no way that he was strong enough to take the chance. This way, if he didn't do anything at all, then at least there was still the possibility that if he ever saw her again...things might be different. Might be okay. "I know," Buffy replied softly. "I have to go," Pike said. "Losing daylight." "I know," she replied. Her voice was even, and suddenly Pike realized the Slayer's eyes had gone cold. "Good luck," she offered him, without warmth. You too, he wanted to say, but somehow the words caught in his throat. Without saying another word, because he'd always been horrible with good-byes and he'd already botched this one up more than he'd thought possible, Pike walked around Buffy, back into the house, then down and out of the building, walking away as quickly as he could, never looking back up toward the girl who stood silently on the fire escape three floors up in the sky. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (epilogue/11) Date: 02 Jul 1998 13:12:03 EDT Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing pieces. :) Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear to belong to High God Joss. Distribution: Not without my permission, please. Feedback: YES! To KylenRevik@aol.com, please, whether it be good or bad or something in-between. And now, on to the show! ~ Epilogue Almost as soon as Alistair Blake's death had been made known to the public, a young Frenchman, Lucien Langille, heard a knock on the door to the flat he had rented for his stay in London. "Yes?" he called, glancing upward. The door was pushed open quickly, and a short, bearded man waddled his way to the middle of the room. Lucien snorted in distaste, then put his personal feelings toward the smaller man aside and did his best to appear interested in whatever it was the troll had come to tell him. "Blake's dead," the little man said, his voice scratching with each word. Lucien raised an eyebrow. "Is he, now," he said quietly. Deep in his gut, there was a sudden feeling that now, things might actually start rolling at a suitable pace-- for him and his interests, that was. He smiled slightly, nodding. "Thank you, then," he murmured, already moving to lift the phone, his fingers already dialing a number. "My pleasure, Sir," replied the servant, before turning and skittering away, shutting the door securely behind himself and leaving Langille to begin moving affairs into a more satisfactory order. THE END (Or is it?) ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. I have the barest hints of an idea for a sequel bouncing around in my head, so if people enjoyed this story and think it's worth reading more about, please let me know, because if I don't know what people thought of this one then I won't know how to present the second story. Thanks all for reading! Rachel ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Key (1/1) Date: 02 Jul 1998 20:53:42 EDT Title: The Key (1/1) Author: Nastassia Email Addy: Teknopgan@aol.com (Everybody who has my stuff archived, my email addy has changed. It's no longer GothGirl77@aol.com) Rating: PG-13 for language Spoiler: This is pre-Becoming so I'd say probably I Only Have Eyes For You Feedback: Please please please! Distribution: Maybe if you ask nicely. Disclaimer: Spike, Drusilla, and Angelus belong to Joss. The song "Circle" belongs to Sarah McLachlan. I'll give them back once I'm done playing. Summary: Spike reflects on how screwed up his relationship with Dru is. This is the first story in a Post-Becoming series I'm writing. Thanks a million to Rachel who sort of forced me to get my butt in gear and actually write, and then boosted my ego big time by actually liking it! Love ya, Rach! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The Key (1/1) by Nastassia ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ There are two of us talking in circles And one of us who wants to leave She's with him again. MY Dru is out hunting with Angelus for the third night this week. He's the one she's turning to now, poor old crippled Spike doesn't cut it anymore. Maybe if I tell her- No. No, if I tell Dru I lose whatever tiny advantage I have. "Bloody hell," I growled, "Do I mean so fucking little to her?" In a world created for only us An empty cage that has no key I hate this mansion. The warehouse was fine. I actually liked the warehouse, but not this place. Before Angelus was a guest in MY home. Now, I'm a guest in his. I stalked through the indoor garden towards the door to the outside. My foot connected with the side of that damned wheelchair and sent it rolling. I pushed the door open and inhaled the cool night air. It was quiet, a rarity in Sunnydale, and the night was still. Good. I continued down the street, slipping unseen through the graveyard. "Last thing I need is for Angelus to see me." I briefly considered going to that club the Slayer's always at, but decided against it. All I wanted right now was to be alone. So I went to Angel's old apartment. He hasn't been there since the change and there's no chance in hell that the Slayer will show up. I sat down on the edge of Angel's bed, idly noting the thick coat of dust that covered everything. I had a choice to make, and it had to be made tonight. Do I stay or not? Don't you know we're working with flesh and blood Carving out of jealousy Did you want to make me jealous that much, pet? Is your precious Angel worth it? Is a century long relationship so cheap that you'll throw it away for the guy who drove you crazy, then abandoned you? She wasn't always like this. I hate myself for feeling this way, but I wish things were back the way they were when Dru was still sick. She needed me then. She needed me to tell her everything would be all right, that I wouldn't let anyone hurt her. She loved me then, and I loved her. Everything was so easy before we decided to visit old Sunnyhell. My Dark Queen was happy. Whether we were in Prague or Spain or London we were happy. Life was an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and we were always hungry. I wish we'd never heard of the Hellmouth or this godforsaken town. Dru was weak, but she didn't care. She was happy with her dolls, her dolls and me. Dru didn't give a damn about Angel then. He didn't occupy her every thought, no matter how insane, like he does now. My Dru is gone. She's his Dru now. Crawling into each other it's smothering Every little part of me God, I can't believe how fucking pathetic I sound. What happened to William the Bloody? Dru has me as whipped as Angel's pet Slayer had him. But I don't care. Dru was everything to me, and now she treats me like we barely know each other, and Angelus uses every oportunity he has to rub it in my face that Drusilla is his now. The bastard doesn't even really care about her. She was just an obsession of his. His real passion is for the Slayer. Not that I can blame him for that, she's a hell of a lot better looking then the last Slayer, and smarter too. I actually enjoy fighting her. Buffy has real skill and intelligence, and being around someone who isn't insane is nice once in awhile. Christ, now I'm getting sentimental over the bloody Slayer! This is just wrong, but I bet Buffy wouldn't cheat on Angel. She's not the type, but, lucky me, Dru is. What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on Despite everything it's doing to me What is this love that keeps me coming back for more When it will only end in misery I don't even really know why I stay with Dru. Probably because she's all I know. We've been together for a century, and now I don't know how to live my life without her. Drusilla's like a drug to me, and I don't know if I can handle the withdrawl. Knowing my luck lately it would kill me. I know too many people unhappy In a life from which they'd love to flee I despise what my life has become. Instead of Dru's lover I'm her faithful dog. No matter how much she kicks me around I always come back for more. Too blind and too stupid to know to run away. Darla would laugh in my face if she saw me now. At least with her there were never any false pretenses of love and loyalty. If she saw me now she'd tell me I was weak and pathetic, and, the truth is, she'd be right. Watching others get everything offered They're wanton for discovery I wonder why I even bother trying to get Dru back, but I know the answer to that question at least. I love her. It's as simple as that. I love her, and I don't know how I could go on living without her. So I'll crawl back to that mansion like the faithful, stupid dog I seem to be turning into and watch as Angelus continues to steal the only thing that matters to me. At least for another day. Oh my brother my sister my mother You're loosing your identity I don't know who I am anymore, but I hardly care. In a few days I'll seize my chance and wipe that smirk off Angelus' face for good. I'm going to make him pay for this. I don't give a damn if I die trying, but I will teach Angelus that I'm not someone to fuck with. Can't you see that it's you in the window Shining with intensity I'll rip his heart out and give it to Dru, since she seemed to like the one he gave her for Valentine's Day so much. Let her have the heart of her precious Angel. What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on Despite everything it's doing to me What is this love that keeps me coming back for more When it will only end in misery... I know it probably won't end that way, but I have to try. Because, God curse me... ...I love her. *END* Questions, comments, flaming stakes, or leather trenchcoats can be sent to me at Teknopgan@aol.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1) Date: 02 Jul 1998 20:56:12 EDT Title: Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1)---Poem Author: Nastassia Email Addy: Teknopgan@aol.com Rating: PG Spoiler: Suprise & Innocence Feedback: Don't make me beg! Distribution: If you ask nicely. Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel/Angelus belong to Joss. Summary: It's a poem, not a novel. You'll figure it out when you read it. --------------------- For our creative writing exam we were given several topics that we had to write poems on. This was my favorite. This is the first of five BtVS related poems I wrote. (Too bad my teacher's never seen the show. I might have gotten extra credit......) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1) by Nastassia ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* He's here I can feel it No more safety I lost it all Because of one night He's watching me Again He wants to make me pay For making him feel human I see him now And feel the familiar rush I always did Until now I remind myself this is not him The man I love is here "Hello lover" No more Questions, comments, flaming stakes, or A+ exams can be sent to Teknopgan@aol.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (19/?) Date: 02 Jul 1998 19:27:04 -0700 TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #19 I'll Stand By You AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Please with a cherry on top! DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic DISCLAIMER: The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. ***************************** Chronicles of the White Knight #19 I'll Stand By You By: Taygeta "According to this list…" Willow began to read from a printed handout in her hand. Oz frowned as he noticed Xander walking out of the library doors and so he automatically glanced at Buffy. She looked up at Xander quickly, chewing on her lower lip, and then her eyes fell dejectedly to the floor. Despite what his girlfriend had said about Xander agreeing to the curse, he was beginning to think otherwise, and as he looked at Buffy, he was wondering if she was doing the same. With a sigh, he stood up and approached Willow who had stopped reading for a moment while Giles went into the office to get an Orb of Thesula, which he had been using for a paperweight. He tapped her shoulder and moved his head in the direction that the other male slayerette had gone. She smiled warmly, squeezed the hand that rested on her shoulder, and nodded before she started again to read the list, "And besides that we need…" The door slammed loudly behind him and he saw Xander leaning on a wall of the empty school hallway, "Hey." Xander looked up and gave him a half-smile, "Hey, what are you doing out here?" "Funny…was just about to ask you the same thing," Oz replied as he approached him and leaned against the opposite wall, "I'm guessin' you're not with this whole curse thing." "Ya think?" he replied sardonically, "Look, I appreciate the effort of my best bud's guy to give me a pep talk, but I'd rather not." "Look Xander, I may not be the world's expert on girls…well…me and every other guy on this planet, but I'm thinkin' it would be in your best interest to go and have a talk with Buffy," he said. "I know you told her that you were okay with this, but you're obviously not, and as far as I can tell, you're only going along with this because you don't want to hurt her." "Of course I don't want to hurt her, Oz…she's…she's…" he said and paused before continuing softly, "she's everything to me, and I don't…I don't…" "No need to elaborate, I know the feeling," he said with a grin as he thought about Willow, "but you can't go along in life not expressing what you think is right…I mean, think of how I would look if I went about satisfying the status quo? No nail polish that's for sure. I'm not saying that if you tell her how you feel it's going to change her mind about anything, but at least she'll *know, * y'know?" "Um…Oz…Willow wants you…for something," Buffy said as the door closed behind her and she approached them. Her eyes fixed totally on Xander's face, although she was talking to Oz. "Sure," he said and very little conversation occurred until they were sure he was in the library. "I…uh…heard what you and Oz were talking about," she said, "I - I thought you were okay with all of this…I mean, I know you don't want this, but you said…" Xander took a deep breath, "I know what I said and I am okay with this…sort of. Angel and I, let's just say that we've exchanged very little words - wouldn't even amount to one conversation - over the time he was hanging with us. But in those words, we found out how much both of us…loved you, and in finding that out…we hated each other even more when we didn't say anything at all. Then when he turned to the other side, that hate grew with every time he attacked us…and whenever he hurt you…he hurt me. I don't want to give Angelus a reward for killing Miss Calendar…I don't want to give him a new lease on life for doing what he did to us. Angel died…Buffy…long before we even knew him…that was his death. If you ask me, he's had plenty of chances at life, and knowing you…having the chance to love you…having the chance for you to love him back… was probably the best of all. I know…I can relate, and maybe that's what I'm afraid of…maybe in the back of my mind…and somewhere in this mortal heart of mine…that's what I'm afraid of. That maybe if he found so much in you, then you might have found a lot in him …more than you'll ever find in me… just Xander, class clown extraordinare." She looked into his eyes and blinked in surprised and sighed, "How can you possibly think that? You and Angel are…different. I could never in my life compare you two. I have to say, though, that he's very special to me, still, and maybe I still love him…just not the way I did before. But you…you're not *just* Xander…you're more than that - more than you can possibly imagine - to me. I love you." He had to smile, no matter how many times those words came from her, he could not believe that they were for him. "And I love you, but beyond that, no matter how strongly I feel about you, there's this part of me that doesn't know whether I'm going to be able to handle it…having Angel back, standing there and watching while you give him back his soul- " "Xander…what are you - " she began as her eyes looked at him worriedly. He smiled and the expression faded with each of his words, "But there's a stronger part of me still that will do anything to make you happy, anything to see you smile. I understand Buffy, and even if I didn't…I'll still stand by you." ******************* End of Part 19. Feedback?! _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Christina" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Somewhere I Have Never Traveled (1/1) Date: 02 Jul 1998 22:40:01 -0600 This story is already archived on the Sunnydale Slayers Site, at http://www.enteract.com/~perridox/SunS, but I never got around to posting it to the list --- and now that the 'zine in which it appears has been published for over a month, I thought I'd send it out. If you want a copy of the Sunnydale Slayers 'zine, contact Maureen ( mwynn@umich.edu ) for ordering information. Feedback would be appreciated at kikimariposa@prodigy.net ; distribution is free as long as the author's name is attached. A Giles & Jenny story, set after "Passion". No violence, some angst. The characters and Sunnydale belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. Thanks to Dianne for the title, Perri, Lizbet and Abby for editing, and Maureen for publishing it. Somewhere I Have Never Traveled (1/1) by Christina Kamnikar copyright 1998 I have an Orb of Thesulah now, as well as the final translation of the ritual of Restoration. The stone is smooth and slick in my hands, much lighter than it looks, and cool. You would expect it to be warm with the bright glow that's trapped inside--- but this Stone isn't lit by any mundane fire. This flame is something special. I could give Angel his soul back at any time. I don't want to, though. The police aren't filing charges; they said that there was enough evidence of another person's involvement at the crime scene that I'm not a suspect. Something to be grateful for, except that Angelus wasn't trying to frame me for murder. If that had been the point, I would be in a holding cell in the County jail waiting for a public defender to arrive. He just wanted to hurt, and he did that. He did that very well. I can't think about finding... the body. I can't. I dream it, I dream of leaving the school, finding the rose on the door... entering the house... then walking into the bedroom, full of hopefulness and love, only to see what Angelus had left instead. When I'm awake, my mind protects me from remembering too much, and as soon as I start to go back to that moment, my attention veers somewhere else. So every time I dream it, it's like the first time again. It isn't any kind of mercy.... Sometimes I dream it's me on that bed, instead. Those are the dreams I can stand to remember. Trying to kill Angelus the way I did was a mistake. I'm not sure I was completely sane when I went to the factory; if I had been, I would have been more careful. I would have set fires at all the exits, then thrown the Molotov cocktail into the main area, and waited for the vampires to try to escape before shooting them with the crossbow, instead of taking the direct approach. That would have been smarter than trying to incinerate him by hand. But I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to see him, to make him bleed, to kill him myself---or maybe I _was_ hoping he'd kill me. Praying I wouldn't have to go on alone again.... I'm glad Buffy showed up when she did. I'd far rather see Angelus dead than give him the satisfaction of killing me, after all. And the only safety we'll ever know now will be after his death. Restoring his soul is out of the question. I don't hold a grudge against Angel. I'm still sad and sorry that he's gone. But calling him back to life wouldn't be any favor, after what the demon wearing his body has done. If Angel came back now, and had to face the results of Angelus's actions, I'm not sure he could live with it. He isn't responsible, and he deserves his peace. I won't force him to return. And I'm not sure Buffy would want him back, either. She's getting reckless in her hunting; Willow and Xander and Cordelia and Oz are taking turns on patrol with her, afraid of what she'll do if she's left alone. She won't go hunting with me.... She's taking this very, very hard, blaming herself, grieving in a way that's becoming more and more self-destructive. I wish I could say I don't blame her at all. Most of me doesn't, and doesn't hate anyone except Angelus. But there's a sliver of my heart that does hate her for not killing him sooner. The same tiny shard that wonders what I could have done to stop it, if there was some way I could have known what Angelus had planned.... If I had been the one to buy the first Orb of Thesulah, Angelus would have gone after me. He couldn't stand even the barest hint that his soul could be restored. It was that threat that must have inspired him to move from stalking to murder. It should have been me. I have another, better plan, in place of the one we had before. I only need one thing: a vessel. An undamaged body to hold the spirit I've summoned to the Orb. I can wait. I won't cause anyone else's death in order to obtain what I need. But I am going to do this; Thesulah Stones are difficult enough to find that I'm not going to waste one on Angel. If it works, we can do it again. Or not. Something we'll decide later. After. It's a selfish choice, I admit. The Clan won't get it. They prefer revenge to restitution. But I think Buffy will understand. And I'm not going to make her choose between Rupert and Angel, that's all there is to it. She needs Giles more. A Slayer without a Watcher is a terribly vulnerable human being--- and if I can do this, if I can bring Giles back, it will almost make up for losing Angel. I would do it anyway, though. I'm not letting Angelus win this one. I want Giles, damnit. I'm not going to lose him like this. Not after all we've been through.... The light in the orb glows as if it understands me when I speak to it, saying: "Soon, Rupert. Soon." * somewhere I have never Traveled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence; in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, on which I cannot touch because they are too near. - e.e.cummings * Chris Kiki Chaos }|{ kikimariposa@prodigy.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: dreamscape Subject: BUFFYFIC: A Light in the Darkness 1/1 by Dreamscape205 Date: 04 Jul 1998 00:47:15 -0400 Title: A Light in the Darkness 1/1 Author: Dreamscape205 angelus@mediaone.net Distribution: Please ask first Feedback: always Type: TB Spoiler: Becoming 1/2 WML2 Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Joss, the WB, etc. No infringements intended **************** She had been back in Sunnydale for almost a week. Coming home was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life, but she knew she was needed at home for more than vampire slayage. Facing the nightmare she left behind would be arduous, however she had to think about her family and friends. And even if her mom did tell her she could never come back if she left the house that fateful night, Buffy knew she needed her. As she walked aimlessly through the town, she recalled the conversation they had the day she arrived back in town. "Mom," Buffy said quietly as she entered the kitchen and saw her mother busy at the counter chopping vegetables. Joyce dropped the knife she was holding onto the countertop and turned slowly in the direction of the voice she knew she had to be imagining. "Buffy! Is it really you? Please tell me I'm not just seeing things," she pleaded as the tears that threatened overcame her. She opened her arms wide to welcome her daughter. Buffy smiled wide as she ran into her mother's arms, "Promise...it's really me." They hugged each other close until Joyce said, "Sweetheart... uh...honey...I can't breathe." Buffy pulled away and they both laughed together. "Sorry, mom, sometimes I don't know my own strength," she said sheepishly. "Well let me take a look at you," Joyce told her daughter as she slowly circled the girl. "You've lost weight. Have you been eating? Are you okay?" she asked with concern. "Yeah, I'm okay. Really." She lied. She wasn't okay. She would never come to terms with the fact that she destroyed the man she loved. But to make things easier on those around her, she had decided to put on a facade of happiness. They talked for endless hours about where Buffy had gone, what she had been up to, and how much they missed and loved each other. All in all, she was glad to be home. Glad to see her mom and her friends. Joyce had called Giles during the afternoon and invited him and the Scooby gang over for dinner to celebrate her return. She spent the next few days resting and visiting with her friends. They were more of a comfort to her than she realized they would be and her love for them grew with each passing moment. Reality beckoned for her to return to the present and the Slayer found herself walking down an empty street and was startled when she realized where she had been headed without knowing what her destination was. She stared at the remnants of the church for what seemed forever. "He almost perished in that church," she thought to herself as she began walking again. Walking up to the rubble, she was amazed to see that the altar still stood, undamaged by the flames that devastated the rest of the building. Finding a path to the altar, she approached it hesitantly. Reaching into the pocket of her jeans, she pulled out the beautiful cross pendant she received from Angel. Tears filled her eyes as she clutched it to her bosom and looked Heavenward. Falling to her knees, she brought the cross up to her forehead and leaned forward, her head laid upon the foot of the altar. She sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes, her tears staining what carpet remained after the fire. Her tears spent for the time being, she looked towards the Heaven. Remaining on her knees, once again she clutched the pendant to her chest. She had no idea what she was doing at this place, but somehow it seemed appropriate. "God," she began, "hi...um...it's me...Buffy. I know I haven't been the best and most faithful person I can be, but I don't know who else to talk to. Since you know what has been happening, I won't have to spell it all out for you. The long and short of it is that I'm asking for your help. You're the only one who can. It's Angel...you know...I sent him to hell. I know it had to be done...to save the world. And, yes, I know he's done some horrible things, but not when his soul was controlling the demon." She paused, bowing her head, then looked upward again. The tears had arrived again, but silently spilled from her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Speaking through them, she continued, "I know I have no right to ask anything from you, but I have to. I love Angel. And he didn't deserve the hand that was dealt him. His soul is good, he is good. You know what he's done for me...for all of us. He had no control over the curse...he didn't know. If he did, I know he never would have risked losing his soul, not even for the chance to make love with me. Please, you have to help him. I would gladly give my life for him, and I offer it to you without hesitation. PLEASE!" she cried as she broke down again and laid on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. She didn't know how long she laid like that when she felt something touch her shoulder. She sat up and looked around, but saw nothing around her. "Now I'm imagining things," she spoke aloud to herself. "Not at all," said a voice from behind her. When she turned to look, all that was visible was a strange, glowing light. "What the...." Out from the light stepped a figure that Buffy could not make out, but it slowly came into focus as the light diminished. As the light faded, the voice said to them, "Love each other, that's all I ask of you." And the light was gone, leaving two figures alone in the church. One figured stood looking down upon the other that was sitting at the foot of the altar. The figure that stood in front of Buffy reached out a hand to help her stand. Speechless, Buffy accepted the hand and slowly stood. When they stood face to face, she threw her arms around him, holding him close, "Oh, my Angel...how I have missed you." He pulled her from him and gazed into her beautiful eyes, "sshhh, my darling. We have a lifetime for words..." as he lowered his head to hers and briefly kissed her lips. "I love you," he whispered, as his lips covered hers again... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (14/17) Date: 04 Jul 1998 09:18:51 PDT Title: Repercussions part 14. The story was supposed to be only 16 chapters, but it has gotten away from me a bit and now will be 17 chapters. Disclaimers: None of these characters are mine. They are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc... Distribution: Sure, just tell me where. Feedback: Please, good, bad or whatever. To anewbery@hotmail.com Thanks: To Jenn, Rachel and Christine. I really appreciate the help. Sunnydale High School Library August 21, 1998 9:00 p.m. Willow walked quickly towards the library, nervous to be outside alone as the sun set, but unable to stay at home waiting for news any longer. Running her hands through her wet hair she wished she had brought an umbrella. Her worry about Buffy and how things were going with her mother driving her from her house. She still felt as if she should have gone with Buffy, she could have run interference if needed and prevented Buffy's mother from digging to deeply. Entering the schoolyard her thoughts turned to Xander, to what he had done, and how harsh she had been with him. Wishing that things could go back to normal, that she could forgive Xander for his choice. Shrugging her shoulders she walked up the steps into the school, maybe if Xander could ever understand why what he did was wrong there would be hope for them again. Opening the doors to the school she smiled ruefully, not very likely that Xander would ever think Angel dying wasn't a good thing. Shaking off the sudden lump the thought brought to her throat she headed towards the library and the comfort it offered. Slipping through the library doors she let her shoulders relax, enjoying the familiarity of the place. Amazed it still felt like a safe haven after all that happened there in the last few years. But is still was, after everything, it was where they planned and where they recovered. Glancing around at the disarray she shook her head, Giles wouldn't be too happy with whoever left all the books and paper on the table. Heading over to clean it up she caught a glimpse of Giles slumped over asleep in the chair in his office. Smiling at him, glad that he found comfort here also, she walked quietly over to a chair and sat down. Leaning back, she watched the fading sun dance across the ceiling, letting her thoughts relax for a moment. Sitting up abruptly when she heard a familiar clomping in the hallway. Her shoulders tense once again she watched as the door to the library swung open and Buffy entered. Willow stared at her, taking in her wet hair, mud soaked clothes and the strange expression on her face. Noticing that the mud-covered jacket was Angel's, she wondered if that was a good sign or not. Buffy strolled towards Willow, her face a mixture of jubilation and despair. Standing nervously Willow moved towards her, her eyes focused on Buffy's mud splattered clothes. "W-What happened?" Inwardly cursing herself for the slight tremble in her voice. Buffy glanced down at her clothes then smiling she looked back to Willow. "I slew." Buffy's voice was biting, "Vampires? Remember? Sacred duty?" Looking at Willow like she was crazy, Buffy threw herself into a chair and stared intently at her fingernails. Willow swallowed, hoping Buffy had woken Giles, relieved when she heard movement behind her. Turning slightly she saw Giles ambling from his office, his face confused and still sleepy. Buffy glanced at Giles, not saying anything then back to her nails. Swallowing her nervousness Willow walked closer to Buffy, sitting down in a chair next to her. "Buffy, is that it? Cause you look a little...um...Giles?" Willow turned to Giles, not knowing if she should press Buffy. Giles just shrugged his shoulders at her and continued standing there watching Buffy. Nodding her head she turned back to Buffy, "Um...nothing else happened? How did it go with your mother?" "Great." Buffy smiled brightly at Willow, but her eyes were unsettled, "Mom's great. Very understanding. You know, cause I'm the slayer and I sent my boyfriend to Hell." Buffy was suddenly very interested in a ring she wore on her hand, Willow stared at it, realizing it was the one Angel had given her. Her eyes slid over to Giles to see if he noticed then turned back to Buffy. She struggled not to stare at the ring, uncertain if the sudden reemergence of both the jacket and the ring meant Buffy was getting better or worse. Buffy spoke softly, her eyes still fixated on her hand. "Oh...I ran into Xander and Cordelia over by Angel's apartment." Her voice was coated in bitterness, softening only when she spoke Angel's name. Willow and Giles looked at each other and back to Buffy, Willow trying to subdue the surge of pity she felt for both Xander and Buffy. Buffy watched them, her face bitterly amused, "No worries. Xander's still living. I held myself back." Her eyes glittered dangerously as she said the words, her mouth tight. Staring back at her ring again, she twisted it on her finger, a soft smile around her lips. Taking a deep breath she looked back up at them, " I feel better, stronger. So Giles, I'm thinking we should get back to work. Any new terrible things on the way? I'm in the mood to fight evil." Giles stared at her, stuttering out, "N-No. I..I, well, I'll have to get my books." Turning he marched into his office, leaving Willow and Buffy alone. Willow staring stunned at Buffy and Buffy leaning back in her chair, apparently totally relaxed. Willow tried not to speak, to let Buffy deal with things however she could, but failed, she had to know why Buffy was seemingly so much more Buffy. Taking a breath she spoke, "Buffy? How...Why? How are you doing this? Just this afternoon you were so...." "Fragile?" Buffy's voice was derisive, "Weak? Hiding from reality? Maybe yelling at Xander was good for me, I feel focused now. Willow," Her voice lowered, speaking confidentially, "I really lost it when I saw Cordelia and Xander together. They looked so in love. And there I was, on my way into Angel's to say good-bye to him. I wanted him dead Willow. I was crazy with rage, but after I told him off. I don't know." She looked at Willow her face confused, "I ran to the graveyard, I was so full of rage. And I found a vampire there, and fought him. Then I lay in the mud and cried, but somehow it all seems better now. I mean, I know what I did to Angel. Don't worry, I'm not hiding any more. But I also know I had no choice. Xander stole that." Her voice filled with rage for a moment as she said Xander's name and then sighing she continued, shaking her head, " No, I can't blame Xander for everything, as good as it felt to release some of my anger on him. I know what happened isn't Xander's fault. It's mine. It always has been and it always will be. But, I can deal with it. I can do my duty. I can remember A-Angel. I am not weak." "No," Willow smiled at her, "You're not weak. But, Buffy, it's not your fault. It just happened, 'Kay?" She stared at Buffy, unable to believe that the frozen girl from this morning was the same person. Turning she watched Giles walk back into the room, his arms full of books, as if suddenly things were back to normal. He walked over to the table, pushing some of the clutter that were already there aside. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor and Willow leaned over and picked it up, glancing at it quickly before placing it back on the table. Then as she realized what it said, she grabbed it again, her heart pounding. Standing up she walked away from Giles and Buffy so they couldn't see her expression as she looked down at what was written, in Xander's handwriting on the page. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her sudden dread from her face and turned back to Giles and Buffy. Staring at them, she opened her mouth to once again alter their lives. "Um...Oh God. Giles, Buffy. I think Xander is doing something really stupid." She took a deep breath and held the paper out to Giles, avoiding Buffy's eyes. She watched Giles read it, watched the fear streak across his face. Looking up he ignored Buffy, his eyes meeting Willow's, at her nod he turned to Buffy. "It..um, it appears that Xander has found a way to open a door to Hell." His voice was worried. Willow watched Buffy, to see her reaction. She sat, unmoving staring at Giles, a thousand emotions traveling through her face, hope, fear, terror, worry. Willow reached her hand out towards Buffy, moving to stand directly in front of her. "We have to help him. Stop him." Willow's voice was pleading, "Xander can't do this. Buffy, do you understand?" She stared intently at Buffy, understanding then that Xander was still very important to her, no matter what he did, or how much he betrayed her, she would always love him. Buffy nodded slowly, looking at Giles. "I'll stop Xander, but you have to promise to help me go. After Xander is okay. Giles, I want to go. I can save Angel. I can make it better." Giles shook his head, "Buffy, no. I-I can't help you do it. There is no way Xander can do it. I've never heard of a person going into Hell and returning." Willow looked at both of them like they were insane, "Have you guys forgotten what happens when Xander plays with spells? Terrible, bad things. We have to stop him." Her arms were flailing as she spoke, pointing at Buffy, then turning to Giles she continued, " And Buffy's right Giles, you have to help her. Angel has a soul, we can't leave him there. Not if there is a way for him to come back." She stopped, breathing heavily, her heart racing. Giles was silent for a moment, his face surprised then rubbing the bridge of his nose he nodded, "Yes. We'll look into the spell. And if it's safe then we can try it." Shaking his head he walked over to the other books that had been left on the table and began shuffling through them. Willow turned to Buffy, needing to know her response. She was looking at her ring, an almost hopeful expression on her face. Willow tapped her on the arm, "Well?" Buffy looked surprised at Willow's impatient expression. Smiling at her she said, "Willow, calm down. Xander won't try this on his own. He'll come to either you or Giles for help first. He's not doing it right now anyway, he's with Cordelia." They both turned as Giles slammed a book onto the table, cursing under his breath. Willow spoke first, "What?" Giles looked up, his face anxious, "Buffy, what was the name of the demon you met in my apartment?" "Whistler, why?" Buffy looked at him, her face confused. Willow just stared at both of them, feeling her stomach sinking, her pulse racing once again. Giles stared at a piece of paper on the table, speaking quietly. "Because his name is written on a piece of paper in Cordelia's handwriting." Willow tensed as Buffy jumped out of her seat and raced over to Giles. She felt as if she was watching from very far away as Buffy's face turned from hopefulness to fear and she started talking loudly to Giles, her hands waving in the air. Gasping, Willow struggled for air, trying to say something, anything, to make them go stop Xander and this demon, to find Xander before he got himself killed, or trapped in Hell. "ANGEL'S" Buffy's voice cut through the fog surrounding her, Buffy's face suddenly understanding, "He's doing it at Angel's. That's why they were on his street. Giles, that was hours ago. We've got to go. Willow?" Buffy turned to her, suddenly noticing Willow's ashen face, walking over to her Buffy grabbed her hand. "I'll get him Willow. I promise. Xander's gonna be fine." Buffy let go of her hand and Willow watched as she raced out of the door, calling behind her for them to meet her there. Turning to Giles, she tried to control her fear, still struggling for air. Giles grabbed her as she swayed, pushing her into a chair, her head between her knees. Rubbing her head he spoke soothingly to her, telling her that things would be okay, that Buffy would stop him. She listened to his words, not believing any of them as her head cleared. Sitting up slowly, trying to keep the room in focus and not think of what Xander was doing. She stood, holding onto Giles for support, telling herself to be strong for Xander's sake. Forcing her mind to go blank, she hurried out of the door, Giles close behind her, praying that Buffy would get there in time. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Capeside: the Hellmouth (10/?) Date: 04 Jul 1998 18:38:58 -0700 TITLE: Capeside: the Hellmouth #10 Almost Full Moon AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com DISTRIBUTION: Sure...just tell me where it's gonna go. RATING: PG SERIES: A Dawson's Creek/Buffy Crossover DISCLAIMER: The characters and any other reference to Dawson's Creek are the property of, creator, Kevin Williamson. The characters portrayed and in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to its creator Joss Whedon, and it's owners Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me and I am just borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended. ************************** Capeside: the Hellmouth #10 Almost Full Moon By: Taygeta A long, loud howl echoed in the night, casting an even stranger feeling in the already hazy atmosphere of the Capeside graveyard. It was bad enough that the full moon was on fast approach…tomorrow. And since it was the day before the full moon, the former Sunnydale residents were a little bit on edge when they heard this particular sound. "Uh…what was that?" Xander asked Buffy, the first words said between them after the Slayerette troop had split up for night patrol, in which they had somehow gotten partnered up with each other. "'Cause whatever it is…it's giving me the major wiggins." "Do you think it's possible that Capeside's got a werewolf…like back home?" she asked glancing at him, "I mean, if Oz was Sunnydale's wolfie guy what if there's another…wolfie guy just a Capeside one?" "And it comes to mind…what if it's a wolfie girl…who is neither meek nor girlie-girl, and equals a certain blonde slayer girl in strength?" he replied recalling a statement Willow had made during the werewolf scare back home. "It's probably nothing," the slayer said with a doubtful tone, "Just some stray in the graveyard." The moment she finished saying that a long, loud howl rang through the night, again, and this time it was followed by a scream. "That sounded like Joey!" Xander said with a voice of concern. "Something's happened…I knew I shouldn't have agreed to let them come and patrol!" fumed Buffy guiltily. "Hey," he said looking at her with a soft expression, "Buffy, it's not your fault…they knew the risks…they wanted to help. Come on, let's go find Joey." She smiled a thanks for his concern and he grinned in return before they ran through the cemetery to where Dawson and Joey were suppose to have been patrolling. "Oh God," Jen said, as she and Angel followed behind Xander and Buffy and they all say Joey's bloody arm, "What happened?" Dawson stood up from her side and said, "Something just came out of the bush after we heard that howl and it attacked her. My game face was an instantaneous reaction on my part, and with much luck, it got away, but not before it bit her arm slightly. I was able to stop the blood…it was good thing that monster wasn't able to penetrate too deeply into her skin with his bite." Xander and Buffy looked at each other worriedly and finally Buffy gulped before asking the inevitable question, "Dawson…did you see a werewolf?" "What?" he asked in a surprised tone, "A werewolf? Do those things exist?" "Hey…shouldn't we be concerned if Joey's okay or not?" Angel responded over the crowd of voices. "You're questioning the existence of a canine-related monster when you yourself is a member of the Undead Americans and with a soul I might add?" Joey said as she gave Dawson a look. "Never mind…she's fine," Angel said with a laugh. "You guys better take Joey to Giles and Ms. Calendar…I'll stick around for awhile for night patrol," Buffy said with a sigh. After walking a few steps away from the slayer, Xander stopped them, "Hey guys, I think I should stay and keep her company. You guys go on ahead, okay?" "Stay now instead of then because she would have made you go away, huh?" Jen said with a light smile before they walked away from him. Buffy looked up when she heard the rustling of the leaves, her heart raced in the thought that it might be the werewolf. She sighed when she saw that it was only Xander, and although she was realized, her heart was still going a little too fast for her comfort. "What are you doing here, Xander?" she said, "I thought I told you to go with them." "I figured that it didn't take 4 people to bring Joey to G-man," he said, "Besides, you think I'm going to leave you here by yourself with a possible, as Joey put it, 'canine-related creature' runnin' loose?" "Giles speak, they have it down cold…how is that humanly possible?" she responded, purposely changing the subject. Xander paused and thought, "Okay…they are not normal. I mean the usage of big words can make one seem entirely over verbose…did I just say what I think I just said?" She smiled, "I think we've been hanging around the Capeside locals just a little too much." "What do you think about hanging out with a Sunnydale local…I mean in doing something that's on the verge of the less undead?" he said glancing at her surprised expression. Before Buffy could reply, her smile faded and her eyes noted some swift movement in the foliage, and she stood up. Xander followed her lead and looked around carefully and then both slayer and slayerette registered the image almost simultaneously. "Werewolf…" he heard her mutter under her breath. They eyed the creature as it slowly approached them, and as it drew nearer and nearer, Xander kept glancing from it to her in uncertainty, and finally he said in a low voice, "Buffy…what are you doing?" "This werewolf…I'm not getting the bad vibes I got before - " Buffy began to explain until suddenly, something strange jumped in front of them. "Get away from him…you don't understand!" The creature was obviously a female…tall and slim in form. She had thick, dark brown hair that flowed long and wavy behind her. If it weren't for the points on her ears, her tiny fangs, and the mountain man hair that coated part of her arms and legs lightly she could have passed very well as a young woman. As they took in the sight of this unfamiliar figure, a light of understanding turned itself on inside of the slayer's mind. "Joey?" _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Betsy Vera Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Fanfic Resources Date: 05 Jul 1998 08:10:14 -0400 (EDT) (posted with Jill's permission) Just a quick note to say...Fanfic Resources is back online (finally!). A big "thank you" to everyone who updated their listing after last month's e-mail from me. That really helped me get the site up and running again. I think the redesign is going to make things easier all around. btw, I know I'm missing a *ton* of fanfic listings. If you have or know of a website or fanzine that has fanfic, please let me know about it (via private e-mail, of course) so I can add it. http://bentley.simplenet.com Thanks all. *--------------------------------------------------------------------* | Betsy Vera | Fanfic Resources is back: | | bentley@umich.edu | | | bentley.simplenet.com | http://bentley.simplenet.com | *--------------------------------------------------------------------* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo (3/?) Date: 05 Jul 1998 10:41:55 -0700 TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #3 Xander AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Pretty please with a cherry on top! DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG-13 DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs DISCLAIMER: The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. ****************************** In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #3 Xander By: Taygeta The door closed behind Giles when he left, a purposely-soundless exit for the sake of the slayer. After much training on her part, and much idly watching on mine, she had finally allowed herself to rest…or rather her body was forcing her to do so. The tired expression that lay dormant on her face seemed eerily normal to me somehow, and the look of serenity that accompanied it seemed like such a rare calm to my eyes. Closing my eyes, I see nothing but the dark crevices of my mind, and I wonder how I could live in this…this darkness…this black abyss…with the knowledge that it might be forever. Yet, light even penetrates and seeps itself into this tried barrier, hers is a world without even the faintness of the glowing miracle. My eyes open and immediately I smile at the sight of her face…her expression…a beauty beyond words, found in more than just face, but more in who she was at heart. Her determination, her strength…her love for her friends…the miracle of the beauty within. "How can you be so strong, Buffy?" I whispered in the quiet, "The nightmares…the fears…the dark, nothing seems to faze you for long. I know you're scared just like us, but we have the one thing that you don't have…you. I think that's what keeps all of going on…the knowledge that you're there…fighting for us as well as yourself. I just hope you know, Buffy, that no matter what, we'll be there for you, too." I still remember how Druscilla's hand had struck her face, tearing at her eyes like a mad woman, when she had killed her beloved Spike. The scars that evidenced this rage had healed, and therefore its permanent aftermath, her lost sight, baffled the doctors…bewildered everyone else…except us…who knew and were the only ones who would have believed anyway. The images still comes back to me in nightmares…as if my brain were a VCR on a constant rewind and play… "You killed him…you killed Spike!" Druscilla had said angrily as tears streamed down her pallid complexion. She knocked me down, pushed me with all the might of a singular powerful hand, causing me to collide with the hard, stone wall. My head throbbed and a healing head wound had torn open, causing blood to stream out of my head. Reality…unreality…all was a haze, until I was able concentrate my eyes to one portion of the room…where Druscilla and Buffy stood alone. "You killed him!" the vampire bemoaned repetitively. Without warning, she lunged at the unprepared Slayer. Her hands were a blur of fingers, nails, and the red-violet velvet fabric of her dress as I fell back into unconsciousness, the last thing I could hear…the only thing I could hear was Buffy…screaming for her life… I shudder every time I reach this point. It is this point where I wake up fearing that she was dead although I knew she had survived. It was the same every time and every time was becoming five…six…times daily…during class…during sleep…I never know when it's going to come at me…much like Druscilla attacked Buffy. "Xander?" a tired voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I noticed that Buffy had woken up after only a fifteen-minute name, "What time is it?" "Yeah…it's almost ten…how did you know it was me?" I couldn't help but ask as I looked at her blank eyes. She smiled lightly, "You're cologne…it's a pretty distinct scent in the library…I mean, I doubt Giles would be the kinda guy to be sporting…hmm…Hugo Boss…wasn't it Polo Sport before?" "Yeah…it was…before Cordy gave me a bottle of Hugo Boss for no apparent reason…although at first, I was kinda wondering if she thought I stunk," I joked as usual. Her smile, although tired, broadened slightly, "I kinda liked it the way it was before…not that you stink or anything, now, although one has to take into mind the days of the hyena." "I told you…I had no control over that…no memory whatsoever…" I began to protest, but I was interrupted by a sound at the door. "Um…hey," Cordelia said as she approached us and she promptly kissed me on the cheek and I automatically did the same with a grin. "Hi," I responded. "You ready to go home, Buffy?" she asked, and then I remembered that Giles had arranged for Cordy to drive her home, since she was the only slayerette besides Oz that had a car. Wearily, she stood up and replied, "Uh…yeah…I'll see you tomorrow, Xander." After they left, I sat in the library waiting for Giles, Willow, and Oz to return to Slayer Headquarters. The room was quiet and a singular light beside me glowed brightly in the dark room. I turned it off and sat there in the darkness and the silence…a glimpse into her world…and then I turned the light back on…something she will never be able to do. _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: WHere was I? and Now, Foever, and Always Date: 05 Jul 1998 23:21:00 EDT Title~‘Where Was I?’ Author~Shani Summary~ This is just a poem based on some of Willow’s thoughts after Becoming II Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. No infringement intended. Story for entertainment purposes only. Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!! Please send all comments to TruPhile@aol.com ‘Where Was I?’ Where was I when you needed a friend? Hearts to heal, wounds to mend. Where are you now that your love is gone? Will you come back soon, will you stay long? The world needs you, as do I. A warrior, a friend, a shoulder on which to cry. The blame which you hold is in the wrong place, In the wrong soul, in the wrong face. For you did not send Angel to his prison cell, I am to blame for sending Angel to Hell. Where was I when you needed a friend? Hearts to heal, wounds to mend. Where are you now that your love is gone? Come back soon, please stay long. Title~Now, Forever, and Always Author~Shani Summary~ This is just a poem based on some of Buffy’s thoughts after Becoming II Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. No infringement intended. Story for entertainment purposes only. Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!! Please send all comments to TruPhile@aol.com Now, Forever, and Always The water will be warm, a comfort, a friend. This is where the pain will finally end. I left my home , I left my pain, And now I shall leave all over again. The water will take me, and at last I shall be, With the one I love, for all eternity. Alas, I can not take that way out, Though I shall scream and cry, throw things and shout. In my heart I know my lover stays, He is with me now, forever, and always ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 1/? Date: 05 Jul 1998 23:19:24 EDT Title~ Libidinous 1/? Author~ Shani Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all human actions Summary~ A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists. Involves characters from General Hospital, but yoiu don’t have to watch GH to understand this fic. I did change a thing or two aroung for you GH fans Disclaimer~ All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. “Power To Believe” belongs to Wally Kurth and can be found on the General Hospital CD. All characters of General hospital belong to ABC. Chapter 1, The Power To Believe The cool water calmed Buffy. Wiping her face with a towel, she left the hotel bathroom. What to do today? What was there *to* do? She had left home almost a month ago. After traveling across the county on various leads, she was pretty sure that she had discovered what she was looking for--the book that would bring Angel back from Hell. * * * Normally, she worked at a cute little grill called Kelly’s that seemed to be the main teen hangout. But, today was Sunday, the one day that she took off. ‘Ah ha!’ She thought as she approached the Port Charles Public Library. Once inside, Buffy made her way to the very back of the library, doubting that demonology books would be in the front. Looking through a small window in a storage room door, she was several shelves full of old, dusty books. This was obviously the place. “May I help you?” A male voice called from behind her. She turned to see a hansome, dark haired man about her age. “Hi,” she began brightly. “My name’s Buffy Summers. I was wondering how to get into that room.” She added a flirty smile, she hoped this works. “Nikolas. My name is Nikolas Cassadine. That is my uncle’s private collection. Actually, it’s a bunch of old books filled with nonsense about demonology and rituals.” “Really...” Buffy said, her voice trailing off. “Could I meet your uncle?” For some strange reason, Nikolas trusted this girl. Buffy Summers...where had he heard that name before? “I--I suppose.” He found himself saying. She followed himout. * * * < Do you believe that love Can heal a broken dream And faith can move a mountain ‘Til it melts into the sea> Buffy was impressed, to say the least. They had arrived at Nikolas Cassadine’s home, a large cassle that he calls Wyndemere on it’s own island, referred to as Spoon Island. Nikolas had told her a bit about himself. He lives with his uncle, Stefan Cassadine. He is a prince and heir to the Cassadine fortune, etc...she had stopped paying much attention about there. A man with dark hair, similar to Nikolas’ was reading on the couch. “Uncle, this is Buffy Summers. She...” Nikolas was cut off. “Buffy Summers, the one and *only*.” Stefan said, as if they had known eachother for years. His emphasis on only made Buffy wonder if he some how knew...’No’, she decided. ‘That’s impossible.’ “Nikolas, do you recall the book you read about Vampire Slayer?” Stefan asked. Nikolas nodded. Buffy was stunned. “Please sit down. So tell me, Miss Summers, what are you doing so far from the Hellmouth?” “Ex-excuse me, sir?” Suffy studdered. “Uncle?” “I’m looking for a book...a book on how to return a person from Hell.” Buffy said. It was obvious that this man knew what he was talkign about. Why pretend to be clueless? This may even make things easier. “Angel, my boyfriend, recently reverted to his former self, Angelus...” This would be a long story. * * * Nikolas’ head was spinning after the tale that Buffy had just told, but he knew it was true. Apparently, his uncle knew a man named Rupert Giles, whom was referred to as a Watcher. *This* could turn out to be very interesting. * * * Buffy awoke suddenly. Something was coming. After checking out of her hotel room and moving into one of the many spare rooms at Wyndemere she had gone on patrol. To her great suprise, she had run into three vampires. All of which were now dust. Buffy could feel the evil in the air. Maybe she was here for reasons other than Angel. ‘I sound like Giles,’ she thought with a smirk. Giles. Was he worried? Stefan had said to make herself at home. Did that include using the phone? She dialed her number. <...and where you can be reached. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep> “Hi. It’s Buffy. I just wanted you to know that I’m ok. As soon as I’m done here, I’ll come home. Please get this message to Giles, Willow, Xander, Cory, and Oz as soon as possible. Goodbye, mom. And...try not to worry.” Whew. She hung up the phone. * * *