From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (6/?) Date: 01 Dec 1998 03:43:38 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: E me at Titanic437@aol.com DISCLAIMER: No, your Honor, I never claimed that these were my characters. That woul be lying. I was falsely accused, sir! They're out to get me! The voices . . . Twilight - Chapter 6 =09=09"Locked up in here =09=09 Thinking silent, dormant thoughts =09=09 Which I never dreamed I would ever be thinking =09=09 But now I'm alone and everything's changed =09=09 It's cold and dark and lonely =09=09 And they'll never be anybody but me who'll understand =09=09 What's happening all the sudden, 'cause I'm unique =09=09 And no matter what they say, that's not a good thing at all." =09=09 -Left Behind, =A9 Luisa Matos, 1998 "Xander woke me up around two in the morning. Said that my mom would be worried. Said-" sniff, "-that I should go home right away while I still ha= d a mother. He said, 'Who knows who Angel'll kill next in the name of Buffy?' = So I said good-night, and then left him alone in his room, and I called him jus= t now with the pay phone, and he's not there, so, we need to find him." Willow sat in front of the computer, furiously pounding the keyboard as sh= e surfed the Internet and her favorite sites to try and calm herself down. Unfortunately, she was just pounding the keys harder and harder until she = was sure the next time she hit that "e" key it was gonna fly off the keyboard.= All her pent up rage at the powers at be were being taken out on this poor old Macintosh. It didn't deserve her pain. Finally she just let her hands rest on the keyboard, although they kept twitching frantically whenever the word "Xander" floated through her mind. Next to her, Xander put a comforting arm around his girlfriend. "You know, Buffy's not here today either," he said soothingly. "Maybe they both felt like they needed days off, far away from everything, you know?" "You mean they've run away?" Willow shrieked, almost jumping out of her ch= air. Oz set to calming Willow down, explaining what he really meant. "Yes!" came the sudden muffled cry from the back of the library. Willow an= d Oz turned around to see Giles come running out of the stacks, a thin little b= ook that said "Journal" in faded gold lettering on the cover. Giles came up be= hind the two lovebirds and pointed to a passage on one of the open pages that w= ere hidden from Oz and Willow's view. "This is it!" Giles said excitedly. "Two matching cases! I can't believe I found them, and in Reginald's Watcher di= ary of all places!" He set the book down, and suddenly acquired a serious expression. "Of course, though, this is a serious matter." The two Slayerette's and the Watcher leaned in to read the passage, which = went somewhat like this: ** Dear Journal, =09=09=09I am dreadfully sorry that I must report dire news today. It has = nothing to do with my Slayer-in-training, Elisabeyta. No, she is doing quite well in = her studies and training, and has done an exceptional job in keeping the vampi= re activity in our small town well under control. If ever called, she will in= deed make a great Slayer. =09=09=09No, what I am writing about it a sad event. As you may notice, th= is page is dated a week after my last entry. It is because of what has happened-with Jacob and Seth. Time after time I was warned to never let my training Slayer to have any friends, family, or acquaintances, but I am always weak to Elisabeyta's wh= ims- she is so gifted and outgoing, and she deserves to live somewhat of a norm= al life, especially since she is not on full duty yet. But this was a mistake= , a mistake that could have been avoided, and now the results are quite dreadf= ul. =09=09=09As written in my journal entries of the past month, Elisabeyta ha= s angered one vampire in particular, one who goes by the name of Greenwalt, though I doubt that it is truly. Lately, he has stepped up his advances on her, but= my Elisabeyta is much to clever to be caught off-guard. Alas, her two friends= , Jacob and Seth, were. =09=09=09Elisabeyta had caught quite a fever from patrolling he night befo= re in a chilling wind, so she was spending the night with her mother, who dutifull= y took care of her as only Mrs. Goody could. Jacob, Seth, and young, sweet Abigail were taking over Elisabeyta's duty, and Greenwalt, to put quite bluntly, drained the boys' of blood until they were at the point of death. Luckily, Abigail and I were able to take them home and miraculously, the b= ite marks disappeared, the boys healed in less then three days, and all was we= ll. =09=09=09All * was * well. Nothing is ever well when dealing with the occu= lt. Jacob and Seth began to exhibited oddities, such as strength they had never possessed before, the inability to taste food, the fading and then overall disappearence of their reflection, and several other symptons, one which w= as a horrible sunburn from the sun that disappeared completely when the sun set= and twilight settled in. All of us-Elisabeyta, Abigail, I, and the boys themselves-knew that Jacob and Seth would soon be vampires. =09=09=09When the sunlight bothered them too much and they were fully avai= ble to transform their faces into that horrible visage, we chained them into the basement below us and waited for the sun to set, in case they were demons,= for we did not know if they would have souls or not, since throughout the orde= al the boys were still very much the same, except for an increase in intelligence, which I would recommend to many of the village people around here. =09=09=09As I was saying, we chained them up and then waited till twilight= . Then Elisabeyta and I crept downstairs, and discovered the two boys completely passed out on the floor. For a moment there we thought they were dead, but Jacob woke up, and soon Seth followed. Neither exhibited signs of the demo= n taking over their body, so we led them upstairs. =09=09=09What a horrible mistake. Jacob suddenly turned on us and began to= attack Elisabeyta, showing us that indeed a demon had taken over him. Seth, who seemed to have kept his demon soul, tried to pull Jacob off of her, but Se= th was always the week one. The three of us watched in horror as Jacob turned around and neatly ripped of Seth's head, turning him into dust. Abigail ke= eps complaining of nightmares, and I am sure that hers shall never go away. I = know that mine never shall. =09=09=09Soon after that, Elisabeyta killed Jacob, knowing that it was no = longer her childhood friend, but a demon who had killed the true Jacob. She has not talked about this incident since it has happened, but I know that this wil= l forever leave an imprint on her life. And I know that she will never, ever befriend anyone outside of Abigail and I. =09=09=09The most important thing that I want to stress to Watchers of the= future is one thing: do not let the Slayer have a life outside his/her sacred duty. = The results are indeed horrible and forever leave you broken and different. I repeat once again: * do not let the Slayer have any other kind of life oth= er than the one she was born for *. It is a downward spiral from there. =09=09=09Signed, Reginald. ** Underneath the Watcher's signature was some more text, written in the neat script that ladies of the olden days used to write in: ** =09=09Since Reginald is long gone, and if I have my way, I shall be gone t= oo, I feel that I must comment on this subject for future slayers. Yes, you will lose each and every friend you make. And the ones who are lucky enough to survive, like Abigail, you constantly watch day and night, afraid that you will lose them because of your incompetence. Please, so not put yourself through the misery I have experienced first-hand. Live your life as it was intended, so it does not have to end as mine did-at my own hand. =09=09May Abigail Stevenson and Reginald Thorpe rest in peace, as may the = lost souls of Jacob and Seth Wilder, whom I shall miss long into my afterlife: =09=09Elisabeyta Susan Goody ** All three of the persons in the library fell into respectful silence as th= ey finished the journal entry. Then Willow's voice quavered, and then a sound managed to escape from her mouth. "We need to find Xander right away." ---- --------------------------- "The world is a vampire, sent to drain Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames And what do I get for my pain? Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game." Xander slapped the car radio for the fiftieth time, glaring at the stupid machine that was putting him through the ringer. "Oh sure, go ahead," he s= aid sarcastically to the piece of machinery, "make me more depressed." Xander muttered something intelligible and then gripped the steering wheel to his mother's car tighter, causing the Jaguar to swerve nastily on the deserted back road. He straightened it again and then tried once again to shut the = damn radio * off *. The knob was completely broken, and the Smashing Pumpkin's song poured out= of the speakers: "Even though I know - I suppose I'll show All my cool and cold-like old job Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage (2x) Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal But can you fake it, for just one more show? And what do you want, I want to change And what have you got when you feel the same." The chorus played once again, and Xander stopped the car suddenly. He bang= ed his head against the steering wheel about five times. "I'm a wreck," he sa= id, shutting his eyes and sighing. "I deserve to be a wreck." The song continued on the radio station, and Xander tried to tune out, although the song was so damn catchy and so true in describing him at that very moment. "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage And I still believe that I cannot be saved." Then the song ended, Xander thanked God loudly, and then revved the engine= up again. He did a dangerous U-turn that should not be done in a little back road, and headed back towards the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign he had passe= d awhile ago. A commercial was playing on the station, and Xander sighed in relief. "Now= all I need them to play is 'The Unforgiven' and it's my best day ever." When the familiar strands of music started up, Xander said several four le= tter words and hit the radio so much that it finally broke, although he receive= d a nasty swollen hand in exchange for complete silence. The road was bumpy and curving, and there were potholes as far as the eye could see. And he had driven quite a ways from Sunnydale, and would have t= o stop at a rest area to get more gas. Xander didn't mind that though: he wa= nted to delay his return as much as possible. "You are a * wreck *," Xander repeated to himself, squinting in the bright sunlight as he approached the familiar sign that that a rest area was up ahead. The sunlight was beginning to hurt his eyes more than usually, and = he felt so damn HOT that he had ripped off his shirt a while back. "And you'r= e a vampire." End of Chapter 6. Feeback needed. Feedback craved. Feedback devoured, good or bad. Feed me! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (oops) Date: 01 Dec 1998 03:49:22 EST Um, in regard to a recent post of my story . . . it's chapter 5, not 6. can't count, sorry. every things blurry at four in the morning. unfortuantely, its this time of day when my muse is at it's highest power. darn it, i had to get a nocturnal insomniac for a muse. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Aglx@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (7/?) Date: 01 Dec 1998 14:35:55 EST Title: The Soul Of Good & Evil (7/?) Author: AnGeL X -- Feedback to: Aglx@aol.com Distribution: Just Ask! (Most parts of this story can be found at my site at: http://slayer.simplenet.com/tbcs/fanfic.html (e-mail me if you want me to send them to you.) Spoilers: This takes place in my own little Buffy world. Rating: Just some minor language, vampire stuff. Nothing really bad. Description: Everyone's a vampire. Willow, Xander, Buffy and Angel all have souls. Drusilla is growing to be the most powerful vampire ever, and she's captured Angel and is keeping him as her prisoner. Buffy, Xander and Willow are working with Spike to free him. Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. So don't sue me! Besides, I'm broke and you won't get anything out of it! Feedback: Desperately needed! Come on, if the story sucks, I want to know! It has been a while since I've sent a part of this, so if you need past parts, first check my webpage, and then e-mail me if you still need them. * * * * "Wakey, wakey." Buffy said quite loudly. They both opened their eyes at the same time and caught a glance of the two cups Buffy held in her hands. Both filled with a sweet red substance that their demonic instincts craved. "Oooh." Willow sat up first and grabbed one of the cups, wasting no time in ripping off the top and drinking. Xander, still half-asleep just reached his hand out for Buffy to hand him the cup. "What do I look like? A waitress?" "Well, you know in this lighting and with those clothes..." Xander reached further for the glass, but still was asking for Buffy to hand it to him. She complied, not feeling up to playing games now. She just glared, while he smiled. "So, do we know exactly *where* Drusilla is?" Willow asked, finished with her breakfast. "Nope." Buffy said plainly and sat down on the floor next to Spike's feet. She gently leaned her head against his legs, trying to make up for the all the time she spent the past night, not sleeping. Xander separated the cup from his mouth for a second to ask, "And we are going to find her how?" "Vienna's a vampire's city, mate. We ask around, and we're sure to find her." * * * * * "Anyone back me up here when I say, 'Eeeeeak!' Xander shivered, looking up at the giant Transylvanian-type mansion in front of them. The plain black walls and hollow windows were covered with dead vines. The flowers that formerly were attached to the vines lay scattered on the ground, impounded into the soft dirt. "I'll back you up on that." Buffy added making a slightly disgusted face at the building. "Me second," Willow agreed, twining her fingers with Xander's. "Well, come on. We're not going to do any good standing out here making funny noises at the big bad building." Buffy laughed, realizing how childish they were acting. They were vampires. Demons. Vicious killers. Scared to death of what waited for them inside that mansion. "Xander, Willow move to position. Don't do anything until we signal you. Clear?" "Ya." Xander pulled Willow's hand and quietly ran off towards the back of the mansion. "Good luck," Xander said quietly over his shoulder. As the two ran off, Buffy stood still for a second, watching them leave. Spike quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her in the direction of the front door. She followed, almost reluctantly and then found herself being pulled down behind a bush. Spike couldn't risk her being seen. The entire place was very much like the villain's secret home in most fairy tales. Right down to the ugly looking knocker on the large wooden front door. "You up to this?" "Not really, but I don't have a choice, pet." Buffy's eyes shot a painful glare his way. "Sorry, habit." "One of many you've gotta kick." "First things first. Once I'm inside, you find your way in, and get to Angel." Buffy nodded and silently whispered, "Be careful." Spike strolled up to the door. After a few hits on the wood, it opened and Drusilla answered it, almost like she was expecting him to show. "Spike!" She screeched and reached for his hand. Before a word could leave his lips, he was pulled inside the house and the door shut loudly behind him. Immediately, Buffy crouched even lower and slowly made her way to the side of the house where her hopefully unnoticed entrance could take place. Inside, Spike stumbled forward from Drusilla's amazing strength then regained control of his balance. "Uh, Dru?" "Shhh. Is she here?" "She? Who?" "My child." "Darling, I told you. There was never anything. My heart belongs to you." The words that he spoke were what she wanted to hear, but Spike found himself questioning his intentions, and their meanings. "Yes, there was. You left me for her." "*You* left me, Dru. But I couldn't live without you. I had to find you." "Oh, my Spike missed me." Dru extended an arm and put it gently behind his head, drawing him to her. Her long nails gently wove through his hair, as she mumbled sweetly reassuring words. Spike winced, ever so slightly as she held him close to her. Her touch was so familiar, and yet so new. He could feel how much more powerful she'd grown. It would take the strength of them all combined with Angel--assuming he was still Angel--to defeat her. That only meant that they'd have to find him first. * * * * * "Three hundred doors, all filled with vampires. Question is, which one is Angel behind?" Whispering quietly to herself, Buffy tried to calm the chill that continued to creep up her spine with every step she took. It wasn't working. As she moved silently down the hall, glancing at each door, Buffy noticed the two large doors at the end of the hallway. "Hmm. Dru's room. Well, let's see what's behind door number three hundred and seventy-two." * * * * * * "So you're not mad?" "Xander, would you be quiet!" Willow hissed, smacking him on the shoulder. She carefully peeked into a back window to make sure they weren't discovered by Dru's minions. "Sorry. So, are you, or not?" He whispered this time, just barely loud enough for Willow's super hearing to catch. "I was never really mad. I just couldn't stand to see you treating Buffy the way you were. You never even gave her a chance. We were both mad--at first--but now things are worked out. Assuming we don't die tonight, we'll be just fine." * * * * * * * "Angel?" The doors creaked open just enough for Buffy to slip through. Quietly closing them behind her, she began to search through the large Master bedroom. Drusilla's large canopy bed was centered under what used to be a window--before she had it covered with boards. The usual red satin and velvet tapestries adorned the room. Besides the bed, the only other objects in the room were a large chest and a table with a small bench in front of it. Covering the tops of the table and chest were Drusilla's dolls, tea set and various small boxes. The entire room just screamed, "Drusilla!" "Angel? Are you in here?" She could barely hear her own voice in the mansion. She kept it low enough for only a vampire to hear. Buffy was so caught up in focusing her senses on finding Angel she didn't hear the footsteps creep up behind her. A strong arm wrapped around her waist, while the other hand clamped down over her mouth muffling any noise she could have made. "Shhh." * * * * * Hmmm, who could it be? -Michelle I'm really living up to the title of "Cliffhanger Girl." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Date: 01 Dec 1998 15:46:36 -0500 (EST) Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. 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Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: How to (un)s*bscribe Date: 01 Dec 1998 15:46:39 -0500 (EST) Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe from the list or to change s*bscription options. IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST: You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest. Send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put uns*bscribe buffy Then, send a second message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put s*bscribe buffy-digest You'll go through the same approval process that you got when you subbed to the regular Buffy list. If you're s*bscribed to the digest version, and want to change to regular mail, do the opposite-- unsub from buffy-digest, and resub to buffy. THE BUFFY FICTION LIST To s*bscribe to the Buffy Fiction list, follow the same procedures as listed above-- just substitute buffyfic or buffyfic-digest for buffy or buffy-digest. TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message put uns*bscribe buffy (or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Leslie S." Subject: BUFFYFIC: Nobody Will Know 1/1 Date: 02 Dec 1998 12:00:46 PST TITLE: Nobody Will Know 1/1 AUTHOR: Leslie Surgento EMAIL: leslie_s_@hotmail.com SUMMARY: A Willow/Xander fic DISTRIBUTION: If you want it, just let me know where you put it. FEEDBACK: If ya got a second RATING: G SPOILERS: Homecoming (sort of) DISCLAIMER: I acknowledge that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associates characters were created by Joss Whedon. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words, please don't sue me.) I knew that was I was about to do was wrong. And the fact that it would be in my parent's house made it all the more so. I tried to convince myself that it was innocent, people would understand, but I knew at least one person who I doubted would ever understand. Looking at the clock I realized Xander would be here soon. My breathing was a bit heavy, in anticipation of what was to come, so I tried to calm myself down. I glanced around the room. All the blinds were drawn. Nobody could see in. Nobody would see us. When the doorbell rang, I let out little YIP. A took a deep calming breath, stood up and walked to the door. I opened it to find Xander holding, (well juggling was more the word) a pizza box, a 2-liter of Coke and a bag of Cheese Chips. I grabbed for the Coke before Xander could drop it and ushered him into the living room. I told him that I would be right back as I went into the kitchen for some plates and glasses. A small smile passes over my lips as I thought about what would be happening soon. I pushed a brief wave of guilt aside as I thought of Oz locked in the library cage on this night. It was the full moon. I knew I should have been looking after him, but Buffy had volunteered and tonight was just too important. My reverie was broken as Xander called from the living room. He was growing impatient. I put two plates, to iced glasses and some napkins on a tray and brought it into the living room. Xander was sprawled on the couch looking anxious. I asked him if he was OK. He smiled a bit and shrugged and said that he was excited and just really glad to be with me. I set the plates and glasses down and we dove in. As we ate we made small talk. Nothing too specific, no talk of demons or vampires, and most definitely no talk of significant others. After we were done with the pizza, I took the dirty plates into the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. All the calm I gained while we were eating had left me. I felt a slight tremble over my body I tried a few more deep breaths, but it wasn't helping much. I grabbed the counter with both hands as I tried to remind myself that nobody was going to find out. That thought helped a bit. I took one more deep breath before I turned around and went back to the living room. By the time I got back, Xander had already lowered the lights. I swallowed hard as I joined him on the couch. He looked at me for a moment. Asking permission I guessed. I nodded my consent. I had come this far. It was too late to turn back now. Slowly, gently, Xander placed his hand on….the TV remote and turned on the set. And once again, without Ira Rosenberg knowing, I sat back to enjoy "A Charlie Brown Christmas." ~fin~ Notes: Did I have you guessing? I wrote this on my lunch break, so it was not read over, but due to its timeliness I had to post it today. There actually is a full moon tonight and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is really on tonight (Dec 2, 1998 8 PM EST on CBS) BTW…I don't really like the title, so if anybody has a better suggestion, I'd love to hear it. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (5/6) Date: 02 Dec 1998 15:42:13 EST Title: Hopeless Hope (5/6) Author: Meg R-C Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top! Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for the gang to be reunited. I found Buffy and Angel curled up together on the porch, clinging together like there was no tomorrow. I hated to interrupt them, but I knew that Buffy would never forgive me if I didn't tell her right away. After all, she had more of a right to know, to grieve, than any of us. It felt so right and good to be in Angel's arms again. It had been so long, so long since I had felt him in anything but phantom dreams. This is how it should have been. He should have been the one to be there when our daughters were born, not Xander. He should have been the one to hold and comfort me when Angela died, not Xander. I love Xander, with all my heart, he's the best friend I'll ever have, and the best person I've ever known, keeping his innocence even after all we have been through. But I love Angel with all of my soul, he is the father of my children. He should have been there. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in my ear, "I should have been there." Someone cleared their throat behind me. Involuntarily my Slayer senses kicked in, and I soon found myself pinning a startled and trembling Willow against the wall with the pointed end of my now broken chair leg pointed straight at her heart. "Sorry," I mumbled, dropping the stake and letting her go, horrified at what I had almost just done. The last thing I wanted was Xander's disappointment and the death of my best friend on my shoulders. But one look at Willow's face and I knew that the former was no longer an issue. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tearstained, and she had an air of defeat and loss that hung in a pall above her head. Her whole demeanor screamed death. But Xander couldn't be dead, we had two more weeks. He couldn't have just died, I needed him. I loved him so much, and he didn't even say good-bye. He was just like all the others, they say they love you, that they'll always be there, but they never are. They just leave without saying good-bye, without telling you its not your fault. "Buffy?" Angel asked, reaching towards me. I flinched away from his touch, recoiling as if he had burned me. Angel and Willow, they had been the first to go. They are no better than the rest. I have no one, I am all alone. "Why are you still here?" I hissed at them. "Xander's dead, he was the reason you came back, and now he's not here anymore, and you shouldn't be here either. Just go." I was nearly hysterical, but I didn't care. I trusted Xander, and he left me. Its all my fault, I couldn't save him. He always trusted me to protect him, to save him, but I couldn't. I couldn't save the others either. They all died because of me. I've failed, I've failed everyone who ever mattered. I wasn't' there to save Willow from the Anointed One, I couldn't save Giles, or my parents, the Rosenburg's, or the Harris's, or the Chases from becoming vampires. I couldn't save Angela from Lynn. All these people died because of me, because I couldn't protect them. And now Xander. How many times had he risked and offered his life for mine? I should have worked harder for a cure, taken him to more doctor's, made him stay in the hospital instead of coming home. Maybe a cure would've been found. I failed him. The one person who had never hurt me, who would die before he caused me pain, and I failed him. I failed him and now he's dead. I saw every negative emotion ever felt in the history of man cross Buffy's face: sorrow, pain, hurt, betrayal, anger, guilt. The guilt stayed. Xander had warned me she would react badly, but I never imagine. One moment she is the Slayer, the old Buffy, fiery and full of passion, the next she is broken, and empty body filled with so much guilt and sorrow there is no longer room for a soul. I watched as she stumbled into the living room and picked up a picture of her and Xander. Looking at her face I knew that my pain, my loss, was nothing compared to hers. She crumbled to floor as if her legs no longer had the strength to hold her. "I'm so sorry Xander. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry I failed you." BY now her voice was so soft it was only my vampire enhanced senses that allowed me to hear her words. "Buffy," I whispered, not wanting to startle her. "I thought I told you to leave Will. Leave before I kill you to." Her voice was loud now, angry. "Why would you kill me?" Xander told me not to let her bottle it up inside, so I thought I'd try talking it out of her. After all, I had eternity. "Why not? I've killed everyone else. Giles, my parents, your parents, Cordelia, Xander. I killed my own daughter. I killed my own daughter." Buffy was sobbing, cradling Xander's picture to her breast, her voice rising closer and closer to hysteria with every word. "You didn't kill Angela, vampire did. You had nothing to do with it." I hadn't even heard Angel come in. Buffy looked up at him through watery eyes, "gave birth to her, didn't I? I brought her into this world so that it could destroy her, like it destroys every other innocent. And I did it knowing that every demon in Sunnydale would be after her. By bringing her into this world I killed her. The blame is all mine." Angel stared at her, "If, by giving birth and life to our daughter, you are to blame for her death, than so am I." Angel's voice was quiet, full of defeat. Buffy looked up startled, and shook her head vigorously in response, "Oh, no Angel, you're not to blame, you're to good. You're not a killer, I am. I'm the only one to blame not you." "It takes two to make a baby, Buffy," Angel argued gently, "by your logic I'm just as guilty as you." Buffy nodded in disagreement, "But I could have had an abortion or something, but I was selfish. I brought those babies into this world so that I wouldn't have to be alone, so I could still have a little piece of you with me. I was selfish and now she's dead. "Buffy?" "Yeah?" "Do you trust me?" Angel was brilliant. He was walking her straight into the trap of forgiveness, she had no way out. Buffy was too grief-stricken to figure out where he was going. "More than anything." Buffy was really paying attention to him. "Then listen to me, trust me, when I tell you that you are not responsible for anyone's death. The blame falls strictly on the vampires, on disease, and on dumb luck. None of it was your fault." That did it. Years of self-hatred and guilt diminished, it all flew out the window. While not wholly convinced, Buffy would never do Angel the injustice of calling him a liar. She loved him enough to let go. The Codex says Angel is the only thing that can kill her. It forgot to mention that he's that only thing that can save her as well. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (6/6) Date: 02 Dec 1998 15:56:17 EST Title: Hopeless Hope (6/6) Author: Meg R-C Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top! Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for the gang to be reunited. It has been two months since Xander died, two months since that night that I let go of the past. While I know that I am not innocent in the deaths of my friends, I have come to realize that I am not to blame. Xander would be proud of me. I still had a lot to work out, lots of issues to deal with, but I had an eternity to come to terms with my past. That's why I am here today at Xander's grave, to let go and say good-bye. I could never bring myself to come before, always associating saying good-bye with forgetting. I've gone to all the graves, but this was the hardest. I didn't know how I'd survive without Xander's dumb jokes, constant support, and everlasting loyalty and love. But finally I know how. I will remember him, and use his memory to keep fighting. I knelt on the grave, reading the tombstone we had picked out together. Xander chose its main inscription, but I had added a few touches. 'Alexander Harris, 1981-2003, I loved, I lost, I forgave. A beloved friend he taught me love has no time limit.' "Xander, I've forgiven myself like you always wanted. I've realized that's why you sent me to find Angel and Willow, it wasn't for you, but for me. Even in the end, you saved me, you protected me. I love you. I miss you so much it hurts. But I'm moving on, like you would've wanted. I'm going to fight the new Master in Europe, and I'm taking Hope with me. Angel and Willow are coming to. "So this is good-bye, because I don't know if I could ever bear to come back to Sunnydale, its too painful. Right now duty calls me away, maybe someday it will bring me back. Until then, this is good-bye. "Every slayer needs a reason to fight. You were mine, and you still are. I'll fight for you Xander, I'll fight until there are no more demons left to pay. Because they will pay for all those times they made you cry. Someday we will have our revenge, but until then, I love you. I'm free of my hate, all I feel is love. Thank you. "Thank you for giving my back what I thought I'd lost: hope." I would never forget Xander, but for now I was moving on. Duty was calling me, eternity was waiting. ~The End ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight - (7/?) Date: 02 Dec 1998 17:26:21 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows, and my e-mail is Titanic437@aol.com DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. The End. USING IT: Like, e-mail me so I know where it's going adn if you can. 'Cause I'm on the web 15/7 (I've timed myself - stopwatches are an insomniacs best friend), so believe me, I'll find out. WHATEVER ELSE: Feedback, darn't! If you think there should be more/less of anything, e me. If you think "Twilight" is good, e me. Ya think it sucks, e me. I won't write back an angry letter. But don't just write "it sucks." Tell me why so I can fix it! And if I get a letter that says it sucks because Xander is the main character--don't even. Twilight - Chapter 7 By Shadows "I left the me I used to be." -City, Natalie Imbruglia Xander limped into the library, an arm wrapped around his cramped stomach and dragging his left leg somewhat behind him. His hair was matted down to his scalp and dripping with sweat, much like his shirt, pants, and body. He managed his way across the library and collapsed into a chair, keeling over and putting his head down on the cool, wooden surface. One breath, two breath, three breath, four . . . "Xander, where were you?" Willow appeared out from Giles' office, and one glance at her friend sent her into major alarm-mode. "Oh my God, are you ok?!" she cried shrilly, running over to her friend. "Fine . . . just . . . fine," Xander managed to say between deep, calming breaths. His head was so dizzy that she lost balance for only a moment, but Willow reached out to support him. The soft touch of her hands on his chest sent a searing pain through him, and Xander yelped in pain. "Ouch! Willow, off, off! Sunburn!" Willow's eyes widened, and then she quickly pulled away. Xander was trying to accommodate himself in his chair when he noticed the size of the redhead's eyes. "Don't be so surprised," he said nastily, straightening his shirt. When he saw Willow's hurt expression, he softened. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm just not in the best of moods." He sighed. "I went driving, and then I walked. A very long walk. All the way here." "But you don't have a driver's license," Willow said slowly, trying to piece together what he was saying. Then she sucked in her breath. "You wrecked the car, didn't you?" she asked. "No . . . yes." Xander lifted his head off the table and instead placed it in his hands. "I was leaving the rest station, not really looking where I was going, and BAM! Right into a tree." He chewed on his lip, which looked as though they had already been through several sessions. "But I lived. And there are worse ways to die." Willow smiled weakly and him, and then glanced at the journal which was ominously discarded at the center of the table. "We found something," she said faintly. "I trust it's not good," Xander judged from the tone of her voice. "Can I see?" Willow was once again on the verge of tears as she handed Xander the floppy, ratty old journal. "Page's bookmarked," Willow said as Xander flipped through the thin, yellowed pages. She sat down next to him, waiting patiently as he read the passage. When he was finished, he gently closed the book and placed it as far away from him as he could without having to stand up. He stared at it, eyes blank as if he were looking at something in another time and place. A little moan escaped his throat. "So I guess now you know what to do," he intoned dully. Willow gave him a startled look. "Huh? What?" "Now you know what to do," Xander repeated, his voice slightly jagged. "Chain me up, find I'm a demon, slay, party, and then slay another soulless vampire the next night. And life goes on." "How can you * say * that?" Willow asked, her voice rising higher and higher. "How can you think we can do that?" "Easy," Xander said smoothly. "That's what needs to be done. And I'm sure Buffy'll be able to do it. She can't slay Dead Boy, but she'd slay me in an instant. She's sick like that." "Lovesick," Willow added softly. Xander snorted rudely, and then looked away. They heard footfalls on the steps, and Giles appeared behind them. "Xander," he said, nodding and acknowledging that he was there. "H-have you read . . .?" "Yeah," Xander answered. "And I just have one question." He twisted uncomfortably in his seat and wiped his brow. "How many days do I have left?" Giles hesitated, knowing that Xander would not like the answer. "One day," he said. "Two days if you are lucky. But the chances of that are very slim." He paused. "So sorry." "Don't be," Xander growled, anger and resentment seeping into his voice. "This is my fault. * I * drank Angel's blood: I wanted to and I enjoyed it. And Buffy's the top contender: if she'd been thinking with her head and not her * hormones *, I wouldn't be sitting here now, worrying about sprouting fangs in 24 hours. And you, Giles, would be having smoochies and who-knows-what-else with Ms. Calendar." He shifted his gaze to Willow. "And you would have your fish." The library was silent for a moment, then Xander plucked angrily at his shirt. "Dammit, is anybody else * hot * in here?" "Listen to me," Giles said, breaking the heavy curtain around the trio. "This is not your fault at * all *. You were seconds away from death, and Angel offered you life once more. No matter what free will a human being is capable of, it cannot override the ancestral urge to survive, which is forever stamped in your DNA." Xander looked at him, confused. Giles sighed, and continued. "Think of someone who has survived a suicide attempt. 99% of them say that at their point-of-death, when they are that close to passing over, they do everything possible to survive. It makes you feel somewhat sorry for the persons who do die-but that is not the point. The point is that Angel's blood was * there *, and no matter how strongly you knew it was wrong, your mind was not functioning properly, and all you knew is that you wanted to survive. And that was the only way. It was not your fault at all." Xander raised his eyebrows. "You haven't convinced me," he said sadly. Giles sighed. "Xander, you-" Xander held up his hand as the hair on the back of his neck rose. He turned to his left and to his right, and then stared at the Journal in front of him. He looked as though he was listening to something far away. "Buffy's coming," she said in an odd, detached voice. "How do you know?" Willow asked. "I have * no * idea," Xander said, still listening to whatever he was hearing. "But-she's right outside now-" Buffy entered the room, dressed in a long overcoat and high pumps. She saw Xander at the table and then demanded, "Why weren't you at your house?" Xander's eyebrows shot up. " * What * ? When do I suddenly have to report to * you * as to where * I'm * going?" Buffy's shield was a little thrown off by the furiousness that seethed in Xander's voice, but she held on to her own. "I didn't know where you had gone or what you happened to you," she replied. "I care what happens to a friend." Xander was absolutely still-no breathing, no shaking, no blinking whatsoever. Then he sucked a deep breath in. "Oh, so, Buffy, you care about a friend. You care about * all * your friends. Yeah, right, I can believe you. If you really * cared *, you would've sent Angel off to Malaysia or whatever, getting us rid of him forever. Instead, you had to do the Mattress Olympics with that * vampire * . Now your little world is crumbling around you, but you can't see past the falling walls. All you can see is Angel in that killer of an ex-boyfriend, and lemme tell you, he's a killer, all right. And he's showing you just how great a killer he can be." Buffy was hurt, but she was about tired of Xander's cruel mentions of Angel. "Leave Angel alone," Buffy said, matching the spite in her friend's tone. "And he is not after you he's after me." "We already had * that * discussion," Xander sighed, narrowing his eyes and remembering the ordeal at the cemetery. "Angel came to me again last night," Buffy said. "And he says that you were his target to hurt me, Xander. You were right. And I'm so sorry. But I'm going to make up for it, I swear. Angel's going down." Xander laughed, one so cruel and calculating that Willow had to refrain from gasping. "I hear 'going', so I say that you didn't kill the bastard last night while you two were having you're little talk. Obviously, if you couldn't do it then, you'll never do it later. And Buffy, I blame you. Blame you for everything. But go ahead and * not * kill Angel. Wait'll you see the carnage, and then you'll * know * what the hell you were doing wrong then." Buffy was smarted. This was a crueler version of an already tactless Xander, and she wasn't sure how much she could take from him/it. "I'm going through a lot, too," Buffy shot back at him. "I can't just forget all that I ever felt for him!" " * It * !" Xander practically yelled at her. "What you felt for * it * ! And now * it's * out there, probably killing tens of people around town, while you're here arguing with me about fuzzy feelings for this * monster * ." He cupped his hands around his mouth. " * Angel died the night you f-ked him! Now there's Angelus, and he is * using * him against you. Let * go * ! Don't dwell on what * was * !" The Slayer and the vampire-to-be were there, just glaring at each other, shooting daggers with their eyes. And then Xander shot up out of his chair and strode to the doors. "See you tomorrow," he growled as he left. "I'll be ready for the chains." ------------------------- "Nothing like the Bronze to cheer me up." Xander Harris stood outside the Bronze, hiding in the shadows cast in the alleys. He watched teen after teen enter the Bronze and pal around with the new bouncer, a meek little man who didn't really do what his job entitled. * That used to be me * Xander thought. Then Xander gave himself a mental slap in the face and told the thinking idiot that it was * still * him. He had one day left as a mortal, and since he didn't want to see anybody but a quarantined Cordelia, the only things left to keep him busy were brooding or going to the Bronze. And he sure as hell wasn't going to turn into Angel in five seconds flat. Give it five days. Xander fell in step behind a pair of necking lovebirds, and waited as they convinced the guy to let them on in free of charge. The bouncer, after trying to talk them out of convincing him, gave up and stamped their hands before they were allowed to enter. Then Xander stepped up, rooting around in his pant pockets for cash. "Uh, that's ok, sir," said the bouncer quickly. Xander looked up to give the man a confused look. "You go on in right ahead." He motioned for Xander to enter, and without putting up much of a fight, Xander shrugged and headed on in. If he was lucky, he could also get a free beer or two at the bar. He walked onto the dance floor, which was thick and pulsating with couples dancing to the rhythm of the CD songs they were playing on-stage. No live entertainment tonight. Xander tried to squeeze through the dancing persons when he felt someone grab his shoulder. "Hey," said a voice behind him, and Xander turned around to see a kid about his age grinning widely and nodding towards two girls standing on a dark corner of the far wall. "Twins. Wanna share?" "Uh, no thanks." The kid shrugged and then brushed of his jacket, saying "It's cool" and walking over to the girls. Xander gave him a strange look, and then decided that he needed a drink really fast. He headed over to the bar, ready to order a Coke and a sandwich or something. He sat up on one of the stools and waited till a pretty blond in something red and velvety that pushed beyond the limits of a miniskirt came in front of him. "So, what do you want?" she asked, totally somewhere else and smacking her gum loudly. She looked at Xander with a bored expression on her pretty face. "Um, Coke and a sandwich," Xander muttered. The girl raised her eyebrows. "Sure you don't wanna beer?" she asked. Now it was Xander's turned to be confused yet again. "How old do I look?" he asked, wondering what the hell was going on tonight. "27, jeez, that's what mirrors are for. Do you own one?" The girl set about to pouring him a mug of frosty beer, with the froth foaming over the top of the can, running into a sticky puddle already on the counter. She grabbed a wrapped sandwich from a pile in a basket and slammed it down before him. "Anything else?" "No," Xander said, tossing a few dollar bills on the counter. Velvet Blond scooped them up and stuffed them into her apron. She grabbed a plastic cup from the stack next to the soda machine and began to fill it with Sprite, humming some tune from a movie. Xander had slid off the counter and turned away when he heard Velvet Blond scream out in pain. He turned back to see the cup of Sprite tossed away on the counter, and Velvet Blond holding her left hand with her right. The left hand was sliced down the middle, and blood was trickling out from the thin, perfect cut. Xander stood there, frozen to the spot, and other girls in the bar rushed to help her. All he could hear, suddenly, was the heartbeat of the Velvet Blond that thrummed loudly in his ears. He suddenly felt a hunger he had never experienced before, and he licked his lips at the faintest sight of the blood. He wanted to lick it off her hand; he wanted to bite down hard and draw more blood. He wanted to eat. Something growled, and at first Xander feared that it was him, but it was instead his stomach. The room had gone kaleidoscope on him, and all he could smell, hear, and see was the blood. And then he ran. Xander just dropped all his food, and as the beer mug crashed to the floor, he was already out of the Club The next thing Xander knew he was lying in a pile of overturned trashcans, hands clamped tightly over his mouth and slowly counting to ten. By the time he reached ten, he had calmed significantly down. The lust was gone, and he barely remembered what had happened in there. It was ok . . . and then the image of the girl's hands dripping with the sweet blood filled his mind, and the strangest thing happened. At first, it felt as though someone were pricking his face with needles. Then it felt as though his skin had taken on a mind of his own, and so rapidly he hardly felt it, it just * moved * across his face with it's own accord. Suddenly the alleyway around him twisted into a square and then stood upright again, although this time he could see everything from the tiniest speck of dirt on the wall several feet away to the large "Say No To Drugs" sign hanging on the same structure. His mouth felt like suddenly he had sprouted a million more teeth, and his cheekbones must have risen an inch or so. Although this happened in mere seconds, Xander realized what had happened. He had no mirror to look into to justify his guess, but he would bet his remaining hours of living that he had his game face on. End of Chapter 7. And I know it's really seven. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight - (6/?) Date: 02 Dec 1998 17:15:14 EST This story is called Twilight. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com to send me good/bad feedback and to ask for permission to use it. I'm so sorry that I= am disorgnized with this fic. Being disorganized is teh story of my life. Twilight - The READL Chapter 6. The other was Chapter 7. You're psychic! W= ork for =09=09=09a hotline! Twilight - Chapter 5 By Luisa Matos =09=09"I think of death, it must be killin' me..." =09=09-One Headlight, the Wallflowers Xander watched the astonished expressions on everyone's faces. Xander look= ed back into the mirror, just in case he suddenly appeared, but the light sti= ll bent around him, and he could see the bookshelves behind him, and the shou= lder of Giles' coat that Xander was suppose to be covering. "Now do we panic?" Xander cracked, turning away from the mirror. He didn't want to look anymore. "I-I must consult my books immediately," Giles said robotically. He turned= to look at Xander, with such a sympathetic face that it turned Xander's stoma= ch. He must be in real trouble. "I'll find out what's happening, Xander. I promise." Xander just nodded and watched Giles leave. Then he walked over to Willow,= who was still staring dumbly at the mirror. He came up to her and touched her gently on the shoulder. "Willow?" Willow stared into the mirror, and although she could feel Xander's hand o= n her shirt, all that appeared in the mirror was a slight dent in her bright= red shirt, and not Xander's hand making it. "You're not in the mirror," Willow said, her voice trembling. "I know you're here but you're not * there *." "It's ok Willow," he soothed, and then caught her as she fell crying into = his arms. "Giles will find something on this, and he'll find a spell or someth= ing, and then we'll stop whatever's going to happen. * If * anything is going t= o happen. I'm not going to turn into a conscious-less killer like . . ." Xander didn't dare say the name, but instead glowered at Buffy, who was st= ill staring in the mirror. Since he had no reflection, she didn't see his scow= l. "Xander, you don't know what'll happen. You don't . . ." Willow didn't hav= e the heart to go on. She was just quiet, occasionally hiccuping, but findin= g comfort just by being in his arms. Buffy finally turned around, and looked at Xander with a face completely devoid of emotion. "Xander," she started her voice empty, but he cut her o= ff. "I don't want to hear what you have to say," Xander said, his voice like steel. "I don't care what you have to say, and for the remaining life of m= e, I would like to never see you again, except that's kind of hard now, but don= 't worry, if your boyfriend finishes what he's started you'll only being seei= ng me at night." Buffy's mouth opened again, but if Xander's looks could kill, they would. "Dooon't start with me!" Xander said loudly, "'cause you'll lose!" Suddenly there was the loud bang as the swing doors opened and closed loud= ly. The three teens looked up to see who had come to join their bawlfest. "Hey," Oz said, dropping his stuff by the counter. Then he noticed the loo= ks on everyone's faces. "What's happened?" he asked innocently. "I'm slowly, painfully, being turned into a vampire," Xander said with pur= e Oz blas=E9-ness. Willow started up again, this time inconsolable. Buffy just kept staring a= t the place where Xander's reflection was suppose to appear. Giles was still searching for an explanation back in the stack, and poor Oz was left stand= ing there, with but one question: "Huh?" ---- Late into the night, Giles was still fervently searching through all his books, Buffy was out patrolling, and Willow was still crying with Xander a= t his house. Oz was left in the library with the Watcher, flipping through s= ome old and musty books that possibly were not even written in English. Then a word caught his eye from a page. HALF-BREED Oz squinted and pulled the book closer to him so that he could read the ti= ny print. In the next ten minutes or so, he was engrossed in an interesting t= ext about a cross between a human and a werewolf, which was caused only when a werewolf didn't completely bite it's victim. It seemed that a half-breed h= ad complete control over when he turned into a werewolf or not, and could cha= nge without the need of a full moon: he could do it any time, anywhere, day or night. Cool. Giles voice broke his concentration. "Did you find anything?" he asked, shifting the weight of the books in his arms and leaning over Oz's shoulde= r. Oz glanced over at him, and then back at the book. "Um, no, but I did find something that could help me, I guess. About werewolves." "Oh," Giles said somewhat detachedly, quickly scanning the page. Several wrinkles sprouted on his forehead. "Perhaps this applies to Xander . . ." "So, what, he'd be like, half-vampire?" Oz asked. "Like Blade?" "Hmm, what?' Giles said, coming back to Earth. He gave Oz a quizzical look= . "Um, movie, you wouldn't know. It's about a guy, w-who has all the good tr= aits and some bad traits of a vampire. He can walk in the daylight, has supernatural strength and stuff, but still has to drink blood. I don't kno= w about the reflection thing. Does that sound like Xander?" Giles shook his head disbelievingly. "It could apply to him yes," Giles sa= id, "but the answer is much too easy. To . . . clean and simple. Nothing is ev= er wrapped up in such a neat little package in reality." "Well, who thought that vampires, werewolves, and Hellmouths existed in reality?" Oz tossed back at him, more in curiosity than to intentionally p= rove him wrong. "That knowledge was ignored by the human race until it existed only in mythology, but very few know that it is real. Because it * is * real. This 'Blade' you speak of, or a half-breed vampire, exists only in screenplays,= and the minds of horror authors and the minds of the majority of the world's population. What's happening to Xander is truly happening, in real life, a= nd not in a motion picture." "Just a suggestion," Oz muttered under his breath and Giles walked away, taking the book with him just in case Oz's hypothesis was indeed correct. = Oz pulled another book from the pile resting on the table and proceeded to lo= ok for another case like Xander's, eyes open and aware for the slightest mentioning of lycanthrophy. ---- ------------------------ "Willow," Xander asked softly, "are you awake?" The soft breathing sound from the person who lay next to him told him all = that he needed to know. Willow was fast asleep, snuggled next to Xander on his = bed, right on top of the remote so that the TV kept switching channels whenever Willow tossed or turned. And she was doing that a lot. Careful not to wake his best buddy, Xander slowly eased out from beside Wi= llow and got out of bed, all those annoying bones and muscles popping as he sto= od up and stretched his arms. Yawning widely, he stumbled across his room and into the bathroom. He sat there, not looking in the mirror, of course, because he was not the= re, but instead at a photo of him, Buffy, and Willow. He looked at his smiling face and tried to imagine it contorted into the shape of a vampire's face. Then he tried to imagine fangs. He shuddered. Then a sudden image flashed in his mind. Him, holding Willow, and slowly b= ut surely draining the blood out of her- With a sudden yelp, Xander threw the photo across the bathroom. One sharp = edge met with the wall and the photo tumbled to the floor, ending up stuck in a= n odd position underneath the clothes hamper-Xander was hidden from view, wh= ile Buffy and Willow were still in the picture, smiling widely. If there ever = was a metaphor, it was there in plain sight. "Oh Xander, what are you going to do?" he mumbled to himself, putting his = face in his hands. In no way imaginable could he ever deal with this crisis. ---- --------------------------- For hours now, Buffy had been calling herself names, telling herself what = a horrible person and awful slayer she was, and had generally been piling herself with emotional self-destruction all night long as she patrolled th= e graveyard, staking the newly-risen vamps easy and with nonchalant indifference. The real problem at hand was that possibly, in a very short while, she might be adding Xander to the "dusted vampire" list. "Aw, lover, is something wrong? Why so down in the dumps tonight? Is it because your little friend is becoming a soulless demon?" Buffy froze, and then before turning around, she collected herself. And th= en she turned around, stake held high. Angel was only a few feet away from the Slayer, and he chuckled when he noticed the stake she held. "Who are you kidding," he sneered at his ex- girlfriend. "You're not going to use that on me. You can't kill me." Buffy knew that was true, but she wound her hand tightly around the stake until she thought she would crumble to dust it in her hand. "Why did you c= ome after Xander?" she whispered in a deadly voice. "Why not me? It's me you'r= e after, it's me that you're looking to pay back." Angel grinned, and it was hideous-looking when he did that with his game f= ace on. "Hurting your friends is hurting you, and you know who I'm looking to hurt. 'Sides-Willow as a vampire? Didn't see it. And who wants Cordelia fo= r an eternity? Don't even get me started at the Watcher of yours." "Why don't you make me a vampire?" she asked, still with that deathly calm= . "Is that a request?" Angel teased. "I think not, though. I'm having fun torturing you, and if you go and be a demon, they'll be no innocent little thing of a Slayer-" he reached out to touch her ever-so-gently on her chin-"for me to mentally destroy." He stopped touching her and backed away= . "And take a hint from Dru-don't try to resist! I always win!" By the time Buffy collected her wits, Angel had already left. Her bottom l= ip quivered as she realized how completely helpless she was around him. Who w= as she kidding? Although Angel was gone, she still held on to the hope that t= here remained the tiniest vestige of Angel in Angelus, somewhere. But it wasn't true, and it would never happen-yet Buffy continued to fool herself, becau= se love and reality never truly fit together. Two puzzle pieces that look lik= e they match, but no matter how many times you shove them together, they nev= er fit. And eventually, you break one of the pieces, and the puzzle is foreve= r ruined. "I-I love you, Angel," she whispered to the wind. "I just wish I could let= you go." End of Chapter 6. Feel free to flame. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Snowball's Chance (1/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 02 Dec 1998 19:34:20 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. DISTRIBUTION: Ask. I'll say yes. RATING: PG-14, for now SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. References a= ll the way up to "Band Candy." DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 1/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D The lead singer was mumbling his way through the band's latest song. The teens on the dance floor didn't really care whether the lyrics were understandable, so long as the music was there. Someone had taken time to hang a few strands of lights and some garland around the bar in honor of t= he upcoming holiday season. Her friends were sprawled somewhere near a couch= , maybe sipping cappuccino and joking with each other. Or so Buffy Summers imagined. Instead of chatting it up, she was busy with the newest member of Sunnydal= e's undead community. With the agility and strength only a Slayer can possess, Buffy sent her opponent flying. The vamp came to a stop against a grave that the family = of the deceased had already decorated for the holidays. A wreath came loose = from its hook and the vamp was wearing it like a very festive collar. He was n= ot pleased with the look. "Where's your Christmas spirit?" The blonde tilted her head to the side and adopted a sarcastic pout. The beast growled and charged. Buffy gave a small sigh and raised her arm. T= he vampire's own momentum impaled him on the stake and he exploded in a cloud= of dust. "I *so* need a challenge." The night air had an uncharacteristic chill to it, even for this late in t= he year. Buffy zipped her jacket up and picked the wreath up off the ground. She shook the dust off and placed it back on the grave it belonged to. It wasn't too late; she could still make it to the Bronze. With a sigh, she spun around, delivering a blow that knocked whomever was sneaking up behind her to the ground. "You guys never learn," she remarke= d as she pulled another stake from her coat. "Whoa, hey! Not a vampire!" The newcomer appeared human, female, close t= o Buffy's age, very short hair, dressed in a black suit. Decidedly not a bloodsucker. "Then who are you?" The new female stood up. "I'm Mac." "What kind of name is 'Mac'?" Buffy arched an eyebrow, the stake still in= her hand. Mac shrugged. "One that serves its purpose." In no mood for games, the Slayer was ready to put the stake to use - vampi= re or not. She probably would have, had she not noticed - felt - something o= dd. She placed her fingers lightly to her cheek and found it cold and wet. Slowly, Buffy lifted her head up to the black sky. Her eyes widened and crossed as she focused on something, watching it spiral down=85down=85down= to the tip of her nose. A snowflake. First one, then another. And another. Th= ey continued until they were falling steadily. It was snowing in Sunnydale, California. "Well=85this is new." "You ain't seen nothing yet." =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (8/?) Date: 03 Dec 1998 04:28:10 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: ~Shadows~ DISTRIBUTION: Oh GOD please distrubute it! If it just lives on my hard drive, then it's a waste. And totally ask permission first, though. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com That address is always were you must send feedback. PLEASE, feedback. I need that more than I need distribution! (: DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Cross my heart and hope to die if the words I speak are indeed a lie. Yet, I am typing, so do the same rules apply . . . ? Insta-poem. Twilight - Chapter 7 "Who will save your soul?" -Who Will Save Your Soul?, Jewel The hooded figure walked rapidly down the empty halls of the high school. Classes were session, and the figure, hidden underneath the baggy, long- sleeved green sweatshirt, used this time to make his way to the library. Nobody would be in the halls. He wasn't counting on Snyder to be patrolling the halls for slackers. "Hey-you!" The sniveling voice of the school principal rang loud down the corridor. The figure halted suddenly, and then slapped himself on the head, muttering under his breath. The figure waited patiently until the troll-er, principal-caught up with him. Snyder approached the figure slowly, and then spun on his heel so that he was in front of him. He couldn't se the face, because the hood was pulled almost shut over the figure's face. "The Student Code of Conduct," Snyder started, smiling his little evil grin, "clearly states that the Dress Code does not allow head coverings of any kind, and hoods of sweatshirts are included. And I bet you know that I do not give warnings-I give punishments. Does detention sound good to you?" The hooded head slowly nodded in acknowledge. "Now take it off," Snyder sneered, quite happy at having bagged another slacker. The figure hung it's head, and then one sleeve-covered arm slowly peeled off the hood, exposing the pale face of Xander Harris. His eyes squinted at the sunlight coming in from the large window only a few paces away, and he held his hand over his face to shield himself, but was still able to see Commandante Snyder standing there, grinning with his sharp, little teeth. Troll. "Well, Mr. Harris. Why am I not surprised? And where were you headed to?" "The library, Principal Snyder." "Oh * really *. And why was that?" " * Because * ." Xander said, struggling to keep his anger at bay. Who knew what could trigger his game face? " The first time I do my homework, I leave it in the library. How's that for luck?" "Homework for what?" Oh no, what class was he suppose to be in right now? "Science," he answered. "Mr. Brodie. We were suppose to do-" "I don't care," Snyder said, cutting him off. "And I don't believe you either." Xander's eyebrows creased in worry. "But Principal-" "Quiet, Harris. I'm not afraid of cutting into you at all, now, that Mommy the Lawyer is gone. She's dead, and now I have free reign to make you start doing good in this school. Believe me, I waited for so long-" "Don't," Xander said calmly. "Don't you * ever * talk about my mother that way." Snyder's eyes narrowed into slits. "Don't you ever talk to * me * that way. That bi-" With fluid reflexes that were still strange and new to him, Xander grabbed Snyder by the throat and pinned him up against a row of lockers, several feet off the floor. Snyder immediately started kicking and trying to peel Xander's hands of his throat, which were as cold and as unmoving as stone. "Help!!!" Snyder shrieked. "If you * ever * speak about my mother like that I * swear * I'll do permanent damage do your shrunken little limbs," Xander growled, on the verge of completely vamping out. "And I'm not bluffing. You have * no * idea who you are messing with." Snyder just looked at him shocked. Since his face was turning a purplish red, he choked out "I promise. Just let me go! Let me go!" "Let him go, Xander!" Xander whipped his head around to see Willow and Buffy standing there in the hall, just in front of the library doors. They were looking at him with shocked expressions, and immediately Xander felt guilty and ashamed. He turned back to Snyder and felt a little less murderous. "Down?" he asked his captive. Snyder nodded quickly, and Xander let go of him, watching him fall hard on his butt and wince at the pain in his neck. Then Xander pulled the hood over his head and stomped off to the library, hurrying through the patch of sunlight, and pushing past Buffy and Willow, practically running inside. Snyder was left on the floor, rubbing his neck and staring up at the Slayer and the Hacker. They exchanged odd looks and then hurried off to their own destinations as quickly as possible. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Xander was headed as fast as possible towards Giles' office, but he couldn't escape Buff & Will. "The hell was that?" an angry voice demanded from behind. Xander turned around, to see an angry Buffy and a frightened Willow, who were both crossing their arms. He sighed, and then asked, "What was what?" "Xander, you were * hurting * him out there!" Willow declared. "He was turning red? How do you explain yourself?" "I have nothing to ex*plain*," Xander said, idignant. "I was only hurting him for a little while, until apologizing for being glad that my mother was * dead * . It's not like I was going to 8 kill * him or anything." "How do we know that?" Buffy interjected hotly. "Xander, who knows what's going on with you? I mean, I didn't know if you were going to hurt him or not out there! You were lucky I didn't suddenly rush you and stake you in the heart! You've got to control yourself!" "You don't have to so * why * do I!" Xander yelled back at her, realizing how juvenile and kindergarten-ish he sounded. "Shut up at leave me alone!" "Stop bringing up the past and * stop acting five * !" Buffy spat back. "We're dealing with serious stuff here!" "I know," Xander growled. "Why the hell do you think that I'm already here? I don't even know when I'll turn into *what*ever. I'm here to make sure that I don't go psycho and really kill Snyder, and you're hear giving me crap because of some little choking incident. I * want * to control myself. I can't * help * that I might slip!" He glared angrily at Buffy until she lowered her eyes in understanding. "Sorry," she murmured. "I was just worried for a moment . . . that I might actually have to do that then and there." "Don't worry," Xander said matter-of-factly. "You'll get to do it soon enough." Buffy was just about to retort when Giles came out of his office, apparently after hearing the exchange. "Stop fighting like children," he reprimanded harshly. "I will not allow that." Obviously, he was peeved for some reason unknown that lately had seemed to be bugging him. He held a piece of paper that was tightly clenched in his hand. He glared at the teens in HIS library and then stomped off to the counter to angrily stamp "Sunnydale High Library" into some books. Buffy went off to console Giles, which left Willow and Xander standing there, the redhead's fear dissipated. Then Xander stormed off into the office, slamming the door loudly behind him. The loud clinking of metal was heard. * I better go help him with those chains * , Willow though, heading towards the office door. * And maybe I can keep him company * . ------------------------- Xander knelt by the far wall of the office, trying in vain to chain himself up. It was an impossible task-sure, you could handcuff yourself, but after that it was like you were trying to do the Wave in a straightjacket. And the worst part was that Xander had already handcuffed himself, and he didn't have the key. Dammit. "Dammit," Xander proclaimed aloud to the room and he tugged on his handcuffed hands again, just making the desk move more to the right and making the cool, click metal dig deep into his wrists. A little more than upset, he tugged once more again, and cried out in pain as the metal finally cut into his skin. "Let me help you with that." Xander looked over his shoulder to see Willow just closing the office door behind her. Xander sighed and shrugged. "Ok," he said, stepping as far back as he could while Willow examined what he had got himself into. "You're bleeding," she noticed as she unlocked him. Xander nodded. "Who cares." Willow was silent. Once he was unlocked, she sat him down and starting to methodically chain him to the wall, doing it exactly as Oz & Giles had shown her. Xander was staring off into the distance as she went about her work. "You know," Xander spoke up quietly, "I can do that thing." Willow kept a straight face, but was smiling inside from the fact that Xander was talking to her. "What thing?" she asked curiously. "That . . . ugly thing. With my face." He swallowed when he saw Willow's slightly creeped-out look. "Sorry. Shouldn't have mentioned it . . . don't know why I did." "It's ok," Willow said, turning the key in the lock. Now Xander most definitely could not move, and his vampire form would have a hell've a hard time trying to break free. She stepped back and instead of leaving, sat down cross-legged before him. "C-can I see?" Xander's head shot up sharply, and he looked at her like she was insane. " * Why? * " Willow shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. But can I?" Xander sighed. He ducked his head down, and when he looked back up he wore his vampire face. His yellow eyes were empty and read of shame and embarrassment. Then he looked away, face still vamped out. "I'm a monster." Willow's eyes teared up, and then she hugged Xander tightly. "Oh god Xander, you're not a monster. You're my best friend, you'll always be, and I * know * that this is going to turn out alright. Ok, Xander? Agree?" When she pulled away, Xander's face was back to normal, but his eyes still expressed those dark feelings. "Whatever you say, Will," he agreed without convinction. "But . . . I would like to be alone now. Until night. And then you can-" Xander checked himself before he blurted out "kill"-"check up on me." Willow looked at her friend and then bent over to kiss him on the forehead. "Whatever * you * say." She stood up and walked to the door. As she pulled open the doorknob, she looked back one more time. "I'll be right out there, ok?" Xander nodded, and then Willow left. And he was alone. End of Chapter 8. Nine on teh way as quick as I can. ~Shadows~ _/\_ ~(*^*)~ "It looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny." --Xander, re: Giles, Surprise (If everyone else can have fav quotes, me too!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (oops again, darn it) Date: 03 Dec 1998 04:33:50 EST OK, the chapter that i sent was really seven, yadda yadda yadda, sorry. eh, but who's reading it anyway? (: ~Shadows~ _/\_ (*^*) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: Nothing Date: 04 Dec 1998 15:54:32 -0500 Title: Nothing Author: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Spoilers: Band Candy Summary: Giles and Joyce try to deal with what happened while under the influence of the candy. Disclaimer: Joss owns all the Buffy characters and most (if not all) of the events mentioned in the following fic. "It was nothing," Joyce Summers mumbled into her pillow. "Nothing at all," she repeated in order to convince herself of just how unimportant the event that kept on running through her mind was. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as the image she had been trying to banish for the past week sprung from her stubborn memory once again. Her breath caught in her throat and Joyce nearly groaned in despair. Rupert Giles. Ripper. His hands swiping through his hair... snagging a cigarette from behind one ear... leaping out from the jagged remains of the window he had broken with the coat in his arms... laying her against the hood of the car... his mouth on hers... Her eyes snapped open, a her cheeks flushed at the memory of exactly _what_ her teenage self had done with the man that night. She growled and pounded at her pillow in frustration. Once she stopped her assault, the pillow was thoroughly flattened, but her emotions were in as much turmoil as they had been moments before. This time, Joyce did groan and dropped back down onto her pillow. She fidgeted beneath her sheets and stared up at the darkened ceiling of her bedroom. Her eyes peered into the darkness, as if the solution to her problem was hidden away behind the shadows. 'Hey, it's the Hellmouth, after all. You never know...' As hard as she looked, no answers emerged from the darkness in order to make itself known to her. Rather, her study of them allowed Rupert Giles to sneak back into the forefront of her mind. His hair was delightfully tousled, and he stared down at her, a cocky grin plastered on his face. His eyes shifted away from hers behind his glasses, flustered, his lips pinched in embarrassment. A bare arm emerged from under the covers to flop over Joyce's eyes. The other toyed with the edge of her sheet, her agitation clearly visible through her fingers ceaseless plucking of the material. 'What have I gotten myself into?' Joyce wondered, shocked at her actions that night and her subsequent preoccupation with said actions. She was acting more like a flustered teenager with a crush than a mature woman capable of dealing with a little... what? Sex induced by magiked band candy? The part that made it so damned awkward was that Joyce didn't know what to feel. There was mortification at her brazen actions that night, 'on a police car, for goodness sake!', and then, there was another part that secretly delighted in the emotions that she had experienced. Nor did she know what to think about Giles. She didn't love him, she barely even knew the man. She did respect him, though... she had even begun to think of him as a friend during the months that Buffy had been gone. What would their little adventure do to their relationship? He had obviously been uneasy around her the day they had met outside the school. Yet they would have to deal with each other quite a bit, as both of them had a claim in Buffy's life. 'He's probably used to this by now,' Joyce thought, envisioning Giles comfortably asleep, without the slightest tinge of confusion regarding the nature of their relationship, past, current, and future. Joyce rolled onto her side and blearily gazed into the face of her alarm clock. The glowing red numbers informed her that she still had a while to go before morning. '1:00' she thought with a sigh, burrowing her face back into her pillow. *** From his position on the couch, Giles could barely make out the clock hanging from his kitchen wall. He squinted at it, silently urging the dancing little numbers to stay still long enough for him to make out what they were. '1:00,' he noted the time with dismay. "And yet another night kept awake by the specter of Joyce Summers," Giles slurred, holding his glass out in a mock toast. His head lolled back against the back of the couch and his eyes drifted shut. This was never how he had planned to move on after Jenny, 'if I had ever even considered doing so...' -- not because of one of Ethan's tricks, and not with a woman who had barely known who she was, much less what she was doing. "What a great bloody fool you are," Giles growled to himself in disgust. He had let himself be tricked, let Ripper have free reign, made a fool of himself, and sunk into sleepless nights and guilt. The fact that he had enjoyed it somehow made his actions all the worse. Giving into 'Ripper' again had been exhilarating, frighteningly so. And Joyce... 'Yes, what about Joyce? What must she think of you now?' When they had met at the school the day following their misadventure, he had clearly seen the embarrassment on her face. That had the potential to be awkward in their future dealings... encounters which they could not possibly avoid one another while they both were a part of Buffy's life. He shuddered to consider what Joyce must think of his qualifications as Buffy's Watcher after his shameless display of violence and all around delinquency. He shook his head and groaned. 'At least I can be thankful that Buffy doesn't know exactly what her mother and I did...' Giles thought, flushing slightly at _that_ particular memory. 'On a police car, of all places!' Deep inside his mind, from his carefully guarded prison, Ripper snickered. 'That was certainly one to remember, wasn't it, old boy?' the impudent little voice whispered tauntingly. The remnants of who he had been had become much more insistent since his defenses had been weakened by that blasted candy. 'You should abandon that tweed uniform more often. Live a little. Hell, you could even invite Joyce along for the ride!' "Shut up," Giles muttered sourly, blindly reaching out for his glass and lifting it to his lips. Giles drained his glass, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand before pouring more of the amber liquid into the glass. 'It was nothing. Absolutely nothing.' 'Now if only I could believe that...' ~End~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 04 Dec 1998 18:48:28 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: Oh, pretty please? DISCLAIMER: I know that if I break 'em, I buy 'em. But for now they aren't mine. You just wait, though. I don't handle merchandise well . . . NOTE: I've given up trying to figure out whch chapter I'm on. So sorry. Right now they're just given as "next chapter" adn eventually "last chapter" because for some reason, I can't count them right, adn I don't want to mess you up more than I've already had. But if you look REALLY hard, the story does make sense. So, uh, here ya go. Twilight - Next Chapter "I heard the truth about you." -Why I Don't Believe In God, Everclear The worried, hushed voices outside the office were to low for Xander to make out words, but the noise itself irritated Xander as he sat on the ground, pinned uncomfortably against the wall, and bound by chains and metal bric-a- brac. It seemed like he had been here forever, but he knew that he had been here only for a few hours. And some internal clock of his was * sure * that it would soon be sunset. And the dull fear in his stomach was now erupting into something much larger. Xander had tried falling asleep, but he only got quick five-minute naps because his body kept forcing him awake. He was afraid to just think, because sooner or later he'll start talking to himself and that would be driving himself insane. So Xander was spending most of his time just staring at the white-washed walls with his mind completely blank. It was like any regular school day-except after dark, he wouldn't be trying to fight vampires, he'd * be * one. It was incredibly boring in here. Xander had often wondered, in a slightly morbid way, what would be his last thoughts before he died. Now that he was having them, he realized that they were very dull. But the strangest thing was that right now, he didn't' really care if he died. He wouldn't want to live as a vampire, and going through this quick torture of turning into one was enough to send him over the suicidal brink. A memory of Willow and he when they were seven floated through his mind. It was funny, but you had to be there to be in the moment. Xander and Willow had been watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and then out of nowhere Willow started humming that dreidel song. The two of them had found it hilarious, and afterwards they always hummed it during the Christmas showing, just for the fun of it, even when they were sixteen & seventeen. Sigh. Memories. Xander leaned his head back on the cool surface of the wall, closing his eyes and sighing loudly. They must've heard it outside, because suddenly the voices and the shuffling were stopped. Then, after awhile, they continued again, and Xander laughed. "I'm so sick and tired of being alive," he told the room. "I want it all to go away." "Don't ever wish that," said a sad voice behind him. Startled, Xander practically jumped out of his skin, and then tried in vain to twist himself sideways so that he could see his roommate. Although it was irritating, he could finally twist his head far enough so that he could make out a face. In a second, red-hot anger flowed through his veins and his face vamped out. He struggled with all his might against his chains, racking against the wall, and he let out a bellow of a roar. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the sound of the roar, Willow jumped out of her chair. She, Buffy, and Giles exchanged nervous glances, and then all three turned to look out the window. At least a half hour until sunset. There was still time . . . to decide. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- The chains that bound him most certainly bound him, and no matter how many times he was trying to break free it just wasn't happening. So finally, he lay slumped there in defeat, glaring with yellow, hate-filled eyes at the person who stood a ways from him . . . Angel. "Come near me and I * swear * I'll break free," Xander growled, still working the chains, although he wasn't too exuberant anymore. He was breathing heavily, more out of habit than of actual need. If anything, the shackles and handcuffs seemed much more tighter pressed against his skin. Meanwhile, Angel was still standing there, with a strange sadness in his face, along with the feeling of repulsiveness. He peered at Xander, as if to examine him closely, and as he walked nearer Xander watched his every move with wary demon eyes. Finally, Angel knelt before Xander, examine every crook of his vamped-out face. Xander could only sit there, unable to do anything but growl ferociously. Then Angel spoke: "What did he * do * to you?" he asked, his voice laced with hidden pain. Xander looked at him in surprise. ". . . the hell . . .?" "How could I have done this?" Angel continued, his face twisted with inner angst. He looked pitiful-probably as much as Xander did at that moment. "How could I have done this to Buffy?" Xander was going to blurt out a "Do you remember * who * you are?" to the creepy form of the vampire that stood before him, but the mention of Buffy once again angered him. "How could you do this to * BUFFY * ?" he screamed at the vampire. "Dammit, will you people notice who's the real victim here?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Buffy was busy twiddling her thumbs, Willow was busying herself with trying to figure out what her totem animal was, and Giles was being Giles. Buffy, though, was the only one listening to this conversation Xander was apparently having with himself. He's going insane, Buffy told her head. Sometimes I think I am too. You are, retorted the voice. More and more you keep coming to me. Get a stuffed animal or a shrink. I've got better things to do with my time. Then the voice clicked itself off again. Buffy's grip on the edge of the table tightened considerably, while her grip on reality slid back down the rope a little. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Angel stepped back as though Xander's words were a physical prescense, pushing him backwards. Then he blinked at Xander, and then said, "You don't get it." "No * duh * , Dead Boy," Xander said hotly. "One minute your toying with the idea of making me a demon and the next you * apologize * for it? No crap I don't get it. Would you?" Angel did some more of his mournful blinking-stare things and then turned to Giles' desk, which had been cleared in case Vampire Xander felt the need to throw things at the Slayer. Angel looked at it, stared at the glassy wood, and then rested his hand on it. Well, that's what he looked like he meant to do. What really happened was the act of his hand going straight through I, and acquiring a sort of ghostly glow. Xander sucked in his breath, and then withdrew it sharply. "What was that?" he asked, suddenly afraid. Angel the poltergeist? Too weird. But wait. Why would Angel be ghost-like? He was still alive: very much so, and making more of his kind. Yet, here was a spirit talking to him- "Whatever you are, you better get the hell out of here before I figure out a way out of these chains. 'Cause I'll kill you-" "I'm not here for you to hate me," Angel said. "I'm here so that you can give Buffy a message." Xander snarled. "I'm not going to her anything from * you * ," he sneered. "I'd rather die." "You are," Angel said sadly. "I can't believe that I did this to you." "What the hell * are * you?" Angel paused. He traced dust on the table with his fingers, not stirring it at all. When he finally looked up at Xander, his face seemed to have paled. "I'm the soul. The good, of Angelus." "My life is not * too * complicated," Xander muttered. "You're * what * ?" "I can't explain this all to you now, Xander. I only have some time to appear to you. Even though you have vampire psychic powers, you don't have the amount that makes me able to stay longer. Ah . . ." he trailed off. "Willow isn't trained enough to receive that kind of communication either." " * Willow * ?" Xander exploded. He tried to stand up, but those chains pulled him down before he ever stood. " * What * is she not trained for?" Angel's eyes grew wider. "I-I'm not the one to tell the information. It's not my place . . ." he acquired a pained expression. "I only have something for Buffy." Thousand of possibilities were flashing through Xander's mind, but the forming thoughts were slowly slipping away from him, like pouring water. Then the thoughts were gone altogether, and Xander was left with only the faint impression of Willow's image in his mind-not at all unusual. "What message do I have to give her?" Xander grunted. "That is, if I still have my * soul * ." Angel didn't bat an eyelash. "I want you to tell her that I said to kill me." He swallowed. "Kill me already. I can't stand to see me doing all this torture you her-to you-to everyone. And it hurts to know that I'm feeling great about it all." "I've been telling her that for what-forever?" Xander said. "What'll make her listen now? Like she'll really believe me. She doesn't listen to anything that I say. Otherwise you would've been dust so very long ago." Angel nodded. "I know. This is a slim chance, but she might listen . . . you never know what can happen. She just might see that you aren't lying, and-" Angel cut off mid-sentence as his image started to flicker. "I can't stay long," he rushed. "I have to go back. Xander, promise me you'll tell her. Please . . ." Xander looked the vampire-soul coldly in the eye, keeping his mouth firmly shut. "You can count on me to say it," he said icily, "and you can count on me to do it myself if I have to." The image faded and flickered away without another word. The silence once again settled around him, and the voices outside increased in volume. They ran together, like a stream, and Xander's thoughts flowed with them. He was so tired, so confused, and above all, so bitter . . . And then the pain came. End of this chapter.Next one right after it's (badly)edited. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 05 Dec 1998 19:34:11 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows E-MAIL: Titanic437@aol.com DISTRIBUTION: Oh please please pretty please? With blood on top? E-mail me for permission! DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, Kuzui productions, and all teh other lucky folks. Twilight - Next Chapter "I don't know him anymore." -Torn, Natalie Imbruglia Buffy and Willow were discussing one of the passages from the rest of Reginald's journal when the thundering scream of pain came bursting out of the room. Willow dropped the journal and covered here ears. Buffy did the same. There was a swear from the bookshelves and Giles came running out, a frightened expression on his face. Then the scream ended as abruptly as it had started. There was no sound whatsoever, and everyone in the room exchanged nervous glances. Willow looked downright scared. "Oh god, it's Xander," she whispered. "What's he going through . . .?" Another scream came, one much more louder and sounded vaguely like he was yelling "Help!". It ended in gurgling sounds and then there was only the sound of metal scraping against metal. Willow looked nervously at Buffy. "Maybe we should-" she started. "No." Giles had sat down hard next to her, and was staring at the room a though he were in a daze: as they all were. "We can't go in there. It doesn't sound safe. Something hit the wall-they didn't know what-hit the door and it bent under the weight. They all held their breaths, but the door stood firm. The object kept bouncing around the room though, thumping against the emptiness. What * is * going on there?, Buffy asked herself, The voice provided no comment. ----------------------- A twisted growl escaped from somewhere deep inside Xander as he was once again tossed at one of the walls like a rag doll. His body convulsed terribly as he hit the floor hard, and the metal that still hung on to his handcuffed hands reared up and slapped him in the face. He roared in pain as another jolt of seeming-electricity shot through his body. It was really the demon trying to claim its new territory, and it was extremely pissed off that it was taking more time than usual. The world spun once more, and Xander's handcuffs finally burst as his hands were brought to his aching head. Visions from another place entered his shaking mind-of a place dark and red with fire, Hell. Of places cold and dark and without color and feeling, limbo. Horrible things that this demon had done flashed through his mine, and he moaned loudly for all that he saw. And within seconds, he was airborne again, as the demon tried to burrow his way into Xander's body and kick his soul out for good. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- As the sounds of struggle subsided to a low growl and the occasional howl, Buffy eyed her Watcher. He, in turn, looked at his watch, and noticed that it was about time sunset would be over. He looked at the watch and nodded. It was twilight indeed. The growl was fading, and then there was only the sound of clacking metal. Willow's nails were digging into her skin, and Buffy had long ago broken the arms of the chair that she was sitting in. Now Giles nodded at her and gave her to go ahead. With a nervous glance at Willow, Buffy rose and walked to the office. The door opened easily, and Buffy gasped as she entered. The desk was overturned and sitting clear across the room, in a corner. The chains were in molten metal chunks scattered all over the room, and there were dents and scuffs in the wall and in the door. Xander was no where in sight. Yeah right. Buffy had been sneaked up by seemingly invisible vampires before. She turned around in a circle, and then decided that Xander must be behind the desk. Why he was hiding, she had no idea. Slowly, she climbed up on the desk and looked over. Xander was there, turned away from her and curled up, shivering, in the fetal position. His clothes were slightly ripped and torn, and he was stuck up against the walls, remnants of the handcuffs still around his wrists. "Xander?" Buffy asked. Upon hearing the sound of her voice, Xander froze. Slowly he began to uncurl himself, and still facing away, he stood up. Once all straightened up, he said in a flat and emotionless voice, "Please leave." Buffy paused. Should she go? What should she say? This was very awkward. So she didn't do anything at all. She just stood there, spinning the stake in her hand, and wondering if Xander was suddenly going to turn around and eat her for dinner-or breakfast. "Did you here what I said?" Xander's voice was very soft, almost so that she couldn't hear it. He turned his head to the side, so that she could she his outline, but then he turned back to facing the wall. "Please leave. I'll . . . be out there soon." Buffy turned around on her heel without saying at word. What * would * she say? Anything and everything would come out stupid. Buffy realized that conversation would be very hard to deal with Xander from now, unless they were arguing. That would always be easy. Willow and Giles were anxiously searching her face as she exited, and with reading her look as "confused," they were equally so. "So I assume that Xander has not been taken over by the demon?" Giles asked, straight to the point. "No, he . . . wants to be alone," Buffy said, walking up to them. They all huddled around each other in front of the mirror. "He said he'd be out there soon. I . . . don't want to rush him." "You shouldn't," Giles agreed. "None of this should be taken lightly in the least. "What he must be going through . . ." Willow trailed off. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ Since all three of them were standing in front of the mirror, it was a joke that Xander had to sneak out of the library. Instead, he just casually walked by, his footfalls making not a sound, his reflection not appearing. They were utterly oblivious to his escape. They didn't even hear the swinging doors shut behind him as he left the library with only one thought on his mind. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- "It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Willow asked. Oz had appeared a few minutes earlier, and now the four of them were sitting in the library, waiting for Xander to come out. He still hadn't, and now they were getting worried-and Buffy suspicious. Willow gave Buffy a nervous glance, and Buffy turned towards Giles as to ask, * What do I do * ? Oz just looked back and forth between all of them. "Maybe you should check on him," Oz offered. "See if he needs help or anything with, uh, something. I don't know. Whatever's keeping him locked up in there." Giles agreed. "We should check up on him. We don't know exactly if Xander is well or not. Remember what happened with Jacob and Seth-" "Well, than why didn't he attack Buffy?" Willow asked, in defense of her friends Even if Xander was a demon, she would never come to terms with it. It wasn't Xander. And it was * not * his fault. "I'm going to check on him," Buffy said, putting her hands down on the table and rising out of the chair. "Wish me luck." She walked over to the office and entered. Immediately she reappeared, her face pale. "What is it?" Willow demanded, her stomach suddenly cold and empty with fear. "He's not there," Buffy informed them. "He . . . left." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- The factory had burned down, so for now Angelus, Drusilla, and Spike were homeless. In a sense. They were currently residing in an old and disgusting abandoned warehouse next door to the smoldering remains, until they found someplace new that they liked. And considering Dru's picky taste, they might be here for awhile, because neither Spike nor Angelus wanted to upset their unstable psychic vampire. "Angel . . ." Drusilla walked up behind him from where he sat in the chair. With her two index fingers, she traced an invisible pattern on his shoulders. "The stars are whispering sweet secrets again," she told him in his ear. Then she giggled and snapped her teeth, pulling far back so that Angel couldn't turn around and catch her in a kiss. She laughed and danced far away from Angel to the other side of the room, with Spike. Spike, who had been watching the little scene from his wheelchair, glared at Dru as she sat comfortably in his lap. "The stars speak of such things the moon would never tell," she announced to both her lovers. "The moon knows nothing. It's all in the stars. Thoughts . . ." She trailed off, staring dreamily at absolutely nothing on this plane. Her long black hair fell down her knobby, bare shoulders, and her large black eyes were glassy and glazed. "Do you want to know what the stars had to say about everything?" she whispered to the ceiling. "Do tell, Dru," Angel said, turning around in her chair. Drusilla looked back at him and then let out a throaty laugh. "To do, with you, angel, but not you only," Dru laughed. She leaned close to Spike as though to kiss him, but instead she whispered in a low voice. "The oak'll win in the end. As it should be." "Speak up, Dru dear," Angel said. "I didn't quite catch it." "The oak." Drusilla repeated again. She leaped off of Spike's lap and walked around the room, idly wringing her hands. "It wins, we lose, but we can always tell from the lie. Can we?" She directed this question more to herself than anyone else. "Sometimes we can't. But we are very clever, vampires we are. Agree? Yes, I do too. Rather . . ." She let her sentence hang there, and then fell to the floor, managing to land gracefully somehow. She looked down and smoothed her red-and-black dress. "Where is Miss Lizbette? She must retire for the night. It is awfully cold for my dolly . . ." Angel sighed and went back to his evil-little brooding thing he had going on. Concocting a plan to screw with Buffy's mind even more, he was bothered by Drusilla's outbursts, especially when they meant absolutely nothing. And this time, her visions seemed like gibberish. Hence, he ignored her. Spike sighed and rolled his wheelchair further into the shadows. Drusilla, no matter how recovered she seemed, still had her little, subtle bouts of lunacy. When she got this way, it was best to ignore her or and it was definitely not good to humor her. It only encouraged her. "Someone is coming to visit," Drusilla announced again. "We are to have company. Look your best and impress your father, Dru!" Oh great, Spike thought. As much as he loved her, when she went into her first-personage, it got fast real quick. Let's just hope that she doesn't start reenacting her twelfth birthday. It's a killer. Makes me wish I was dead-again. Suddenly there was the sound of thumping footsteps behind him, and Spike twisted his neck around. Not too far, in the shadows, was the still form of that human creep, Xander. "What the hell is he doing here?" Spike asked, getting both Angel and Dru's attention. They looked at the boy, Angel with a slightly confused face, and Drusilla with a happy smile. Spike was upset. "I ask again, * what * in the bloody hell is he doing here?" Angel was about to explain when Xander emerged out of the shadows, at the same time morphing his face into it's evil visage. He grinned widely, exposing his fangs. "Figure it out for yourself, Spike," he told the vampire, practically leering. Spike was shocked, Angel was figuring out what was to become of this, and Dru was rising from where she was on the floor, hands clasped tightly in joy. "Oh goodie," she said, walked towards him as though she were floating on air. "A new playmate." End of this chapter. almost done with the next! (: < beg > feeback wanted! < / beg > ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 06 Dec 1998 03:28:34 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows (Titanic437@aol.com) DISTRIBUTION: Must I BEG? 'Cause I will. (: DISCLAIMER: this'll be teh last time I say this. THEY AREN'T MINE, SO DON'T EVEN THINK IT. Buffy teh Vampire Slayer in all shapes and forms belong to Joss Whedon, teh WB, Kuzui Productions, yadda yadda yadda. Don't sue me, no money. Twilight - Next Chapter "Yes, I do believe there is a violent thing inside of me." -White Men In Black Suits, Everclear Giles had been telling her as far back since the first time that he met her to use her special Slayer senses. Buffy had always disregarded that aspect of training-the physical Slaying abilities worked pretty well, and her regular human senses got along just fine in the job of Vampire Slaying. But now, as she was stalking Xander, those senses stirred deep within her and she just * knew * were they were headed. At first Buffy had thought Spike, Dru, and Angel were awfully stupid to actually put up their new little hangout right next to the one Giles had burned down not-so-long-ago. But as she mulled over it, she realized that it was rather ingenious in a way. Certainly she would never think to look for them in that sagging place of a structure, especially since it was right next to the remains of the factory wreckage. It just seemed very unlikely. So of course they would trudge on over here and set up camp. Buffy was so awed that her sensing powers were working that she ran as fast as she could to the warehouse where she felt the vampire sense the strongest. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Drusilla spun around several times before coming up behind Xander. She took a long nail and traced it slowly up his side, until it was resting just above his neck. She leaned in, and just brushed her lips alongside his ear. "Ooh, this will be fun," she giggled. "Well, I wasn't sure if it would wok, but I guess it did," Angel said with a devilish smile, standing up from his chair. Spike stuck his legs out in Angel's path, but the vampire simply stepped casually over it. Spike glared at him as Angel went up to Xander. Xander didn't budge as Angel slapped him heartily on the back. He just grinned and watched as Drusilla danced away from the two and into Spike's wheelchair-bound lap. "There will be short times to do many a thing," she told the inhabitants of the warehouse. Angel turned to Xander, still firmly holding onto his shoulder. "So, how's it feel to be evil?" he asked. "Couldn't be better," Xander growled. He morphed back into his human face and let his eyes roam across the large room they were standing in. "You've got quite a place here," he commented dryly. "It'll do for now," Angel said, letting his eyes roam also. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his tight pants. "For now." " * So * ," Spike said in one loud breath, starting to roll towards them. Angel narrowed his eyes, but Xander studied the handicapped demon with curiosity. "I suppose he's on of * us * now?" He jerked his fingers towards Research Boy. "Yup," Xander answered. He wiggled his eyebrows. "Ready for the competition, Spike?" Angel laughed aloud as Spike narrowed his eyes. "I like your new self already," he told the newest member of the Fang Gang. "And I can bet you're gonna like it around here." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Buffy was crouched behind several rusted pieces of the decaying catwalk, high above anyone's view. Her fingers wrapped even tighter around the metal sidings as she watched Xander, who was palling around with a Angel, fawned over by Drusilla, and getting evil looks cast by Spike. He was acting just like he had been around the trio forever, and they were readily accepting him. Buffy's eyes teared up. Giles, Willow, and Oz were still in the library, armed with stakes, crosses, and holy water, in case Xander cared to pay a visit. Oz had been comforting Willow when Buffy had closed the back door behind her, but she suspected that the hacker would realize by now that Xander had already died. This demon was not him. Buffy also realized that it was the same case-in-point for Angel. This new demon in his body was Angelus, not the man she had fallen in love with. But she could not realize that-and perhaps Willow would never realize who Xander was. She reached into her coat pocket and grabbed one of her stakes. She planned to jump off the catwalk, knock Xander down, and possibly get him * and * Angel in one strike. Maybe even add Drusilla in, if at all possible. Spike didn't seem like much of a threat at the moment. But plans don't always go as planned. Someone came up from behind and punched her in the head. Dazed, she turned around in time to deflect another blow that would have certainly taken her out. The vampire who was attacking her obviously had brawns but no brain, and she was easily dodging his strong hits, without disturbing the catwalk in the least and without a sound from Clumsy. Meanwhile . . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Angel was making some cracks at Spike's condition for Xander and Dru's amusement. Spike was glaring at he world, and Xander didn't blame him. Angel was acting pretty harsh. But god was it hilarious. "" Angel said, laughing uproariously. He turned to Xander. "True, don't you think?" Xander nodded. "" "Hey!" Spike said. " * You * better not make fun of me, you wanker. Just who do you think you are?" "Aw, let him have some fun, Spike," Angel said, patting Xander on the shoulder. "He's one of us, now." Suddenly there was the faintest of all sounds up on the catwalk. All four vampires shot their heads up. "It's * her * ," Dru moaned, putting a fluttering hand up to her head. "She has intentions on destruction . . . again!" "So she * does * ," Angel said, smirking. He put a fatherly hand on Xander's shoulder. "How do you feel about fighting * her * ?" he asked, looking up at the catwalk and watching the oblivious slayer. Xander eyed Angel's hand on his shoulder. Slowly, his face vamped out. He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a thin stake that fit easily in his hand. "I'd feel fine," he said, right before he moved to plunge in into Angelus' heart. Suddenly Angel whirled around and grabbed Xander's hand, thrusting it over his head. His vampire smile was almost as disgusting as the fleshy ridges sitting on his forehead. "Sometimes," he told Xander, "even a vampire can't trick a vampire." Xander's eyes widened as Angel kicked him hard in the shin, causing him to bend over in pain. Still holding his arm, Angel kicked him in the face, and then used his arm to propel him across the room. Xander howled in pain as he slid to a halt in front of Spike's wheelchair. "Ooh, goody!" Drusilla said happily, clapping her hands together and watching with large eyes as Angel came and picked Xander up off the floor, throwing him back by the catwalk. Spike sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Xander landed hard on the ground, and the pain that reverberated through him cause him to come out in full vamp-mode. The strength and anger of the demon that only 1/3 inhabited him came out with it's strength and rage, and most of all, it's power to heal itself very quickly. As Angelus came up from behind, Xander jumped to his feet and met his foe with a staggering punch to the chest. Angel was taken aback, but he retaliated with his own demon powers. He punched Xander in the face, bruising the flesh with his hard knuckles. Xander didn't move, and instead knocked Angel to the ground, getting on top of him and pummeling him with his fists. After several good knocks Angel got on top, and the younger, weaker vampire grunted with anger as he tried to get the upper-hand. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ This vampire was coming on pretty strong. Buffy had to dodge all his well- aimed advances, and she couldn't even understand him because he was grunting in German or something. She had dropped her stake awhile back somewhere she had forgotten, and whenever she tried to reach into her coat for more, the vampire would throw her of completely and she'd end up doing the fisticuffs routine. This vampire was intent on bagging a Slayer. Buffy grunted-quietly-as she finally grabbed one thick arm. She twisted it and watched the vampire fall hard on his back. She had enough time to pull out a stake and plunge it into his heart, and Clumsy was dust before he could even utter a sound of surprise or pain. "You were a good fight," she consoled the setting dust. Then she stepped on it, as to mark her territory. The one thing a slayer should always check is if her shoes are tied, because if they are untied, wackiness can ensue. Such as tripping over them, losing your balance, leaning on a guardrail for support-the guardrail then breaks, causing you to fall about two floors down onto the warehouse floor where four vampires are engrossed in a fight. Which, of course, is exactly what happened to Buffy. Buffy landed cat-like on all fours, not a hair on her head disheveled or one nail broken. She quickly stood up, and even before she had time to absorb her surroundings, she was knocked back down again. Buffy fell on her shoulder, and loudly exclaimed her pain. Angel and Xander, who were still engrossed in the fight, were completely unaware of her. Since the two brawling vampires were almost on top of her, she truly didn't care why there were fighting. All she noticed was that Angel and Xander had broken up for the moment, and Xander was the closest vampire next to her. She quickly grabbed yet another stake and rolled over onto her side until she was right next to him. Rolling up on top, she plunged her stake home. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Xander had finally managed to toss Angel off of him. At first, Xander had tried choking him, but quickly realized that vampires didn't breath. Then he concentrated on beating him to a bloody pulp, which had finally made the vampire roll off of him. Now, as he was just about to rise up, he was knocked down again. In a blur, Buffy was on top of him. Dammit, she had found him. He was hoping that they wouldn't come into the office and discover his disappearance before he had annihilated Angel. Now, it seemed, that the Scooby Gang minus a member had indeed, and they had sent the Slayer. Everything was going wrong. Xander opened his mouth to tell Buffy everything was fine when he saw her pull out the stake. Immediately he tried to sit up and get out of the way, but Buffy was steadfast. She pushed him back to the ground and plunged her stake into his flesh. As Xander felt the wood go through him, he looked up into Buffy's sad eyes. His own were cluttered wth anger, pain, and disbelief. She hadn't, she hadn't, she hadn't . . . End of this chapter. look for next one! ~Shadows~ P.S. = All you fanficers out there, listen! While you are writing, burn a yellow candle anoited with heliotrope adn ask Apollo to guide you. It works, even if your aren't Pagan/Wiccan/A member of a magickal religion! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: btvs_rules@juno.com (Jessy Loves David) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love, vamps, and everything else (1/?) Date: 06 Dec 1998 16:15:14 +0000 TITLE: Love, vamps, and everything else. AUTHOR: Jessy Wood EMAIL: BtVS_RULES@Juno.com DISTRIBUTION: Please e-mail me first RATING: PG SPOILERS: none SUMMARY: Pretty much based on what happenes after "Anne", but different than the show DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all the characters FEEDBACK: Yes, please While Buffy is in another town because all that had happened, Angel comes back from hell. He feels a little disturbed, and a little frustrated. He has to go face Buffy and the Scooby gang. But, what he doesn't know is that Buffy is gone. He goes to the library to see if Buffy is there. ANGEL: Hello?? Anyone here? Buffy? Willow? Xander? Anyone? Giles and the rest of the scooby gang other than Buffy are behind the bookshelves. Giles comes out from behind them. GILES: Can I help you? ANGEL: Yeah, actually I'm looking for Buffy. Have you seen her? GILES: Why would you come here to look for Buffy? ANGEL: Where else would she be? I mean she's the Slayer and... Giles interrupts Angel. GILES: Who are you? Angel steps out of the shadows. Giles stops dead in his tracks. GILES: Angel? Is that you?? ANGEL: Yes, have you seen Buffy? GILES: No have you? ANGEL: No, I haven't seen her since... GILES: Since when? ANGEL: SInce she sent me to hell. GILES: What!!! The rest of the scooby gang came out from behind the bookcases.] WILLOW: Angel?? She what?? ANGEL: Sent me to hell, but now I'm back, and I need her... I love her. XANDER: Why should we believe you? We know your tricks. Your just going to kill her. GILES: Xander! ANGEL: He's right. XANDER: Yeah...What?? ANGEL: How would you know if I got my soul back or not. I could tell you, but you wouldn't believe me, Buffy could tell you, you'd believe her. BUFFY: You would wouldn't you? ANGEL: Buffy!!! Buffy and Angel have a long romantic hug. GILES: H-He does have a soul. XANDER: He is good. (says gloomily) WILLOW: Buffy!!!! Where have you been all this time? I've looked everywhere for you. BUFFY: I went somewhere, now I'm back. It doesn't matter anyway. I was expelled if you haven't heard yet. WILLOW: Does your mom know where you are? BUFFY: Oh my god, I haven't even talked to her yet. Why would she care, she kicked me out of the house 'cause I had to save the world from you.(looks at Angel) We won't have that again. I won't get that close to you again. I've learned my lesson. But, I still love you. I always will. There's no doubt about it. WILLOW: (looks at Oz) That's so sweet. ANGEL: Buffy, I'll always love you. I'll never leave you again. Scene changes to Joyce Talking on the phone with Giles. GILES: (talking to the scooby gang) Be quiet. BUFFY: (laughing and trying to whisper) Guys, we have to be quiet. JOYCE: Mr. Giles? What's going on? GILES: Oh, nothing. JOYCE: Have you heard anything about Buffy? GILES: You'd be surprised. JOYCE: What?? (click) Joyce hangs up. JOYCE: What was he talking about? Scene goes back to the library. GILES: Come on. We have to get to Buffys house. You see them leave the library. Then you see them going up Buffys walkway. BUFFY: Do you think she'll care that I'm back? I mean she kicked me out. WILLOW: I'm sure she will. XANDER: Yeah, she calls Giles every ten minutes or so. OZ: Yeah. Everyone looks at him. OZ: I had to say something. CORDELIA: God, I can never use the phone in the library. BUFFY: (sarcastically) Oh gosh, I feel your pain. They are standing in front of Buffys door. BUFFY: Here goes. (knocks on the door) Buffy and Angel hold hands right in front of the door holding hands. Joyce opens the door. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (1/?) Date: 06 Dec 1998 22:48:45 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. Torn Part One Xander Harris lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, absentmindedly throwing a ball up and down and catching it. Up, and down. Up, and down. Up, and down. The up and down rhythm of his actions was moving to the sound of a reverberating phrase in his head. Get away. From me. Get away. From me. Up and down. Get away. Up and down. From me. In frustration, Xander hurled the ball at a wall. It hit with a thud and fell to the floor, rolling away into the piles of dirty clothes on the floor. He sat up and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't get the words out of his head. "Get away from me," she'd said. That's all. Those four words, and then she'd turned away. He'd waited for a moment, giving her a chance to turn back around, to say she didn't really mean it. She hadn't. He'd left the room, pausing outside her door, listening. He heard her muffled sobs. He'd felt tears come to his own eyes, but he'd wiped them away hastily. He never cried. Xander Harris didn't cry. But he sure was good at moping. King of the Mopers. He had it down to an art form. Go up to his room. Close the door. Turn on the country music. Take the phone off the hook. Flop down on the bed. Dwell on the pathetic state of his life. Eat Twinkies till he felt he was gonna explode. However, there was one more part to his moping technique that he usually did that he couldn't do now. He usually called Willow and complained and whined and vented. And she'd try to help. Point out the good stuff in his life. Reminded him that he still had her for his best friend. But the thing she did best was listen. She was good at stuff like that. Never critical or judgmental. She just listened. Xander was glad she was his best friend. But was she still? Everything had changed. Xander didn't even know what the hell had happened. How it happened. Why it happened. But it did happen. And now look. He'd had a good thing going with Cordelia. He'd cared for her, he really did. Maybe even loved her. And Willow had Oz and things had seemed to be good between them. How did things ever get so complicated, so messed up? He hadn't meant to kiss Willow the night of the homecoming dance. He'd never intended to kiss Willow in his life. She was his best friend, his buddy, his pal, his comrade. But never his girlfriend. But then he'd seen her in that dress . . and all he could think was WOW! And Willow had seemed to think he looked pretty hot in his tux. Then Willow'd started worrying that she didn't know how to dance, so he'd offered to show her how. And they were so close together . . and she'd looked so gorgeous . . he couldn't help himself. He'd kissed her. And she kissed him back. And nothing else had ever felt so right in his life. For that moment, all was perfect in the world. Until the alarm bells had started going off in his head. Warning! Warning! Cordelia! Cordelia! He'd pulled away fast. Willow had the same look in her eyes he imagined he must have in his. Guilt, confusion. . . and desire. He wanted more. So did she. They'd almost kissed again. But they both remembered this time. He'd avoided being close to Willow after that kiss, afraid that if he got too close, he wouldn't be able to help himself again. And it had worked. Sort of. Things had gotten awkward sometimes. But they covered it okay. He was pretty sure Cordy had no clue. But then they were alone in the stacks. Willow had a headache. And something inside him made him lean forward and start massaging her temples, trying to alleviate the pain. He'd felt electric, as if touching Willow sent shocks all through his body. But Willow had said stop. And he managed to pull back, to ignore every nerve in his body that was screaming "Kiss her!". And then, in one of the biggest surprises of his life, she'd grabbed him and kissed him. But at that point he wasn't really caring who kissed who. All he wanted was Willow's lips on his own and to hold her tight. And then Giles had walked in, ruining the moment. They'd broken apart, he rubbed away the incriminating lipstick from his lips, and made a hasty retreat, jumping on the excuse that he had to go find Buffy. By this time Xander was going crazy. He couldn't deny it, or blame it on a clothes fluke anymore. He wanted Willow. He wanted to kiss her. When no one else was around, he flirted with her. And she seemed receptive. Was it possible she wanted him too? That it wasn't just out of control teenage hormones? The thought had first occurred to him then that maybe he should break up with Cordelia so he could be with Willow guilt-free. But Oz. It was too complicated. He'd been mad when he'd discovered Willow trying to do the love spell. At first he'd thought that she was doing it because she wanted to keep him away from her. But then he realized she was doing it because she wanted him too and she needed to stop herself from going after him. The thought made him happy, giddy even. And then Spike came in, and the next thing he'd known he was waking up in the abandoned factory with one hell of a bruise on his head. Willow had been the first thing he'd seen when he opened his eyes. She was leaning over him, looking concerned. His angel. And they'd given in again, ignoring the agreement that they were going to keep their hands off each other. He'd wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her on top of him. Their lips met again, and again. He wound his fingers around her red hair, keeping her face close to his own. And then Cordelia and Oz had walked in. And it was all downhill from there. And now he was sitting alone in his room, dumped by Cordelia. He realized something. He'd been dumped by Cordelia, yes. But he wasn't thinking about Cordelia, grieving over losing her. All he was thinking of was . . . Willow. He was supposed to be thinking about Cordelia. But he wasn't. . .instead . . Willow. Another thought occured to him. Cordelia had broken up with him. In all likelihood, Oz had probably also broken up with Willow. . . meaning both he and Willow were single. Free to date whomever they wanted . . His heart started pounding. He could be with Willow. Willow could be with him. He knew that was what he wanted. He couldn't believe he had been so oblivious all these years. He and Willow worked. They always had. They always would. They belonged together. When he kissed her, it felt right, felt perfect, as if their lips had been custom-made to fit together. Willow was what he wanted. He had to get her. He wasn't going to let her slip through his fingers a second time. ***** Willow Rosenberg reached for the phone, her hand hovering above the receiver. She pulled her hand away. She wanted so badly to call Oz, to talk to him, to hear him talk to her, for him to call her baby. She needed to apologize, to make things right. But she wasn't sure Oz wanted to see her, let alone talk to her. They hadn't spoken since Oz had gone for help when Cordelia had fallen. And "We have to get out of here" hadn't given her much insight into how he was feeling. But she had some idea. Willow felt so incredibly guilty. How could she have done this to him? She'd always prided herself on being a good person. Not the kind of person who would go behind her boyfriend's back and make out with her best guy friend whenever she could. Oh, why had she done it? Oh, you know why you did it, she told herself. It had been Xander. Xander, the guy she'd been in love with for the last twelve years. Twelve years she'd been wishing for the moment he'd finally open his eyes and realize and kiss her. She'd gotten her wish. And all she wanted to do was take it back. Oh, why had it had to happen now? Why not just six months earlier? Before Oz. Before Cordelia. Before everything? It would have been perfect then. But now it was just a huge mess. She cared so much about Oz. Maybe even loved him. She'd thought she'd been over Xander, but the instant their lips had met all the old feelings had come rushing back. It was obvious they'd still been lurking beneath the surface, simply hidden, pushed aside. Xander's lips had unleashed them all. She wanted him. Always had. Always would. But oh, Oz. Oz who was so sweet. Oz who adored her. Oz who gave her animal crackers and witch Pez dispensers. Oz who was just . . Oz. What was she gonna do? Willow'd never thought it was possible to love two men at the same time. But now she was discovering it was possible. Very possible. She wanted both of them. She wanted all of the good things about Xander and all of the good things about Oz rolled up into one package. But she knew that wouldn't happen. She was gonna have to choose. But you might not even get to do that, Willow acknowledged to herself. Oz had every right to dump her, never speak to her again. But she didn't know what he was gonna do. It was the waiting that was driving her crazy. But she was torn at the same time. Did she really want to have Oz back? In the back of her mind lurked the possibility that Xander Harris could actually be her boyfriend if they were both single again. But she was refusing to allow it to come to the foremost of her thoughts. She was so confused. Animal crackers or Twinkies? Werewolf or King of Cretins? She felt like she was being offered two different ice cream flavors, both of them equally delicious, but she could only taste one of them. The phone rang. Willow jumped. She reached for the receiver, hoping it was Oz. And half hoping it was Xander. She picked up the phone midway through the third ring. "Hello?" she asked softly. "Hey, baby." Oz. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "I'm so glad you called," she told him. "I wasn't going to. But then I thought, I should. We need to talk," Oz said. "We do. We definitely do." "Can I come over? I can be there in 10 minutes," Oz asked. "Yeah," Willow said. "That would be . . good." "All right," Oz said softly. "I'll see you then." There was a moment of silence. Willow could still hear Oz breathing on the other end of the line. "Oz?" Willow asked hestitantly. It sounded like Oz had something to tell her. And it sounded like it wasn't good. Oz let out a deep breath. "I miss you, Willow." Willow melted. "I miss you too," she managed to choke out. She imagined Oz giving a tiny smile on the other end. "I'm on my way," he said. He hung up. Willow replaced the receiver in the cradle. She sat for a moment on her bed, exhilarated. She had a chance! Oz wasn't going to shove her away. The doorbell rang. Willow started in surprise. There was no way Oz could have gotten over there so fast. She left her room and padded down the stairs in her stocking feet. She looked out the window and let out a small gasp at the sight she saw on the front stoop. She opened the door slowly. "Hey, Wills." Xander was at her front door. And Oz was on his way over. Nothing good could come from this. End Part One ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (2/?) Date: 07 Dec 1998 22:17:45 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. I got so much positive feedback on this story I tried to get part two out as fast as I could! Thanks to all of you who wrote! Nothing like kind words to give this writer a happy :) Hopefully I can write more tonight. Torn Part Two Willow hastily reached out and grabbed Xander by the sleeve, yanking him inside the room. She hastily looked around outside for any sign of Oz's distinctive zebra-striped van, and much to her relief, found none. She shut the door behind her and turned to face Xander. Xander stood before her, hands deep in his pants pockets, a sheepish grin on his face. "Xander, what are you doing here?" Willow asked. "I, ah, wanted to talk to you," Xander said. "We have inventions called the telephone now," Willow reminded him. "You could have called." "Yeah, I could have, but I guess I should have said I wanted to see you," Xander said, taking off his jacket and draping it over the bannister of the stairs. He walked into the living room and paced the room nervously. Willow followed him in. Xander reached up and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Oh god," he said. "I don't know where to start." "How about at the beginning?" Willow suggested, sitting down on the sofa. Xander stopped pacing and turned to look at Willow. He took the few steps across the room quickly and dropped onto the sofa beside her. "Willow . . " he started. He reconsidered his words. "Wills," he said, using his nickname for her. That didn't sound right either. "Willster . . " Oh, no, that definitely didn't sound right. Xander looked over at Willow. She was watching him carefully, and unable to keep a smile off her face. Xander was encouraged. He reached over and took both of her small hands in his own large ones. "You know what? I have no idea how to say this," Xander finally said. He looked at Willow. Right into her bright, sparkling green eyes. He noticed the way her red hair shone auburn in the light, and how her smile made her eyes light up. She had the most gorgeous green eyes. They were casting a spell on him. All thoughts of conversation went out of his head. He leaned forward and brought his lips to Willow's. It was a short, gentle, sweet kiss. The most innocent of kisses. Xander pulled away, looking for some sign in Willow's reaction that he hadn't just crossed a line. ***** "Xander," Willow said softly, her eyes never leaving his brown ones. Deep brown eyes. Eyes she always thought she could get lost in if only given the chance. His kiss had sent shivers up and down her spine. She wanted another. She craved another. Maybe Xander was really who she wanted to be with. Maybe . . Another voice was shouting "You're not supposed to! You're not supposed to!" in her mind. But oh, she didn't want to listen to that voice. She wanted to listen to the voice that told her to kiss Xander, forget Oz. Oz! The thought of his name shocked Willow back into her senses. She sat up straight, pulling away from Xander, trying to ignore the hurt look in his eyes. "Xander, you have to go," she told him. "I mean, I want you to stay, but you have to go." "Why do I have to go if you want me to stay?" Xander asked. "Which one is it, Will?" "I'm going to take a guess and say she wants you to go because I'm coming over," a third voice said from behind them. Willow spun around. Oz stood at the entrance to the living room. He'd apparently let himself in. Oh god. How much did he see? ***** Oz still stood in the living room entrance. It was a strange scene before him. Willow. His Willow. And Xander. On the couch. Rather close together. But he hadn't seen anything incriminating. She wouldn't have kissed him again, would she? Not after the phone call earlier. He looked over at Xander, meeting his eyes. His stomach tied itself into a tight knot at what was in Xander's eyes. Oz could read them. Xander's eyes were narrowed, challenging. Clearly letting him know that he had competition. Oz didn't like competition. Plus the fact his worst fear was coming true. He'd always known Willow had a thing for Xander. He'd even called her on it early in the dating phase. He'd accepted it. It was part of Willow. Who she was. And he hadn't worried, cause Xander had no interest in Willow. But now, at the look in Xander's eyes, Oz could tell Xander had suddenly found that interest. A lot of interest. This was not good. ***** Xander stood up from the couch, eyeing Oz carefully. Oz was looking back at him with the same steady gaze. Xander could read Oz's eyes. Oz was not going to let Willow go without a fight. Through the wordless communication, it was as if the two boys reached a mutual understanding. They were competitors now. Each knew what the other wanted. And each knew the other fully intended to get it. And neither one of them was going to let Willow go. Thoughts were running through Xander's head at whirlwind pace. Okay, Oz was here. So obviously Willow and Oz had *not* broken up, or they were going to try to work things out. A complication. He hadn't counted on complications. He didn't like complications. He was going to take a stand and say they were not good. But he could deal with complications. They just took a little more time. He knew he had to tread carefully. One wrong move and he could push Willow right back into Oz's arms. And Xander certainly did not intend to let Willow go into anybody's arms but his own. ***** Oh god. Willow looked back and forth from Oz to Xander. Watching the two boys glare at each other, she felt decidedly like some prize in a macho contest. She was not going to stand for being a prize. She was a person. A person with feelings and right now the way she was feeling was not good. Okay, time to deal with things. Willow cleared her throat. "Okay," she started. The boys broke their staring duel and turned their attention toward her. "Xander, I want you to go home." Oz shot a victorious look in Xander's direction. "But I'm going to call you or come over later, okay?" she finished. Xander shot a smug look back at Oz. Xander walked across the living room, and as he passed by Willow, he leaned close and whispered in her ear. "I'll talk to you later." His warm breath on her skin made her feel all tingly. She swallowed. Ignore the tingly. Xander picked his jacket up off the bannister and left, closing the door softly behind him. Willow turned to face Oz who was standing just inside the living room. She couldn't quite read the expression on his face. It's Oz, Willow reminded herself. Not Mr. Emotion Guy in the first place. She could do this. "Hi," Willow said. "Hi," Oz replied. She looked at him. He looked at her. Now what? End Part Two ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Dalton Spence Subject: BUFFYFIC: Letters Home (1/1) (fwd) by Melina Date: 08 Dec 1998 00:30:15 -0500 (EST) I am forwarding this for the author at her request, so please send any feedback to her at the email address below. You can find this fanfic and more at her site at . * * * * * C U T H E R E * * * * * Disclaimer: This is a Highlander/Buffy/Sentinel crossover. These characters are owned by Davis/Panzer, Mutant Enemy, Pet Fly and their respective corporate partners. This is just for fun and not for profit. Rating: PG-13 for a little harmless innuendo. Notes: What follows is unrelentingly silly, and may be a good example of Why Writers Should Not Be Allowed to Hang Out Together at Cons -- Eng and Rachael are the co-conspirators who encouraged me. Then again, we had far too much fun and I'd kill anyone who tried to keep us from hanging out together. This isn't intended to offend the Clan Denial, Tribe Denial, or whatever the group who insist Angel's hunky dory call themselves (well...maybe it's intended to tweak the CD just a little...) Shameless troll for feedback: Readers' thoughts and comments are highly desired -- even if you are reading this long after it was originally posted, I'd still like to hear what you think. Comments to melinaclrk@geocities.com. _________________________________________________________________ Letters Home by Melina Clark Dear Joe, I know it's been a while since you've heard from me. I'm sure you have half the Watchers in the western world out looking for me, and I apologize for that. I needed some time on my own to try to come to terms with everything that's happened. I'm at an old Buddhist monastery here in Malaysia. The peace and serenity that I've found here have helped me to realize that I was used as a weapon to kill Richie. I've been studying and training, and I'm almost ready to come back and face the battle ahead. I'm sure that you feel betrayed by my disappearance, and I don't blame you, but I need your help. I hope that you can find it within yourself to forgive me and help me face what must come. I'll look for you once I'm back in Paris. If you see Amanda, give her my love. And if you see Adam, tell him I'm sorry for asking him to do what I did that night. It wasn't fair. Duncan P.S. You may not recognize me; I've lost some weight and cut my hair. P.P.S. Remind me to tell you about the interesting people I met here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Giles, I know it's been way too long since you've heard from me. I'm sorry about that--I never wanted to disappoint you. But I needed to get away from Sunnydale--sending Angel to hell was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I just couldn't face it there. I'm at an old monastery in Malaysia. I've learned some cool chants and met some interesting people here. One of them's a guy who has a Watcher too, though his Watcher's not supposed to help him or anything. Kinda weird, huh? He's had a worse year than I've had--at least I didn't cut Angel's head off or anything. That would be kinda gross. Besides killing his best friend, Duncan has some serious repression issues when it comes to this other friend of his. Speaking of repression reminds me of this other guy here--well, that's a whole 'nother Oprah, and I'll tell you about it when I get home. Do me a favor though--if I'm ever as repressed as he is, just go ahead and kill me, 'kay? I'll be home soon. Tell Willow and Xander and Oz I said hi (okay, tell Cordie too) and check on my mom for me. TTFN Buffy P.S. You may not recognize me 'cuz I got a haircut. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Simon, Sorry it's been so long since I've been in touch. I just couldn't stay in Cascade after Blair died--I had to get away. I thought about going back to Peru, but somehow I ended up in this monastery in Malaysia. The clean air and simple life have helped to put things in perspective. I've met some interesting people here, too. They both have people called Watchers...sort of like a Guide but not really, I guess. I may be responsible for Blair's death, but at least I didn't chop off his head or send him to hell or anything. It's amazing how other people's problems can make yours a little easier to deal with, ya know? I think I'm ready to come home. I hope my job is still waiting for me, it's all I've got left. Jim P.S. You may not recognize me--I shaved my head. ~~ the end ~~ (I warned you it was silly!) Posted September 9, 1998 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (3/?) Date: 08 Dec 1998 14:02:45 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. I was a bad girl and wrote this when I should have been studying for my bio exam. Here you go, the product of my moment of distraction :) Torn Part Three Willow and Oz continued to just look at each other, unsure of what to say, what to do. Their comfort levels with each other had been shattered when Oz caught Willow in Xander's arms. Oz wanted nothing more but to step forward and take Willow into his arms and just hold her for eternity, to tell Willow he still loved her, that he was just hurt and confused and didnt know what to do and that he could forgive her, in time. Something Buffy had told him a few days ago was repeating in his head. Buffy had come to talk to him, to tell him how much Willow was hurting and how badly she wanted to talk to him again. And Buffy had told him something Giles once told her. "Forgiveness is an act of compassion. It isn't done because the other person deserves it. It's done because the other person needs it." Oz knew Willow wanted him to forgive her. And he wanted to forgive her. But he couldn't just forget what he'd seen. Nothing had hurt so much as the sight of the girl he loved and thought he was gonna love forever doing the smoochie thing with another guy. And that's what held him back. He could forgive but he didn't think he could forget. He needed time. But now he didn't feel like he had time, not with Xander making it obvious he was after Willow. It was act now, or lose her forever. ***** Willow watched Oz watch her. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she should just say she was sorry, or if she should try to explain, or if she should say something else entirely. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. She didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to lose him. Agh! Willow thought in her mind. She was so confused! She didn't want to lose Oz. And she didn't want to let go of Xander. But she couldn't think about that now. She wanted to make things right with Oz, or start to make them right anyway. She forced herself to say something. "Um, do you wanna go to my room? Cause, you know, my parents are in the kitchen, and I'm sure you want to talk . . alone." Her voice caught on the word alone. Before when she said 'alone' to Oz it was because they wanted privacy to engage in some serious smoochies. Alone now suddenly had a whole other meaning. "Yeah, that would work," Oz said. Willow turned and started towards the staircase. Oz followed behind her. A few minutes later, they were alone in Willow's room. Willow sat in the overstuffed armchair. Oz stood before the fish tank, watching Willow's new tropical fish swim lazily through the water. Willow and Oz had bought the fish together, to replace the ones Angelus killed. Willow had named one of the fish Oz. Willow watched Oz the person watch Oz the fish. They were both quiet for a few minutes. "You know, Oz-fish looks a little lonely," Oz said, his back still turned. "He does?" Willow said, perplexed. "Yeah. He looks like he needs a friend. Or a girlfriend," Oz said. "He's got this thing going, where he wants to be with someone, but he's not sure what to do to have that. And he wants to be sure that the fish he hooks up with wants to be with him too." "Well, I know there's someone who wants to be with Oz . . the fish, I mean," Willow said. "And she'll probably do whatever she has to do to have the Oz- fish want to be with her again." Oz turned away from the fish to face Willow. "I don't know what to feel," Oz said. "Because I want to be with you. But I only want to be with you if you want to be with me." "I do want to be with you, Oz," Willow said. "God, I am so sorry!" Tears welled up in her eyes again. Oz crossed the room and bent down, making himself on eye level with Willow. He reached out and tenderly wiped the tears away. "Don't cry," he said. "But I feel so bad," Willow choked out in between sobs. "I can't believe I did this to you. I am scum. I'm not even scum! I'm the scum that feeds off of scum!" Oz smiled. "Well, I still like scum. I like it a lot actually." ***** Oz looked at a teary Willow before him. He hesitated a little bit, and then pulled her out of the chair and into his arms, hugging her close. Willow was tense at first, but then relaxed into his arms. It felt good, having her in his arms again. He could almost forget the pain, forget the hurt. Just hug her. Almost. Almost forget. He had Willow in his arms again, but he couldn't focus on that. All he kept seeing was Willow in Xander's arms. He silently cursed Xander for not remaining oblivious. Willow's fingers kneaded tiny circles in his back. She wasn't just holding him anymore, she was clutching him. Hanging on for dear life it almost seemed. Oz tightened his embrace, trying to silently convey to Willow that he wasn't going anywhere. Slowly, Willow's sobs subsided to a sniffle. He kissed the top of her head, relishing the smell of her shampoo. Willow pulled back a few inches, and regarded him with a certain intensity Oz didn't know what to make of. It was as if she was analyzing him, taking in every detail of his face and committing it to memory. Her finger traced his jawline, brushed across his lips. At that moment all of the doubt and fear and hurt and confusion went out of Oz's head. All he wanted was to kiss her. So he did. The kiss was hesitant at first, both unsure. Oz turned up the intensity, trying to convey through their lips how much he loved her. It grew deeper, sweeter, more passionate. Willow was kissing him as hungrily as he was kissing her. God, he'd missed her. They pulled apart slowly, both breathing hard. Oz dropped a kiss on the top of her nose. "We can work this out, we can get past it," he said. "I love you." "I love you too," Willow responded, eyes shining. He kissed her again. ***** Willow brought her lips to meet Oz's happily, reveling in the sound of the words he'd said to her for the first time tonight. He loves me. He still wants to be with me. She'd be the biggest fool in the world to throw it away for . . Xander. Xander. Oh damn him. She knew she should choose Oz. She wanted to choose Oz. Any girl with an ounce of sense in her body would choose Oz! So why was some little part of her heart still screaming "Xander!"? A wave of guilt washed over Willow. Here she was kissing Oz, and she was thinking about Xander? She kissed Oz harder, trying to drive away any thoughts of that other guy. Forget him. But her heart wouldn't let her. End Part Three ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Date: 08 Dec 1998 17:35:39 -0500 (EST) Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. Crossovers are great, and expected, but general vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't use Buffy characters belong somewhere else. 2. 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If you have any questions about these rules, please contact either one of us offlist. If you have subscription problems or questions, the fastest way to get help is to e-mail one of us at the addresses below, at the kirby@xmission.com addy which is the "official" e-mail owner of the list. Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: How to (un)s*bscribe Date: 08 Dec 1998 17:40:45 -0500 (EST) Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe from the list or to change s*bscription options. IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST: You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest. Send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put uns*bscribe buffy Then, send a second message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put s*bscribe buffy-digest You'll go through the same approval process that you got when you subbed to the regular Buffy list. If you're s*bscribed to the digest version, and want to change to regular mail, do the opposite-- unsub from buffy-digest, and resub to buffy. THE BUFFY FICTION LIST To s*bscribe to the Buffy Fiction list, follow the same procedures as listed above-- just substitute buffyfic or buffyfic-digest for buffy or buffy-digest. TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message put uns*bscribe buffy (or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: NightHunter Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twas The Night Before Christmas Date: 08 Dec 1998 18:01:40 -0500 Just something silly I thought of. The Night Before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Sunnydale Not a creature was stirring, not even a Vamp; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Giles soon would be there; Willow & Xander were nestled all snug in their bed, While visions of Smootchies danced in their heads; And Buffy in her 'negligee, and I in my briefs, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from her arms to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like the flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Giles. More rapid than wolfs his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, ANGELUS! now, DRUCILLA! now, CORDELIA and OZ! On, SYNDER! on LUKE! on, DARLA and TRICK! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of weapons, and St. Giles too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Giles came with a bound. He was dressed all in tweed, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "HAPPY BUFFY TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Winter Wonderland, (1/1) by Andrea Date: 08 Dec 1998 19:43:31 PST Title: Winter Wonderland Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com summary: B/A fluff. A snowstorm falls on Sunnydale. disclaimers: Not mine. If they were the curse would work a little differently, and love _would_ conquer all. spoilers: Well, it takes place later in season three so anything up to now is fair game. Warning: If you’re allergic to sap I would stop here. I blame this story on hearing ‘Walking in a Winter Wonderland’ too many times while trying to write a happy B/A fic. Also, you’ll have to ignore the fact that they don’t get snow in Sunnydale. For: Christine, who wanted a happy B/A fic. Sorry, this was the best I could do. The night was colder than any Angel could ever remember Sunnydale experiencing. He walked quickly through the trees, the frostbitten ground crunching under his feet. Stepping out into the graveyard he stopped, his eyes lighting on the blonde-haired Slayer perched on top of a gravestone, her hat pulled down tightly on her head. She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, her eyes searching the night for any sign of danger. He moved forward, stepping into her line of sight, his hands hanging loosely at his sides. Keeping his head down he walked toward her slowly, giving her time to disappear if she wanted to. "It's freezing." Buffy said, her breath visible in the cold January air. She jumped down from the gravestone, her hands depositing her stakes into her pockets as she stared warily at him. Angel was silent for a moment, drinking in the sight of her, memorizing every detail of her face. A self-conscious grimace crossed his face as her expression became impatient. Turning his head slightly away from her he forced the words he had come to say through his unwilling lips. "I'm leaving." "Oh." Buffy breathed, her shoulders sinking as she stared at him, her expression rapidly changing, anger, relief and pain flashing across her face. She nodded slowly, her voice resigned as she questioned him. "When?" "Soon." Angel replied his voice low as he tried to hide his pain from her. "Tonight." Buffy nodded again, her eyes burning into him, the unshed tears making her eyes shine. They stood silently staring at each other, as the wind died down and soft white flakes began to fall from the sky. The flakes clung to their hair and clothes, covering the ground in a white blanket. Breaking eye contact Buffy looked up into the sky, a deep sigh escaping her as she turned her hand upwards, catching the flakes in her hand. She smiled suddenly, her eyes meeting Angel's once again. Her shoulders relaxed as she pulled off her glove and held her hand out to him. He stared down in confusion at the offered hand, before lifting his eyes to her. Laughing softly she took his hand and pulled him towards the entrance to the graveyard. He followed her uneasily until they were outside the graveyard, pulling her to a stop, his face perplexed. "What are you doing?" Her smile wavered, then disappeared, replaced by pain. Her eyes were wide as she spoke to him, her tone wistful. "It's snowing. It doesn’t snow in Sunnydale." "And?" Angel gently asked, his mind racing as he tried to think of a demon associated with snowfall. Unable to think of one, he shrugged his shoulders, waiting for her to elaborate. "And." Buffy repeated her tone defiant as she stared at him with sad eyes. "You were going to leave, but now it's snowing, so you can't." She smiled weakly, her eyes begging him to go along with her. "It's like magic. We get this one night." Angel opened his mouth to argue, to tell her that a little snow wouldn't stop him from leaving, but the almost child-like look of hope on her face stopped him. Reaching out he slowly brushed the snow off her coat, smiling slightly as new flakes landed as soon as the old ones were gone. Buffy said nothing, her breath barely audible as she waited to hear his answer. The decision came easily as he smiled at her, his pain hidden from view. He had centuries to mourn his loss, forever to atone for his sins, but only this night to spend with the girl he loved. Feeling suddenly free, he bent down, quickly scooping the wet snow into his hand. Standing up he smiled innocently at her as his hand reached out, dropping the wet snow inside the collar of her jacket. She pulled away with a yelp, her expression changing from surprise to relief then finally to a happy grin as she hopped around trying to dislodge the snow from her jacket. "You." She sputtered laughter in her voice as she approached him. She moved with the Slayer's quickness, her hands full of snow as she advanced on him, reaching up to cover his face in snow. He caught her hands easily, holding then above her head gently. Staring down at her, he felt the love flare to life between them, it's presence almost visible in the air between them. He felt incapable of moving as her eyes softened and the love he felt for her was reciprocated in her eyes. His gaze drifted to her mouth, the slight parting of her lips as her breathing shallowed mesmerizing him. He watched the small puffs of white litter the air between them, the evidence of her life. His stomach rolled as he realized there were no answering clouds from him. His gaze faltered and he turned his head away from her, reminded once more of the monster he was. His eyes filled with shame and regret as he released her hands, letting his arms fall limply to his sides. Buffy's voice was soft as she spoke, "I know there is nothing that I can say to make this better for you. I can tell you that the demon was in control, and it wasn't your fault, but it won't change how you feel." Her voice was pleading as she reached out to cup his face with her hands, turning him to face her. "I'm not asking you to forget. I'm just asking for this night." Her eyes shone with love as she spoke to him. "We can spend it talking if you want. We can cry all night because we can never have the thing we want most. The only thing we can't do is change it." Her lips trembled slightly as a few stray tears fell down her cheek. "I want to hold your hand and walk in the park. I want you to push me on the swing. I want to sip hot chocolate by a fire. I want...I want to make this night everything we'll never have and then keep the memory forever." Angel felt his eyes filling with tears as he watched her struggle for control. He moved slowly towards her, his lips brushing against her cheek, her tears mixing with the snow in his lips. Pulling back to look into her eyes, he pushed all his pain and regret into a ball in the pit of his stomach, only love apparent on his face when he looked at her. A smile spread across his face as he arched his eyebrow, a mischievous glint appearing in his eyes a split second before his leg swung around hers and sent her tumbling onto the snow. She landed with a soft thud; her limbs sprawled on the ground. She looked shocked for a moment, before her leg flew out and wrapped around his, sending him awkwardly to the ground beside her. They grinned at each other before Angel flipped over, laying on his back beside her, staring up into the white sky. Buffy's voice was full of wonder as she spoke. "It's coming down so fast. There's almost enough for a snowman already." Angel laughed; his hand reaching out to hold hers as a memory of a childhood lived long ago beckoned to him. Scrambling to his feet, he pulled a reluctant Buffy behind him, ignoring her sputtering as he searched for the perfect piece of snow. Finding it he released her hand and flung himself backward into the snow. Buffy's smiled at his actions, her expression confused as he started waving his arms and legs through the snow. Climbing carefully to his feet, he turned back to look at his outline, laughter in his voice as he presented it to Buffy. "A snow angel." "A snow angel?" She whispered softly, studying the shape on the ground, her smile growing wide with delight. Moving to the clear snow beside the snow angel she dropped to the ground, laughing with abandonment as her arms and legs copied his movements. Angel's laughter echoed hers, as he pulled her to her feet and she turned and stared down at the two forms lying next to each other. Angel moved to stand behind her, his arms wrapping around her tightly. She leaned back into his chest, a satisfied smile on her face as she considered the angels. Buffy slipped away from him suddenly, running to the tree at the edge of the park. She was headed back before he could decide to go after her, a twig held triumphantly above her head. She walked back to the snow angels and carefully wrote their names in the snow underneath them. Dropping the stick she turned back to Angel, her face daring him to say anything to ruin the fantasy. Angel nodded slightly, his hand reaching out for hers and leading her away from their namesakes. They walked slowly down the sidewalk, alone except for the odd person that scurried past, desperate to be inside. Angel barely noticed them go by, unable to imagine ever wanting to be anywhere but exactly where he was. He felt like they had been transported into a world made just for them, just for this night. Slipping his arm around Buffy's shoulder he pulled her close to him, his lips kissing the top of her head as they walked. "It's cold." Buffy mumbled into his side, her teeth chattering. Angel's arm tightened around her, immediately chastising himself for keeping her out in this weather. "I'll take you home." "No." Buffy's voice rang out loudly, and she smiled nervously at him. "What about a movie?" She stared at him so hopefully that there was no way he could deny her. Nodding his assent they changed direction, heading towards the theater. Standing just inside the doors, they hesitated, looking at the list of movies playing. "Psycho?" Buffy questioned. "Please." Angel replied, trying to keep his voice light. "No crazed killers." "Right." Buffy agreed, her eyes scanning the sign. "Meet Joe Black?" "What's that about?" Angel inquired, his eyes searching for the movie poster. "It's about...well, never mind." Buffy muttered, shaking her head in disgust. "What about this one?" Angel tried to be helpful, pointing to the sign for Babe: pig in the city. "It's about a pig." Buffy told him, a half-smile forming on her face. "I like pigs." Angel offered, smiling at her hopefully. "Me too." Buffy replied, nodding her head in satisfaction as they walked towards the ticket counter. Buffy waited alone in the theater while Angel stood in line for the popcorn. She leaned her head back against the seat closing her eyes and sighing deeply. Angel stopped just inside the door to the theater; his eyes fixed on her. He could almost imagine, standing there with his arms full of popcorn and chocolate that they were like any other couple on a date. That this was something that they could do again and again instead of a one-night reprieve from fate. Shrugging off the melancholy that hovered above him he walked over to her, dropping the chocolate in her lap as he sat down beside her. Buffy turned to him, her eyes sad although she smiled. Struggling to keep her tone light she whispered to him. "We finally got a normal date." Angel smile back at her, his hands brushing her hair back from her forehead. He didn't answer her; there wasn't anything he could say that wouldn't bring reality crashing down in them. Instead he put his arm around her and she leaned her head onto his shoulder as the lights dimmed. Buffy was crying into his shoulder by the time the movie was over, her face shocked as they left the theater. "That was so depressing." She stated firmly. "The first one was light and cheery." "It had some funny parts." Angel offered, hoping to cheer her. "It was bleak." Buffy muttered dejectedly, tucking herself into the crook of his arm. Angel felt himself grinning as he looked down at her, squeezing her shoulder tightly as they headed back outside. Sunnydale was silent now; the roads piled high with snow. They walked down the middle of the street, their footprints the only marks on the snow covered ground. They didn't speak as they entered the park, Angel releasing her hand as he walked over to the swings and wiped one clean for her. She smiled self-consciously as she walked over to him, sitting gingerly down on the swing. Angel moved around behind her, pushing her slowly at first, then higher as she threw her head back, her laughter ringing out loudly. They stayed in the park for hours, sitting side by side on the swings, having snowball fights, and staring at each other, neither of them paying any attention to the reality that waited for them in the morning. "A snowman." Buffy stated her eyes bright as she looked at Angel. "We have to make a snowman." Angel shook his head fondly, his smile tender as he took in her chattering teeth. "How about some hot chocolate?" "Snowman first, then hot chocolate." Buffy compromised, blowing on her hands to warm them up. Angel nodded, knowing he couldn't budge her. He grabbed her hand as they walked out of the park; Buffy listing all the things they needed to buy to decorate the snowman. Angel barely listened to her words, content just to hear the excitement in her voice as she spoke. They found an all-night convenience store and tumbled inside, Buffy quickly collecting everything she wanted, as Angel found the hot chocolate. They headed towards the mansion without talking about it, their hands swinging jointly as they walked. Buffy broke free of him as they neared the mansion, her eyes scouting out the area. She set to work on the snowman with military precision, her eyes scanning the yard for the best position. They worked in silence for over an hour, the only words spoken by Buffy as she told him what to do. The snowman had three perfectly round portions by the time she stopped, her eyes staring critically at it. "Buffy, it's fine." Angel repeated himself for what felt like the hundredth time as Buffy moved towards the snowman, carefully fixing an imperfection only she could see. "Buffy." Angel pleaded with her, his eyes begging her to be finished. She pursed her lips silently, then sighed, her face relaxing as she turned to him with a sheepish grin. "Sorry. I got a little carried away." Angel grinned wryly at her, shaking his head as he held out a carrot. "He still needs a face." Buffy took the carrot from his outstretched hand, her eyes gleaming as she turned back towards the snowman. Angel looked at her face as she held the carrot up to different spots, trying to decide where to put it. Laughing fondly he slipped away from her, heading into the destroyed garden. His hands searched through the snow until he found two perfect black rocks. Moving quickly he headed back to Buffy, arriving just in time to see her place a red licorice smile on the snowman. He walked up behind her, his face solemn as he bowed slightly to the snowman. Holding the rocks in his palm, he held his hand out to Buffy, grinning at her exclamation of delight. Picking the stones from his hands she placed them on the snowman's face, laughing softly as she whispered. "He can see." "A masterpiece." Angel pronounced, pulling Buffy to him and hugging her. Feeling her shiver in his arms he released her, staring down at her, her face glowing in the moonlight. "Let's go inside." Buffy nodded her agreement, her shoulders slumping slightly. Angel smiled reassuringly, knowing that she was as unwilling as him to have the night end. Searching his mind for a way to make her laugh again, he grinned at her as an idea came to him. Turning slightly away from her, he spoke over his shoulder. "Piggyback?" She stared at him without speaking, the look on her face making him worry that reality had returned, but she finally grinned, letting out a wild yell as she flung herself onto his back. Her arms and legs holding him tightly, he headed into the mansion. Buffy giggling helplessly as they entered the living room, both of them totally forgetting every bad memory the place held for them. He dropped her unceremoniously on the couch, laughing at her look of outrage as he walked over to the fireplace and coaxed the embers still burning to life. Half-turning he saw Buffy shrugging out of her coat, her teeth chattering loudly. Grabbing a blanket he walked over to her, placing it around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head as he closed it around her. Buffy was quiet as he found a pot and filled it with water, placing it in the fire to warm. When the hot chocolate was ready he carried the steaming cup over to her. She took it from him gratefully her hands wrapping tightly around the cup. Moving over slightly she motioned for him to sit beside her. They sat silently, the crackling of the fire the only noise in the room. Buffy sat her hot chocolate on the floor and moved closer to Angel, pulling the blanket around to cover them both. Leaning her head on his shoulder she sighed in contentment. Angel pulled her closer, his face buried in her hair. "Angel." She whispered softly, her voice muffled into his shoulder. "Hmmm?" He murmured, kissing the top of her head. "It was perfect." She mumbled sleepily, nuzzling closer to him as her breathing slowed. His arms tightened around her as his eyes welled with tears. Holding her close as she drifted off to sleep he answered quietly, his voice seeming to echo through the room. "Yes. It was." ******* ~thus ends the sap. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight - Next Chapter Date: 09 Dec 1998 17:30:28 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com "I don't care where, as long as it's there" -Luisa DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. ::sniff:: NOTE: I saw "The Wish." My vampire's bleed. I'm as accurate as I want to be, darn it. Twilight (Next Chapter) She hadn't, she hadn't, she hadn't . . . . . . hit her mark. [I got 3 e-mails from people saying they didn't want Xander to die. I'M NOT DONE YET! Of course he's not going! (:] The stake stuck straight out of Xander, protruding from the right side of his chest, causing incredible pain all over. Xander growled, morphed, and shoved Buffy off without much care as to hurt her or not. Right now he wasn't thinking, and just blinded by the pain. Buffy, who had been "shoved" clear across the room, hopped back to her feet and saw Xander hobbling towards the exit, clutching the stake that was deeply submerged in his chest. *I missed, Buffy thought. Did I do it on purpose, or am I just losing it?* Next to her-way too close for comfort-Angel was already standing and chuckling softly. "You just keep making it easier and easier for me, don't you, Slayer?" he asked her, and then turned away from her, walking back towards his little dysfunctional family, Dru and Spike. Buffy stood there, mouth agape, wondering what had gone wrong. And then suddenly, like it sometimes happens, everything clicked. Obviously Xander had not been taken over by evil. He had to sneak out to kill Angel because he would never really get the chance, what with Willow fussing over him, Giles wanting to study him, and Buffy with the basic argument of her not wanting anyone to kill Angel. So he had sneaked out and planned to come back as soon as he killed Angel. Xander had tricked the vampires, pretended he was one of them, and then went it for the kill-which then failed. So while he and Angel were fighting, Buffy had fallen on in, and staked poor, innocent, good-intentioned Xander-in effect preventing him from giving Angel what he deserved. Angel, who had draped an arm around a coy Drusilla, turned back to look at Buffy. "What, are you still here?" he laughed. Then he turned back to the female vampire. "Leave, lover." Buffy's mind was racing a mile a minute, and her body stood helpless. Oh God, what would Xander think of her now? She had to get to him, and-oh God, he would go to the library, and he would be massacred! Buffy turned on her heel and ran out of the warehouse as fast as she could. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- They had it all planned out-they had made sure of that before Buffy had gone to find Xander. Willow and Oz were positioned at the door; Willow armed with a large cross, and Oz with two open vials of holy water. Giles was farther away, by the table, holding a crossbow that, if need be, could easily be aimed at the door in a matter of seconds. Also, all three of them had stakes, in case anything failed. Willow didn't want to kill him. It didn't matter if Xander had died and this new evil had taken over him. When he had shown her his vampire face, as monstrous and vicious and downright grotesque as it might have been, she still saw only her best friend since forever. Not a demon, not whatever Buffy claimed would wreck chaos and destruction right along with Angel. No, now Willow was on the other end of the spectrum. She knew where Buffy was coming from with the Angel/Angelus deal. Buffy kept saying to herself that Angel was still in there-and maybe he was. To Willow, Xander would always be in there. And if only she could find the spell of restoration . . . damn gypsies! If they had just staked Angelus on the spot for killing their favorite daughter, then none of this would have happened! Buffy could do her job without any such qualms and Xander would be sitting in the library, complaining about having to do more research, cracking bad jokes, and making out with Cordelia in the bookshelves! Instead, he was probably feeding on half the population of Sunnydale, for all she-they-knew. There was the sound of heavy footfalls in the hallway. Everyone's head shot up, and they exchanged nervous glances. It had to be Xander. Buffy wouldn't walk like that, and the school was deserted-not even Snyder wished to stay after 5:00 or so. Willow gulped. Could she do it? Could she thrust this cross into his face? Her shoulders began to shake, and before Oz could move to comfort her, she had stopped. She would kill him, if she had to. She wasn't afraid. It wasn't Xander. Xander had died, and the only way to avenge his death was to kill this monster which had overtaken him. Yes, she would kill this vampire, and the next, and the next, and the next . . . The doors to the library burst open, startling her out of reverie. Right in her face was the monstrous version of Xander, lurching towards her. Shocked, she let out a yip and shoved the cross right into his face. Xander growled and stepped back, running right into the counter. He stared viciously at Willow, eyes glowing wildly, and then noticed Oz ready to throw his water. Xander ducked out of the way before he was burnt and then popped madly back up again. "What the hell's wrong with you?" he screamed at them, not caring if they got scared or frightened in the process. He was enraged that tonight had gone totally down the hole. Nothing ever went right on the Hellmouth! Willow hesitated for a moment, loosing her grip on the cross, but it was out of her hands now. Giles, seeing that Xander was not backing off from Oz and Willow, lifted up the crossbow. Xander turned towards him and his eyes widened as Giles let the spring go. Xander made to duck and closed his eyes. God . . . The doors to the library burst open, and Buffy came running in at full speed. She stepped in front of Xander, reached out with her two hands, and caught the stake right before it was to go through Xander. She backed up close to him and let the stake fall. It clattered loudly, the only sound in the room. "I thought he was evil," Oz asked outright, waiting for Buffy to explain why she had rescued him. "He's not," Buffy explained, looking at everyone else for affirmation. Then she turned around and placed her hands on Xander's chest. "You're hurt." Xander had a deep wound in his chest that had gone in several inches. It would have been a perfectly straight hole if Xander had not pulled out the stake while he was running. Now the skin was gashed all over and the shirt was ripped and torn around the place where the stake had gone in. He had one bloody hand over the bleeding cut and was obviously in a great amount of pain. But he ignored it, and shook Buffy's hand off of him. He shoved her out of the way and stomped towards the stacks. "It'll heal," he growled, the slightest touch of annoyance mingled in his voice. Giles had placed the crossbow on the table and was staring oddly at it, trying to comprehend what was going on. Oz was completely and totally clueless, and although Willow was relieved, she was also confused. "What happened?" she whispered to Buffy. "I'll tell you what happened," Xander said as he reappeared, a heavy book slipping out of his left hand. He hurried down the stairs and stood right next to Giles, the book thumping as Xander threw it in front of him. "You guys would have never let me leave, what with my-" he made a whiny voice-"'condition,' so I had to sneak out. You people didn't respect my need for privacy and-" He flipped open the book, and with his strength, the cover was ripped off and went sailing across the room. Growling, Xander started to flip through the book with much less anger. "-you found me not there. So you all thought I was evil, sent Buffy after me. She got there, for SOME reason couldn't realize I was good, and staked me. So glad you're losing it, Buffy. You could've *killed* me." The pages were turning faster and faster, with Xander vehemently at the helm. "Xander, how could I * not * ?" Buffy asked, in defense of herself. "I got there and there you were, acting all chummy with Angel and Drusilla. Am I suppose to think that you still had your soul after that?" Xander shook his head, a sardonic smile coming to his lips and his fangs glittering in the fluorescent lighting. "No, but the fact that Angel and I were * fighting * might have given you a damn clue! Buffy, a few more minutes and all he would've been was dust, if you hadn't decided to barge in an' freakin' try to kill the wrong vampire!" Buffy opened her mouth to retort angrily when Xander let out a low moan and dug his nails into the area around his wound. Giles put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Xander, you should really-" "Don't TOUCH me!" Xander hissed, shaking free of his light grip. "Touch me and I'll KILL you! And don't think I won't!" He stood up straight and slammed the book shut, getting right into Giles' face. "It's still in there! The demon's still inside of me, and I can't fight it if you people keep PISSING ME OFF!" Giles stepped back several for safety, until Xander finally looked away and stomped off with the book to the bookcases. He angrily slid the book back into its place and started to search for another. The three mortals and the wereboy were quiet for a moment, exchanging glances. This behavior that Xander was portraying was quite unsettling indeed. Buffy felt partly, if not wholly, responsible, and she racked her mind for possible solutions. "Maybe he needs some, uh, ah . . ." Oz suggested under his breath. "You're right. He hasn't fed yet, and it's his first night and everything. The need should be stronger." Buffy crossed her arms. "I think I should go to the butcher shop and get him some." She gave Willow and look. "Are you ok? You look sick." "Well, yeah, you would be to if someone close to you was a . . . I'll shut up now." Willow sighed. "This is just weird. Xander's a vampire, he got * staked * , and now he's gonna drink blood and everything? And why won't he take that face off?" "Well," Oz put in, "maybe it's 'cause he's angry. And when he's angry, he can't take that face off. So-" "No, that's not the reason." Xander had sat down at he library table, staring at the pages of another carbon dated book before him and resting his head in the hand that was not clutched to his chest. "I like this face. I'm a vampire. So why should I take it off and pretend to be human? That would be stupid." Oz couldn't think of an answer, so Buffy turned back to Willow. "Do you want to go with me?" she asked. "Yeah," Willow said quietly. "I need some, uh, some fresh air." "I'll go too," Oz said, putting his arm around Willow. She smiled at this little gesture of love and held his hand tightly. Together, the three exited, and then there were two. Giles, who had back up considerably against the weapons cage, took off his glasses, wiped them clean, and settled them back on the bridge of his nose. Running a hand through his hair, he made to say something comforting to Xander. "Shut up," said the vampire as he turned the page with a vengeance. "Don't wanna hear it." End of this chapter. Next one . . . soon. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Wish Before [A Wish Fic] (1/1) Date: 09 Dec 1998 17:48:42 EST TITLE: The Wish Before AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com for permission. DISCLAIMER: I own Jeanine and Mark Craiven. Guess who owns teh rest? (J.W.) NOTE: This is a short ltitle fic that takes place during "The Wish." I thought it up about five seconds after watching teh show. I think it's kinda ok. SPOILERS: THE WISH Feedback: Is so very wanted and appreciate, bad or good. Oh PUH-LEASE?, some feedback? "The Wish Before" -- A Wish Fic At first glance, Jeanine Traylis had thought the new girl, Anya, was just another rich, snobby, stuck-up little thing like Harmony Hunter and the rest of those high-class twits. That was at first glance. At *second* glance, Jeanine stopped dead in her tracks. In no way had she ever thought she would cross paths with the Patron Diety of Scorned Women again, not after that little episode back in Friendship, Maine. Jeanine had ducked back into the girls bathroom and spent a good five minutes calming herself down and thinking about what she had just seen. Anya was here for either two reasons, and only one reason she liked--Anya was here to grant another scorned woman one of her wishes. But who was that woman? Certainly not her. Jeanine was has happy as could be. Months ago, in her home reality, a man named Mark Craiven had cornered her at the local club, Silver Fire, the place where all the popular students hung. He had totally freaked her out, saying that she was "the Slayer, the Chosen One, one girl in all the world who was born with the power and strength to defeat the vampires and stop the spread of their evil." After hearng that, Jeanine had walked out, dismissing the creepy Brit in tweed as a mental case, one that needed to be locked up pronto. But he followed her into the dark alley behind the club (it's included in all blueprints of clubs around America), and that's when she started to really get scared. Not because this Mark Craiven guy seemed to be stalking her, though. No, she was scared when monster with major need of a plastic surgeon and a really good dentist jumped out of the shadows and attacked her. Since she was a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do and she was cornered anyway, she fought back quite well, only realizing after awhile that her pathetic moves weren't keeping any of the vampires at bay. Then Mark had pulled out a wooden stick and thrust it into one of the vampires' heart. Right before Jeanine's eyes, it turned to dust. "Don't you see?" Mark had told her after the vampires had fled in fear. "Don't you see what needs to be done?" So of course, after that spectacle, Jeanine came to accept that she was indeed the Slayer. She had trained, she had fought, she had won, she had lost. And she was miserable all the time in doing it. No friends, almost no family, and no life. Jeanine was depressed, sad, and above all, scornful. She hated her life as she knew it. And then one day, Jeanine had locked herself in a school bathroom stall and started to cry. She heard a knock on her stall door, and when she opened it, she saw Anya. At first she was wary of her, but the girl had seemed to genuine about wanting to help her with what was bothering her. So Jeanine told he everything, every insane and wacky detail, expecting Anya to call the little men in white to come and pick her up. But no, Anya had confessed *her* big secret, and after Jeanine got after the initial shock ("diet of *what*?"), Anya had told her to make a wish. So Jeanine did, closing her eyes real tight and wishing that she had never been the Slayer, and that some other girl had the job. Only seconds later, Jeanine had been transported to nice, friendly, and safe Sunnydale, CA. She had friends, family, a boyfriend, a car, and overall, a life. She was happy in this dimension--no longer was she faced with her Slayer fate. She was living her dream--to be a normal, teenage girl, who talked all day about boys and clothes and the occasional homework. So the other reason was that Anya was here to take back Jeanine's wish, returning her back to her old life. And Jeanine would rather die then go back to that living hell. Well, if she was going to find out which one, she sure as heck wasn't going to find it in the bathroom. If lightning rarely struck in the same place twice, she doubted that the Patron Diety of Scorned Women was any different. So Jeanine pulled herself together and walked back out to her locker. Just her luck: only a few lockers down stood Anya, listening to a girl who's back was turned to Jeanine. Who was that mystery girl? Jeanine took a deep breath, and walked slowly past the girls, sticking close to the other side of the lockered hall. The mystery girl was Cordelia Chase, recent leftover of her relationship with Xander Harris, the Loser of the School if there ever was one (although Jeanine was not one to judge). She held great pity for Cordelia: her father, who worked at Sunnydale General, had given her surgery after she was impaled. "What was she doing in that factory, anyway?" her father had asked over the dinner table, after ruining the family meal by telling all the gruesome details of teh operation. Suddenly, it clicked it Jeanine's mind. Anya was here to grant a scorned Cordelia's wish. What a relief! A small smile tugged at the corners of Jeanine's lips as she continued down the hall, looking back only once to check out the girl and the deity once more. She was happy for Cordelia: although the break-up was hard, she hoped that Cordelia would be happy with Anya's gift. She only wondered, though . . . What would Cordelia wish? ----- Someone who replyed to this story's post on the SlayerFanFic Archive's board said that since Giles destroyed Anya's powers, all her granted wishes would come undone. Hmm . . . ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (4/?) Date: 09 Dec 1998 22:27:07 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. Torn Part Four Xander was changing into pajamas for the night when all of a sudden his door flew open with a bang. He yelped in surprise and hurriedly yanked the T-shirt over his head, thanking God he'd already gotten pants on. "Geez, Wills, come on in why don't you?" Xander said. "You know what, Xander Harris? This is all your fault!" Willow burst out. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What is all my fault? And why does it always seem like it's my fault?!" Xander replied. "I have the best guy in the world," Willow started. "And he loves me and he cares about me and he always has, and I should be able to be with that guy without a doubt in my heart. But I can't! Because of you!" Xander didn't say anything, not quite sure where Willow was heading with this. "I have been in love with you for so long," Willow said. "I don't know how not to be in love with you. But it was like, okay, fine, I can deal with that. But then, then, we had to go and kiss? That was so not fair!" "Hey, I didn't just kiss you, you kissed me too!" Xander said defensively. "Might I remind you of the library . . and who was the jumpee there?" "I know," Willow said. "I messed up too. I know that. I totally know that. But I can't just write it off as a mistake and tell Oz it will never happen again. Because I can't promise him that. Do you know what it feels like to be so in love with one guy but also not be able to get another guy out of your head?" "Yeah, actually, I do," Xander supplied. "Ever since the Homecoming dance, I was with Cordelia, but I would always be thinking of you in the back of my head. I could kiss her, and I was feeling so guilty because I was thinking of *you*. I felt like I was cheating on *you*, when in actuality, I was cheating on Cordy. I had it all backwards! But you know what, I finally figured it out." "Figured what out?" Willow asked. "That I love you." Willow gasped and noticeably paled. "No, Xander. You can't, you can't love me." "But I do! Will . . I know I shouldn't. But I do. I know I do and I know I'm right because this feels so right." Xander stepped forward and grabbed Willow's hands in his own. "And I think you love me too." "I love Oz," Willow said weakly. "You, you can't do this, Xander. You can't decide you love me all of a sudden. Love takes time." "Willow, we've had twelve years," Xander said. "How much more time do we need?" "And in those twelve years, do you know how badly I wanted to hear you say you loved me? Do you know much I wanted you to wake up and get a clue and stop seeing me as just Willow, your best friend? And now you have . . . and I wish you hadn't," Willow said. "Oz has cared about me from the very beginning. He said I was the only one for him the second he saw me. But you . . you suddenly decide now that you love me, and you expect me to jump into your arms and forget Oz and we live happily ever after? That's not fair Xander. You know that." Xander wanted to punch the wall in frustration. This was going all wrong. This wasn't how he imagined telling Willow how he finally felt about her. He'd been thinking roses and slow dancing, not rumpled boxers in the middle of his bedroom with Willow in her jacket and upset with him. But the setting didn't matter . . what mattered was that Willow had to realize he was telling the truth . . she had to realize how much he loved her. How much he always had, he just never acknowledged it until recently. "I know it's not fair, Willow, I'm sorry. I don't want to do this to you. But I had to tell you. And you have got to know how much I love you. I know these last few weeks, nothing has made much sense. But *we* make sense Willow. We work. Don't you want that?" Willow regarded him for a few seconds. "I don't know what I want," she said sadly. She tried to take her hands out of Xander's but he hung on. He leaned forward to kiss her, to try to show her how he felt. Willow turned away. "No, Xander, no kissing," she protested. "Because them I'm gonna think with my heart and not my head and I'll make the wrong decision." "Will, I think this is a decision that your heart makes," Xander said. "Love isn't something you think about. You're right, you don't just decide to love a person. It's from deep inside. You *know* when you love a person. And you have no control over it. You just *know*. Willow. I know I love you." Willow swallowed, trying to hold back the tears. " I don't know what to do," she whispered. "Yeah, you do, Wills," Xander said. "You've always known." ***** Willow let out a soft sob. He was right. She'd always known. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed Xander softly on the lips. She knew it was going to be the last time she kissed him for a long, long time. "I'm sorry," she whispered, stepping back and removing her hands from Xander's. Xander looked at her with stricken eyes. "Sorry?" "I'm so sorry," Willow said. "I do know who I love. I don't think it's you." Willow turned and fled Xander's room, leaving a stunned Xander in her wake. End Part Four ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 10 Dec 1998 22:48:12 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: Do not let me story go neglected. If you have one of those archives, can I please put my little story on your page? DISCLAIMER: None of teh characters in my story belong to me. I was running low on creative inspiration when this story was brought forth from my mind. NOTE: This story's almost done . . . maybe one more chapter, or two more. i haven't decided yet, though I *do* know the ending, and I think it's gonna be a shocker . . . and in regard to feedback: always wanted, always needed, and always appreciated, expecially flaming e-mail, because I want to fix my story of all it's ltitle bugs so that in teh end, it comes out good. But the good ones are great too! For awhile, I thought the story was straggeling . . . but then I got my first feedback, and it was good, and I was happy, and I wrote. So . . . here we go. Also . . . I speak Spanish, I understand Spanish, but I can neither write nor read in Spanish, but I did anyway, so, um, if it has errors, you know why, and send me an e-mail as to how it should be spelled! Twilight (next chapter) Giles had already moved some of his stuff back in here, and among other things, a large clock sat on his desk. It's hands crept across it's face, and it groaned and creaked with age. And in keeping the time . . . *tick-tick- tick, TOCK*. That annoying sound was magnified dozens of times with Xander's new, ultra-sensitive, preternatural hearing. And it only made it worse that it was the only sound in the still, silent room. Xander sat in the office chair, looking at the large, Styrofoam cup that rested far on the other corner of the desk, full to the capped brim with animal blood from the butcher's. Buffy said that's where Angel had gotten his blood, and sometimes Buffy had got it for him, so that's why she knew where to go. She also had mentioned that it would be cold, so it "might not taste as good, or, uh, however it's suppose to taste." Xander had grunted and shrugged, and Buffy had then left. Now Xander and the cup were playing the timeless tradition of the staring- down game, except the cup had no eyes. So this game was going to go one forever, and ever, and ever . . . But he was so hungry! As much as Xander detested the thought, this was the only thing that could calm his hunger pains. Animal blood. And he was NEVER going to drink human blood, although the vampire-demon voice that whispered in his head told him that it was the most delicious thing in this world . . . His stomach growled hungrily, and Xander groaned. The thought turned his stomach, but there was nothing else. He used to think food left him empty, but he had never really known what it was like to be REALLY hungry-mentally and physically. Now he did, and it was agonizing. said the vampire-demon. Hesitantly, more afraid of disobeying the demon than drinking the blood, Xander took the cup in his hand and peeled off the cover. An aroma drafted upwards into his nose, one that was tantalizing and revolting at the same time. Blood had never *smelled* before. But now it was like- He held it to his lips, the rim of the cup touching the satiny folds. He stayed in that position for awhile, and then, throwing caution to the wind, he chugged down a gulp of the stuff. And spit it right back out. "EW!" Xander yelled, standing up and tossing the cup away, having it spill its contents all over the carpet and the book that had been resting in his lap. Xander used his free hands to wipe the remains off his lips and chins, and even went so far as to scrape his tongue. "ECCH!" Xander yelled again for good measure, and then glared at the spreading blood stain, not making a move to clean it up. No wonder vampires drank from human victims. That animals blood was cold and disgusting. "Ecch," he repeated, a little quieter. When he finished making disgusted faces and wiping himself clean, he looked down at the book that lay on the floor, now covered completely in blood. It was opened to a completely different page, and for some reason Xander knelt down beside it and started to read avidly. As he read the page, his eyes began to widen in dread. He yanked the book closer to him peering at the pages as to make sure if he was reading the text right. Realizing that he was, he stood up straight, his nerves all shot. He strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him. "We have go!" he yelled to the persons in the room. Willow and Oz woke up to look at him with quizzical expressions. "We have to go! I know where Angel's going!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- "No, Roberto, no! No puede sed, no puede sed . . . que paso a ti? Que paso?" The sobbing of Roberto's mistress from Spain was interrupted by the loud sound of Cordelia sneezing into her tissue. "ACHOO!" she thundered for the millionth time that night, or as it seemed to her. This flu had been going on forever, although now it was nothing more than a little cold. But Cordelia had refused to go to school looking so gross, and so her parents, who practically let her get away with anything, let her get away with not going. The sneezing done, Cordelia looked back up at the television screen, where Yo Vive Para Elena was playing on Telemundo. "Spanish soap operas-why?" Cordelia mused, sniffing and wiping her nose with the tissue again. She picked up the remote and switched channels just as Roberto's mistress flung a really fake-looking book at the wall behind him. "BO-ring," Cordelia said, checking out what was on all the other 107 channels. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Cordelia had brains-they had to give her that. But did she have to remember to lock her door tonight, of all nights? Tonight when Angelus would surely come after her. "The book says he *always* comes after . . . well, you know, what Cordelia is to me, because of what I did to him. And the last thing we want is to find Cordelia's gutted body hanging from the school's *flagpole* or something, ok? At least I don't." Xander did the talking thing as Buffy vainly tried to bust down the door to Cordelia's house. "What is this thing *built* out of?" she grunted as she rammed into it for the final time. After that try, Buffy stepped back and sighed, exasperated. "The door's not coming down. I guess we'll have to climb in through the windows or something." Buffy looked up at the Chase house, all the way up to the third floor. "This could be hard." "Um, can I try?" Everybody looked at Willow questioningly, but she just shrugged, embarrassed, and walked up to the door. She bent down, peered into the keyhole, and then pulled a hairpin out of her hair. After some careful deliberation, she jammed the hair pin in and turned the makeshift "key", the result being a satisfying click. "I'm not limited to hacking *just* on the computer," Willow told her stunned audience. Then she jerked her head towards the door, which was slowly creeping open from the weight. "Coming?" Buffy shrugged and went on in. Oz quickly followed, grabbing on to Willow's hand for comfort and amazed at yet another little secret Willow had surprised him with since they started to go together. Xander sighed, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and followed them. And as he entered the doorway, he yelped in surprise as he was pushed back by some strong, invisible force. "CRAP!" he yelled in frustration, beating at the invisible wall with his fists. The Scooby Gang turned around to see what was going on. Willow's mouth formed into a "what," but Xander answered her question before she spoke. "I'm not in*vi*ted," he said, growling under his breath. Buffy groaned-yet another setback-and rolled her eyes up to the sky, asking God to make this just a *little* bit more difficult for the lot of them. Willow bit down hard on her lip and gave out a little yip of pain. Oz stood there, trying to think of a solution. That's when they heard the tiny, muffled scream from upstairs. "Screw the front door!" Xander yelled as he heard the scream. He hit the floor running as he jumped off the porch and ran across the yard, heading for the side of house where Cordelia's bedroom was located, on the second floor. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ She had been so engrossed in watching Friends that Cordelia hadn't noticed the scratching at her window until it became a series of loud scrapes. Then she satisfied herself by saying outloud that they were just the branches of the oak outside her window against her windowpane . . . yeah, except there was no wind. So Cordelia got up, looked out the window, and then deciding she needed a better view, opened it up and peered outside. Bad, bad, *bad* move that should not be practiced at *all* on the Hellmouth. As soon as Cordelia was half out of the window someone grabbed her by the waist and yanked her out of her room altogether. She had a short time to yelp before a strong, cold hand covered her mouth and plunked her down into the recesses of the big, leafy tree branches. And then she and her captor were falling, falling two stories, her captor possibly landing on two feet because that's how they ended up, and Cordelia did not jump like a cat. When they stopped swaying and Cordelia regained the feeling in her numbed mind, she opened her eyes. She was really surprised to see who stood in front of her-Xander. He was looking past her at the one who held her, and when Cordelia tried to turn around and see who it was, the hand that wasn't around her mouth reached out and held her neck in place. "Don't you move now," said the voice of her captor, his-hers?-its?-nose tickling the inside of her ear. Angelus turned to look towards Xander, who was practically shaking with anger. Angelus wiggled his eyebrows and, unbeknownst to Cordelia, began to sink his fangs towards her neck . . . "You *dare* and I *swear* you're dust," Xander spat out, his knuckles, being clenched so hard, turned a bright pink-a contrast against his extremely white skin. Cordelia's fear escalated as her captor chuckled softly in her ear. "But she's so tasty . . ." it whispered, and then there was the rushing sound of air as whatever it was snapped it's teeth. Wait . . . now she remembered the voice. "Ohmigod!" Cordelia cried, realizing that Angel was the one who was holding her. "Don't make me fight you," Xander warned, his voice and manner testy. Cordelia began to whimper. She was being kidnapped by *Angel* and *Xander* had come to her rescue. They might as well have left Cordelia to fend for herself. She was doomed. "I'm doomed," she said aloud. Angel chuckled. "There's only one way . . ." he said, taking his hand away from her mouth and tracing it along her neck. His eyes watched every invisible line that he drew. Then he turned back to Xander, eyes ablaze. "Fight me as what you are. Then we'll see if she can go." Cordelia looked at Xander with confused eyes as suddenly he clammed up and concentrated on the ground. When he looked back up, he said resolutely. "Ok." And before the eyes of his girlfriend, he *changed.* Cordelia's eyes widened in horror at the knowledge of being surrounded by *two* vampires. "Oh my god!" she said, her voice rising higher. "You have GOT to be kidding me! End of this chapter. I can't wait to write the last part . . . ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (5/?) Date: 11 Dec 1998 13:23:59 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. Torn Part Five Willow walked hurriedly along the sidewalk, shivering in the late night darkness. Oh, she hated walking alone at night! She gripped the stake concealed in her jacket pocket, reassuring herself with the touch of the rough wood. Buffy would kill her if she knew Willow was out alone at this hour. But she didn't have a choice, she had to get to Oz's house. She had to tell him. After her encounter with Xander, she wanted nothing more right this minute than to be with the man she loved and tell him wholeheartedly that he *was* the man she loved, without a doubt. She had to tell Oz. As she and Oz had parted ways earlier that night, things had been shaky, uncertain. Doubts still lingered. A start had been made, but Willow knew Oz still didn't quite have faith in her professions of love. And rightfully so. But now she *knew*. She really really knew. How could she ever have mistaken teenage hormonal lust and and unrequited crush for true love? Lust was what she and Xander had. Love was what she and Oz had. Willow turned a corner and Oz's house came into view. His bedroom light was on. Willow broke into a slow run, half from her desire to see Oz, and half from just wanting to get off the open streets. Willow let out a shriek of surprise when a figure dropped in front of her from the trees above. "Where you off to in such a hurry at this hour, luv?" Spike drawled, his platinum hair shining eerily in the moonlight, a leering smile on his face. ***** Oz sat in his room, strumming his guitar, looking over the band's new music and trying to acquaint his fingers with the new chords. Seeing Willow earlier that evening had cheered his mood somewhat. But he still felt uncertain. She said she loved him. But did she really? He hadn't even meant to say he loved her. He was still too hurt, still confused. But it had slipped out. But her eyes had lit up, and she smiled that sweet smile of hers, the one he loved so much. And some of his doubts had dissipated. Even more had vanished when she said she loved him too. But some still remained. Especially a big one named Xander Harris. He let himself imagine Xander crumbling to dust, just like the vampires he dealt with. And Oz grinned as he let himself imagine he was the one who staked him. Of course, he didn't really want Xander dead. But it was nice to imagine. Life with no Xander would be a lot easier on his relationship with Willow. Oz stopped strumming the guitar for a moment. He thought he heard something outside. He focused, letting his keen werewolf hearing take over. He *had* heard something. Then he heard a scream. A scream that sounded decidedly like Willow. He dropped the guitar and got up, pulling back the curtain to his window. It was Willow. And Spike. "Dammit," Oz swore, turning and running out of his bedroom at breakneck speed. **** Xander followed Willow, keeping to the darkness and shadows. After she'd fled his house, he'd grabbed his jacket and taken off after her, telling himself he just didn't want anything to happen to her and he was going to make sure she got home safely. But his real reason was he wanted to make sure she didn't go to Oz's house. Much to his disappointment, she *had* headed for Oz's house. He kept following her, wanting to make his presence known, but if he'd done that he would have had a heck of a time explaining why he was playing Stalker Boy. Xander kept a good fifty feet behind Willow, occasionally ducking behind trees when she looked over her shoulder. Then Xander heard Willow scream. He immediately abandoned his evasive manuevers and took off running, skidding to a stop behind Willow when he saw Spike. ***** Willow heard running footsteps behind her. She turned her head quickly, grabbing her stake, preparing for the vampire's attack. "Whoa, no!" a familiar voice said when he saw Willow poised to stake. "Only me." Only Xander. More running footsteps, off to the side this time. Willow spun back around. Oz came into view in the light of the streetlamps. "What is this, Slayerette's night out?" Spike commented. "Oh well, I always liked a party. Come on out!" At Spike's command at least ten vampires dropped down from the trees. Willow, Xander, and Oz were surrounded. End Part Five ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Angel75427@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Save Tonight" 1/1 Date: 13 Dec 1998 12:34:02 EST TITLE: Save Tonight AUTHOR: Angel75427@aol.com DISCLAIMER: I neither own anything from the Buffy realm nor the song "Save Tonight" by Eagle Eye Cherry. RATING: PG/PG-13 SPOILERS: None. Pre-Lover's Walk. FEEDBACK: Please! Only constructive criticism, though. Thanks. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is pretty much one of Xander and Willow's meetings bet= ween Revelations and Lover's Walk. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *God, Xander,* Willow thought late one Friday night. *Why do I have to lov= e you so much when I have Oz. Willow sat sadly on her bed as she thought abo= ut her options. *I really like Oz, but I've love Xander, well, forever. I can= 't just throw my feelings away.* Willow heard her outside door open and turned to look who it was. "Xander,= " she frowned. "You shouldn't have come." "Can I come in, Will?" Xander asked as he looked at her with puppy dog eye= s. "I, I don't think that's such a good idea." "Please," he pleaded, his voice desperate. Willow stood there for a moment, debating all the pros and cons of letting= him in. "Fine," she sighed, and he stepped inside. "But this has to be the las= t time. //Go on and close the curtains cause all we need is candle light You and me and a bottle of wine going to hold you tonight Well we know I'm going away and how I wish, I wish it weren't so So take this wine and drink with me let's delay our misery// Before Willow knew what was happening, Xander grabbed her and leaned in to kiss her. "Xander," she sighed, turning her head, "we can=92t do this. We can=92t ke= ep doing this. I have Oz, and you have have Cordelia. It isn=92t right. In fact, it= =92s totally wrong." "Willow," he asked, "how can something that feels so right be so wrong?" "I don=92t know," she frowned. "It, it just is. But, God, it feels so righ= t. I mean, I love Oz so much, but you make me feel so, so=85happy. I don=92t kn= ow what I=92d do without=85But we can=92t." "Live in the now. Oz and Cordy will never find out. And this will be the l= ast time we do this. Seize the day." //Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone// "Carpe diem," Willow whispered. "Seize the day. Funny, the last time I gav= e that advice and someone followed it, it tore Buffy and Angel apart. Buffy seized alright. And look what happened." "It doesn=92t have to be like that, Will," he said softly. "We=92re not Bu= ffy and Angel or star-cross=92d lovers. We=92re different, special. I can=92t imag= ine life without Cordy, but I can=92t live life without you. You=92re different fro= m her. She cares about me, Willow, and I care about her. But you, whenever I see = you I feel so, so=85 " "I can=92t live without you, either. I=92ve wanted this for so long, ever = since we were in the sixth grade. But this isn=92t the way I wanted it. I wished th= at we would both be single when you started to see me as more than a friend, tha= t you would see me in the hall or in the library and would kiss me right on = the lips. It wouldn=92t have taken homecoming or fancy clothes or whatever to = make it happen. I don=92t want to hurt Oz or Cordy. And that=92s why this can= =92t happen." Tears started to drip down her cheek. //There's a log on the fire and it burns like me for you Tomorrow comes with one desire to take me away it's true It ain't easy to say goodbye darling please don't start to cry Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh Lord I wish it wasn't so// "Don=92t cry, please," he whispered as he put his hand on her face. "You c= an=92t be sad. You make me so happy, and I can=92t be happy when you=92re so sad.= All I want is for you to be happy." "All I want is for me to be happy, too. But I can=92t be, not as long as I= =92m lying to Oz and Cordelia and Buffy and, most importantly, myself. The only= way that I can be happy is if you leave. Please, go, for me." "I can=92t do that. I can=92t go, not when I care for you so much." This o= nly made Willow more upset. "Fine," he said, disappointed. "I=92ll go. But only und= er one condition. Tell me that you don=92t love me." "Xander, it=92s complicated=85" Willow started to speak. "TELL ME THAT YOU DON=92T LOVE ME!" he shouted at her in frustration. "No," she cried, her voice hoarse. "I can=92t. I can=92t lie to you, too."= Xander proceeded to move his hand down her face and gently run his finger = over her lips. He then kissed her, to her surprise. She welcomed the kiss, thou= gh, and kissed his back. //Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone// But Willow pulled away after a few seconds. "Promise me," she said quietly= , "promise me that you won=92t come back after this, that you won=92t kiss m= e or touch me or make me feel this way. Promise that you won=92t make me happy,= at least not this way." "But I can=92t. And I know I=92m being selfish, but I can=92t. I can=92t l= ive without this. You=92re different from anybody else I=92ve ever been with. With Cor= dy, I don=92t know how she feels. But with you, I know you. I feel what you=92re feeling. I=92m going through what you=92re going through." "Please, Xander, I=92m not going to do this again." Willow wiped the tears= off her face and showed a sad smile. "Okay," he finally gave in. "Than let=92s make tonight special. I love you= , Will." He kissed her again as they sat down on her bed. Her hand held the = back of his head as he kissed her neck. //Tomorrow comes to take me away I wish that I, that I could stay Girl you know I've got to go, oh Lord I wish it wasn't so// Willow sighed and pulled his face up to hers. "Xander," she said confident= ly. "I love you, too." With that, she kissed him passionately. He welcomed her kisses as his hands held her warmly. She then pulled him onto the covers w= ith her=85 //Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow tomorrow I'll be gone tomorrow I'll be gone tomorrow I'll be gone tomorrow I'll be gone tomorrow I'll be gone// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, what did ya think? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira (11/?) Date: 12 Dec 1998 20:14:16 -0800 TITLE: My Moira #11 AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Future. Semi-Buffy/Xander fanfic, but more Future Slayer. DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* My Moira #11 By: Taygeta "Moira's destiny?" Buffy questioned immediately, "What are you talking about Cordelia?" "I'm talking about the Briar text," she responded, "It is prophesized that the slayer of 2020, year being its Moira, will face upon the figure of Angelus and upon facing that figure, the Fates will decide the victor." Giles glanced at her with a frown, "Briar text? I've never heard of such texts." "They were recently uncovered by a Watcher in Germany who's sent a copy of the text to me and we've been translating them. Much of the Text deals with happenings in the 21st century." "That still doesn't explain why on earth my daughter is facing Angelus. Why her?" "The Watcher in Germany, Gottfried Lessing, made a supposition," Cordelia began slowly and she looked at Buffy cautiously, "Mind that it's just a supposition, Buffy." "Just tell me. I can deal." She took a deep breath, "Since you were the slayer that set Angelus free and you're no longer the slayer, Moira may have been activated as a slayer because of that connection." "What do you mean? Is she suppose to finish what I couldn't?" "That's what Lessing supposed," she said, "No one can know for sure." Buffy contemplated for a second and then looked at Cordelia, "What do you believe?" "It doesn't matter what I - " "What do you believe?" the former slayer interrupted. The Watcher sighed, "I believe that Moira is a part of you and, now, she is a part who you used to be, but she's not you. She can never be you. You, two, are connected, but you both have your own fated path, and that's what I believe. I believe that destiny - although changeable - is a distinct road for everyone…especially slayers." Giles coughed and broke *another* of many, awkward silences of that day, "We best get inside…it's getting rather late." Buffy nodded in silent agreement and she walked into the house followed by Xander. Cordelia was about to walk in, but she felt a hand touch her shoulder and turned to look at Giles. "Cordelia, I've been meaning to ask you, it is very rare that a slayer should grow up without a watcher at her side, Buffy was one of those few exceptions. The Watchers, I'm sure, become more strict to handle the future slayers, so I find it extremely rare, indeed, that Moira has also become such an exception." The Watcher looked at the former Watcher and said, "I was wondering when you'd key in on to that. I couldn't do it, Giles, I couldn't take her childhood away like that. I couldn't do it to her, and I couldn't do it to Buffy and Xander. They all deserved some time away from the chaos before I had bring them back into the world they thought they had left for good." Giles thought silently for a moment and then said, "You did the right thing Cordelia." She smiled a thanks and they walked into the house, unaware that a pair of eyes had been watching them from afar. "So the slayer and her white knight did go by destiny's book and betrothed, bearing another slayer named Moira," mused Angelus softly to himself and chuckled slight, "How appropos that name is. Moira…future…theirs, hers, mine…" ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: A Dream Is A Wish (1/1) Date: 14 Dec 1998 12:55:33 EST TITLE: A Dream Is A Wish AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Love some! SUMMARY: An "I'm bored" fic making the Scooby gang somehow remember the events of "The Wish" SPOILERS: The Wish RATING: PG, mild language DISCLAIMER: Buffy & Co are Joss & Co's. Not mine. Please don't sue. Some dialogue taken directly from the episode "The Wish". Those lines are Marti Noxon's, not mine. A Dream Is A Wish Xander punched his pillow, poking a dent for his head. He settled down into the pillow and yanked the covers up and over him, preparing himself for one of his favorite all-time activities . . sleeping. He was exhausted, having gone out to help Buffy on patrol last night and only having a couple hours of sleep as a result. Within minutes he was sound asleep, heading for dreamland. ***** Xander stood in the shadows of an eerily empty street. Everything around him was locked up and secured for the night. There wasn't a sound except for rustling leaves and the wind blowing. The silence was pierced only by the sound of tapping heels. Xander looked around, and saw Cordelia hurrying down the street, looking around her as if she were afraid someone was following her. "Cordy!" Xander shouted. She made no sign that she'd heard him. "Cordelia!" he shouted again. Nothing. A sound behind him distracted him. He gasped in shock at what his eyes saw. A guy had stepped out of the shadows. But not just any guy. That guy was him! What the hell? "Well, what do you know. Cordelia Chase," the other Xander said. Xander looked over his alter identity. The face was the same. Pale, but the same. Although what was with the outfit? "Is this some kind of sick joke? Harmony told me you were dead!" Cordelia said to the other Xander. "Now, why would she say something like that? Let's think," the other Xander replied, an odd expression on his face. Xander shook his head. Cordelia and the other Xander were still talking. He heard footsteps. He looked around. "Bored now," Willow said, emerging from the shadows of an alley. Oh. My. God. Xander looked at Willow, absolutely shocked. The leather! The hair! The makeup! "This is the part that's less fun," she continued. "When there isn't any screaming." Willow walked up to the other Xander, leaning in close and running her fingers over his chest. Good lord, what the hell was going on here? "Wh-, what's up with you two and the leather?" Cordelia asked. My thoughts exactly, Xander thought. "Play now?" Willow asked Xander with a smile. "It's not that I don't appreciate your appetite, Will," Xander said. "But I thought we agreed it was my turn." "No! No way! I wish us into bizarro land and you two are still together?! I can't win!" Cordelia shouted in outrage. Bizarro land. They were in some sort of bizarro land because Cordelia . wished something? "Probably not," the other Xander said. And then, to Xander's horror, his alter image's face morphed into that of a vampire. "But I'll give you a head start." "I love this part," Willow said. Xander watched in odd fascination as his twin and Willow shared a brief, passionate kiss. "You love all the parts," Xander said. ***** Xander bolted upright in his bed, breathing hard. Only a dream. Only a dream. He lay back down slowly, the dream still vividly in his mind. But it had felt so real. He and presumably Willow were vampires? What a strange thing to dream. An odd image came into his mind. In his mind's eye, he could see himself charge at Buffy. She blocked his punch, then sank a stake directly into his heart. He contorted in pain, then dissolved into dust. Xander involuntarily shivered. ***** In five other locations in Sunnydale, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Oz, and Giles sat uneasily in their respective beds. All bothered by a dream they'd all just had. A dream of a horrible other reality . . where some of them wouldn't live to see the dawn. Cordelia haunted by an image of Xander and Willow murdering her. Oz shaken by the memory of himself shoving Willow into a wooden railing and watching her crumble to dust before his eyes. Giles feeling disappointment over the slayer that was to have been his, and maybe could have changed the world. Willow confused by images of herself torturing . . a puppy? And Buffy, almost feeling the bones cracking as the Master snapped her neck. But it was only a dream . . . right? End ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (6/?) Date: 14 Dec 1998 13:30:46 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. Just a short part here, I'm having a bit of writer's block lately. Torn - Part Six Willow looked around her surroundings and sighed. Locked in the factory. Again. Spike really needed to come up with new hiding places. Xander sat on the makeshift bed, while Oz sat at the bottom of the steps. Both were staring off into space. From her vantage point at the table, she could watch both of them at once. She watched as Xander flopped down on the bed, nearly hitting his head on the brass frame. There was still dried blood on the pillows from the last time they were trapped in here. Oh god. Willow tried to push the image of herself and Xander kissing on that very bed. She looked at Oz, trying to distract herself. He was sitting at the base of the steps, almost on the exact spot where he'd seen her and Xander. She wondered if the guys were thinking the same thoughts she was. The door at the top of the stairs flew open with a bang and Spike stomped down the stairs, carefully avoiding the hole halfway up. "Why so glum, chums?" Spike said sarcastically. "I, for one, am having a fantastic day. Back in Sunnyhell, got Dru back, got the slayer's friends locked up in the basement. Things couldn't be better!" "What do you want from us this time, Spike?" Xander asked. "Same thing I always want. The slayer. She's become rather predictable, it's almost boring. Kidnap her friends, and she comes running after. You'd think she'd catch on by now." "Didn't you promise her you'd leave Sunnydale?" Willow asked. "Well yes, but seeing as I already broke that promise I figured it was non- binding anymore. Besides, the rest of the world just isn't as much fun. That slayer, she's a challenge. She makes life interesting," Spike said. The three captives said nothing. "Okay, I know what's with you guys," Spike said. "I've been around. I pay attention. Picked up a few lurking techniques from Angel. Romantic troubles, huh? Boy, seems like the only thing I do in this town lately is knock people upside the head with the truth. First Slayer and Angel. Now you guys. I'm becoming a regular Cupid here." Willow looked over at him, mildly interested. "Want my advice, red?" Spike asked. "Forget logic. Screw it, logic is out the window in matters of love. Personally, I think you can do better than either of those two sods, but you seem to like them. Same thing I told your Slayer friend. Love's in the blood. Look there." Willow stared at the floor, tracing patterns in the layer of dust on the cement with the toe of her shoe. "And as for you two lads?" Spike continued. "That's one hell of a girl there. Redheads. Fiery. I used to like them. Their blood was spicier somehow. Whichever of you gets her, better take care of her." With that sentence, Spike climbed the stairs again, locking the door behind him. Didn't even give a reason for why he'd come down in the first place. Willow looked up from the floor. Both Xander and Oz were watching her. "As much as I hate to admit it, Spike's right," Xander said. "I know this is not the ideal situation here, but Will, you might as well pick one of us right now. Let one of us go to his grave a happy man." "I already told you, Xander," Willow said. "I made my choice. I'm sorry you got hurt. But I had to do what my heart was telling me. And it was telling me I love Oz." Willow stole a glance at Oz. Oz was still looking at the ground, but she could see a half-smile on his face. "Well, what makes you so sure you love Oz?" Xander said. "Did you just play eeny meeny miney moe and he came up the winner?" Willow sighed. She knew Xander didn't handle rejection well. She hadn't wanted to hurt him. "Fine, you want to know how I know?" Willow asked. "Actually, I do," Xander said. "Do explain." "Remember last year, when I was in the hospital after that bookcase fell on me and I was in a coma for awhile?" Xander and Oz nodded. "Well, while I was in the coma, I heard someone say he loved me. And I could feel that he really meant it. And he needed me. And I had to come back for him, I couldn't leave him. And I opened my eyes, and Oz was there." Xander didn't say anything, but a pained look came into his eyes. Oz looked up from the floor and looked at Xander for a long time, then looked at Willow. "What?" Willow asked. ***** Oz looked at Xander. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he wasn't the one who had said I love you to Willow. Xander had been in the room just as Willow woke up, and Oz took his place. It must have been Xander who said it. But was Xander going to tell Willow the truth? Or was he going to hold his tongue and continue to let Willow believe Oz had said it? End Part Six ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Snowball's Chance (2/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 14 Dec 1998 20:25:11 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. DISTRIBUTION: Ask. I'll say yes. RATING: PG-14, for now SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. Haven't seen "Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior. Or maybe just after= . Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe. DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' and her magick appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers and those who've offered feedback so far. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 2/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D In the center of the circle was a simple snowglobe with the 'globe' part removed, leaving only a plastic cityscape on a plastic base that could be anywhere. Could be, but wasn't. Across the base was painted 'Sunnydale, = CA' in neat letters. The plastic snowglobe was more than someone's cheap souvenir. It was a pr= op, a representation. Using a very powerful spell, the plastic city *became* Sunnydale and thus acting on the model, one could act on the city. It all sounded so terribly simple. As a demonstration, he had sprinkled a pinch of white sand over the model. His audience gathered at the window and gazed in impressed wonder when the snow began to fall. It didn't last long, of course, but it had served its purpose. When the text that contained such a spell, the Trio of Maccora, was discovered, Dr. James Adams had been ecstatic. It was one of the most sou= ght- after manuscripts of its kind, and just the thing to jump-start his stalle= d career. He'd had to beg, borrow, and just short of steal to get the books= - two of them - into his possession. The third book that made the set complete had yet to be found. It had bee= n separated from the rest and changed hands without leaving a traceable pape= r trail. It was lost to the ages, for the time being. Still, having two-th= irds of the Trio was enough to keep him busy for many years. Right now, Dr. Adams was wishing he'd never set eyes on the Trio of Maccor= a. Another man had wanted these books just as badly as he himself had: an insufferable British fellow who was more of a rival than a colleague. Giv= en the chance, Adams would gladly tell that guy he was welcome to them. Unfortunately, the opportunity for that had long past. He stared down at = the plastic mockup, the flickering candles, the symbols painstakingly carved i= nto the wooden tabletop and sighed. Adams knew there was more than meets the eye going on. He demanded answer= s, but only got reassurance from the dark-skinned man in the gaudy suit < Trick=85that was his name, wasn't it? > that he was doing a big favor for = the Mayor. In fact, if all this was successful, he might even get an official funding for his many pet projects at the museum. But Adams had other, perhaps ethical, worries. Such powerful magick held = the potential to be very dangerous. He was beginning to suspect that these strange people were the proverbial 'wrong hands.' < Brilliant deduction, Sherlock > With the city linked to the plastic model, they had the capabi= lity to burn it, crush it, devastate it. For some reason, Dr. James Adams chos= e that moment to decide he wanted no further part in this. What good would funding do if Sunnydale was wiped out? "I need to speak with Mr. Trick," he told the two lackeys guarding the do= or and they nodded. One of the lackeys slipped out. Adams waited patiently, smiling congenially. When Trick entered, the doct= or looked him straight in the eye and said, "I quit." =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Sunnydale had an atrocious rate of crime and random gang violence. Many citizens had loved ones who'd become victims in the unsolved murders on th= e police blotter. The Mayor understood this; he cared about his constituent= s. He wanted to do something for them especially during the holidays, when sa= id absences could make the season unbearable. Thus, the 'First Annual Sunnydale Benefit Concert and Fundraiser' was born= . In the true spirit of the season, students from the local high school were 'volunteering' their time at the museum. They helped with programs, clean= ed up the theater where the concert was to be held, and hung non-denomination= al decorations. Come performance night, they'd serve as ushers and ticket takers. "Because if we're here, then we're not battling slimy slug-monsters at the waterworks and inadvertently shutting off the city's water supply." Willo= w Rosenburg explained the reason for their predicament to her friend. "Or a= t least, leaving campus during school hours. That's Principal Snyder 'volunteered' us." "Point is," Xander said, returning to a previous argument. "There's a dar= ker force at work here." Willow paused in mid-fold and arched an eyebrow. "Like what?" For a moment, the boy thought. "Well, I can't know all the plots of the right-wing conspiracy. But this is the *museum.* Every time we come here= , something bad happens. Back me up on this, will ya, Buff? Buffster? Hey= , Buffy!" It took a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking, to bring the blonde girl b= ack to reality. "Huh? Sorry=85I was thinking." She was met with curious sta= res from the two. "While I was patrolling in the cemetery last weekend, it started snowing," she explained. "Snow? In Sunnydale?" Willow gave a quizzical look to Xander. "I guess stranger things have happened." "Did you also hear sleighbells on your rooftop?" Buffy Summers shot a withering glance to the boy. With a shake of her hea= d and a sigh, she returned to folding programs. Maybe the Hellmouth had dec= ided to go seasonal. Why not? Everyone else had. The weather section of the newspaper hadn't cited any abnormal meteorologi= cal phenomena and Buffy was ready to dismiss it as a fluke of the locale. But= , there was something else about that night: the female stranger - Mac, was= it? Buffy had looked away for a second, up at the night sky, and Mac had vanis= hed. Now she was back. Leaning against a wall near the auditorium entrance, in fact, and casually watching the goings-on much like she'd done in the cemetery. While she appeared to be observing the activity as a whole, par= t of her attention was obviously devoted to the Slayer and gang. When Buffy pointedly glanced in her direction and stood up, Mac quickly ducked out th= e door. "Hmm, maybe today wasn't such a bust after all." Xander and Willow hadn't seen anyone and were beginning to wonder if job-stress was affecting the Slayer's mind. Buffy discarded the programs she'd been folding to the sid= e and hurried off, absently adding, "Be right back." =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: Dreams and Reality Date: 14 Dec 1998 21:18:05 -0500 Title: Dreams and Reality Author: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Spoilers: The Wish Summary: An event as large as 'the wish' is bound to have consequences... even when the world goes back to normal. Disclaimer: Joss owns these characters. I don't. Simple, right? Author's notes: I think this turned out rather blah-ish (but then, they always seem that way... If only they'd just turn out _exactly_ like I think they should!). Maybe I'll get around to re-writing this. Or not. Her skin was ice cold against his as she tried to push him away. It chilled him, the utter lack of warmth in her usually warm skin striking straight at his heart. He shuddered slightly, the involuntary movement more one of horror than of any chill. He didn't understand. Why was she so cold to his touch? Why was she trying so hard to break free of his grasp? He needed to speak to her. He needed to understand what was motivating her. His lips parted, the words forming in his mind but refusing to spill out. His palms rested against the soft leather she wore as he continued to force her back inch by torturous inch. Willow didn't wear leather, his mind shouted, begging for things to slow down long enough for it to process the chaos around him. He couldn't slow down, his body insisted. This was war. Fight. Kill. Move on. Don't think... don't look into her eyes. They were nothing. She was nothing but one of _them_. Her head was shaking, shoulder length red hair swirling around her face. He had always thought that it looked like fire, to match the one that burned bright in her spirit. Now, it looked like a stream of blood. He wanted this to stop. He had to _talk_ to Willow. He kept on pushing at her, ignoring her swinging hair and batting hands in his quest to get her... where? His mind came up blank, and his body kept on herding her backwards. Her head snapped up, beautiful green eyes darting around. They drank in the world around them, while his saw only her. When her eyes smashed into his, Oz's mind nearly went blank with the shock of seeing such rage and bloodlust in her usually gentle green eyes. His body barely even noticed that glitch in his mental functions. His hands stayed on her, and his legs kept on moving, both serving to keep her moving... always moving and he couldn't think... and all he could do was watch. It wasn't _his_ Willow. He didn't have Willow anymore. One last step. Her body slammed into the wooden cage his body had been driving her towards. She stiffened, his hands still resting against the body of the woman was wasn't and was his Willow. Her eyes went wide, red lips parting in surprise. Now she looked at him... and he saw fear... and loss. And then she was gone. Her body turned to dust beneath his hands while all he did was watch her leave him. She was gone. _Dead_. His mind wailed in grief, wanting nothing more than to drop down among her ashes and beg for another chance to make things right. His body was no more willing to listen to him than before. Without another glance at her, he strode back into Hell. *** Oz woke up with a scream caught in his throat, the dream still pounding in his head. He wiped at the tears streaking down his cheeks with a shaking hand, his heart still racing frantically. 'That was certainly intense...' Oz thought, trying to banish the image of dream-Willow exploding to dust before his eyes. It wouldn't leave him alone. Her image remained firmly wedged in his memory, as vivid as if it had been real. He could have almost sworn that he could feel her dust covering his hands... Oz shook his head, trying to shake loose the insistent remains of his dream. Willow was absolutely fine. He hadn't killed her. He thought of the last time that he had seen her, as he had left her standing in front of his locker at school. There was such fear in her eyes... and loss. Before his eyes, her eyes turned into not-Willow's eyes. _Was_ that dust on his hands? Almost without him noticing it, Oz was at his phone, punching in the familiar numbers. "Hey, Willow...? It's me..." ~End~ *sigh* It was good before it got put down on computer... I swear! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (14/15) Date: 14 Dec 1998 21:41:33 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: Must I beg? 'Cause I will. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com for permission. DISCLAIMER: *Sigh* they aren't mine. NOTE: The author has become organized, and soon all chapters of "Twilight" will be posted on the author's site, with has run away from it's old home and is lookig for a new place. Twilight (14/15) Xander growled and stepped nearer, and Cordelia shrieked. "Don't come near me!" she cried, pressing up against *Angel* of all people. She couldn't believe that her boyfriend, the one boyfriend she was actually beginning to have actual feelings for, had turned into a vampire. No way! But the proof was there, coming right for her. "Get away!" she shrieked again as Xander continued, steadfast towards her and Angel. Xander tore his attention from Angel to look at Cordelia with sad eyes. "I'm *not* going to hurt you," he said softly. Then he shifted his gaze back to Angel. "Let her go, and then we'll fight. It's me you want to get back at." "Yeah, I really want to get you back, I do," Angel mused. "But you see"-he tightened his hold on Cordelia, and she stiffened-"if I kill her in front of your eyes, imagine what it'll do to you." Angel looked down at Cordelia's neck and wished that he hadn't eaten a two (was it three?) teenage girls just a half hour ago, when he was on the prowl. But he could still kill Cordelia if he really, really wanted to. "It'll kill you too." Xander's eyes narrowed, but he kept his cool at an inhuman level. "I said, *let her go*." Angel looked up to the sky, as if deliberating whether or not he should follow Xander's order. Then he looked at Cordelia, then at Xander, and the back to his victim. Then he grinned. "No," he said simply, and then moved to sink his fangs into Cordelia's neck. Xander was top of him before he even had the chance to move a centimeter towards her neck. Together, the three of them fell, Cordelia screaming for help. Xander was vaguely aware of her, and moved quickly enough to wrench her away from Angel's grip and then to drag Angel to the other side of the fenced- in backyard. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- Buffy & Co barely had time to round the corner when Cordelia ran around it first, slamming into Buffy full-force. The two teenage girls bounced off each other, and Cordelia was the one to recover first. "Ohmigod *Xander's a VAMPIRE*!" Cordelia screamed, grabbing on to Buffy and shaking her. "Cordelia, Cordelia . . ." Buffy said, trying to sooth the poor girl, but she would not calm down. "*Cordelia*!" Cordelia snapped out of it and looked, shivering, at Buffy. "We know!" Cordelia jaw dropped to the floor and her eyes grew twice their normal size. "WHAT? My boyfriend's a vampire and you *knew*? How come nobody told me? Am I not important? Do you know what kind of a shock this is? Ah, ah, ah . . ." Cordelia took some deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. The rest of the gang looked worried as Buffy tried to explain to Cordelia what exactly Xander's situation was. Cordelia listened with wide, dull eyes, and seemed like she was about to cry. "Where's Xander?" Willow asked after Cordelia had wiped away her tears and they had all calmed down. "He's"-sniff-"fighting Angel in the backyard." "*What*?" Buffy asked, incredulous. "Xander might *die* and you've been here whimpering to me about *you*? Have you not changed?" With that, Buffy brushed the Slayerette off and ran around the corner, hopefully soon enough to save her friend's hide. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Xander let out a yelp of pain as Angel grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him into the wall of the Chase house. The force of the hit sent a shudder through his spine, but it was quickly gone. Enraged, Xander kicked Angel hard in the chest, and the older vampire let go of the younger one, Xander sliding to the grass and crawling out of the way. Xander didn't even get to his feet before Angel tackled him and they began to roll around on the ground, getting the occasional kick or punch in. There were a lot of sharp, jagged rocks splayed around the yard to keep the intruders out and to prevent the family dog from running away (as though the mile-high ivy- climbed walls didn't), so Xander and Angel suffered several nasty scrapes on all parts of their bodies. *It could be worse*, Xander convinced himself as he ignored another blow to his stomach. *It could be wood*. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ Idiot her-she had forgotten her stakes. Oh well, she was just going to have to beat him into a bloody pulp until he ran away. Buffy marched steadfastly towards the two men who were duking it out on the ground. Vampire or not, Xander was not a match for Angel, and she was. She was the Slayer, Angel a Vampire, and it was finally obvious to her as to what she should do. What she should've done so long, long time ago. With decisive strength, Buffy reached out and yanked Angel off of Xander, throwing him against the wall. Stunned, Angel slid down the wall, and Buffy was heading towards him when someone grabbed her roughly by the arm. ". . . the hell do you think you're doing?" Xander shouted at her, practically dragging her against him. Buffy gave him an astonished look and then proceeded to open her mouth and try to explain. "No, wait, I don't want to hear it! But I want *you* to hear *this*. This is *my* fight, and I'm going to fight it, dammit! You had about fifty million chances to kill Angel, and zip-zero-nada, you didn't. So now it's *my* turn, and *back off*." Buffy was going to argue with him, but the Slayer-Sense in the back of her mind told her not to push Xander's already strained limits. "Alright," she told him. "But-" Angel decided he was done waiting and that action needed to be taken. He slammed into Xander, completely ignoring the Slayer, and continued his interrupted fight. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- He was losing and he knew it. That was possibly the only thing he knew. Xander was so engrossed in the fight that he was only vaguely aware that Buffy had left the two brawling vampires alone, but she and the others were still somewhere near. They were only fuzzy perceptions at the back of his mind, while whatever was left concentrated on the fistfight. It's not like he was losing on purpose, although it was very much his fault. The fact that Angel had 200+ years tucked under his belt and Xander had one night didn't really matter-Angel was up to full strength and he was not. He hadn't drunk the blood, he still had the aching, yet surfaced-healed wound, and while battling Angel he had to keep the demon inside quiet, because it was beating down his doors of willpower. The angrier he got, the more control the demon had over him, and Xander was angry. And scared, and even more angry. He could already see that Angel was going to win, and he lose. But he was not going to ask Buffy for help, and he would do anything he could to not lose, except . . . There was one way, one *sure* way for him to win, but Xander didn't want to do it. He was afraid that if he did it, he might not be able to *un*do it, and he would be lost forever. But he couldn't let Angel win, let Angel win and go and do some more evil stuff. So he would have to make a sacrifice . . . God, he never thought he'd actually be making a sacrifice for anything or anybody. He never seen himself as that kind of person. But, he had been through a lot of changes . . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- They all knew that it was rude, sick, and disgusting to watch this fight, but they couldn't help it. Xander had been hinting for centuries that he was going to end Angel, but they had never truly believed it. Now that it was two vampires against each other in a definite fight-to-the-death, their eyes were glued to the scene, not one able to tear their gaze away. "He's going to die," Willow mumbled to herself, not even noticing that she and Cordelia, enemies to the last, were hugging each other in fear that the one thing they both loved might be gone soon. "He hasn't a chance." "I know," Cordelia mumbled back, her grip on Willow's arm tightening as Xander took a hard blow to the head. "I know." "I can't *believe* he won't let me help him," Buffy said with clenched jaws and fists. Her way of expressing her fear at the moment was through anger. "I swear, if he doesn't get better . . . I'm going to jump in there anyway. He can't expect me to just *sit* here. I have to-" her voice choked up and she couldn't finish her sentence. The three girls and the boy sat there, trying to find a way to get through this, when Angel tripped Xander and got on top of him. The older man grabbed a fist full of Xander's hair *my god he's going to rip his head off* Buffy thought and moved his arm back to yank . . . "NO!" Buffy screamed, completely disobeying Xander and running towards the two. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- He was going to pull the bugger's head off, going to pull it off and watch everything turn to dust, when he received a well-aimed kick in the manly parts. With a grunt, Angel let go of Xander's head and rolled off to him. No sooner than in a second was he picked up by the folds of his jacket and throw over the backyard fence into the front yard. Having thrown him, Xander ran and took a flying leap over the fence, landing right before the crumpled heap of Angel. He grabbed his jacket again and threw him onto the top of the pointy, sharp, chain-link fence. Angel screamed in pain as his wrist was impaled by all the little bits of metal atop the fence. They were quickly out, thought, as Xander kicked his legs and sent him over the fence, Angel landing on his face in a pile of dog manure. Now he was picked up by his back, and flung back into the yard. His head rammed into an obstacle, and looked up to see his face dangerously close to a chip of oak. He quickly scrambled away, intent on trying to find a way to get away from this newly motivated creation of his. But it was futile. Someone grabbed him by the hair and yanked his head up, turning his head around in almost a full Exorcist twist, had he not moved his body also. Xander loomed over him, with a sparkling grin filled with sparkling fangs and the glow of the sheer kill in his eyes. "I knew I was going to be there when you died," he chuckled, tightening his grip on Angel's scalp. "I just didn't know I'd be the one to do it." With that said, he lifted Angel up off the floor by the hair. Closing his eyes, Angel moaned and prayed to whatever merciful God there was. But it was no use. Xander intended to finish what he had begun. With a grunt, Xander picked him up and threw him into the center of the oak tree. The large, spindling branches on the tree went right through Angel's body, impaling him to the oak. In the center of it, one large, thick branch stuck straight out of his heart, and Angel reachedo ut to touch it with one weakening hand. "Damn," he whispered incredulously before he turned into dust. . . . End of this chapter. The next one will be the last. ~Shadows~ . . . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Charisma Summers" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sagesse 1/? Date: 14 Dec 1998 19:43:39 PST Title: Sagesse (Part 1/?) Author: Watcher Girl (Prue) E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com Distribution: Just let me know first. Rating: R or TV MA but at the moment a very sensible G Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters could interact. Sometimes you think about life and think of how everything should be, but it never is. But that's life so you deal with it. When you're thin and gorgeous and have the most amazing blonde hair that shimmers when hit by the sun and you don't think you can deal with it you have a huge problem. Not that the problem is huge - just not in perspective. That is how Buffy feels - alone, misunderstood, mistreated, used, vulnerable and lost. She has friends, good friends, that look out for her and try their best to understand. But they never will. They couldn't possibly begin to comprehend. She lives with the constant threat, the danger, of being killed. How could *they* imagine. Their petty problems - how can missing a date with some dropkick footballer compare to dying. To being killed by your nemesis. Only your nemesis if they win isn't head cheerleader - your nemesis is the master of the world. As Buffy sat in the school cafeteria she dwelled on these thoughts. "Bad thoughts" she murmured out loud. "Huh?" replied Xander. It was obvious to everyone that Xander had the hots for Buffy. Buffy knew but chose to ignore. It didn't help that Xander had broken protocol and actually confessed his feelings for his friend. The newfound truth caused unease within the triangle. The triangle consisted of Xander, Buffy and Willow. The unease was caused by Willow having the hots for Xander and Xander having the hots for Buffy and Buffy having the hots...well it seemed no one. "What did you say Buf?" inquired Willow between spoonfuls of today's delightful green Jell-O dessert. "Uh, elsewhere to be - chatter in the caf later. Okay guys?" Buffy said hastily. Xander and Willow nodded in unison. "What do you suppose is up?" inquired Xander as soon as Buffy had disappeared. "Slayer stuff" said Willow matter-of-factly. Xander and Willow exchanged glances and nodded knowingly. Then they went back to their Jell-O. Buffy had to get away from the sickly sweetness of her friends. Their sugarcoated lives made her sick to the stomach. Whoop-de-do if Xander had unrequited love for Buffy. Oh, to be burdened with his troubles thought Buffy. Willow was no better, pining for Xander. How pathetic. Willow had two parents who loved each other, loved her, never fought and no embarrassing secrets to hide. The fool didn't realise she had everything Buffy wanted. Buffy didn't know it but soon she was running through the school halls. Running from what troubled her, running from the normality of everyone at Sunnydale High. Running from her life - or was it life in general she wanted release from. The slayer sprinted past empty classrooms, empty hallways, people with empty minds. She was almost out of the walls that confined her and into the warm, sunlit grounds that beckoned her when she slammed into Giles. Giles went flying back with the force of which Buffy knocked him. The slayer and the watcher were sprawled on the floor of the Sunnydale corridor. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" questioned Giles as soon as he caught his breath. "Like it matters" snapped Buffy and she sprang unto her feet like she had so many times before in training. From the floor where Giles lay he was getting frustrated with this new attitude of Buffy's. Ever since her experience with the master in his lair she had been acting strangely. Giles got up and grabbed Buffy's arm. "Listen, it does matter. I think we need to talk. I think that perhaps we should discuss some of your, ahem, *issues*" Giles said in a typically insensitive manner. Typically English. Giles led Buffy back to the library. Classes had begun but Buffy decided to blow them off. Who'd notice? Who'd care? The pair walked through the stacks and then sat down in Giles office. "Cute" quipped Buffy. "Excuse me?" said Giles defensively. "The 'Rupert Giles' header - very cute" replied Buffy - very coolly. "No need to be so patronizing. Listen Buffy - you need to work things out or..." "Or I won't be able to save the world. Yeah, I know." interrupted Buffy. "No, or you'll self destruct - this isn't healthy" Giles said with concern dripping form his words and despair scrawled all over his face. "Who cares if I self destruct? There'll be another slayer. You can watch over someone else. My mother would be sad but I'd really be doing her a favour. My father probably wouldn't notice I was gone until a month after the event. Sure Willow and Xander would be upset, they may even miss me, but they have each other. I'm replaceable therefore I'm destructible". "Do you really believe that?" asked Giles, almost sympathetically. "Sure - why not." replied Buffy non-chalantly. "Because it is so far from the truth it's not funny. That's why" replied Giles, searching Buffy's face for a response. Buffy held back the tears and all the other emotions that she didn't want to come flooding out of her. She just acted disinterested in the vain attempt to hide true feelings. Buffy just sort of grunted in answer to Giles last statement. He was so confused. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how. Being British didn't help things in the slightest. "I don't know what you're feeling, or what you're thinking. I couldn't possibly begin to understand and I'm certainly not that presumptuous. If you want to talk or just sit or if you want me to leave you the hell alone, I'll do whatever you want, but I can't read your mind so tell me how I can help you." Giles informed Buffy and then proceeded to pinch his nose. A sure sign of Giles' exasperation. Buffy absorbed everything Giles had just said. Her icy front had melted and she felt more vulnerable sitting in that uncomfortable chair in Giles' office than she had ever felt before. Buffy had lost control of herself and what started as a whimper soon turned into a total breakdown. Buffy sobbed uncontrollably and tears flooded from her eyes and down her face. Her face was completely tear stained and her eyes looked pained. Not from the crying but from the burdens she constantly carried. Giles was confused. He wanted a reaction from Buffy - this just wasn't the desired result. Giles got up from his leather seat and approached Buffy. He was standing approximately a foot from Buffy and was unsure as to what to do. He kneeled so that he and Buffy would be at eye level. He searched her eyes looking for answers. He retrieved a handkerchief from his blazer pocket. He wiped the tears from Buffy's face. This simple gesture only caused a further flood of tears. Buffy was emotionally tired. She just slumped in her chair and in the same movement her head rested on Giles' shoulder. He placed his hand on her head and gently stroked her hair. It surprised him how gentle it was. Buffy continued to sob and soon Giles' vest had a soaked spot from Buffy's tears. Buffy tried to pull herself together. She shifted uneasily away from Giles. She stared at the floor. Her eyes began to well up as she softly murmured "sorry" to Giles. The poor girl looked so lost and betrayed. Giles shushed her in attempt to reassure her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I . . ." stammered Buffy. "Ssh, I'll hear none of it. I'm here. That's all that matters" Giles told her. Buffy looked at Giles and for the first time really saw him. He was no longer knowledge boy but something much more. She had never even thought of him as a friend before. Obviously he meant more to her than she had ever realised, or allowed herself to believe. He cared more for her than her supposed friends, Xander and Willow did. He knew how to get her to open up, to get over herself and most importantly to let her know she was needed. Did she want to be needed? Maybe. Did she want to be loved by someone, completely, without question, without doubt, without reason? No, she needed it - more than air to breathe she needed love to live. But who could give her the love she needed, the love she deserved. Then as suddenly as she had broken down she had the answer. Giles. Giles cared for her. Giles devoted his life to protecting her. She realised that she could tell Giles anything, she could trust Giles completely and they shared a bond that wouldn't, couldn't be broken. Together they made a whole - it just felt right. Buffy leaned into Giles and whispered in his ear "Thank You". Giles took Buffy by her hands and lifted her to her feet. As she stood before him Giles smiled sweetly. Still holding her he used his right hand to brush her golden hair behind her ears. Such a graceful movement, then he let his hand trail down the outline of her face. She savoured his touch - she hadn't longed for it yet she did. She felt loved, she felt wanted, she felt alive. She moved closer to Giles and placed her hands behind his back. She laid her head on Giles' shoulder and he could fell her breath on his nape. Giles was taken aback. He was delighted by her breath, her touch, her total being. He had never imagined Buffy in such a capacity. She was so young but so willing to learn, to "grow up". She was mature beyond her years and couldn't understand how that could be a blessing as well as a burden. He wanted to let her know how he felt - but that would only add to her problems, or so he thought. Giles placed his arms around Buffy's waist. She was so comforted by Giles gestures that she never wanted to leave him. They were both so content in being wrapped in each other's arms, neither wanted to move. Buffy placed her lips on his and gave a gentle kiss, then softly whispered "Thank You". Giles merely smiled that wry smile of his and nervously pushed his glasses closer to his eyes with his index finger. "Anytime" replied Giles, a little too friendly, a little too eager than he had anticipated. Buffy smiled sweetly and placed her hand on his face. She gazed into his amazing hazel eyes and unknowingly their lips were interlocked. Their passion surged from their souls and they were so complete in being together. Neither of them could imagine life without the other. Buffy tugged at the Windsor knot in Giles' tie. It slowly loosened. She then undid the first few buttons of his shirt. Giles stepped away. He looked as Buffy and he knew he loved her but that was no reason to take advantage of her. After all he was a gentleman. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (15/15) Date: 15 Dec 1998 17:05:43 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows E-MAIL: Titanic437@aol.com DISTRIBUTION: Oh please oh please oh please oh PLEASE!!! E-mail me for permission! DISCLAIMER: I dun't own dem RATING: PG-13 for this chapter, definitely NOTE: I started this story with a sequel in mind . . . that's why some things aren't explained . . . can I have your opinion as to if I should . . . 'cause now I'm not so sure . . . Titanic437@aol.com Twilight - Chapter 15 Xander stood there, staring at the tree limb that had killed Angel, completely still. His boy and face were as rigid as stone, and cold, hard eyes like marble continued to glare at the limb. He was wounded so tight, in fact, that he began to shiver and shake with fury, and then just collapsed to the floor. Buffy, who had been standing there stock-still like an idiot, ran towards her friend. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him tight into a hug. She could feel the spreading wetness of his tears on the sleeve of her shoulders as she shed tears of her own. "God, Xander, I'm so sorry . . ." she whispered to him, the tone in her voice begging her to forgive him for the all the pain she had wrought. For all the pain *he* had wrought. For everything . . . The other Slayerette's caught up with them, Cordelia dropping to her knees besides her boyfriend and hugging him tight. "Oh Xander," she whispered, crying herself. "I can't believe . . . I can't believe . . ." she didn't try to go on, just rocked herself and Xander together, as he abandoned the comfort of Buffy's arms for her. As Willow got her turn and Oz came to say whatever he was gonna say, Buffy turned around to the oak tree *The oak'll win in the end* to the spot where Angel had died. She reached out to touch the limb, her fingers twining around the thick bark, tightening to that pieces flaked off and dug into her hand. Her eyes teared up, mourning for a lover and enemy lost. It had been unbearable to watcher Xander practically annihilate Angelus, but it needed to be done and never in the world could she have done it. It was inevitable . . . Angel's fate. "Hey." Buffy turned around, startled, at the sound of the voice and the hand on her shoulder. It was just Xander, standing there with the strangest expression on his face, one completely unreadable. His eyes were so deep now, so very deep . . . and his whole meaner was saddened by the weight- "Of being lost," Xander finished her thought. "I now. I don't think I'll ever lose this look." Buffy gave him a confused expression. How had she known what she was thinking. "Empathy, I think," Xander answered. "I think it's pretty common with vampires." Buffy let out a little half smile as a twinkle in Xander's eye appeared. "Where are the others?" she asked, suddenly realizing they were alone. "I asked . . . to be with you. To talk with you. So they went to the library, and Cordelia . . . I think she went with them or, or maybe upstairs. I'm not sure." "Oh," Buffy said. She must've been thinking for awhile now. How time flies by. She was going to say something else when Xander extended his hand. "Grab it," he told her. When she gave him a confused look again, he continued to hold out his hand. "*Grab* it. It'll be cool." "Um, ok." Buffy grabbed on to the hand-tightly-not knowing exactly what he was gonna do. Xander grinned, look up at the tree, and Buffy looked to where his gaze rested. And then, with a sudden whoosh of air, they were there. "I jumped," Xander enthused, his manner a bit light and teasing, and Buffy took amoment to catch her breath once they were in the higher levels of the oak tree. "I just found out I could do that . . . and I guess I wanted to show you." Buffy smiled weakly. "Yeah, that was something." Then a silence fell between them, uncomfortable and long. Xander looked up at the sky, which had changed from it's dark black to a beautiful deep blue, knowing that in seven minutes or so he would have to run for cover. "It's twilight," he whispered, thinking of the passage from Reginald's Watcher Diary. "The darkness after sunset." Buffy blinked back sentimental tears and joined her arm with Xander's. "Twilight is also the time before the sunrise," she told him, a tear escaping and sliding down her cheek. "A time to let go of the old, and new beginnings . . . and stuff, ya know?" Xander smiled at her little try at poetry, and reached out to wipe the tear from her face. He did it slowly, sensually, looking deep into Buffy's eyes all the while. He let his finger trace from her cheek down to her neck, where he traced it off to just the top of her breasts and then let go. "Just one kiss," he breathed, leaning in. Buffy didn't objected. She closed her eyes and felt the soft, satiny touch of Xander's lips on hers. His kiss . . . he was a wonderful kisser. She was enthralled, caught up in the sensuality of the kiss, and she kissed back harder, pressing her body against his. He wrapped his arm around her, leaning in, and for a moment they traded tongues. It was heaven. It felt like heaven to her. Nothing with Angel . . . expect perhaps the sex . . . had ever been this good. She didn't know that Xander was capable of making her feel this way. But oh, now that he was . . . it was heaven. Xander let go of the kiss and Buffy took a deep breath. She closed her eyes in contentment as Xander's mouth moved down her chin and by her ear. "Xander, don't . . . stop, please. I need this. I need this so much." She wrapped her arms around him, entwining her hands into his thick black curls. Her leg inched up his, utterly caught up in the moment . . . And then she felt the cool, cold fangs sliding into her neck, and fuzzy sensation created around the area that Xander had pierced. And icy shock ran through her entire body as he began to drink, and with all her might, Buffy tried to push him away. Kick him away. Anything. But she was frozen to the spot, unable to move as her fragile life was taken from her. Xander let go of her and watched her dried husk of a body fall to his feet and then continued to fall from the tree like the different layers of the branches were macabre stairs. His mouth was covered in blood, but that was not unusual to see on a vampire who had made their first kill. The lukewarm blood was slowly chilled as it was exposed to the air, and Xander's tongue darted out to lick the remains of the blood that was once so bittersweet, and now so crisp and fresh unlike anything he had ever tasted. But still . . . the blood of the Slayer wasn't really what it was hyped up to be. Xander dropped from the tree, landing gracefully on to legs. This alone thrilled him, beyond the fact that pure energy and power was now pumping through his veins. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky. It was lighter now, and twilight was fading. He would have to go inside soon. He could hear the whine of cop cars in the near distance. Some neighbor had heard the ruckus and reported it. Now he really had to move. As Xander walked away, he took a mental picture of Buffy's body, dried and dead. "Yes, Buffy, that's right," he whispered, reveling in all of it. "A time to let go of the old. A time for new beginnings." . . . The End. Feedback *wanted*! ~Shadows~ . . . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Charisma Summers" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sagesse 2/? Date: 15 Dec 1998 18:19:20 PST Title: Sagesse (Part 2/?) Author: Watcher Girl E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com Distribution: Just let me know first. Rating: R or TV MA Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters could interact. "Buffy … I … *ahem* I…" stammered Giles. "Giles, if you don't want to … I'm sorry, I thought…" "No, no. I thought you…" "No" Buffy laughed. "Oh" Giles realised. With that he preceded to remove his vest. Buffy continued to unbutton his shirt. His torso was surprisingly toned. She had imagined, well, a librarian'' stomach not a body builder's. Buffy gently guided her hand against the firmness of Giles' stomach. Giles let her fingers run through Buffy's hair and when they got to the end they gently rested on her shoulder. He massaged her shoulders and he could feel the tension being released. Giles' hand slipped under Buffy's halter-top to rest on the small of her back. He drew Buffy into him and held her in a passionate embrace. Again, their lips met, adrenaline pumped through their veins and their tongues sought refuge in each other's mouth. The power that they felt was unimaginable, unprecedent and completely theirs. The bell sounded. "Damn!" Giles swore as he quickly left Buffy's lips. "Huh?" Buffy said as she came for air. "The bell went " informed Giles. "Point?" "That *damn* Calender woman wants to show me how to zipper files" "Uh, zip?" "Something to that affect" Giles replied. It suddenly dawned on Buffy that she was going to have to leave. "So…" Buffy started. "Damn Calender. Let's say 8:00pm at my place tonight…" "And we'll continue where we left off" Buffy finished. "It's a date" Giles confirmed before placing a gentle kiss on his slayer's cheek. With that she turned and her blonde hair swayed as she left the room. Giles heaved a sigh of contentment. Even if Giles thought it would be hell trying to survive Ms. Calender's computer lesson the thought of Buffy made things bearable. -----,-'----@ ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Charisma Summers" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sagesse 3/? Date: 15 Dec 1998 18:21:05 PST Title: Sagesse (Part 3/?) Author: Watcher Girl E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com Distribution: Just let me know first. Rating: R or TV MA Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters could interact. Giles sighed and removed his glasses. That Calander woman had been exasperating - she was the epitome of what he imagined most *Ameicans* to be. Unfortunately, he was right. Buffy however was an exception, but then again she was exceptional. Giles thought about Buffy. About the first time he met her - she was so unique - so unlike any other slayer before her. Giles then reminisced about the first time he loved. The way he felt about Buffy was so different to the way he felt then. The way he felt about Buffy was real and intense - a feeling of completion. Just as Giles was about to sigh he heard a familiar voice. "Yo, G-man. Wake up!" a far too exuberant Xander called. "Yeah Giles, time to return from the Land of Nod" Willow chimed. "Huh? Oh! For your information I wasn't sleeping I was, uh, contemplating and Mr. Harris I asked you never to call me that again" replied a not so much frustrated but tired watcher. "Roger that - oh, and stick to Xander" "Where's Buf?" inquired Willow to try and ease the tension of the verbal sparring match that had begun between her best friend and her mentor. "She's not with you?" replied Giles - surprised. "Do you think we'd ask if she was" Xander said coolly. Giles just stared. "We'll check her abode. She's probably just there" Willow again tried to spare a war of words. Willow tugged at Xander's arm and led him out of the library. "Such strange children" Giles uttered out loud, and with that he turned and returned to his office. -----,-'----@ ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Charisma Summers" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sagesse 4-6/? Date: 18 Dec 1998 20:27:47 PST >Did I post part 3? > > >Title: Sagesse (Part 4/?) >Author: Watcher Girl (Prue) >E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com >Distribution: Just let me know first. >Rating: Eventually R or TV MA but at the moment bordering on PG >Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a >soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. >Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who >really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. >Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. >Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If >you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! >Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss >Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this >particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters >could interact. > >Willow and Xander wandered the streets of Sunnydale not really looking >for Buffy but under the proviso of doing just that. > >"So if you were to come back in another form what would you come back >as?" Willow asked Xander. They always did stuff like that - just talked >and asked questions. Normal stuff. > >"Uh, that's a tough one. I would have to say either a bar of soap in the >girl's locker room or a towel in the girl's locker room." Xander >answered. > >"Xander!" Willow shrieked. > >"Oh, can I clarify? Only in the locker rooms when the cheerleaders use >it - not just general PE classes. That could be, well, icky!" > >"You're past help" Willow sighed. > >"Oh, I'd let you in there" Xander grinned impishly. > >Normally Willow would have blushed at such innuendo but today she simply >smiled and said; > >"Well thank you. You're so kind" sarcastically. > >"Anytime" Xander replied sweetly. Xander went on to ask, > >"So your turn, what would you come back as Wil? > >"Uh…" Willow thought for a moment. > >"I guess I would come back as, oh… I don't know. I can't think of >anything" Willow complained. > >"Tell you what, you should come back as ice-cream. That way you'd be >sweet and cool and you could be licked all over" Xander suggested. > >"Xander!" Willow shrieked again and then went on to say how gross and >completely icky that whole thought was. > >"But you're already sweet so you're practically there" > >Willow blushed. > >"It's not a lick but how's this?" and with that Xander stooped down and >kissed Willow on the lips. Willow had never been kissed before. She had >always imagined her first kiss to come from someone special, someone >just right. Xander was just right. > >Xander pulled away to check the damage, to his surprise Willow looked >happy. Not just that, the happiest he had ever seen her, even happier >than after she had hacked into some really secure system. Xander smiled. > >"I could definitely be ice-cream" Willow said and returned her lips to >Xander's. > >-----,-'----@ > >Title: Sagesse (Part 5/?) >Author: Watcher Girl >E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com >Distribution: Just let me know first. >Rating: Eventually R or TV MA currently G >Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a >soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. >Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who >really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. >Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. >Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If >you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! >Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss >Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this >particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters >could interact. > >Giles was at his house pacing. He was mentally making a checklist of >things he had to take care of before 8:00pm. He had to prepare dinner, >chill wine and champagne, make his bed with his favourite black satin >sheets (he wasn't being presumptuous but he loved the sheets even for >solo sleeping), tidy the entire house ( which wasn't particularly >untidy, but Buffy would no doubt snoop through his *whole* house), >*really* clean his kitchen ( after all he is a bachelor), buy some >"normal" snack food ( apparently tea doesn't suffice) and purchase some >coffee ( Taster's Choice is a well known brand :) > >"Oh dear" sighed Giles after making the mental note. > >"Dinner? Dinner?" Giles wondered what to cook for dinner. > >"Ooh . . ." Giles realised. > >". . . candles!" and with that he found his mother's favourite silver >candlestick holder with ornate design covering it. He found 3 unused >beeswax candles and placed them in the holder. He cleaned his house >like a mad man. Once he had cleaned to his satisfaction - which was >practically antiseptic he left for the shops. Tonight was going to be a >night Buffy would never forget. She could count on it. > >-----,-'----@ >Title: Sagesse (Part 6/?) >Author: Watcher Girl (Prue) >E-mail: prue_m@hotmail.com >Distribution: Just let me know first. >Rating: Eventually R or TV MA but at the moment a very sensible G >Spoiler: Jenny's alive, Cordy and Xander aren't going out, Angel has a >soul, there is no Ethan yet. Probably just up to Prophecy Girl. >Summary: Buffy loses it and realises that Giles is the only one who >really knows her. Buffy/Giles shipping and Xander/Willow shipping. >Oh, and Buffy is 17 so everything is legal. >Feedback: Please. I need to know the quality of the stuff I write - If >you hate it let me know and if you love it let me know that as well! >Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Joss >Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I do however own this >particularly sick and twisted version of how the BtVS characters >could interact. > >Over in the Summers' household Buffy was majorly wigging out. She was >tossing clothes, shoes and underwear left, right and centre. Poor Joyce >Summers tried to calm her despairing daughter to no avail. > >"What's so special anyway?" Joyce asked. > >"I have a date!" Buffy exclaimed. > >"Some boy is turning you into a bundle of nerves" Joyce stated rather >than asked. > >"I'm not nervous and he's not just *some* boy" Buffy replied between >numerous outfit changes. > >"So is it serious?" Joyce inquired. > >"I don't know" Buffy stated exasperated. "It's a first date" > >"Oh, when'd you meet him?, what's he like and what's his name?" Joyce >interrogated. > >"At school, really sweet and Ru, uh, Rufus" Buffy fired back in response >only faltering for a moment as to what her mystery man's name was. > >"Well how do you want to look for Rufus? Do you want to go casual, au >natural or do you want to be dressed to impress?" Joyce joked. > >"I want to look stunning, perhaps a little more conservative than usual, >Rufus is an old fashioned kinda guy" Buffy answered. > >"Well then I think I have just the outfit for you" > >"One of yours? Uh . . ." Buffy's words trailed off. > >"Yes one of mine." Joyce spoke indignantly. "One I've had for a very >long time. It's classic. Don't worry, when I was 20 and I wore it I was >your size" > >Buffy followed her mother curiously. Joyce opened her wardrobe and found >the item covered in a dry cleaner's bag. Buffy sat on her mother's bed >patiently. Joyce carefully removed the cover and then showed the dress >to Buffy. > >"It's beautiful Mom" > >Joyce smiled. The dress was all black, crushed velvet, it was knee >length and fitted. The dress had a scoop neck and thin straps. The back >of the dress was cris-crossed in the same material. Buffy put it on. On >Buffy the dress wasn't beautiful - it was breath taking. > >"And now . . . " Joyce started and then moved to her dressing table. >"With these diamond earrings and this necklace . . . " > >Buffy looked at the beautiful jewelry. > >"The necklace was supposed to be for your birthday but I think you'll >appreciate it now." Joyce fastened the thin silver chain around Buffy's >neck. Hanging at the end of the necklace was a small silver cross with a >solitaire diamond in the centre of the cross. > >Buffy stood in front of the mirror. All she had to do now was find the >right pair of shoes and she was set. In her wardrobe she found a pair of >black, high heeled, strappy shoes. Perfect. Tonight was going to be a >night Giles would never forget. > >-----,-'----@ ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Redfire98@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: If Only They Understood (1/1) Date: 19 Dec 1998 18:26:26 EST TITLE: If Only They Understood AUTHOR: Tamara EMAIL: Redfire98@aol.com RATING: PG-13 DISTRIBUTION: My site (http://members.tripod.com/~Aramat1) If you want it, just email me and let me know. SUMMARY: Buffy POV. The title is kinda self explanatory, if you know who "They" are. FEEDBACK: Definitely. I wrote this in an hour and I'd really like to know what you think. Besides, feedback makes me feel good. You want me to be happy, right? DISCLAIMER: Buffy and company aren't mine. They belong to a very evil man named Joss Whedon and some other people who let him act crazy and treat the characters badly. I'm just borrowing them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I love him. Three simple words. So easy to say. Not so easy to feel. I love a lot of people. Mom and Dad, for briging me into the world. Giles, for being the best damn Watcher any Slayer could have. Willow and Xander for just being them. But that's familial love, the kind that comes easy, the kind of unconditional love you give freely to the ones closest to you. What I feel for him is so much more. And they don't understand. It doesn't surprise me. They've never really understood my feelings for Angel. I'm perfectly aware they think it's infatuation, some bundle of overactive, raging hormones taking over my body, overriding my ability to think clearly, clouding my judgement. In some way, they're right. But, overall, they've never been more wrong. What they don't know is that a lot of what I do, I do because of him. There are times when I've wanted so much to give up, to say the hell with Sunnydale and let the world fend for itself for a change. But he never lets me think it for long. He comes along when I need it most, stressing to me just how important my job is, how good I am at it. Telling me why I have to stick with it, why the world is a better place because of me. He tells me how proud he is of me. And then he lets me know that I'm not doing it alone. What they don't know is that I'm a stronger person, a better person, because of him. He understands me better than anyone ever could. He knows how hard it is for me, how tough it is to be who I am. He knows me better than anyone ever will. He's always there when I need him, holding me when I cry, telling me off when I'm not doing my best. Loving me when I feel like everything is going to pieces and the only thing that will make it better is his presence. His love keeps me going. Knowing that there's one person out there who knows me inside and out, who knows all my faults, my weaknesses, my strengths, and still loves me, makes my life a lot easier to bear. That's not to say my hormones aren't involved. They are. Big time. When he looks at me, staring straight into my soul, his eyes dark with desire for me, my knees get weak. When he smiles, that sexy one reserved just for me, a fire ignites inside me and I get hot. When he touches me, his fingers softly stroking my cheek, a current goes through me and I become this breathless, trembling mass of flesh, totally attuned to him. I'd give anything just to have him kiss me, to feel his lips gently caressing mine, to feel his body, hard and strong, against the softness of mine, his cold warmed by my heat. All the passion and desire and love shared between us just builds until I lose all control. The one night we had together, when he worshipped my body with his lips and hands, his tongue doing things to me I never even imagined were possible. When he entered me and our bodies became one, the earth shook and my world shattered around me in a blaze of heat and light. And lying safe and loved in his arms afterward, I suddenly knew where I belonged. Then my heart broke. Losing Angel hurt me so much and I was positive nothing would ever hurt more. Then I lost him again. It was like losing a huge part of me, the part of me that cared whether I lived or died, the part that ever cared about anything or anybody. I was empty, so dead inside that I couldn't laugh or cry or work up enough energy to feel anything at all. I realized then how much Angel meant to me, how important he was, how much I needed him, fighting beside me, protecting me, loving me. But even that wasn't as bad as what we have now. Nothing. Living without him hurts worse than anything. He's in my dreams every night, and things are so perfect there. But when I wake up in the morning instinctively reaching for him, everything comes rushing back and it takes everything I have not to break down and cry. When something happens, he's the first person I want to run to. When life gets tough, he's the one I want to talk to, the only one I know will understand. When I feel like crying, he's the one I want holding me, whispering words of love in my ear, telling me things will be okay. Patrols aren't the same because he's not beside me, offering silent support, letting me know that he'll be there should anything happen. Going home is lonely because I know he won't be there waiting for me. Sleep eludes me because his arms aren't wrapped around me, holding me tight. He's so close and he's the only thing I want. And I can't have him. I'm tired. Tired of hurting. Tired of pretending to everyone that I'm okay, that I don't miss him. Tired of pretending that I don't need him in my life. And, not for the first time, I wish they understood how I feel. I wish I could trust them enough to tell them. The End ~~~~~~~~ Tamara [Redfire98@aol.com] http://members.tripod.com/~Aramat1 http://members.tripod.com/~naughtyslayer http://members.tripod.com/~TheEvilTwins ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (7/?) Date: 20 Dec 1998 11:57:42 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. Torn Part Seven She thinks Oz said it. Oh, damn it. Xander felt like screaming. The one time he'd managed to verbalize what he felt for Willow, and she didn't even know he said it. Worse, she thought someone else had said it. He wanted so badly to tell Willow the truth, that it hadn't been Oz. It had been him. Him. He was the one who loved Willow so much she could feel it even in her comatose state. He who wanted Willow to come back to them so badly. Him who didn't know how he could live his life without Willow. But telling Willow might shatter everything she'd held on to these last few months. Might make her current position of being stuck between Xander and Oz even worse. He didn't want to hurt her more than he already had. Oz had looked surprised. He hadn't known Xander had said it either. He must have come into the room after Xander uttered the words. Oz was watching him right now, waiting, waiting to see what Xander was going to do. Xander sighed. He wasn't going to tell her. ***** "What?" Willow asked, looking back and forth between the two boys. Why were they exchanging strange looks. Why had Oz looked so surprised? Why was Xander looking like his heart was about to break? Xander sighed. "Nothing, Will," he said. Willow studied him for a moment. The look on his face did not say "nothing". She turned her gaze to Oz. Oz was looking at the floor, an expression on his face of indecision. Something was going on. The entire mood of the room had changed since she'd related her side of what happened in the hospital. Something was missing. Something felt off. Granted, they were Spike's prisoners in the basement, but still. "What is going on?" Willow demanded again. ***** Oz let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when Xander said "nothing". He hadn't told her. But then a pang of guilt hit him. Okay, fine, Xander wasn't going to tell her. Which meant Willow was going to believe Oz had said it. But that wasn't true. Which meant Willow was basing her feelings on something that wasn't real. He didn't want that. He knew he should speak up, tell Willow it was Xander. But he was so afraid of losing her. He finally had her back. Would it be total stupidity to tell her the truth? Would it change everything? He stole another look at Xander, sprawled out on the bed. His eyes were closed but his expression looked hopeless. Like a man who'd lost something he loved very much and wouldn't ever have a chance to regain it. Oz knew how Xander felt. Oz cleared his throat. "Will, I have something to tell you." "What is it?" Willow asked. Out of the corner of his eye Oz saw Xander's eyes open and the boy sit up on the edge of the bed. Xander was giving him a huge "No, don't tell her!" look. But he wasn't going to pay attention. "That night at the hospital?" Willow nodded. Oz sighed before continuing. "As much as I hate to admit it, I didn't tell you I loved you." He stopped for a second, letting Willow absorb the words. She looked confused. He didn't blame her. "It was Xander," Oz finished. ***** Willow felt like the rug had been yanked out from under her. If she hadn't already been sitting, she felt like she would have fallen. "What?" she asked in disbelief. "Xander was the one who told you he loved you," Oz repeated. "Not me. I do love you, Willow, so much. But I didn't say it that night." "Xander?" Willow asked in a small voice. Xander was staring at the floor, not meeting Willow's eyes. "Yeah," he replied. "It was me." Willow felt tears come to her eyes for unknown reasons. Everything she'd been believing since that night felt fake. She felt like a fool. Another thought occured to her. How much it must have hurt Xander to hear her say it was Oz who said those words. Words that had meant so much to her. Words that convinced her this person was the one for her. Xander said it. Not Oz. Not Oz. Xander. Xander loved her that much. The door at the top of the stairs flew open again. But this time it was Buffy who stepped through and not Spike. "Hey guys," Buffy said. "Having a party?" She was answered by silence. End Part Seven ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Pallia3963@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chandrea 2/? REPOST Date: 20 Dec 1998 22:28:08 EST TITLE: Chandrea AUTHOR: Pallia (Blu) Kennelly RATING: Right now, PG or PG-13. Later, some parts will be NC-17, so you'll have to ask me to send you those. DISTRIBUTION: Anyone who wants it can take it! It'll be on my site, too. (http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Location/8774/index.html) CONTENT: There's a new Slayer in town, and she brings bad tidings to Sunnyhell! SPOILERS: Whatever episode that Spike and Dru came to Sunnyhell. FEEDBACK: Please? I'll love you forever if you do. "Okay, it's official," Chandrea said as she and Willow walked out of class= . "I am now completely and totally confused. The chaos theory is so fricking *hard*! I can't understand how you find it so simple! You must be a super- genius!" "I've been working on it for a while, remember? But what about your old ma= th class? Did you at least start on it?" "No, we were going over polar equations again. A lot of people forgot how = they worked. We were going to do the chaos theory later." Chandrea stopped in front of her locker. "Hold on. I have to put my book a= way and get my keys out. I am *so* glad Snyder let me have off-campus lunch." ""He *let* you have off-campus lunch? How? What'd you do? Threaten you wit= h bodily harm or something?" Chandrea laughed. "No, I'm just a special circumstance. I live by myself, = and I told him I need to go home during lunch to feed my grem...ah, my cats. I= t's not entirely true, but he doesn't need to know that." "You live by yourself? What happened to your parents? Did you emancipate yourself from them?" "No, not exactly. They were killed not all that long ago, and I won the ri= ght from the courts to live by myself. I was deemed =91responsible enough to p= rovide for myself'. I've been =91providing' for myself for most of my life. It am= uses me that it took a court to make it legal." "So you went through your parents death, a court battle over you, and now = you move to *this* town. Don't you feel a little...pressured?" Chandrea shrugged. "Yeah, but I've been under pressure for most of my life= . I've gotten used to it." < It was either that or go mad. > She shut her locker, and was about to say more when someone called her name. "Chan! Over here!" Chandrea looked towards the direction of the voice. Whe= n she saw the person calling her, she grinned and shouted back, "How many ti= mes do I have to tell you, stupid? It's *Drea*! Get your sorry butt over here = so I can kick it like I told you I would if you ever called me that again!" A tall, grinning guy pushed his way through the crowd. He got to Chandrea'= s side, and immediately fell to his knees. He looked up pleadingly at her. "= Oh please, fair maiden, I beg of you not to damage my unworthy a--" "Enough!" Chandrea laughed. "Get up. You look idiotic, kneeling there on t= he floor." He bounced up. Chandrea turned to Willow. "He's absolutely impossible. And= do you have any idea who he is?" "Well, I know his name is Ronan, but that's about it." "Ah! Well, then, Willow, let me cordially introduce you to Ronan Haraldsso= n, my physics lab partner--" "I was gracious enough to let her join me," Ronan interrupted, grinning. Chandrea glared at him. "That's because you were the only reject *without*= a partner. Now, like I was saying, this is Ronan, my lab partner, and the cl= own that's in my first four classes. *Much* to my dismay," she added, grinning= at him. "First four?" Willow asked, frowning. "Is he in math with us? I didn't see= him there." "Nope. But we've both got zero-period. It's a drag, but I couldn't decide = if I wanted to take computers or band. So I chose both." "I see. What's your zero-period?" Willow asked, curious. "Physics," Chandrea said. She made a face. "Physics early in the morning i= s not *my* idea of fun, but it was the only zero-period with seats left in i= t. So I got stuck with it." "And you got stuck with him, too," Willow said, smiling impishly at Ronan. "How much you must suffer!" Chandrea smirked. "You read my mind." She looked at her ring watch. "Hmph.= I need to go. God, how I hate going anywhere by myself. < Even on patrol...t= he buddy system is a wonderful thing! > Ronan slung an arm around her shoulders. "Then take us with you!" Chandrea poked him. "Duh, Ronan. This isn't exactly an off-campus lunch school! Snyder would have our heads!" "He would have *our* heads, Ronan said as he pointed to Willow and himself= "if we did that by ourselves. But *you*, the precious extra ordinary student *with* us, we won't get in trouble. Snyder adores you." Chandrea made another face. "Eewww. I'm adored by an impotent, bald little Nazi man. I feel all icky!" Willow giggled. "Impotent, bald little Nazi man? Where'd you get that?" "Cordelia. I heard her talking about Snyder to a bunch of her little frien= ds. Are they all as snobby as she?" "Yeah. Harmony's usually worse." "Harmony. What a weird name. Do you suppose her parents were hippies?" Ronan snickered. "Probably. She has that air headed way about her that peo= ple get from their druggie parents." Chandrea rolled her eyes. "Where *do* you get your logic, boy? You don't inherit airheadedness from druggie parents. Drugs have nothing to do with = it. It's just the way you want to act. And I'm beginning to wonder: how did we= get on the subject of airheadedness, anyway? Never mind," she said as Ronan op= ened his mouth to reply "I don't want to know. Or remember. Whatever. You guys gonna come along with me or what?" Ronan grinned. "Finally you come to the point. Yes, I accept your kind invitation." Chandrea poked him. "Hush. And get your arm off me. It's been there far to= o long." He removed the arm, looking insulted. Chandrea looked aggrieved. "Oh, for = the love of-- never mind. Willow, come? Please? Don't leave me alone with...hi= m." Willow looked as if she was having a minor crisis. "Well, I...yes--wait...no--maybe...oh, Xander!" she said, the last word coming ou= t almost as a shout. Ronan and Chandrea appeared decidedly confused for a moment. Chandrea spok= e first. "Um...I see. Could you make any less sense, Willow? Did you want Xa= nder to come with us?" "Uh...yeah?" "And where would he be? We can't take him if we can't find him." "We usually meet in the cafeteria. It's like a tradition thing. Or at leas= t it used to be. Me, Xander, Buf--" Willow broke off, eyes filling with tears. Chandrea bit her lip. She had an idea of what Willow was going to say. "Buffy?" she asked softly. Willow nodded, eyes threatening to spill over. = < Buffy...the previous Slayer. Does Willow know how she died? Well, I certai= nly can't ask her about it now. Wouldn't be a good idea. From the way she's looking now, she just might burst into tears. I hate when people cry. Am I Miss Insensitive or what? > Ronan appeared extremely uncomfortable. "Xander? Remember him? Can we go f= ind him now? Please?" < Men. > Chandrea sighed mentally. "Sure, let's go find Xander. Just one question. Where's the cafeteria?" Glad to have a distraction, Willow started forward. "This way." Chandrea and Ronan followed her. "How'd you know about Buffy?" Ronan asked quietly, making sure Willow couldn't hear. "She died before you came." "Didn't I tell you that I lived in L.A. before I came here? At home, Buffy= was still a legend for burning down her school gym." "She did what?" "Don't tell me you hadn't heard about it. News like that usually travels pretty fast." "No, actually, I hadn't heard it. Why'd she do it anyway?" "I'm not sure. Some say she was some sort of pyromaniac, others say she wa= s a psycho." < And still others know the truth...she burned it down to kill vampires. > "She sure didn't act psycho. Snyder was of another opinion on that, though= ." "He would be," Chandrea muttered. "Hey, is this the cafeteria? Or is it ju= st some other place where mass amounts of people gather to eat?" She looked around. It was very loud, and full of strange, new people. < Scary. > Chan= drea shuddered. < ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Pallia3963@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chandrea 3/? Date: 20 Dec 1998 22:30:24 EST TITLE: Chandrea AUTHOR: Pallia (Blu) Kennelly RATING: Right now, PG or PG-13. Later, some parts will be NC-17, so you'll have to ask me to send you those. DISTRIBUTION: Anyone who wants it can take it! It'll be on my site, too. (http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Location/8774/index.html) CONTENT: There's a new Slayer in town, and she brings bad tidings to Sunnyhell! SPOILERS: Whatever episode that Spike and Dru came to Sunnyhell. FEEDBACK: Please? I'll love you forever if you do. They all got into the parking lot without any more problems. Chandrea unlo= cked her car, and everyone got it. "Now," she said as she pulled out of the par= king lot, "where to?" "McDonalds!" Xander demanded. "Burger King!" Ronan said, turning around to glare Xander, who glared back= . "Um...Wendys?" Willow tentatively asked. "Oooh, good suggestion, Willow," Chandrea said. "I love Wendys' pitas. We'= ll go there." "Hey! Whatever happened to *our* say?" Ronan protested. "Well, you and Xander *certainly* wouldn't be able to decide by yourselves= . Besides, Wendys is better, and I'm driving, so what I like, we do." "But that's not fair!" "Whoever said life was fair? And, like I said before, I'm driving and we g= o where I want. If you don't like that, fine. You can go walk to Burger King= ." Ronan subsided. Chandrea smirked, and pulled up to the drive-through. "Goo= d thing this place is so close," she murmured. "Okay. What does everybody wa= nt?" "Uh...a double cheeseburger meal, large fries, large coke, and a five-piec= e chicken nuggets," Xander decided. "That sounds good," Ronan said. "I'll have the same." Chandrea turned and stared at Xander, then at Ronan. "Are you two serious? That's like...two meals!" They both nodded. Chandrea sighed. "I will *never* understand guys," she muttered. "Willow? What do you want?" "Um...a chicken c=E6sar pita, please." "Mmm...I love those. I'm going to have the same," Chandrea said as she tur= ned back around. She ordered, and blanched at the cost. "You two *better* have enough money pay," she told Ronan and Xander. "Don't worry, I do," said Ronan. Xander looked a little worried and began digging in his pockets. Willow handed the money lying next to him on the s= eat. "Oh. Thanks, Will." Chandrea restrained herself. "Money, please," she requested. A various assortment of bills came to her. She sighed, then sorted them in= to some semblance of order. "Let's see...that's $23...Xander, give me the oth= er two dollars." Xander grinned as he passed the two dollars up. He noticed Willow's glare.= "I was just seeing if she'd notice!" he said defensively. "Sure you were," Chandrea muttered as she gave the money to the person in = the window. She waited again until the window opened again and the food came. She took= it, then pulled into the parking lot. "Hey, what're we doing?" Xander asked. "Pulling into the parking lot. Do you actually *think* I'd take fast food = back to school?" "Oh. Good point!" Chandrea just smiled and turned the car off, and unbuckled her seat belt. = She passed the food back. She opened the wrapper to her pita, and was about to take a bite when she felt a sudden chill. < Feels like somebody is watchin= g me... > Then she saw him. He was in a car. A brownish-yellow one. She couldn't see him too clearly, = as most of the windows were covered by some kind of heavy black cloth. Only t= he front right passenger seat was uncovered, and even then, there was only ab= out half a foot square to see through. All she could see was his face. He had dark, spiky hair, but she couldn't = see if it was brown or black. The clearest she could make out were his eyes. T= hey were dark brown...and staring straight at her. Chandrea felt a momentary shock as his eyes met hers. In them, she saw pai= n, anger, self-loathing...and wonder? < Wonder directed at who? Me? > They st= ared at each other for a few minutes, then someone in the car spoke. "Hey, Cha--uh, Drea? You okay?" Chandrea tore her eyes away from the stranger's. "What?" she asked vaguely= . "Are you okay?" Ronan repeated. "Oh. Um, yeah. I'm fine." She looked over again, but the car was already halfway out of the parking space. "Do you know that person?" Willow asked. "Know who?" Chandrea asked stupidly. Then realization dawned. "Oh! The guy= in the car? No, I don't know him." "Then why were you two staring at each other for so long?" questioned Xand= er. "I--I don't know. He just...caught my eye or something." Chandrea picked u= p her pita and began eating, signaling question time was over. After an init= ial pause, the other three continued eating too. The ride back was silent. Willow, Xander and Ronan were curious about the stranger in the car, but Chandrea obviously did not want to talk about him= . The ride back to school was uneventful. They got back into school without anyone really noticing. Chandrea started heading towards her locker as soo= n as she entered the door. "Chandrea, what class do you have next?" Willow asked. "Uh...Wind Ensemble. After that, I've got computers." "What computer teacher?" "Miss Calendar, I think." "Oh, good! That's what me and Xander have, too." Chandrea smiled. "Good. What about you, Ronan?" "Oh, I've got Calendar next and Brian sixth. Guess I'm not in any more of = your classes." "Well, it's not exactly like we don't have any together. We *do* have the = same first four periods." "True. Well, I"ll see you guys later, ok? Brian hates for us to be late." Ronan walked off. Willow sighed. "We should go too. Me and Xander both have P.E. next, and i= t takes forever to dress." Chandrea laughed. "Don't I know it. Well, see you sixth period. Bye!" "Bye!" < Well > Chandrea thought as she headed towards her locker again < it wasn= 't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I actually kinda made friends. > S= he opened up her locker and took out her flute. She shut the locker again and headed down the hall. She didn't know the room number, but she could tell which one was the band room by the stream of sound already coming out the door. < I hope they're just practising. If they expect me to believe that's musi= c, well... > Chandrea peeked into the room. Inside, she saw only a few people. < Hmmm..= .one clarinet, two trumpets, and an alto sax. Wow. I must be early. I *hope* I'= m early. > She walked in and looked around. < Oh, crap. Where's the teacher? > The clarinet player stopped playing and looked at her. She smiled, if somewhat nervously, and continued looking around. < Those two trumpets are making enough noise for fifty. > A man came out of a back room. He saw Chandrea, and walked over. "Are you Chandrea Fraser?" he asked. She nodded. "Good. We needed another flute player. We've already had three switch out.= The only one left is Jordan." "Three already switched out?" Chandrea looked a little worried. "Is this c= lass really hard?" The teacher laughed. "Some people believe so. But with your reputation, fr= om what I've heard, you can handle it." "I have a *reputation*? Who gave it to me? Is it bad? Is it good? How well known am I?" She asked incredulously. "Don't worry. It's good. And as far as who gave it to you, I don't know. A= nd you are pretty well known. There aren't many students who can play The Fli= ght of the Bumblebee almost as well as a professional." "Oh. Okay then. Where am I supposed to sit?" "Why don't you sit in the front row? By Allen." "Allen?" Chandrea said blankly. "The clarinet player." "Ah. Thank you...Mr. Abigana, right?" "Mr. A." "Mr. A, then. Okay, thanks."Chandrea walked to the front row and sat down = by the clarinet player. She opened her flute case and put her flute together.= She looked over at the clarinet player's folder. "What're we playing today?" she asked him. "First Suite for Band," he answered. "The third and forth movements." "Oh, the Rag and Gallop one?" He nodded. "Good. I like that one. By the wa= y, I'm Chandrea." "I'm the egotistical clarinet plWell, at least none of them are vampires. But they could be werewolves and demons and chupacabras and snake-people and...well, I'm sur= e I get the idea now. > Willow disappeared into the crowd, and a minute or two later, she reappear= ed with Xander. "Are we ready now?" Chandrea asked. "I need food." They all nodded. Chandrea smiled. "Good." She turned around and pushed her= way through the crowd. She finally got out into the hall. Chandrea stopped an= d checked to see if the little group was still behind her. They were still caught in the crowd, so she waited for them to catch up. She saw Ronan fir= st. "I call shotgun," he told her. Chandrea shrugged. "Makes no difference to me," she said. "But don't you dare fight over it." Ronan saluted her. "Yes ma'am!" Chandrea chuckled. Willow and Xander appeared. "Ronan called shotgun," she told them. "No fighting whatsoever about it. If you do, you don't go. Got it?" Looking slightly intimidated, Willow and Xander meekly nodded. "Madam runs a tight ship!" Ronan said jokingly. "Madam has learned a tight ship is the only way to run a ship. Now, move o= ut of my way. I don't want to waste any more time than we already have." Chan= drea ever so politely shoved Ronan and Xander out of the way. ayer, Allen," he said brightly. Chandrea blinked. "Egotis--okay. Do you normally call yourself that, or is this just a special occasion?" "Actually, I wanted to see how you'd react." She looked at him strangely. "Pardon me for saying this, but you're weird.= " "I know. It's part of my charm." "I see." < Just nod and smile... > At that moment, a guy came and sat beside Chandrea. He also had a flute ca= se. "Oh!" said Chandrea. "You must be Jordan. Mr. A. Said you were the only fl= ute player left. I'm Chandrea. Are the songs hard to play? Mr. A. said no, but= you know how directors are." Jordan looked up, and Chandrea stifled a gasp. < Oh, by the gods...how doe= s Mr. A. expect me to not drool over him?! > He had black hair, and deep blu= e eyes. His face was one of those classified as =91a classic Greek profile'.= Unfortunately, at the moment his perfect face looked decidedly confused. "Huh?" he said intelligently. Chandrea tried again. "You *are* Jordan, right?" At his nod, she continued= . "Mr. A. Said you were the only flute player left. I asked him if the songs were really hard, and he said no. But directors aren't always the best jud= ges of what's hard in high school...they *do* have all those years of experien= ce that we don't. I'm wondering if you think the songs are really hard. Are they?" Jordan thought for a moment. "No," he said finally, "they aren't, unless y= ou never practice, which was something the others never did. That's why they quit. They couldn't keep up." One of the trumpets sitting behind them tapped Jordan on the shoulder. "He= y, Jordan, man, you gonna come to practice after school?" Jordan nodded. "Yeah. I'll be late, though." "No problem," the guy shrugged. Then he caught sight of Chandrea. He grinn= ed. "Hey, you're the new flute player Mr. A. told us about. From what he said,= I think Jordan's gonna have some stiff competition. It's Chandrea, right? Bo= y, that's a mouthful." She smiled. "I go by Drea, too, if that's any help. Call me that if you wa= nt instead. But *please* don't ever call me Chan." "Why not?" Jordan put in. Chandrea glanced over at him. "Well, people used to call me Jackie Chan. I *really* don't like that, and most people associated =91Chan' with =91Jack= ie Chan' and called me that instead. It happened to me a lot, so I pummeled anyone = who dared call me either names." The trumpet guy laughed. "Violent, aren't you? By the way, I'm Marcel." He stuck out his hand. Chandrea took it, smiling. "Don't see many people our age shaking hands anymore." Marcel grinned. "I'm just one of those special people who do the unexpecte= d." "I don't think =91special' is the right word for it," Jordan muttered. "Hey!" Marcel looked insulted. Chandrea giggled. A girl waltzed into the room. She was tall, had black hair and brown eyes,= and was very pretty. Her eyes lit up when she saw Jordan and Marcel. She saunt= ered over. "Jordan..." Her voice was nasal and *very* whiny. Chandrea gritted her tee= th. "Jordan, you didn't call me last night like you said you would," she whine= d. Jordan kept his head down. "I was...uh...busy," he muttered. "Hmph." She turned to Marcel. "*You* didn't call me *either*!" she accused= . "And you promised you would!" Marcel looked annoyed. "I never promised you that, Angelica. I only said I would if I had time. But practice was much longer than we expected." < Angelica? That name *so* does not suit her! > Chandrea thought to hersel= f. < Maybe slut...or whore...or skank? > She mentally smacked herself. < *Bad* girl. You don't even know if she's mean and evil or not. Insults are to be reserved for truly nasty people. You're not sure about her yet. You just m= et her! > Angelica sniffed. "So? You still could have called me at practice." "Actually, no, I couldn't have. I was practising the whole time. I was *no= t* going to take a break just so I could use the phone to call you." Her eyes flashed. "Well!" she huffed. She spun around and stomped out of t= he room. There was a small silence, then Chandrea smiled slightly. "Uh...a bit...*fiery*, isn't she?" Marcus managed a weak grin. "Just a bit." "I just want to know...is she going to come back? Or did she forget she ha= s this class next?" Allen asked, looking rather amused. "She probably went out to talk to her crowd," Marcel shrugged. "She wants-= -and needs--her ego stroked. They'll flatter her endlessly." "Fun," Chandrea muttered. "What does she play?" "Drums," Jordan said quietly, head still down. < Doesn't his neck hurt yet? > Chandrea wondered. "Drums?" She raised her eyebrows. "She doesn't exactly seem that type." Jordan shrugged. "She probably imagines it's somebody she doesn't like at = the moment." "Yeah, you should really hear her pound them when she doesn't get her way...Mr. A often has to stop and ask her to play quieter. It's pretty fun= ny," Marcel said, grinning. Jordan snorted. Chandrea looked at him. < He seems...embarrassed, almost. = He's got his head down, but I can still see his cheeks are red. Hmmm...maybe he= 's shy. > She stood up. "Interesting. I'll be right back. I have to go get music." Jordan quickly stood up beside her. "I'll help you get it. I know where it= all is, anyway." He led her to a table piled with music. Chandrea sighed. "Wha= t pieces do you have, and what part do you play in them?" "Uh...Toccata, Amparita Roca, Egmont, First Suite for Band, Toccata and Fu= gue, Chant and Jubilo, and Gandalf. I have first in Toccata and First Suite, an= d second for Egmont and Toccata and Fugue. The others don't have separates. Except for piccolo." "Mmhmm," Chandrea murmured. "Solo for piccolo in Gandalf and First Suite...I'll take that. Second in Toccata...first for Egmont and Fugue. Wonderfulness." She looked through the pile again. "Ok, here's Chant and Amparita..." She pulled them out. "Guess I've got a bit of practising to d= o." "I'll say." Jordan began to look slightly uncomfortable. < As if he didn't already... > "Hey, uh...do you think we could wait a couple of minutes before sitting b= ack down?" he asked, looking at the ground and shuffling his feet. Chandrea arched an eyebrow. "Why?" "Well, uh...because I don't want Angelica to come back and complain anymor= e." "And you don't want Allen and Marcel to see your face turn red again?" She had the doubtful pleasure of seeing him do just that. Again. "Um...that too," he finally muttered, face still flaming. Chandrea grinned. "You *are* shy!" His face turned even more red, if possible. "So?" he said defensively. "Wh= at does that have to do with anything?" Still grinning, she shook her head. "No need to get so defensive. It's not like I said you were evil or something." "Sorry," he muttered. < He seems to do that a lot. Mutter, that is.> "No problem." She looked through the music again. "Hmmm...Of Sailors and Whales? Interesting." "We played it last year. In fourth period. Concert band. It sounded pretty good." "Mmmm...based on Moby Dick...written by Francis MacBeth. Didn't he also wr= ite Chant and Jubilo?" He nodded. "Yeah. Mr. A knows him, too." "Oooh! Directors of good bands always have good connections." She put the piece down. "Come on. Let's go sit back down." He hesitated. "Do we have to?" She looked at him. "Yes. Don't be a wimp." "I'm not a wimp," he protested as he followed her back. Chandrea laughed. "Sure you aren't. That's why you want to stay back there= and hide." "I did not!" "Yes you did. Don't lie. It's not nice." She sat down and looked over the pieces again, this time a little bit closer. < Oh man, these are est...can= 't we get into something *hard*? > She shrugged, then picked up her flute and began to play. After a few minutes, she noticed Jordan was staring at her. "What?" "Have you ever played any of these songs before?" She shook her head. "No. But I did used to play songs like these in eighth grade." Jordan looked shocked, and slightly insulted. He was about to say more, bu= t Mr. A. came to the front of the class and picked up the conductor's baton. Chandrea picked up her flute and got ready to play. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Pallia3963@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chandrea 1/? REPOST Date: 20 Dec 1998 22:28:02 EST TITLE: Chandrea AUTHOR: Pallia (Blu) Kennelly RATING: Right now, PG or PG-13. Later, some parts will be NC-17, so you'll have to ask me to send you those. DISTRIBUTION: Anyone who wants it can take it! It'll be on my site, too. (http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Location/8774/index.html) CONTENT: There's a new Slayer in town, and she brings bad tidings to Sunnyhell! SPOILERS: Whatever episode that Spike and Dru came to Sunnyhell. FEEDBACK: Please? I'll love you forever if you do. Chandrea slammed her locker shut and looked around with a grimace. < It's = too . . . perfect here. It's like one of those typical towns that seem perfect= on the outside, but inside is a seething mass of evil. > She shook her head. = < Pretty morbid thoughts for a first day of school. > The tall brunette turned around and smacked into someone's chest. Papers a= nd books went flying. Chandrea landed on the floor. < Yeeps . . . always happ= ens on the first day, doesn't it? > She looked up. The guy she'd slammed into looked a bit stunned. "You okay?" he asked, crouching on the floor to help her pick her stuff up= . She nodded. "Yeah . . . I don't think I damaged anything vital." She wince= d as she shifted her weight on her right wrist. "I take that back. I think my w= rist is strained." The guy looked a little guilty. "I'm sorry. I just wasn't looking where I = was going . . . hey, let me take that," he said as he took her Tamora Pierce b= ook from her. "It's the least I can do after I knocked you down. You wanna go = see the nurse or something?" Chandrea shook her head. "No, it's just strained. I've got an Ace bandage = in my locker just for this type of thing. I can wrap it up with that." She go= t up, opened her locker and took out the bandage. She wrapped it around her wrist a couple of times, tucked the end in, and closed her locker. She tur= ned back around to see the guy staring at her strangely. She cursed mentally. = < Don't do that in front of civilians, girl. Remember what Dad always said. = > "Do you normally carry bandages around?" he asked curiously. Chandrea shrugged, a slight smile on her face, "They always tell you to co= me to school prepared. I find I'm a bit accident-prone, and it's easier to ha= ve these things handy where I can take care of myself instead of messing with= the nurse." < Accident-prone? Me? Hmmm . . . hardly likely. Ha! What a great l= iar I am. Sheesh. > He nodded. "So where's your next class?" "Uh . . . " Chandrea pulled her schedule out of her pocket. "Calculus. Mr. Russell. Room 409." The guy looked surprised. "Calculus? You don't look like a senior." She grinned. "I'm not. They tell me I'm some kind of genius-person. I don'= t know. All I know is that school's really easy for me." "Lucky. Now, room 409? Hey . . . that's Willow's class. I could introduce = you to her. She says it's a little weird, being the only junior in Calculus." Chandrea brightens considerably. "Really? Would you? I hate moving to a ne= w school in the middle of the year. You don't know anyone, and everybody tre= ats you like you're some kind of freak." "Well, I don't know really how it is. I've lived here all my life." Chandrea arched an eyebrow. < Hmmm . . . wonder if he's been tainted by th= e Hellmouth after living here for so long. He *seems* okay . . . but then so= do vampires when they don't have their game faces on. > "You've lived her you= r whole life? Isn't this place--'scuse me for saying--a little dull?" The guy got a weird look on his face. "Sunnyvale's got a lot more going on underneath than it seems on the surface," he says quietly. Then he shudder= ed, as if trying to forget what disturbed him. "Well, we better get going. I'v= e heard Mr. Russell is pretty rough with people who come in late." Chandrea made a face. "That's just what I'd need. On top of being the new girl, I'd have a teacher coming down on my head. Wonderful." They began walking to class. "What's your name, anyway? And can I have my book back?" "Oh, sure." He handed it her. "My name's Xander." "Xander? That's got to be a nickname. No parents in their right mind would name their kid Xander." He laughed. "No one ever said my parents were sane. But, yeah, you're righ= t. It's short for Alexander. What's yours?" "Well, it's definitely weirder than yours is. It's Chandrea." "Chandrea? Were your parents crazy too?" She shook her head, "No, they weren't," she said softly. "They just though= t it was unusual and pretty. But it is a bit of a mouthful. They used to call m= e Drea. Don't *ever* call me Chan." "Don't worry, I won't. But what do you mean by, =91They used to'?" Chandrea set her jaw. "They're dead." "Oh." The walked in silence for a moment. "How? Or do you not want to talk about it?" "It's all right. They were killed. In a burglary-thing. Lucky I wasn't hom= e, or I wouldn't be talking to you right now. They used *crossbows*. Can you believe that?" < Hope he doesn't pry anymore. I didn't prepare for this . = . . dumb child I am. > "Crossbows? How'd they get those?" "Well, my parents were avid collectors--*please* don't ask why--of ancient weapons. Their murderers got ahold of some of the collection and used it o= n them." < And ancient prophecies, books, scrolls...they adored living in th= e past. > "Sounds like Giles. He collects a lot of old stuff." "Giles? Who's Giles?" < And why does his name sound so familiar? > "It's actually Mr. Giles. Rupert Giles. He's the librarian." < Ohmigod...didn't that letter say he was my new Watcher? But...a *librari= an*? Aren't they supposed to be dull and boring and not really aware of much bu= t their little libraries? > "Are you well acquainted with Giles? You sound l= ike you are. I mean, you know what he collects and stuff." Xander shrugged. "Yeah, I know him well enough." He didn't want seem to wa= nt to talk about it anymore, so Chandrea didn't ask. "Here's 409. And there's Willow. Hey! Willow! Over here!" The red-haired girl looked to see who was calling and smiled when she saw Xander. She walked over and smiled at Chandrea. "Hi! You must be new. I don't thin= k I've seen you before." Chandrea smiled back. "Yeah. This is my first day here." "Must be hard moving to a new place in the middle of the year." Willow's glance fell to Chandrea's wrist. "Oh! What happened?" Chandrea looked at Xander, who blushed. "I ran into Xander at my locker an= d fell down. I landed on my wrist too hard and I strained it. It wasn't hurt= ing too badly, so I just put this thing around it." Willow rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. He wasn't looking where he was goin= g. I thought so," she said as Chandrea nodded, grinning. "Are you sure you're okay?" Chandrea nodded. "I'll be all right. Besides, it's nothing I haven't taken care of myself before." Xander and Willow exchanged a glance. Xander looked at Willow's watch. "Ah= ! Gilbert told me he'd kick my butt if I was late again. See ya later!" He started going down the hall, then turned around. "Oh, hey! Wil, her name's Chandrea. Don't ever call her Chan!" He turned around again and disappeare= d into the crowd. Chandrea raised an eyebrow. "Is he always so scatterbrained? Or is this ju= st a special occasion?" "No, he's not usually like this. He's just been through a lot lately...we = all have." "Um...'scuse me for asking but...who's we?" "Oh, me, Xander, Giles, Cordelia--" "Cordelia? You mean that snobby popularity queen? *That* Cordelia?" Willow smiled. "She's not so bad once you get to know her." "I don't *want* to get to know her. This morning she actually made fun of = my necklace. My *necklace*! Why on earth would someone want to make fun of th= at?" "I guess she couldn't find anything else to laugh at. She likes to make fu= n of every new person. It's nothing personal. It's like an initiation to the school. Everyone's gone through it." Chandrea rolls her eyes. "Remind me not to be around her too much. I have enough to worry about. I don't need Cordelia too." "I don't think you'll really have to worry about her anymore. She got chew= ed out by a couple of seniors who heard her. They were guys, and I heard them= say to each other they thought you were cute. As popular as Cordy is, she won'= t go against many seniors. It's surprising that she actually laughed at you." "Cute, huh? Oh, I'm not a senior. I'm just in a lot of their classes. I'm supposed to be some kind of genius or something." "You too? Wow. I thought I was the only person like that here. It feels ni= ce to be not alone." Chandrea grinned. "I can imagine. The only one in the whole school, hmmm? = I had lots of people like me at my old school. Maybe about 20 or so. We were like our own little class. It was great. Those people became some of my be= st friends." < And my fellow conspirators against all general evil. Ah...to b= e home again! > "That must have been fun. Do you miss them a lot?" "Yeah. Leaving home was hard." < Especially after Mom and Dad...no, don't think of that now. > Willow nodded. "Well, the bell's about to ring. We should go and sit down.= Mr. Russell hates it when people are late." "Okay then. Is this class really hard?" Chandrea asked as they walked in t= he door. "No, I don't think so. But then math's easy for me, so who am I to judge?" The bell rang, and the teacher at the desk stood up and walked to the fron= t of the class. "Take out your homework from last night and switch it with somebody. Oh, Ms. Fraser," he said when he saw Chandrea, "you'll need to c= atch up on what we've been doing. Perhaps Ms. Rosenburg could help you." "Ms. Rosen--oh, yes," Chandrea said, realizing who he was talking about, "= I'm sure she could." Satisfied, Mr. Russell turned his attention to the class. Chandrea rolled = her eyes. "Is he very formal most of the time?" she asked Willow. Willow smiled. "Yeah. He's originally from Britain, and even after 30 year= s of teaching here, he still hasn't lost his formality." Chandrea nodded, observing the students around her. "Is this class one of those extremely competitive ones? Please tell me it isn't. I don't enjoy t= hose kinds of classes." "You don't have to worry. Most of the people here are just concerned with passing and getting it over with. They don't really care about who gets to= p marks." "Good. So. What are we doing in class right now?" "Chaos." Chandrea groaned. "Oh no. *Please* tell me you're kidding. That math theor= y about chaos is so damn confusing!" Willow hid a smile. "No joke. But I'll help you if you get stuck. It's not= all that hard. Mr. Russell explains it really well." Chandrea nodded, still not completely reassured. < Just my luck. I arrive = in the middle of *the* most confusing part of calculus. Mom, Dad, couldn't yo= u have waited a *little* longer to be murdered? Perhaps until the end of the year? > She sighed and mentally prepared herself for a very confusing half= - year. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance" (3a/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 21 Dec 1998 20:09:29 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. For Christmas. DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know. RATING: PG-14 SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. Haven't seen "Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior. Or maybe just after= . Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe. DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' and her magick appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers and those who've offered feedback so far. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 3/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D "This is a very important year." The Mayor said solemnly. =93Friday is a= very important night.=94 The figure sitting on the other side of the desk simply nodded, showing ho= w much he didn=92t care. "As you've mentioned many, many times." He contin= ued to read his newspaper without interest. It was obvious his co-conspirator didn=92t consider this matter quite as s= erious as it was. Mayor Wilkins could see this and he was not pleased. =93So,= =94 he began slowly, waiting for the vampire to look up. At length, he did. =93= You can understand how I feel when I hear that the doctor didn=92t work out. = Being so close to the =91deadline,=92 as it were.=94 =93Our scholarly friend served his purpose. It was thought that he might = not cooperate, so we went ahead with Plan B.=94 Mr. Trick ended with a compla= cent smile. Trust me, I know what I=92m doing. He=92d always been wary of Trick and =91his type.=92 But, politicians suc= h as himself must collaborate, from time to time, with said types if they want to be success= ful. Still, the Mayor was cautious and not completely conviced the situation wa= s being handled. =93What is Plan B, exactly?=94 The vamp didn=92t entirely trust His Honor. But connections with city hal= l made residing in Sunnydale much easier. At least, if did when one looked at th= e =91big picture=92 aspect of everything. Taking that into consideration, T= rick gave a cool smile and said, =93Relax, Mr. Mayor. I guarantee this benefit concert will be talked about for years to come.=94 =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance" (3b/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 21 Dec 1998 20:23:24 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. For Christmas. DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know. RATING: PG-14 SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. Haven't seen "Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior. Or maybe just after= . Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe. DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' and her magick appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers and those who've offered feedback so far. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 3b/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D The museum had a complex system of hallways that allowed employees to move artifacts from storage to display without tracking through the visitor's section. Buffy was wandering through this labyrinth now. With corridors darting of= f at every angle, she wasn't sure she'd find her way out, let alone the mysterious gi= rl. A few twists and turns more and she was about to call off the search. No harm, no foul. But wait! She heard someone talking. She paused, listening. When she was sure she knew which way the voice was coming from, Buffy headed in that direction. Her quick steps took her aro= und another corner and right to a row of doors lining the length of the hallwa= y. Offices. Whoever was in there was speaking in hushed tones, but she could tell the speaker was irritated over something. She had to get closer. An old pro = at moving silently, Buffy crept within reading distance of the name on the do= or: "Dr. James Adams, Ph.D.." The door was open just wide enough for her to ge= t a glimpse of the room's occupant. It was a man - tall, scholarly in a tweed suit and glasses, sorting throug= h a stack of books on a table. He was addressing the area to his left, but as= far as Buffy could see, there was a desk there and nothing else. She noted th= e British accent and, at first, thought is was Giles. < What=92s he doing here? > He hadn=92t mentioned coming to the museum to= day when she=92d talked to him this morning. When he turned to reach for another stack of books, she got a better look. She slapped her hand to her mouth to avoid any audible reaction. Buffy ro= lled her eyes and muttered, =93Just what I need.=94 It wasn't Giles; it was Ethan Rayne. And he was having an argument with t= hin air. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Kitiara" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Question Date: 21 Dec 1998 22:09:32 -0500 I have a really quick question for the list. Please respond to me privately, and not to the actual ML. For my songfic "If I Never Knew You" (thanks for the replies, guys!), several people said I should write to or send it to Joss. How would I go about doing that? Sorry for the spam. Well... back to writing... ~Kitiara ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: AlysFaire@aol.com Subject: DISCUSS: Re: BUFFYFIC: Question Date: 21 Dec 1998 23:01:47 EST Wow, interesting question. Sending this to the list as it's something that hasn't come up before, iirc. It's an important topic, too. And although my reply is to Kitiara's question, it really applies to anyone thinking of sending in their stories to Joss. In a message dated 12/21/98 10:12:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, hospitals@erols.com writes: > For my songfic "If I Never Knew You" (thanks for the replies, guys!), > several people said I should write to or send it to Joss. How would I go > about doing that? Hoping this doesn't sound harsh, but I wouldn't. It's very likely that any fanfic sent to Joss, or in fact, anyone associated with the show will be returned unopened. For legal reasons, the creative people associated with a television show cannot read any story ideas, be they in the form of fanfic, or in the form of unsolicited scripts. If Joss or someone associated with the show were to accept a fanfic and then a show is done with a similar storyline, the show is set up for a lawsuit from the author for stealing his/her idea. It's something that has happened with Bablylon 5 (from what I remember reading, an entire ep had to be scrapped) and why the creator of that show only participates in a moderated newsgroup-folks can't give him story ideas (however well meant they are). I should probably say here that I haven't read Kitiara's songfic and haven't got a clue if it's something that even could be done on the show. I'm just sharing what's been drilled into me from another forum, about fanfic and TPTB. How BTVS treats fanfic vs. the other shows I know of, I don't honestly know. But I have to think I'd be looked down upon just the same. (Nevermind the fact that the writer is borrowing characters that don't belong to him/her in the first place...) If someone really wants to submit ideas to the show (or any show), the best way to do it is to go through an agent. I would just enjoy the compliments on the story. And write some more. :-) Alys ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: Before Date: 22 Dec 1998 15:56:41 -0500 Title: Before Author: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Spoilers: The Wish Summary: A meeting between Angel and Willow before he got turned into her 'puppy'. Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters in the following story. *** Willow screamed, a loud, long sound torn from the very depth of her being. She stumbled back a step, her shaking hands held before her body in a futile defensive gesture. Her scream ended in a choked sob as the vampire's fist smashed into her pale face, sending her body careening to the cold ground. Forcing back the panic that threatened to overwhelm her, Willow scrabbled in the pockets of her baggy overalls for the cross that had been issued to all Sunnydale residents after the Master rose. Fear made her fingers slow to respond as the vampire approached her, sensing an easy meal. Cold metal met her questing fingers, and with a whimpered cry of relief, Willow pulled it out, brandishing it at the creature. "Keep away..." Willow whimpered, holding the cross out towards the snarling creature as she rose to her feet unsteadily. She clenched at it with such strength that the metal bit into the soft flesh of her palm. If she were to loose the fragile protection that it offered her, she would be dead in an instant. There was no escape in running. Others had tried. They had merely ended up in the monthly service in honour of the dead. Willow had known this creature once. Theresa had sat behind her in biology class. Willow remembered that she had lent the other girl her notes once. She also remembered hearing the girl's name numbered among the dead. As she herself was close to being. "Keep away," Willow repeated, her voice slightly more authoritive as she noted the vampire carefully keeping a safe distance from the holy symbol. "You just stay right there," she continued, carefully backing away from the angrily snarling vampire. Her driveway was only a few steps away. And from there... if luck was smiling down upon her... she could probably make it up to her door and into the relative safety of her house. Unless Theresa decided to smoke her out. Some of them did that, setting fires around the homes of their prey. Either their victims would flee the flames and run straight into the grasps of the monsters who stalked the street, or they would burn and choke inside their homes while both vampire and human watched. She could see faces peering out at her from the windows of neighbouring homes. The eyes that followed her slow progress watched her with a mixture of pity and fear. They would not help her. No one ever helped... not even when their own family members lay slowly dying on their doorsteps. "Hungry!" Theresa wailed, her gleaming teeth flashing beneath the street lamp that barely managed to illuminate their immediate surroundings. She rubbed at her flat, leather clad stomach and peered at Willow from slitted golden eyes. "Hungry!" she repeated, her voice slightly slurred as she spoke around her elongated canines. "Well I don't intend to be your snack tonight!" Willow stuttered out, still moving backwards with awkward half steps. She waved the cross around as if to emphasize her point. The vampire hissed in protest but remained firm. Luck was very rarely with the weak... especially not when the weak sat upon the Hellmouth itself. Willow's cautious backward pace quickened slightly, trying to increase the distance between her own incredibly vulnerable self and the demon standing uncomfortably close. Her increased pace served no greater purpose than to send her stumbling when her sneaker met a loose rock. It wasn't enough to send her back to the ground once more, but it did serve to throw her off balance. Willow nearly screamed again as her cross tumbled from suddenly nerveless fingers. It flew through the air, a streak of gold marking it's passage in the dark night. With a dull clink, it fell to the cement... close enough to reach but not in enough time. Theresa smiled, a twisted mockery of the friendly smile that she had once worn so often. With a triumphant growl, her body thrust forward, heading straight at the petrified girl. Willow squeaked, scrambling towards the meager protection of the cross. As distant a possibility as it was, the symbol was her only chance. The house was still to far to reach and she doubted that anyone watching the drama unfolding before them would take pity on her and emerge from their house with a super-soaker filled with holy water. Her finger brushed the edge of the cross far too late. She collapsed to the ground beneath Theresa's weight, the cross kicked away from her by the short black boots that adorned Theresa's foot. Her breath knocked out of her, and her body pinned to the ground, Willow could only watch as her only hope of staying alive bounced away from her. "Hungry," Theresa hissed against Willow's ear before casually rolling the teary eyed young woman over. Willow lay flat on her back on her driveway, staring up at the stars unseeingly as Theresa straddled her waist and bent her dark head down to Willow's throat. Willow's eyes clenched shut against the sight of the demon's face. Her body stiffened and a low cry of pain tore out from her constricting throat as Theresa's fangs broke the skin on her neck and began to drink eagerly. 'Oh, Xander...' Willow thought, tears spilling out from her eyes at the thought of her best friend. She knew how he had felt, now. Her head was growing fuzzy and thinking was becoming difficult. So much so, that when Theresa's weight vanished from on top of her, it took her a full minute to realize so. Willow's eyes wearily peeled open, and then widened as she took in the form of two fighting vampires. "Angel?" Willow mumbled, recalling the name of the man who had saved her. He had come to Sunnydale only days before the Master had arisen, warning them of the impending events. Nobody had listened to his impassioned cries. Some of them had even lived to regret it. He turned towards her slightly, his hands still wrapped around Theresa's bare neck. "Run, Willow!" he shouted, ignoring her wince when she saw his transformed face. For the second time that night, Willow pulled herself to her feet. This time, her upward journey was even more strenuous than the first. Her head swimming and her body trembling, Willow forced her legs into action. She warily limped past the struggling vampires, moving towards her door shakily. She heard a harsh cry come from behind her and couldn't resist turning back. Angel stood before Theresa, watching impassively as her body convulsed and shook apart in a cloud of dust. The stake that had been impaled through her heart clattered to the ground. His eyes met hers from across the driveway. "Get inside," he commanded, his voice weary as he withdrew the stake from the pile of ashes that had once been Theresa. "Thank you," Willow replied softly, her hand resting against the two bloody puncture holes marking her smooth neck. She looked at him a moment, unsure of what else to say. 'I'm sorry that none of us believed you' It was true, but the words couldn't even begin to make up for the fact that they hadn't. His dark eyes widened, his lips parting to deliver a warning. "Willow!" The hand winding around her waist informed her of exactly what his warning had entailed. "Hey, Will. Miss me?" an achingly familiar voice whispered into her ear. "Xander?" Willow sighed, her heart freezing and then shattering to pieces as the realization of her situation struck her. "Oh, God, Xander!" she groaned. "Not quite, Willow," he laughed before his teeth replaced Willow's hand against her neck. She could distantly make out the forms of more vampires surrounding Angel, their voices speaking of the Master and vengeance. The world spun around her, and Willow sagged against Xander as her knees gave out beneath her. She saw Angel fall beneath the combined forces of the Master's apprentices, and what was left of her hear cried out in horror. Xander's bleeding wrist rose to her mouth, his blood trickling down her throat. And Willow ceased caring at all. ~End~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Redfire98@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Special Place (1/1) Date: 24 Dec 1998 09:30:46 EST TITLE: Special Place AUTHOR: Tamara EMAIL: Refire98@aol.com RATING: G SUMMARY: Things aren't going well for Buffy so she heads for the one place that doesn't evoke bad memories. DISTRIBUTION: My page (http://members.tripod.com/~Aramat1) If you want it just let me know. SPOILERS: None that I can think of. This happens a little while into the future of Season 3. Way into the future. DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine. They belong to Joss and a host of other people. I am merely borrowing them so they can run around in my world and totally forget, if only for a moment, how sucky life is where Joss has them. FEEDBACK: Yeah, sure, send some. NOTE: I wrote this when I was going through months of writer's block. It's not my best work, but I liked the way it turned out so I decided to post it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Outside the window the weather raged. Lightning brightened the sky in flashes while thunder rumbled ferociously and the wind howled like a coyote baying at the moon. It was the kind of night she loved. The forces of nature coming together in a symphony of light and sound. She sat in the window seat of her bedroom staring out into the night, oblivious to the wind and rain. Occasionally, the wind switched direction and the breeze sprayed droplets of rain in the open window, splashing her face with drops of cool water. But she didn't notice. Her mind was other places then, drifting back to her mother's words earlier that evening, to the sadness in Willow's voice as she spoke of how she was losing her best friend. Struck by a vision of a happier place, and by a need to banish her darker thoughts, she rose from her perch and walked over to her closet. Pulling out her trunk, she grabbed a few stakes, just in case she ran into a vampire hungry enough to brave the storm for a bite, and placed them strategically on her body. Grabbing a jacket, she headed out the window and into the rainy night. Not knowing what exactly had possessed her to go out into the rain, she just let her feet guide her to where they wanted to go. Within minutes of stepping outdoors she was soaked to the bone, but she hardly felt it, her mind so intent on its destination. The tree by the back wall of the cemetery. Her favorite spot in the place where she spent a good deal of her time. She wasn't really sure what made her think of her special place on such a rainy night, but she didn't question her need to be there. Her best guess was that she needed a place untainted with bad memories, a place where she felt secure. Ever since she had returned to Sunnydale, things hadn't been the same. Her summer away from home had changed her. She'd come back a more independant, more confident Slayer. Her skill had improved tremendously, and she no longer considered her duty a burden. However, her friends were having a harder time adjusting to the new Buffy. Willow said they never talked, really talked, anymore. Xander, well, Xander just complained, about the hours she patrolled, about the less and less time she spent with the gang. Giles, while excited with her progress as Slayer, didn't like the way she shut the others out and kept all her feelings inside. Joyce who, despite knowing the truth about Buffy, still felt as if she didn't know who her daughter really was. And Angel. Well, she and Angel had reverted to the relationship they'd established when she first moved to Sunnydale. As always, when they finally moved two steps forward, life managed to knock them two miles back. Only this time, she thought the distance they needed to make up was too much, even for them. And that was really what drove her out into the rain in search of her special place. Her relationship, or lack thereof, with Angel. Entering the cemetery gates, she allowed her thoughts to drift of other, happier times in the cemetry. She and Angel had discovered the tree one night during an uneventful patrol. They'd been walking along, deep in conversation when she'd spotted it. She ran over to it, and declared, loud enough to raise the dead, Angel had muttered, that from that night forward that tree would be their special place. Whenever she needed to get away from everything, her Watcher, her friends, the ever constant prophecies foretelling her doom, she would go to that tree, and Angel would always be there waiting for her. He would take her into his arms, hold her close, and, for a moment, all her troubles would fade away. She questioned him after the third time in a row he'd been there waiting, wondering how he was always knew when she needed him. He would simply smile and say that he just knew. When patrols were slow, she and Angel would sit under their tree and talk, mostly about the things she did during the day when he couldn't be with her, and on a rare occasion, he'd talk of some memory from long ago. She liked to call it their little piece of heaven and he would say that only they could find heaven amongst the dead and buried. The tree was the one place where things were always happy and nothing ever interupted their time there. They thought they would always have that tree, that nothing would ever prevent them from being together there. But things had changed and the last time she'd gone to their special place, Angel hadn't been there waiting for her. That was why Buffy was so shocked to find him standing there now, watching her from beneath the the branches of their tree. Knowing he couldn't really be there, she walked toward the image, refusing to get her hopes too high. But when she stopped in front of him and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, she knew that he was really there. She pulled back from his embrace and looked up at him. "Why are you here?" she asked him after a moment. "How did you know?" "I just did," he answered her, smiling. Slowly, his smile faded and the look he gave her was serious. "So, we're back together under our tree. You know what that means, right?" Reluctantly, she pulled away from him, nodding her head in answer to his question. "It means we finally get to do that talking thing, huh?" He smiled. "Yeah, no running away, no avoiding the issues," he replied. He gathered her against him, his arms wrapping around her waist. "And who knows, maybe when this is over things will be better." Then together, they sat down under their tree and, still wrapped in each others arms, they talked, about anger, about pain, about love. ~~~~~ Tamara, Refire98@aol.com http://members.tripod.com/~Aramat1 http://members.tripod.com/~naughtyslayer http://members.tripod.com/~TheEvilTwins ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Christmas in Aspen (1/1) Date: 27 Dec 1998 10:25:59 PST Title: Christmas in Aspen Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to Amends. summary: Cordelia's Christmas. feedback: Sure. Please. "Merry Christmas", Cordelia muttered bitterly to the empty room, pulling the covers over her head as her parents pounded on her door. She ignored them for another few minutes before finally crawling to her feet, grabbing her robe on the way to the door. "Can't this wait?" Cordelia asked, avoiding her Mother's eyes. No sense in facing the disapproving looks this early in the morning. "Cordelia…darling, it is Christmas and your Father and I would like to spend it with you." Her Mother looked at her, her eyes widening with hurt. Her Mother was the queen of guilt trips; she knew just how to lay it on, never too thick, just thin layers covering every word she spoke. Like a spider web, Cordelia thought to herself, and I'm the fly. Smiling reluctantly at her Mother she nodded. "Give me an hour." "I'll give you two." Her Mother answered, staring pointedly at the dark circles under Cordelia's eyes. Ignoring her Mother, she turned to her Father standing on tiptoe to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiled distractedly at her as his cell phone rang. Answering it, he headed down the hallway, his wife and daughter already forgotten. Smiling brightly if not honestly at her Mother, Cordelia spun around and headed back into her room, pulling the door shut behind her. She fastened the lock slowly, her head braced against the cool wood. This had to go on record as the worst Christmas she had ever spent. She had known as they had driven towards the lodge that life had played another one of its tricks on her. No snow. Late December in Aspen and the ground was bare. Only two runs open, and they were barely covered in man made snow. She had been lucky yesterday to get one run in before it had started to rain. Although, she was getting better, the rain hadn't surprised her. Nope, she was getting used to being fate's plaything. Shaking her head in disgust she walked into the bathroom, deciding that a nice hot bath would help make this very un-merry Christmas better. If, of course, the water was hot. She wasn't counting on it though. Staring at her reflection in the mirror she questioned herself. "What exactly have I done that's so horrible?" Dropping her robe, she averted her eyes from herself as she slipped into the hot water. No need to stare at the ugly scar that was going to prevent her from ever wearing a bikini again. She leaned her head back against the tub, relaxing in the simple pleasure of being allowed to soak in a bath again. "This is good." She murmured softly, closing her eyes as the room filled with steam. This was better than the Christmas she had planned, before. She would have been so bored spending Christmas in Sunnydale. It was better this way, better that she had found out what a slime Xander was. Imagine the thought of Cordelia Chase, actually considering spending Christmas at home, just so Xander wouldn't have to sleep outside. Of course, he probably wasn't outside, she thought grudgingly, the Slayer and Willow would never let Xander sleep outside. Especially not in Sunnydale. You were asking for it just walking around alone at night. Sleep outside and you were begging the vampires to view you as an all you can suck buffet. Cursing herself under her breath Cordelia climbed from the tub, telling herself for the hundredth time that Xander Harris and his merry bunch of freaks were old news. She was not spending any more time worrying about him, or feeling bad every time she remembered his face when she made that crack about his family. And she was definitely not spending one more minute feeling like her heart was shattered. Cordelia Chase does not get her heart broken, and certainly not by the king of the losers. Then exactly why am I so sad? She asked herself, allowing a rare moment of rationality into her thoughts. She sat down heavily on the edge of the tub, holding her head in her hands. This was not how it was supposed to be, a little voice in her head whispered. Her eyes welled with tears that she struggled to hold back; there was no way she was crying over him again. Not ever. She stood up slowly checking the time, if she was late the guilt trip from her Mother would be unbearable. No need to add being late to the list of unpardonable sins she had committed lately. Her poor Mother was barely holding up under the strain of the whole thing as it was. The thought of her daughter being an outcast from the country club set as well as being marred for life was still keeping her up nights. Throwing on her clothes, she brushed her hair quickly, pulling it back into a plain ponytail. Glancing in the mirror she grimaced, stopping in her tracks and putting make-up on. If she walked into the dining room with her face bare, her mother would probably faint. She entered the dining room exactly two hours after her parents had woken her, a cheery smile pasted on her face. Sitting down she looked questioningly toward her Father's empty chair. Her Mother shrugged, pointing to the bar, where her Father sat, his cell phone plastered to his ear. She turned back to her Mother, rolling her eyes. "Is it even possible for him to go one day without doing business?" Her Mother ignored her remark, concentrating instead on her drink, which was disappearing quickly. Crossing her legs Cordelia leaned back in her chair, another happy Chase holiday was well under way. Her Father came back to the table, laughing as he walked towards them. Cordelia looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain the joke. "I just got off the phone with your Grandmother." Her Father said, still chuckling under his breath. "And Sunnydale is in the midst of a snowstorm." "What?" Cordelia said carefully, sure that she had misunderstood him. "It's snowing in Sunnydale." He repeated. "Maybe we should have stayed home." "This is good." Cordelia said bitterly, standing up. Shaking her head in disbelief she spoke to no one in particular. "Is this some sort of contest? To see exactly how bad you can make my life?" Throwing her hands in the air she stalked away from the table, her voice carrying through the dining room. "Are you playing some strange game of cosmic one-upmanship? She walked rapidly towards her room, deciding that she wasn't actually going to leave it again for the rest of her vacation. Fate, the cosmos, whoever, they were going to have to play this game without her. She was done. They had all the fun they were going to have. Struggling with the door, she dropped the key twice before finally getting into the room. Swallowing back tears she slumped to the floor. How perfect. She got to spend two weeks in freezing, yet snowless Aspen, while back in Sunnydale everyone was enjoying the first White Christmas ever. How much more proof did she need that life was against her? Maybe it's a spell, she thought almost hopefully, leaning her head back against the bed. No, not a spell, more likely it was because of Buffy, some snow demon that had decided to attack. And, of course, everyone except Cordelia would be benefiting from it. If it weren't for the Slayer, she wouldn't have a variety of near death experiences nor been a witness to the mouth of Hell almost opening. Ignoring the voice in the back of her head that told her she wasn't being fair, that if it wasn't for Buffy, she's be long dead, or at the very least horribly disfigured, she climbed to her feet. Pacing around the room she wondered why she had ever let herself get involved with Buffy's world. It wasn't like any of them even appreciated her presence. And all she had to show for it now were extremely vivid nightmares, a hole in her side and her new status as a social pariah. And a broken heart, she added silently, her anger fading. No sense forgetting the best part, she had fallen in love with Xander Harris. And she had been cheated on by Xander Harris. Her stomach tightened at the thought of it, of seeing Xander and Willow together on that bed. A tear slipping down her cheek brought her out of her thoughts. Wiping it away angrily she walked over to the closet. She was done thinking about this. Pulling outfit after outfit from her closet she considered each one carefully before tossing it onto the floor. She needed something sexy, something that said 'Come and get it.' It was Christmas and she wasn't spending it crying over a loser who couldn't even be faithful. Who cared if Sunnydale was experiencing the best Christmas ever? Who cared if Xander was probably having tons of fun with Willow and Buffy? Who cared about any of them? Her face was cold as she muttered out loud. "I hope he slept outside. I hope he froze." Throwing her clothes around with even more determination, she tried to bury the part of her that still worried about him. The part of her that actually felt bad for throwing his post make-out confidence in his face. He deserved it, she told herself, not sure who she was trying to convince. She stopped her search suddenly, her eyes filling with tears as she stared at the green dress hanging in the back of her closet. The dress that even her mother had thought was too expensive. Cordelia had come very close to swallowing her pride and begging before her mother had relented and bought it for her. Her fingers reached out, touching the dress as she remembered how she had planned to wear it on New Year's Eve. How she had planned to dazzle Xander with her beauty and then maybe tell him that she loved him. "Idiot." She hissed to herself, pulling the dress roughly from the hanger and flinging it on the bed. Peeling her clothes off she slipped it over her head, not caring if she ripped the fragile material. Standing in the front of the mirror she glared at her reflection. Grabbing a brush she set to work styling her hair. "If Xander thinks I'm going to sit around crying over him, he's got another thing coming." Muttering to herself, she finished her hair and darkened her make-up. Trying desperately not to think of the fact that Xander probably wasn't thinking about her at all. She found the highest heels she had brought and slipped them on before stalking out the door. Cordelia Chase was on the hunt, and she would have Xander replaced in no time at all. She held her head high as she walked into the lounge, her parents smiling with pleasure at her appearance. "Cordelia, you look beautiful." Her Mother offered, her voice slightly slurred. "Thanks." Cordelia murmured. And you look trashed, she thought turning away from her parents to scan the room. She spotted her prey almost immediately, sitting in a dark corner in the room. His expression was knowing as he watched her move towards him. Sitting down in the chair behind him, she smiled faintly, hoping to appear mysterious. Right Cordy, she told herself, it's a little hard to look mysterious when you make a beeline to him. Desperate maybe. Her smile faded slightly as she leaned back in her chair. He laughed softly, sending chills down her back. Holding out his hand to her he spoke, his voice accented. "Karl Edstrom. And you are?" "Cordelia Chase." She whispered, taking his hand. He gently lifted her hand to his mouth, his lips brushing against it. Releasing her, he spoke again. "Did you enjoy the slopes today?" "I didn't see the point." She answered him, her hand still hovering in the air. "There was only one run open." "Ahhh." Picking up his drink, he motioned towards the waiter. "I'm afraid that I spent the entire day waiting in line for that run." "Oh." She breathed, before falling into an awkward silence. She was just out of practice, but she could do this. She had to move on, get over Xander. Forcing a smile on her face, she watched the waiter move towards them. "May I buy you a drink?" He offered, motioning to his cup. "I'm drinking coffee to warm up, but maybe you would like something stronger?" "Scotch, neat." She blurted out, falling back on her Mother's drink of choice. The waiter looked at her for a moment, before nodding his head. He brought their drinks quickly, and Cordelia swallowed it in one gulp, stopping herself from choking by pure will. She smiled at Karl as the liquor warmed her stomach. "Dance?" He questioned her a few minutes later, his green eyes almost glowing. "Why not?" Cordelia said, climbing to her feet. He led her to the dance floor, his arms holding her tightly as they moved. She closed her eyes and let herself pretend that it was Xander's arms encircling her, Xander's lips that were kissing her neck. They danced for hours, only stopping for Cordelia to get another drink. By the time the lounge was closing, she was encased in a rosy glow, and positive that Karl was the perfect person to help her forget Xander. He walked her back to her room, pausing outside of her door to kiss her, his lips cold against hers. She stiffened, feeling the difference between his lips and Xander's, before forcing herself to kiss him back. Opening her door, she invited him in, determined that she would exorcise Xander from her mind and her body once and for all. Karl followed her silently, sitting on her bed while she took of her shoes. She sat down next to him, curling her arms around his neck as she kissed him. His lips met hers, harder than before as he pushed her backward onto the bed. "I can't." She said suddenly, pushing him off her as she sat up. "I'm sorry, I know I invited you in, but I just broke up with my boyfriend and..." Her voice trailed off as she stared miserably at the floor. "I can." He answered her, his voice low and harsh. She turned to look at him in surprise, a scream following as his eyes glowed in the dark room. "Oh God." She jumped up from the bed, heading to the door, but he caught up with her before she had taken two steps. Spinning her around she looked up into his face. Into a vampire's face. Cordelia choked back a sob, wishing that Buffy was here. And why wasn't Buffy here, it was her job to kill vampires. Cordelia whimpered as his lips brushed over her neck. She was going to die. What would Buffy do? Think Cordy, think. There has to be a way out of this. Her knee came up before she formed the thought, catching him solidly between the legs. He moved back, growling loudly. Cordelia took the opportunity and ran towards the bathroom. Throwing the door closed behind her she locked it frantically, looking around for a weapon. If the vampires in Sunnydale were anything to go by, the door wouldn't be holding him long. Cordelia looked around in a panic, wishing that she was in Sunnydale right now. Spotting her hairbrush she picked it up as his hand broke through the door. His hand was peeling away the door as she realized that the hairbrush wasn't going to do her any good. She needed something sharp, like a stake. "Or like a towel rack." She whispered to herself, pulling the towels off and using every bit of strength she had to break it. Holding the thin piece of wood behind her she backed into the corner as he entered the room. "Come on Cordelia." He spoke calmly, his face returned to it's human form. "We were having such fun." "It's a shame it's over." She shot back. "Not for me." He laughed as he morphed once again, standing over her before she could react. "You vampires are all the same. No variety, no wit." Struggling to look confident, she was rewarded when he paused. "You're weak, you never could have faced a vampire and lived." He was on her again before she knew it, his lips curling back as he bent to her neck. She moved her hand around as fast as she could, knowing she had only one chance to live. If she missed his heart, she was dead. Using everything she had she pushed the towel rack into his chest, holding her breath until he moved back, his face surprised as he exploded into dust. Cordelia didn't move as the dust settled in her hair, and on her dress. Leaning her head back onto the wall she closed her eyes, her breath coming in huge gasps. She was alive, she had faced a vampire alone and survived. Slipping down to the floor she started to cry, rocking slowly back and forth. She wasn't aware of how long she sat there, wasn't aware of anything except that she was still alive. The sun slowly lit the bathroom, coming in from the tiny window above the bath. Standing slowly, she glanced at the ruin of her dress, covered with tears and dust. Pulling it over her head she threw it in the trash can as she stepped into the shower. Letting the hot water rush over her, she laughed to herself. "I won." She thought of Buffy as she got out of the shower; this was the Slayer's life all of the time. It wasn't a freak occurrence or a mistake in judgment. Buffy faced death every night, and Cordelia had never given her any credit for it. No, instead she had blamed her for every bad thing that happened to her. She had even blamed Buffy for Xander, something that Buffy had nothing to do with. She dressed slowly, lost in her thoughts. When she got back to Sunnydale, she was going to talk to Buffy. Apologize to Buffy, and maybe even thank her for everything she did. Cordelia sat down on her bed, picturing Buffy, Willow and Xander. They weren't bad people, no matter how much she wished they were. If she was honest with herself she knew that a very big part of Xander had always belonged to Willow, and to Buffy. He had called her after she had seen him with Willow, begging for another chance and she had ignored him, letting her hurt feelings and her pride keep her from the person that she loved. Xander hadn't wanted to stay with Willow, he had wanted to be with her. "But for how long?" She whispered sadly, her eyes bright with tears. She wanted all of Xander, wanted him to love her completely and she could never have that. He had a connection to Willow that she could never touch. Oz could probably accept that, she thought, he could love Willow completely even if she never felt exactly the same. Cordelia felt very small inside as she realized she couldn't. She didn't have the strength to be able to handle it. For her, it had to be all or nothing. Climbing into her bed, she pulled the covers up around her neck, staring at the ceiling while tears slipped down her face. It was nothing. ~end. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance" (4/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 29 Dec 1998 06:37:12 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. Don't make me beg, 'cause I will. DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know. RATING: PG-14 SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. Haven't seen "Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior. Or maybe just after= . Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe. SUMMARY: Thus far - Benefit concert at the museum. The Scooby Gang has b= een 'volunteered' to help with it. While chasing a strange girl she met durin= g patrols, Buffy discovers that Ethan Rayne is back in town. DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' and her magick appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers. To those who've offered feedback on previous parts: Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!! And please, keep it coming. It inspires me. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 4/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =93Well, it isn=92t here now.=94 His tone was matter-of-fact. Case close= d, end of story. =93I=92ve checked every book in here and---=94 Ethan paused, looked indig= nant, muttered something impolite, and cast a glare to the unseen, unheard other half of the conversation. =93What isn=92t here?=94 He froze. A very annoyed-looking Vampire Slayer was standing in the doorway, arms crossed. =93Why are you up to this time?=94 While waiting for an answer, Buffy quickly glanced around the cramped litt= le office. Books were scattered about the room and stacked on every level surface. Probably all belonging to the =91Dr. Adams=92 whose name was stenciled on = the door. While she was quite sure Ethan had been talking to someone else, there was= no one but the two of them in the room that she could see. Unless the missin= g party was simply hiding, but that seemed unlikely. There simply wasn=92t = any place to hide. The reason Buffy couldn=92t see anyone besides Ethan and herself was becau= se they were indeed the only two in the room At that time, anyway. Meanwhile, Ethan was silently weighing his options and finding them very limited. He removed the glasses he was wearing, as if expecting to be hit= in the face in the near future. It was a smart move because he would be. His first thought was to just run for it. That was his usual reaction in situations such as this, anyway. Today that choice was, of course, implausible. The only exit was blocked and the small room didn=92t even o= ffer space in which one could safely hide. Besides, he had to find.... =93You know, you still haven=92t answered my questions,=94 the Slayer rem= inded him. =93I=92m getting impatient, and when I get impatient, I start get violent.= =94 To show she meant business, Buffy took a couple of steps forward, putting herself within striking distance. =93Let me try this again,=94 she said, =93what are you doing here.=94 Ethan responded with smooth, characteristic confidence. =93I decided it w= as time for a career change,=94 he said, smiling in a way that said he was lying t= hrough his teeth. There was very little movement from Buffy and no way he could=92ve seen it coming, other than the fact every meeting with the Slayer held a predeterm= ined punch to the face. Or so it seemed. The force behind the blow was slight, just enough to send Ethan back again= st the wall. It, like so many others, was only meant to solicit straight information. =93One more time: why are you here?=94 Buffy held her fist up. Another = snide remark and she wouldn=92t go so easy. =93If you *must* know...I=92m looking for a book.=94 The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head, disappointed. =93I at least expected a better excuse than that, especially from you.=94 She started t= o pull her arm back to put momentum behind the blow and Ethan tried to retreat, slightly panicky. It was quite a move, considering his back was already t= o the wall. =93No, really!=94 He motioned to the numerous volumes piled on the desk, = the table, the floor. =93Just a book. As soon as I find it, I=92m gone. I promise.=94 Buffy feigned consideration. =93Why don=92t I believe you? Couldn=92t be= because of our track record, could it?=94 But what was she going to do? For all she knew, Ethan was impersonating someone - given the uncustomary-= for- him tweed suit and all. How would it look if she was caught assaulting a =93visiting resident=94 to the museum? Mentally, she listed her alternati= ves, from tying him up (with what?) to alerting the museum authorities (and the= y=92d believe her, *Buffy Summers, ex-murder suspect* right?). She frowned and hated the decision she made. It was too much like giving = him the benefit of the doubt. Or at least trusting he didn=92t high-tail it a= s soon as she left. For the record, that was precisely what Ethan planned to do. She needed to confer with her Watcher. There was no sign of a telephone i= n the office but she could find one in the lobby. The bus back to school di= dn=92t leave for another -- 5 minutes!! Buffy checked her watch again, just to b= e sure. She must=92ve lost track of the time somewhere. She had to go. They=92d take attendance, no doubt. Principal Snyder would look at his clipboard and call out =93Buffy Summers?=94 and be met with silence. Snyd= er would know she had left the auditorium ( a definite no-no - volunteers for the concert were supposed to be working, not wandering through the museum at will). She was already on the =93most wanted=94 list of Sunnydale=92s tro= ll- principal. Missing the bus would not help. Buffy glanced at the man watching her carefully as he ever-so-slowly made = his way towards the door. She raised an eyebrow and he froze, trying to look innocent. =93Just get out of town,=94 Buffy said. Ethan gave her a look that was a = mixture of surprise and confusion, but nodded compliantly. Probably hadn=92t expe= cted to get off so easily. Buffy didn=92t have time to say anything else. She turned and hurried to = catch her bus. The door swung shut behind the departing Slayer. A girl dressed in black = was leaning against it. She didn=92t fade in or appear with a flash of light;= she simply was there. =93Do you have any idea what she=92s going to do to you= when she finds out you=92re lying?=94 She grinned, gleefully imagining all sor= ts of unpleasantness. =93I wasn=92t lying...completely.=94 Ethan straightened his tie and rando= mly selected a book off the desk. He opened it, thumbed through a few pages, = then tossed in back into the stack. =93It=92s not here.=94 Mac agreed. =93No, it=92s not. As I was trying to say before we were interrupted, I found it---=94 She stopped, tilted her head, and frowned. =93Hold that thought= . We gotta move. Now. She=92s coming back.=94 Ethan was out the door within seconds. He headed for the exit and his car= . =93What were you saying? You found what?=94 Mac glanced around the room and the lights clicked off. She caught up wit= h Ethan and finished her earlier account. =93I said I found the third book.= It *is* here in Sunnydale. I knew it was.=94 She smiled, obviously pleased = with herself. =93Well?=94 =93It=92s not far from here, actually. We could even swing by Sunnydale H= igh and pick it up today. It=92s in the library.=94 =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Samantha McCullah Subject: BUFFYFIC: We Really Shouldn't...(1/1) Date: 31 Dec 1998 00:10:20 -0600 TITLE: We Really Shouldn't...(1/1) AUTHOR: Samantha McCullah EMAIL: ankhet@cswnet.com DISTRIBUTION: Just keep my name attached and you can post it. SPOILERS: Everything before and including Homecoming is fair game. RATING: PG-13 CONTENT: Nothing that isn't on the show...WXR SUMMARY: Xander's thoughts leading up to Willow kissage :) DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xander or Willow; Joss does. I don't own the song 'We Really Shouldn't Be Doing This' either; George Strait does. Dialogue is from the 'Homecoming' ep. Words in ** ** are song lyrics. ------------------------ We Really Shouldn't...(1/1) by Samantha McCullah This was a bad idea. After everything that's happened, after everything I've started feeling, I should have known this was a bad idea. But do I listen to my inner voices? Nope. I come here anyway. Have I mentioned this is a bad idea? I mean, hello, teenage boy with teenage hormones. I'm gonna go home right now and take a nice, long, freezing shower for a bout an hour and...my God, she looks good. This is definitely not a good thing. Cordy's gonna kill me! **We really shouldn't be doin' this And we both know why Just being close enough to think like this Enough to make you need to lie** "Uh, I know. 'Nice.'" She's talking. Must focus on words, must reply. "I was gonna go with 'gorgeous'." That's it, Harris, open your mouth and make a bad situation into worse. "Really?" She's smiling at me. I love that smile. It makes her whole face light up, and you can see the real Willow. "You, too. I-in a guy way." "Oz is very lucky." Ah, the wonders of small talk; it's almost like old times. Except not. I wonder if Willow knows what I'd give to be in his place. To touch her, hold her...kiss her. Wake up, Harris! You got Cordy. What more do you need? **This kinda talk will lead us to somewhere We're gettin' way too close to going there The farther off the better to resist We really shouldn't be doin' this** "I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can dance!" I think I missed part of the conversation, but, hey, Xander Rule #102: If it's not a demon, go with it. "Come on. Piece of cake." Oh, and what am I gonna do? Embarrass myself more?...alienate my best friend?...humiliate my girlfriend? Xander Rule #2: Too many questions make brain hurt. "Well, that seems to, um..." Yeah, that about sums it up. I'm going straight to Hell. I need to get out of here...I need to go see Cordy...I need to kiss Willow. "Yeah. This shouldn't be a...problem." Not at the moment, no. But later...later, I'd rather face a thousand Spikes than one pissed off Cordy. And she is going to be pissed. If she finds out.... "No, no problem." That's it, Harris, lean in a little closer and sign your heart away on the dotted line. **Only an isolated incident But the acquaintance left me stunned The first attraction was the hardest hit I thought I'd ever overcome** This is good...NO! This is bad...But she's a great kisser. Too great. Exactly how much has Oz taught her?! Hmmm, this is nice...but, no, bad...good kiss...oh, to Hell with it! "That didn't just happen!" That's it, Harris, slip into denial. Yeah, that'll make it all better, and when the fluffy pink bunnies start talking to you, we'll call the men in white coats. "No! I mean, it did, but it didn't!" She's cute when she's nervous. STOP! Harris, think of Cordy. Think of anything but Willow's soft, yielding lips...and there you go again. **This kinda situation has to pass This chance encounter has to be the last To take it further we would be remiss We really shouldn't be doin' this** "Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never..." Yes, I would. I just did, idiot. And I enjoyed it. Best kiss I've ever had, better than Cordy. "I would never, either! I-it must be the clothes. I-it's a fluke." Just a fluke, a one time thing. Never happen again. Nope. Not ever. Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that, Harris, and someday you'll believe it. "It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking." Right. No more. I'm quitting cold turkey. I'm never going to kiss her again. No matter how much I want to kiss her, lick her earlobe...touch her. "Not ever." Then why are we doing it again?! We both gotta stop for this to work. 'Cuz, if she isn't gonna stop, them I'm not. **We'd each be hurting somebody else If we don't say our good-byes real fast Won't even think about a farewell kiss We really shouldn't be a doin' this** "We gotta get out of these clothes!" Oh, yeah, that's what I want. NO! That's a bad Xander. No cookie. "Right now!" Hey, maybe she wants -- if we don't stop right now, we're gonna end up....Maybe I should go there. "Oh, I didn't mean..." Yes, I did. Need we go over this again? "I didn't... me, either!" Oh, I need a shower. A cold one. Maybe I'll just fill the bathtub up with ice. Yeah, that'll work. **Well...We really shouldn't be doin' this!** *Fin* ------------------ I know, I wrote something that wasn't Buffy/Spike ;) Feedback is appreciated! Sam -- Evil Spike Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch'entrate -- Dante, The Inferno http://welcome.to/unholyallies ICQ: 19243944 "Evil exists to glorify the good. Evil is negative good. It is a relative term. Evil can be transmuted into good. What is evil to one at one time, becomes good at another time to somebody else." -- Sivananda