From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (Buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: Buffyfic-digest V2 #60 Reply-To: buffyfic@xmission.com Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk Buffyfic-digest Tuesday, March 17 1998 Volume 02 : Number 060 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: The End of The Innocence Notes BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 4/7 BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 5/7 See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 03:59:32 EST From: Trey Cash Subject: BUFFYFIC: The End of The Innocence Notes For some reason, AOL is delivering the pieces of this story as downloadable files instead of us readables from the e-mail. I don't know why this is. Also, instead of five parts..there are seven. I mis-calculated how much space I would need. For those of you have your e-mail set up to refuse attachments but would still like to read the story, please e-mail me and we'll see what we can figure out. My apologies for the inconvience. Alex - - ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 04:08:45 EST From: Trey Cash Subject: BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 4/7 Title: The End of the Innocence Pt 4/7 Author: Alex Queirolo & Erika Rottler Email: treycash@aol.com, Sasheer@Aol.com Distribution: Just ask. Feedback: Absolutely! Please..we're eager to know what y'all thought of our collaboration. Drop us a line. Rating: PG-14 at best..extreme situations..see CONTENT WARNING below. Spoilers: When She Was Bad..basically everything up until PASSION. *** AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes about three months after "I Will Survive" and "That Was the Day". In this time-line, everything up until "Passion" occured but that is where they split. For the important back story, please read "I Will Survive". CONTENT WARNING: We need to be up-front about this; this piece is NOT meant for minors to read. It tells of graphic violent events and speaks rather frankly of sexual situations. However, there is no actual sex involved in this piece. It is rather unflinching and at points crude. We hope you will agree however that nothing is out of place. Again, this story contains violence, intense language, extreme angst and rather explicit discussions of sexual situations. DISCLAIMER: The only character in this piece that belongs to us is Asher. All of the others belong to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and Co. Them are gods..we are students. No bad is meant by this. *** "What's he doing, Will?" Buffy stammered. Willow glanced up at Xander and then back down at her injured friend. "He's still pacing." And that was true. And had been true. For the last hour and half, he'd been walking both and forth in front of the unmoving form of Cordelia. Willow could hear him muttering but she couldn't make out the words. "What about Cordy?" Willow squeezed her hand tightly and whispered, "I don't know. She hasn't moved at all. I can't tell if she's breathing." She dropped her head to her chest and tried to blink back tears but it was becoming harder and harder. One friend was down and in uncertain condition, another was lost and a third lay dying in her arms. And as for the fourth..well...he was just unstable and that scared the hell out of her. She'd loved him like family and it was so hard to think that somehow, someway, she'd lost her best friend to his own insanity. "Buffy..I can't stop him." "It's gonna be..ok..okay, Will." Buffy gasped out. She squeezed back as hard as she could which was devastatingly weak. "It's night...Angel..." she stopped and coughed and then fell back against Willow. Willow gazed up at the sky and found that Buffy was right, the sun was setting...total darkness was no more than a half hour off. Hopefully help would come then. On the other hand....if Oz had never found the group..or had been hurt.. "Stay strong....we'll get through this, "Buffy murmured sleepily. She wanted to close her eyes and sleep but fear and pain kept her awake. "I know..I'm just scared," Willow admitted. Buffy raised her eyes so that they locked with Willow's," After all we've been through, Will..we'll make it..we've come too far to die this.." her words broke off into a harsh body-racking coughing fit. Willow tightened her hold on Buffy and as she waited for the tremors to subside, she resolved to become the strong one. "You hold on," she urged, "Oz will find help and we'll all make it out of here." "And then..get Xa..Xander help, "Buffy gasped out, her eyelids dropping down so that very little of her blue eyes were actually viewable. Willow watched her friend warily. She was fading fast but still holding onto some hope that their Xander was still there. If Buffy were stronger, Willow would have expressed her doubts but as weak as the Slayer was... "Alright, alright..I get it now! She tried to play the game!" Xander shouted as he turned and walked towards Buffy and Willow. "Well I don't think so. It's a one player game. One fucking player. How the hell hard is that to grasp?" "Xand," Buffy breathed. "Xander?" He pulled back and hit her across the face hard enough to cut her cheek. "You don't talk to me! You never talk to me unless I tell you to! The rules!" He stood up and started walking in frantic, crazed circles, thumping the handle of the knife against his forehead. "For as long as I've been around...none of you ever fucking learn." And then just like that, he turned and smiled. Bending down, he ran the tips of his fingers across Buffy's pale cheek. He looked up at Willow. "Play with me, Will." "No, " she whispered, holding Buffy tighter as another wave of tremors ripped through the little Slayer. "This has got to end.." His eyes blazed fire, "Oh it'll end alright, little buddy..but only when I say. Now you'll play or I'll start up a new carving lesson with Buffy." He grinned at the Slayer. "You'd like that..wouldn't you, Buffy? To feel the blood dripping out of your body. To feel your heart slowing..isn't that how you always thought you'd die? Isn't that how you're dying now? Slowly and afraid?" "I'll never be afraid of you," Buffy whispered, opening her blood-shot eyes long enough to let him see the lack of hatred reflected in them. "You're a fool, Slayer and you've led them all to hell!" Xander howled. Then laughed." Not that I'm minding. Hell's a beautiful place. You'll all like it there." He grabbed her by the collar and began to shake her, knowing just how much it had to be hurting. And was hurting. "Leave her alone, Xander. You wanna play..then come on.." Willow challenged, voice trembling. Xander dropped Buffy back down and Willow watched as her friend curled into herself and began to tremble even more fiercely. Xander grinned, "You see that, Buffy? You see how far they are willing to go for you? Cordelia died for you. That was fun. Will...that'll be better." "Cordelia's dead?" Willow whispered, feeling as though she'd just been punched in the stomache."No..you're lying." "Am I? Do you know that for certain? You willing to wager a stab per answer in our little game, Will? If you answer wrong, I get to put a hole in her. That okay with ya, little buddy?" "Xander, don't.." Xander waved the knife in front of her, forcing her to stand up. She kept her eyes locked on him the entire time, searching for any sign of her oldest friend. All she saw was the darkness. And as she tried to look away, she suddenly realized that looking behind him would be more dangerous. "Come on, Willow....it'll be fun." And that was all he said before a large piece of wood connected with the back of his head and he sank to the ground. He tried to blink away the swirling colors and as he did so, he crawled towards Cordelia. He never made it there before everything went dark. Willow turned and grabbed onto her rescurer. "Oz..." "It's okay," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her down to Buffy. Angel and Giles joined them while Jenny went to check on Cordelia. Assured that Buffy was in good hands for the moment, Willow turned to Ms. C. "Is she?" "She'll be fine. She's just unconsious." Jenny said softly. "Willow, why don't you help me carry her to the van." "Sure..." Willow replied absently as she looked back over at Buffy. She watched as Angel very carefully lifted Buffy off of the ground and into his arms. She whimpered softly, muttered something incomprehensible and then finally slipped into a state of unconsiousness herself. "She's dying..." Willow whispered, seeing Angel's uncharacteristally frightened look. "She'll make it, "Giles reassured her. "She will. Oz, help me with Xander. Let's get the hell out of here. I think it's safe to say that we've overstayed our welcome in the great outdoors." "Sure," Oz replied. As he passed Willow, he stopped. "Are you okay?" "I'll be fine. It's Buffy I'm worried about." "Have faith," he whispered, "Have faith." *** "Cordelia? Cordelia? Can you hear me?" Jenny asked as she waved a clear capsule under the girls' nose. She timed her pulse again and then repeated the waving action. This time it worked. Cordelia awaoke with a jerk, gagging at the intense sensations and then moaning slightly at the memory of recently inflicted pain. "Xander?" she whispered, praying that someone would tell her that it was all a dream. "Behind you on the floor," Jenny said softly, pointing to the floor of the van where sure enough, her tormentor lay unconsious. She stared at him for a long moment and then bit back tears. This couldn't actually be real..could it? "He won't be hurting anyone," Giles promised from the drivers' seat. "Are you alright?" "I'm fine, " she replied. "How's Buffy?" She glanced over her shoulder at Angel who was now ironically soaked with his girlfriends' blood. And yet she could tell by his expression that it wasn't the blood that troubled him...it was the fact that it was hers. Yes, he was a vampire but for Buffy, he could control his blood-lust. Catching her eye, he gave her a small smile. "She'll make it throught this. She always does." Angel told her softly. Cordelia noodded and then turned back towards the window. Her reflection presented her with the image of a bruised and dirty young woman whose eyes had no light in them. Closing her eyes, she fought hard against breaking down. Without even realizing what she was doing, she began to finger the necklace around her neck. Jenny leaned over the passenger seat and touched her shoulder. Cordelia looked back at her with eyes brimming with tears. "We're almost there," Jenny whispered, squeezing the girls' hand. Cordelia nodded and tried to push the tears back. "What are you going to do with him?" Cordelia asked, pointing to Xander. "He's gonna stay at my apartment until we figure out what's wrong with him," Angel spoke up. "That is, after we get Buffy checked into the hospital, I'll take him back and tie him up and then come back. He'll stay with me for a few days." "Fine," Cordelia whispered. "I...I just want to go home." She looked up at the others.. "Please.." "Maybe we should have a doctor check you out..you were knocked unconsious." Giles protested. "Believe me..I'm fine." Cordelia said. "I think I'll walk from the hospital to my house." "We'll get you there," Willow said, squeezing Oz's hand. To Giles, she added, "Then we'll double back." "Right, okay. Cordelia, are you sure?" "Yeah..I really am.I'll be fine. Just..when you find anything out...give me a call." *** She watched just long enough to see a hand full of ER medics race up to the van and quickly load Buffy onto a gurney. One spat out her vitals and a handful of medical terms and then they raced towards the OR. "Come on," Willow said softly, taking her arm. "Let's get you home." *** She was twisting in her blankets, the sheets weaving about her legs. She turned frantically, trying desperately to outrun a nightmare. She was caught in the middle of a colorless replay of the days' events when the cordless phone by her bed went off. Once. Twice. A third time. Damn. "Hello?" Cordelia groaned, clutching a sweat drenched sheet to her chest. A casual look at her digital clock revealed it to be just after three in the morning. "Hi. Um, it's Willow," a soft voice said over the line. Cordelia blinked her sleep away and sat up. "Oh God...Buffy?" "Is going to be okay. She just cleared surgery and is in the process of being admitted to the ICU." Willow reassured her. "So...she's alright?" Cordelia asked again, needing to make sure. "Yeah..she'll be okay. Oz and I are here with Giles, Ms. C, Angel and Buffy's mom and dad. Everyone is a little calmer now. We were pretty..tense there for awhile. They're still not really letting anyone see her yet." "Are her parents power-freaked?" Cordelia queried, flipping on the light next to her bed. "They were pretty scared when they got here. Her mom has been here since earlier this evening but her dad just got in from LA a couple of hours ago. They both wanted explanations..them and the police so Oz and I told 'em when we went out for a hike, Buffy got attacked and knocked unconsious by a weird guy who ran off. I think they bought it." "We did get attacked by some weird guy," Cordelia murmured absently. She glanced over to her desk where a little green and black picture frame sat. In the frame were four little black and white photos of she and Xander. They'd taken them at the last little fair on the docks. Shaking her head and forcing back tears, she flipped off the light again. "I think she's still unconsious," Willow said softly. "The doctor told us that she's probably be out for a good portion of the next few days. He said she was pretty lucky." "Ya," Cordelia murmured. There was a large pause and then Willow said softly, "Xander's still out too." "Good. He's safer that way. Look, Will, I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll stop by the hospital in the morning. Okay?" "Sure...g'night." *** Cordelia walked very slowly down the dark empty hallways of Sunnydale High. It was weird being at the school on a Sunday but as a Slayerette, she was quickly becoming used to it. Pausing for a beat and then sighing, she pushed open the library doors and entered. Looking around, she saw Willow and Oz sitting at the table. Giles stood in the doorway of his office, scanning over the morning newspaper. Jenny Calendar stood next to him, sipping a cup of coffee and reading over his shoulder which was clearly annoying him thereby in turn amusing her. "Cordelia," Willow breathed, standing up. "Are you alright? Oz asked. "Peachy. Look..I'm sorry I didn't show up this morning..I overslept." "That's quite understandable," Jenny offered. "Thanks. So um..what's the deal?" Cordelia asked, looking up to Giles and Jenny. "Well..Buffy's alright..as Willow told you. Or at least she will be. The doctors plan to keep her hospitalized for at least another week or so. They anticipate her being in the ICU for another week before they move her to a regular room for a few days of observation. With her healing abilities, she shouldn't be in there for more than six days or so. That is of course assuming she doesn't do anything to aggravate her injuries. "And what exactly are her injuries?" Cordelia asked softly. She reached down to the table, picked up Willow's troll pencil and began to nervously play with it. "Well...obviously her most signifigant one is the knife wound. She suffered a good deal of internal damage not to mention a large amount of blood loss. Unfortunately that's not the extent..her left wrist is severly sprained; she has no movement in it whatsoever. And there are quite a few contusions and lacerations." "Not to mention bruised ribs," Willow added in. "Well, you gotta give him some credit," Cordelia whispered, "When he said that he wanted to see her hurt..he really meant it." She sighed. "Speaking of..where is he?" "Still with.." The phone rang before Jenny could finish the sentence. Giles lifted an eyebrow and then picked it up. "Hello. Oh Angel..yes...um..how are things?" He paused, nodded, paused again and then sighed. "Well..are you sure? Alright..but be careful. Okay..yes..thank you..we'll see you tonight. Goodbye." "Well?" Jenny queried as soon as the phone hit the cradle. "Um..well that was Angel." "He's good," Oz quipped. Giles ignored him and plunged ahead,"He says that Xander has no memory of what he's done. And Angel believes him. In any case, they're going to head over to see Buffy at nightfall." "Are you sure that's wise?" Willow asked. "Angel will be watching. If Xander is trying to trick him..Angel should be able to stop him before he further injures her. However, I think we should go under the assumption that this could be the truth and Xander might not remember. In this case, we should investigate both supernatural and psychological reasons for what occured." Giles replied. "Right," Jenny said. "Willow...you and I can use the computers to look through DSM IV." "Gotcha." Willow replied. Then she sighed. "You know..I usually love research parties..usually being the key word here." *** Angel watched from the doorway as Xander very slowly and cautiously moved through Buffy's ICU room. Holding a small bundle of flowers in his hand, he sat in the chair beside her bed. Almost immediately, her eyes flickered open. Seeing Angel in the back, she seemed to instinctively know that it was okay and that this was her Xander. "Hey Xand," she whispered, pushing herself into the sitting position with a low groan. She settled back against propped up pillows and then looked at him with a weak smile. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Angel mouth the words "He doesn't remember anything." She nodded slightly and then reinforced her smile. "Hey," Xander replied, taking her uninjured hand in his, "How ya feeling, Buffster?" "I'm okay although I gotta tell ya Xand-man...I'm not loving the food here." He smiled at her joke but she wasn't fooled; she saw sadness lurking in his dark eyes. Taking her hand from his, she reached up and touched his face. He smiled again, this time for real and said, "It's nothing. I..I was just worried. I woke up this morning in Angel's apartment and all he could tell me was that I'd been knocked unconsious and that you'd been seriously hurt. God...Buff..what happened?" "I'm not even sure, Xand. It all happened so damn fast. But it doesn't matter..it doesn't...because we're all okay now." Buffy reassured him. And it wasn't like she way lying..afterall..she really wasn't sure what had occured the previous day. "I had dreams," he whispered. "I saw things." "Wha..what?" Buffy questioned, exchanging a worried look with Angel. She tried to adjust her positioning but only ended up gritting her teeth and holding back a cry of pain. Xander quickly moved to help but she put up a hand and urged him with a nod of her head to continue. "When I was knocked out..I guess." He looked up at her and she saw mist in his eyes. "I saw myself hurting you...hurting them. God Buffy..in my dream...I did this to you. It was a dream..right?" "Just a dream, Xand." Buffy murmured, as much to herself as him. "In any case..it's over. Everyone is gonna be just fine. The docs say that I'll be outta here in no time. Just as long as I..." "Behave," Angel smirked, coming up from behind them. "That means you stay on your back and do what the nice men in white coats tell you to do until then." Buffy scowled,"We'll see about that. I'm a girl of independence. I must have my independence. I can't be held down." "I bet I could convince you to stay in bed," Angel grinned, tracing a finger over her jawline. She shivered slightly and whimpered, "No fair." "I agree!" Xander cried. "Yuck guys! I mean c'mon...Buff..your parents are in the hallway talking to the doctor.." "They know about me and Angel...." "Yeah..I remember..your mom found the two of you making out on the porch..believe me..I remember," Xander quipped dryly. "Hey, you know what..I'm gonna leave you two love-birds and go find Cord..." "No!" Buffy and Angel both cried at once. Buffy groaned and then shook her head to keep both of the boys at bay. "Xand..I..uh, talked to Cordy earlier..she's pretty busy tonight. Family, I think. Hey...I got an idea...why don't you stay and chat with me tonight? I could use the company. All my parents keep doing is fixing my pillows...it's driving me batty." "What about you and Angel? Wouldn't you much..." "Giles wanted Angel to help him translate some new fire and yuck prophecy that will probably end up getting me all bruised and battered. So....I guess that means it's just you and me tonight." She stuck out her lower lip and gave him her poutiest look. "Unless of course..there's something else you'd rather do." "Of course not," Xander chirped. "I get to play nurse-boy. Cool." He grinned. "Hey Angel...oh wait..you guys want a moment...right?" Buffy grinned and gave Xander a small push with her good hand. Once he was outside and probably creating a diversion so that her parents didn't interupt her "session" with Angel, she turned to him. Smiling up at him, she reached up and brought him down to her. Then she gave him a small kiss. "How are you really feeling?" Angel asked with concern. He knew her well enough to see past the humor to the pain. That and he could smell the blood. The dressing for her stomache wound would have to be changed very soon. "It hurts," she whispered. "A lot. Everytime I move, I can feel it. But I can deal. I'm more worried about the rest of them. Especially Xander and Cordy. She won't admit it and he doesn't remember it but they both will." "I know," he said. "I'll keep an eye on her. You watch your back with him. Xander is.." "My friend. He's Xander. It wasn't him, Angel. I don't know how I know..but I do." "Alright..just be careful. I'll stop by later tonight and dammit..relax, okay?" She winked, "We'll see. That just might cost you extra." He grinned, shook his head and then leaned down and kissed her. TBC... - - ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 04:11:53 EST From: Trey Cash Subject: BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 5/7 Title: The End of the Innocence Pt 5/7 Author: Alex Queirolo & Erika Rottler Email: treycash@aol.com, Sasheer@Aol.com Distribution: Just ask. Feedback: Absolutely! Please..we're eager to know what y'all thought of our collaboration. Drop us a line. Rating: PG-14 at best..extreme situations..see CONTENT WARNING below. Spoilers: When She Was Bad..basically everything up until PASSION. *** AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes about three months after "I Will Survive" and "That Was the Day". In this time-line, everything up until "Passion" occured but that is where they split. For the important back story, please read "I Will Survive". CONTENT WARNING: We need to be up-front about this; this piece is NOT meant for minors to read. It tells of graphic violent events and speaks rather frankly of sexual situations. However, there is no actual sex involved in this piece. It is rather unflinching and at points crude. We hope you will agree however that nothing is out of place. Again, this story contains violence, intense language, extreme angst and rather explicit discussions of sexual situations. DISCLAIMER: The only character in this piece that belongs to us is Asher. All of the others belong to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and Co. Them are gods..we are students. No bad is meant by this. *** Xander walked through the crowded hallways of Sunnydale High. Students moved around him like ants, all rushing to get to their homerooms. He moved towards the library in a foggy daze. He'd spent the entire night sneaking in and out of Buffy's room so that he could stay and talk with her. He'd been forced to avoid the nurses who'd not so gently reminded him that in the ICU when visiting hours were over...that meant that they were OVER. Of course, Buffy hadn't really wanted to sleep...something about not really caring to do the REM thing.And although he'd known that he should have forced her to rest because of her fragile condition...the truth had been that he'd needed the conversation as much as she. So they'd talked. About his dreams. And somewhere during the middle of the night, he'd found himself completely void of all energy but they'd continued talking. Well mostly he had. After about two in the morning, she'd started to slip in and out of an exhausted dream-less sleep. In any case, he felt like his legs were made of lead. The damn dreams had felt so bloody real..and he couldn't seem to just open his eyes and make them go away. Glancing up, he saw Cordelia standing alone by her locker. The door was open and it looked like she was checking her make-up in the little magnetic mirror. Smiling slightly, he moved towards her. "Hey Cordy," For her part, she spun so fast that he was honestly suprised she didn't develop whip-flash. "Xander," Cordelia stammered, plastering on an unconvincing smile. "Yup," he grinned, leaning in for a kiss. What he met however was not her lips but the soft swell of her cheek. He pulled back in confusion. "What's wrong? Oh hey look...I'm sorry I didn't call last night. I spent the entire night at the hospital..." She nodded slowly, her eyes not meeting his. Instead, she gazed evenly at a poster on the wall behind him. "That's okay..I was..um..out anyways." "Good, good. So...ya headed to homeroom? Want the Xand-man to escort you?" She looked up, initially startled and inadvertingly caught his eye. Looking away quickly, she murmured, "Actually I gotta talk to Harmony..about ..something.." Xander's eyebrows lowered, "Okay..um..well...meet you in the library after homeroom then?" "Yeah," she nodded quickly. "I, uh...I gotta go." She gave him a quick uneasy smile and then brushed quickly past him, barreling into Willow in her rush. "Cordelia..we need to talk," Willow hissed, grinning up at Xander. Cordelia glanced back at her boyfriend somberly, touched her necklace and then nodded. Not missing a beat, Willow grabbed her by the arm and yanked her towards the girls' bathroom. Willow quickly checked the stalls to ensure that no one would overhear them. "It's all around school about Buffy getting attacked," Cordelia started uneasily. "People are saying that an escaped lunatic from Wacko Hill did it. But we know better, don't we?" "Cord.." Willow stopped abruptly as two giggling freshmen entered. Narrowing her eyes, Cordelia growled, "Get lost." The two girls exchanged looks and then left, muttering as they went. "Go on, Will...you were about to tell me that I shouldn't be like this." "No..you have every right but you've got to understand...he doesn't know what's going on. Right now..more than ever..we need to stick together. For us. For Buffy. And for him." Cordelia clenched her teeth and turned away, "He's the bad guy, Will. He's the goblin under the bed this time." "He's still Xander. It wasn't him." "God, Willow...were you even listening? Were you even there? Did you hear the things he was saying? That was Xander! He knew exactly what he was doing. He tore into all of us...tried to destroy us..it was him...maybe a bad side but still Xander..still what he's capable of being." "I know...Ms.Calendar and I are working off the theory of multiple personality disorder.Who he was there is characteristic of the classic protector personality..." "You know, Will...right now I don't really care what's wrong with him...I just want him to stay away from me until I can sort things out in my own head. I'll worry about that whats and whys later." "Are you going to break up with him?" "Right now I just want to avoid him. Breaking up isn't really one of my concerns at the moment," Cordelia replied evenly. She sighed. "You know what..I can't deal with this today..I'm going home." She shook her head and started for the door. As she moved, Willow reached out and caught her arm. "Cordelia...I'm sorry..I'm just scared...I don't mean..." "I know. but you know what it comes down to? Trust. I'd gotten used to all of this weirdness you guys got me into but I never thought it would become part of me. But it has. I can't sleep without nightmares now...without seeing his face full of fury. He wanted to hurt us...he tried to kill Buffy. And all I keep thinking is...if I can't trust the man I'm dating..the man I care a lot about..then who am I supposed to trust in this hell?" Willow looked at her helplessly and then whispered, "I don't know..." "That's what I thought," Cordelia said with a bitter laugh. "And you know..it may be none of our faults in the long run but somehow we're all doomed." She laughed again and then moved swiftly through the bathroom doors,leaving them swinging in her wake. *** "God, Giles...I'm bored." Buffy growled as she aimlessly stirred a half-full cup of cold beef broth. He was only the third visitor she'd had all day. Of course it hadn't helped that she'd finally gotten annoyed with being coddled and had all but thrown her parents out. "You didn't eat much," Giles noted as he took a seat next to her bed. "You really need to.." "I know, I know...eat so I can regain my strength. Rest so I can regain my strength. You know..I have been hearing that from everyone who comes near me." She sighed dramatically. "Dammit Giles...I'm bored and these old grandpa doctors keep trying to sedate me and dope me up on painkillers." "Well, does it hurt?" "Well yes," she replied sarcastically. "But Giles...these old guys wig me..." Giles lifted an eyebrow in amusement,"Buffy, no one here is much older than forty or so." "See?" she replied with a pout. "Giles..you want to know what I've done today? I woke up, ate something unidentifiable and then was drugged and sedated. Someone touched and poked me a lot and got obscene pleasure in hearing me in pain and then gave me more drugs. Do you know what it feels like to have cotten in your head? You can't think around that. You try but it just doesn't happen..." "Buffy.." "So then after the mean man in white touched me and redressed the wound which was nice and bloody..I might add...they sedated me again. Next thing I know...I'm waking up needing to pee and Nurse Psycho wants to watch. I think she threatened to sedate me at first.. "Well..they seem very nice to me," Giles put in with a grin. "Wow..color me shocked," Buffy dead-panned. "I bet you're the one behind all the sedatives." Shaking her head, she tried to adjust her position and ended up wincing as a shot of pain raced through her like fire. "Okay...ow...ow." She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes until the intense agony turned back into a dull throbbing. "Ow. Okay Giles..I'm bored. That means you get to entertain me. Let's start with...what's going on at school for two hundred." "What?" "Jeopardy, Giles...get with it. Now answer the question." "School?" Giles repeated, not really wanting to burden her with the investigation into Xander's mysterious condition. He'd spoken with Joyce Summers before entering the room and she'd told him that although Buffy was making good progress, she was still being rather difficult about the whole thing. Not suprising considering that she was and the Slayer and she harbored a rather large dislike of hospitals. Just the same, she was far from in good shape. Her being up and talking was almost a mirage; he knew that she was still weak and in a tremendous amount of pain. "Right. Is Xander okay? He was up with me all last night talking about what he thinks are dreams. Sooner or later, he's gonna know the truth. We need to be able to offer him an expla...Giles? What is it? You're staring at me.." "You're remarkable, you know that? You only care about helping him.." "He's my friend. He's Xander. I gotta believe that there is a good reason why he tried to kill me. And for what he did to Cordelia...if you could have seen it, Giles...you would understand. God..it wasn't him." "It might be harder to convince Cordelia of that," Giles murmured. "Willow tells me that she's not coping well." "I imagine not. If I weren't the Slayer..I might not be either." "If you weren't the Slayer..you'd be dead of blood loss," Giles reminded her. "Thank you Doctor G," Buffy quipped. She rolled her eyes, "He stabbed me because I am the Slayer." "Um, yes, quite right," he conceded. Then he sighed, "Well..as fun as this has been.." "It's time for you to leave me to the dull fate that is mine and return to the dusty stacks of Dodge," Buffy groaned. Giles rolled his eyes, "How melodramatic. Why don't you try sleeping? Allowing the wound to heal. You're not helping it by moving so much." "Whatever. Hey Giles?" "Yes?" "Bring me something to read." They locked eyes. "Stop staring at me like that..I know how to read." "Um, yes, right..I know that..it's just that well..frankly you've never expressed interest in extracirricular vocational literary comsumption." "Uh..yeah..whatever the hell you just said. But hey..my interests can change." Buffy insisted. "Right. Alright. Requests?" She crinkled her nose as if to think. "Hmm..yeah. Something you would read. You know...something covered in dust and cobwebs..with you know...all yellow icked pages." "It's lovely to see how much you respect my resource collection," Giles muttered dryly. "Oh lighten up. How about something about say...hm.." she appeared to be deep in thought again and then she drummed a finger against her temple. "Demons that possess human bodies." Giles' eyebrow shot up and with heavy suspicion in his voice, he queried, "Any particular reason?" He had a pretty good idea what she was up to but just the same, he decided to question her. He knew to trust her hunches but still... "Nah," she shrugged, flinching at the movement. Recovering as quickly as she could, she chirped, "Just bored." She wasn't quite ready to let him in on her thoughts. "Alright..well...Willow and Oz plan to stop by after school ends this afternoon. Something about homework and that computer box thing." She wrinkled her nose in amusement,"Gameboy, Giles. C'mon...say it one time with me; computers are not the enemy." "Cute. In any case..I'll uh, have them bring the book..on demons who possess individuals..to you this evening." "Nice, Giles. Good try though. Points for effort. Look, if I find anything out...from my totally disinterested and completely bored reading...I'll let you know." "Fair enough," Giles said with a nod. "On one condition." "What's that?" She asked dryly. "That I let the evil nurse sedate and drug me without trying to break her nose again?" "Wow," he grinned, "You do learn." *** He waited almost an hour after school for her to show but she never did. And in the meanwhile, he managed to annoy Jenny Calendar to no end. Finally she sighed and went into Giles' office to play on Willow's lap-top. She was looking up something or other. With a dramatic sigh, he moved over to the desk and picked up the phone. He dialed quickly and waited as the phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times. "Hello?" "Oh, hi Mr. Chase. This is Xander..is Cordelia around?" Therer was a slight pause and then Jack Chase replied, "Actually Xander, she's not feeling very well. She came home from school early." "Thanks. Tell her I'll stop by later tonight, okay? Cool. Bye." He hung up the phone and then slouched against the desk. What a day. Looking up, he saw Willow and Oz emerge from the office. "Hey guys," he chirped. "Sorry Xander..we gotta fly..Buffy is expecting us," Willow replied, squeezing his arm. And with that said, they disappeared. Xander made a face. Alone again. Having nothing better to do, he decided that he would take a walk. He felt a little guilt at not going with Willow and Oz to the hospital but he knew Buffy would understand. It'd been hard enough to stay with her the night before and watch her in some much pain. He needed some time to think. To try to make things make sense. And so he started walking. He'd never had a remarkable sense of direction but ever since he'd become a Slayerette he'd discovered that these thought walks often took on a life of their own. This being the case, he found that he wasn't even slightly suprised to find Cordelia's house in front of him when he stopped walking.Gazing up at the second story window where he knew her room was, he saw movement. Sighing, he trotted across the lawn to the front door. He rang the bell and waited impatiently. It wasn't all that long before Jack Chance opened the door. He smiled widely at the boy. "Hello, Xander." "Um, hi Mr. Chase..I know I just called....but I really want to see her." Jack smiled sympathetically,"She's feeling much better actually. She uh..just left with her mother to go shopping. I'll tell her you dropped by..I'm sure she'll give you a call tonight." Xander nodded slowly. "Right..." he didn't bother to tell the man that he was pretty sure he'd just seen Cordy up in her bedroom. He plastered on a smile and then said. "Thanks." Jack Chance nodded and shut the door. Xander waited a few moments and then trotted back over to the side of the house. Fortunately, there was a large oak tree by her window. Wasting no time, he began to climb it, grunting as he asscended. Once he reached the roof, he slipped onto his stomache and crawled the rest of the way to her window. Reaching out, he tapped soundly on the window. Cordelia heard the sound before her eye registered his presense and without intending to, she jumped up startled. "Xander?" She moved over to the window and opened it so that he could crawl in. He brushed himself off and then laughed, "Now I know what Angel feels like everytime he sneaks into Buffy's room. Well not everytime..." "Xander..what are you doing? Why are you here?" Cordelia queried, quickly moving away from him and over towards the other side of the room. "Well...see there's some weirdness going around. First you take off from school after acting really weird. Then I call and your dad says you're sick..makes sense. But then I come by and he says you just left. What's going on?" Cordelia shook her head, "Look...can we..can we just talk about this tommorow? I really am not feeling well.." "Then let me help. I can play nurse-boy. I did it last night with Buffy," Xander quipped. He reached out for her arm and pulled her to him. He placed a finger under her chin and lifted it so he could see her eyes. But what he saw there was fear. "Oh God...Cordelia..what's wrong?" Xander demanded. She pulled away from his gasp and turned away, "Nothing." "Cordy.." "Just stop it, okay? Just leave me the hell alone!" "Dammit! Talk to me!" Xander yelled, his own anger flashing hot in his eyes. "What did I do?" She flinched away from the anger in his tone and retreated to her desk. She placed her palms flat on the wood and stared down at the necklace he'd given her a few days earlier. She'd tried to wear it even after the attack but it too hurt. As she gazed down at the chain and ring, her eyes darkened. By the time he placed a hand on her shoulder, everything had changed. "You really want to know what you did, Xander?" Cordelia replied, spinning around. She was wearing a crazed grin on her face as she moved towards him, finger jutting out at him accusingly. "You wanna know what's wrong?" She pushed him down into a chair and then leaned over and whispered, "You want to know why all of the sudden all of your friends are so fucking scared of you that they constantly look like they've just seen a ghost? How about why you see fear everywhere you look? And why I can't even stand to be next to you?" "What did I do?" Xander asked, eyes watering. "You tried to kill us all," Cordelia said simply, eyes like slits. "Oh that's right dear Xander. You pulled a knife on us. You tried to gut Buffy like a fish. You put our lives in danger. For ten long hours, you held Willow and I captive while you allowed Buffy to lie there bleeding to death. You beat us all up..even her..even after you'd already stabbed her." "No..stop..." "Oh..oh but Xander..it gets so much better!" Cordelia hissed into his ear. "You demanded to know my sex life and then you insisted on further humiliating me trying to play a role-playing game and recreating my first time. You wanted to be Coach Nordhoff." "No...you're lying.." ""And now you're saying that you don't remember any of it? Not the thrill you felt when you ripped Buffy's flesh apart. Not the power that surged through you when you made me decide between Oz and myself. But you do remember..don't you? You liked almost killing her and you liked hurting me and Willow. It made you strong..powerful.." "No!" Xander yelled, shoving her away from her. "You're fucking psychotic." "No honey...that would be you," Cordelia laughed. Then she turned back to the desk. "I think it's safe to say that we're officially over." "Why are you doing this?" Xander pleaded. She laughed, "Because I want you to hurt the way I hurt." And then she picked something up from the desk and hurled it at him. It knicked him on the chin and caused a drop of blood to form. Reaching out with his hand, he caught the object before it hit the ground. Lifting it up, he recognized it as the necklace he'd given her. He glanced up at her desperately, hoping for some explanation but when all he saw was psychotic fury, he turned and ran from the room, brushing past Jack as he went. The older man watched the departing boy in shock,"Cordelia..what is..what is going on? How did Xander..?" Cordelia all but skipped into the hallway,"It's okay, daddy..we just had a little fight. I'm gonna go talk to him. It'll all be alright by tommorow morning. I promise." And then she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. *** "So, what's the word, Giles?" Willow called out as she and Oz entered the library carrying two brown bags full of fast food from Woody's Eat-Out. She quickly handed out two oversized hamburgers to both Giles and Jenny. "Word?" Giles asked as he took a large cup of ice tea from her. "On what Buffy is up to..why did she want a book on demons," Willow queried. "She wouldn't even tell me. That's not usual. I'm not liking unusual." "I suspect that Buffy is working off of a supernatural tilt on what occured with Xander." Giles replied. "And we're still looking at psychological," Jenny informed her. "Okay then.." an unsteady voice said from the doorway, "Since it's safe to say that you're investigating me for some reason...anyone care to tell me what the hell I did?" "Xander?"Willow cried, looking up. She and Oz exchanged worried looks. "Yeah,Will...it's me..or is it? So what I want to know is what the hell I've done? Did I do what she said I did? Did I try to kill Buffy?" *** She dressed quickly, ignoring the nearly blinding bolts of pain that ripped through her like flashes of red hot fire. Every movement caused another. As she pulled on her tee-shirt and allowed the hospital gown to fall to the floor, her eyes caught on the heart monitor sitting by her bed. She was supposed to remain hooked up to it for at least another two days but some young nurse had turned it off. Talk about luck, That pretty much took care of forced interruptions by the hospital. Now all she had to do was sneak past the main desk and slide into the elevator. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Angel growled from the doorway. He stared at her with dark eyes full of a cocktail of emotions. Fear. Anger. Concern. Love. Frustration. He gestured at her with his left hand which held a small brown and white stuffed rabbit. "I know you're not doing what it looks like you're doing." Well, it'd been a good idea in theory. Afterall, Willow and Oz had left at least two hours ago to return to the library and her mom had taken her dad to the museum so that she could show him around. But Angel...well...oops. "Angel," Buffy said with a sweet smile, "Hi, honey.. how was your day?" "How much am I going to have to fight with you to get you back in bed, Buffy?" Angel asked warily. He moved a couple steps towards her. Buffy lifted an amused eyebrow,"Not much, lover." Sighing dramaticaly, he decided to let that comment go over his head. "Buffy," Angel scolded, "You heard what the doctor said..your injuries are extremely fragile. Any exertion could rupture the wound. Buffy...you could bleed..." "Not now,Angel. I've got to get to the library. My spider sense just kicked into overdrive. Something very bad is about to happen and I need to be there now." "I'm guessing you know what?" Angel asked. "Yeah," she replied, letting out a moan of agony as she leaned over to lace up her boots. "And if it happens...me dying will be the least of our worries." She looked up at him. "C'mon...I'll explain everything on the way there." "The way?" he asked, leaning over and wrapping an arm around her. She was shaking so badly that she could barely stand. She needed his support. "Right. I tried calling but the phone line is dead. We gotta go...now!" Buffy replied, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and allowing him to support her almost completely. Leaning up slightly, she pressed her lips to his. "Angel, my love..you just became my partner in crime. We're breaking outta here." TBC... - - ------------------------------ End of Buffyfic-digest V2 #60 ***************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffyfic to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)