From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #132 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Thursday, April 16 1998 Volume 02 : Number 132 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" Interlude #4 by Ingrid BUFFYFIC: Fallen (3/3) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 00:15:00 -0400 From: ingrid29@juno.com (Ingrid E Stanton) Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" Interlude #4 by Ingrid DISCLAIMER: The characters of Buffy, Giles, Cordelia, Spike, Drusilla, Willow, Angel & co. are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without permission. The author claims no rights to these characters. SUMMARY: I’ve decided to help explain the past through a series of interludes that will be interspersed throughout the story as it goes on. This series is obviously meant as a companion to the aforementioned "Reunion." These flashbacks take place about 9 years before "Reunion," give or take a few months. Needless to say, if you haven’t read "Reunion," this won’t make much sense to you. If you don’t have parts 1-12 of it, you can write to me and request them. My address is Ingrid29@juno.com. Oh! BTW, I love to get feedback, except when my mailbox explodes, which is often, but send it anyway! "Reunion" Interlude # 3: "Comfort" by Ingrid His back slid down the side of the counter, the notches of the cabinet handles poking his back. The floor was cold. He slumped against the wall and curled up against the world. Nice to know that he could do one final disservice to his friend by showing up late on the night of her death. It was just like him. He was the taker, and she was the giver, and not once had she complained. Rain poured through the open window, soaking the muffins on the counter top. He got up and closed it. There was a knock at the door. He crossed the room and opened it. It took a few moments before he was able to identify her as Cordelia. She was soaked, the mascara dripping at the corners of her eyes, her hair limp and falling across her face. She was shivering. He stood there without moving. "I just heard." She was practically convulsing now. He let her inside and closed the door, taking one last look into the blackness of the night and turned around. "I’m so sorry. God, I don’t know what to say, Xander." He kept walking towards the corner of the kitchen and sat down again by the corner of the cabinet. "I let it happen. I was late to our meeting, and when I got there, she was already…" "Oh my God. You were there when…" "I couldn’t have been there on time. I figured, It’s Will- you know, she’ll wait for me. I guess she couldn’t wait for me this time." Cordelia approached his retreat nervously. "Xander." She really didn’t know what to say at all. So she settled for something trite. "It’s not your fault. You know that." "Maybe it isn’t. Maybe I couldn’t have stopped it anyway. No, I couldn’t have stopped it. But I could have at least been there for her when he was draining her life away. I could have screamed goodbye." The last words came out choked and dry. A sob, she realized. *Oh my God. Oh my God.* He didn’t say anything more, but the sobs grew louder. She was standing in the middle of the kitchen shaking and dripping wet, and she didn’t know what to do. So she crossed over to him, more afraid of rejection than anything else. His crying increased as she wrapped her numb arms around him and began to cry with him. There was nothing to say. She couldn’t bring herself to say that it would be okay. It wouldn’t. She couldn’t say she understood. She didn’t. She couldn’t say that he suddenly mattered so much more to her now, sitting here in his kitchen than anyone else. But he did. She couldn’t tell him that she looked terrible, and it didn’t matter one bit. But it didn’t. She couldn’t tell him that her heart was beginning to ache in a place she didn’t know existed- a place that was reserved just for him. But she could feel the pain tearing at it. So she cried, mourning the loss of Willow and the loss of innocence. *** End Interlude # 3 _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffyfic to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com) ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 02:09:04 -0400 From: "Kirstin" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fallen (3/3) title: Fallen (3/3) author: Kirstin e-mail: kmo@acpub.duke.edu rating: strictly G or PG here. nothing anybody can't read. disclaimer: these characters are joss's, the wb's, mutant enemy's, anyone else who has a valid claim that i don't know about's property. they aren't mine. neither is the stuff from Gone . . ., Anya's story, which this is a sequel to. the song is by the lovin' spoonful, so i guess they own that. the ideas here, however, are mine. please don't steal them. distribution: ask and ye shall receive. feedback: pretty please with a cherry on top. i'm not so sure how i feel about this part . . . ************************** "Did you ever have to make up your mind? Pick up on one and leave the other behind, It's not often easy and not often kind. Did you ever have to make up your mind? Did you ever have to finally decide? Say yes to one and let the other one ride, There's so many changes and tears you must hide. Did you ever have to finally decide?" This song has been running through my mind for days. Maybe it's some sort of Slayer thing. You know, there can be only one, and that one will be forever plagued by cheesy, yet prophetic, song lyrics. It's probably in the Slayer handbook or something. Or maybe it's another prophecy Giles forgot to tell me about, like the one that said I would die. Either way, it's happening. Because I do have to make up my mind. I have to choose between something I could never have, and something I never used to think I wanted. So what can I do? Should I hold out for Angel? Exactly how long do I have to wait for him? I've been home for weeks, without so much as a word. He couldn't drop a dime to tell me that he isn't dead? Scratch that, he's been dead as long as I have known him. At first it really bothered me. The whole not calling, not writing, not saying good-bye thing. But as time goes on, it bothers me less. I guess some of the memories are fading. All that I'm left with is cryptic boy's leather jacket and a cross. And while they say a lot, they don't say everything. I didn't even really know how he felt about me when he was around. How could I possibly know what he's thinking when he is away? There is so much he never told me; so much we could have shared. But we made the decision to cool off. I guess it gave him the wiggins too, the whole Vampire/Slayer thing. Maybe nothing would have happened even if he had stayed. Maybe I really didn't love him. Sometimes I felt like I loved him. He was so romantic. He was the perfect tall, dark, and handsome prince. Sure, there was the thing where he drinks blood, but I could have looked past that. Or I at least would have tried. When it didn't work out, then he could run away. But to leave me when things were so fuzzy gray area? Did he expect me to wait? Did he want me to wait? I don't think I will. I don't want to wait until my life is over for some guy who may never be coming back. I'm not going to spend eternity pining over him, when I don't even know how he feels. I want to know right now exactly how it's going to be. If he can't tell me, I'll find someone who will. But is that person Xander? Is he just my Xander-shaped friend, or could he be my love? How will I know either way? Sometimes, I think there might be something there, especially lately. Since Willow and Angel split town, we've spent a lot of time together. And after I was finally able to see through my haze of Angel-induced depression, I had fun. He had fun too. Together, we were able to forget about all of the bad things that have happened lately. Together, we were able to get past the sadness. And sometimes, it felt like maybe he was more than just a friend. Like maybe someday I could really care about him, in that way. I know that's how he feels about me. I could tell even before he asked me to the Spring Fling. I think that he might love me. Or at least he thinks he does. I think he might have loved me for a while now. But I'm just not sure how I feel. Part of it is Angel. Xander doesn't really measure up in some areas. He's not as tall, or breath-taking, or dangerously mysterious, or exhilarating. But he is cute. I love his smile. And he's funny. He can always make me laugh. And dangerous and mysterious are overrated. Sometimes, it's nice to have reliable. And he's brave, so brave. He has saved more times than I like to think. He brought me back from the dead. It's like we have a bond between us. I like that I know what he's thinking, and that he knows how I feel. I like that we can talk about anything. Angel and I never talked. Things are different with Xander. I like it. I like him. I think I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to see what will happen. Maybe there is a deeper bond between us. Maybe I'll fall in love. To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffyfic to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com) ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #132 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. 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