From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #144 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Wednesday, April 22 1998 Volume 02 : Number 144 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (3/3) BUFFYFIC: Just a Little Revenge (1/1) BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (2/3) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:58 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (3/3) The first thing she was aware of was that she was alone. Completely, utterly alone. The warmth that had been curled around her for the night was gone, the bed was empty. And Buffy felt a tremor shiver through her body as she slowly sat up. The now-dry blood on the pillow told her the night before hadn't been a dream. When she ran her fingers through her hair, dark red dust fell and affixed themselves to her fingertips. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and stood, moving to the window, touching the shades just enough to move them so she could see the sunlight that slipped in beneath them. *Oh, God...* she thought, sinking to the floor and holding herself tightly, leaning against the wall. *Angel...* But he was gone. If he hadn't been lying, and she was sure he hadn't been, then he was gone and she might never see him, never have him, never be with him again, she'd be alone the rest of her life because after Angel who else could compare, and... She felt a sob coming before it manifested, and she buried her face deep in her arms to smother the cries. *Angel...* she thought again, her voice softer in her mind. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, trying not to feel, not to think, and failing miserably. She slowly pushed herself up from the floor, making her way back to her bed and collapsing into the pillows and the blood that was again mixing with her tears. She almost didn't see the folded sheets of paper that someone-- Angel-- had laid on the pillow next to her. Fumbling, she picked them up and ran her finger over the lettering. The note read, simply, "Buffy" Her fingers couldn't unfold the paper fast enough. She read the note aloud, her voice trembling. My love, It's nearly morning. The sun is going to rise in an hour, maybe two, and I don't have much time-- barely enough to write you this. I'm sorry. I was selfish. I shouldn't have come to you, because I know all I've done is make things harder for you. Please forgive me. I had to see you again, though, and the demon that controls me was willing to strike a deal, for one night. That night is almost over now, and I don't think I'll be able to hold onto myself for much longer. He's restless, and I can feel him inside me already, and I have to leave here before he takes over-- because I don't know what I might do if I lose control of myself with you nearby. Be strong, Buffy. I love you. I always will. You'll win this crusade, somehow, and one day we _will_ be together again. I'm staring at your closet now, where you keep your stakes. Wondering if it might not be easier for you to wake up with nothing but a pile of ash and wood on your floor, but I don't think I could do that, either. This way, at least you've still got hope. That some day we'll be together again. Because we will. I promise you that. Despite that, I want you to know...if it ever comes to a point where your only option is to kill me, do it. You don't know what kind of life this is, to live inside something and know what's going on and have no power to control it. I'm still not sure why I was allowed to come back for this one night, and I'm not entirely sure what the price for tonight will be. So if anything happens and you need to kill me to defend yourself or any of your friends, know now that I would never hold it against you, and I would rather die my Final Death than to see harm come to you. I wanted to keep you safe. To protect you. I never thought I would hurt you as badly as I know I have. Your love, always, Angel. By the time she reached the end of the letter, tears were streaming down Buffy's cheeks. It was all she could do to keep from blurring the letters on the page. It was a long time before she was able to put the paper down and go about the business of recursing her home so Angelus wouldn't be able to enter it again. //Down, down, down. Will the fall never come to an end?// -October Project, "Sunday Morning Yellow Sky" THE END Copyright 1998 Rachel Brody *All lyrics are by October Project, from their CD "Falling Farther In", from Epic Records. They are used without the group's permission. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 16:52:27 PDT From: "Sara Barton" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Just a Little Revenge (1/1) Author: Sara B. Sara114@hotmail.com Title: Just a Little Revenge Dsclmer: I don't own 'em! Summary: This is just a little fic that takes place one week after BB&B. Feedback: Yes Please! Just a little Revenge “Oh, God...that was so sad,” Willow Rosenburg sobbed, trying to control her trembles as she walked down the dark road. “All those people,” Cordelia bawled, “They all died...*snif*...it was all so...so tragic.” She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve, not caring if her makeup ran down her face. “That was the most beautiful and horrible thing I have ever seen,” Buffy wailed beside her two friends. “That should never have happened, he should never have died and left her!” She sniffled loudly and Willow handed her a tissue from her pocket. “Thanks,” she cried, accepting it gladly. “Oh come on!” Xander Harris said, his annoyance more than obvious. “It’s just a movie!” “How can you say that?” Willow scratchy voice said. “It is not _just_ a movie!” Xander cocked his head. “It is too _just_ a movie. And not only that, it’s a movie that you have all seen four times, and yet you still sob and wail and cry at the end!” “How could you not cry? He died!” Buffy exclaimed through her tears. “So? How can you want to watch all that mushy stuff?” Xander said. “Ugh, Xander, you are such a man,” Cordelia said with disgust, while clutching onto his arm as they walked down Rovello Drive. “Gee, really? I hadn’t checked lately,” he replied sarcastically. “But how can you not go back and see it? It is the best movie! The romance of Jack and Rose is so intense!” Buffy exclaimed, dreamy eyed through her tears. “And Leonardo DiCaprio is so cute!” Willow sighed. “Isn’t he? And what about Billy Zane? He has a certain, Billyosity.” “Billyosity? Come on, Willow! The guys a putz! And that DiCaprio guy is a pansy!” Xander exclaimed, disgusted. “A pansy? He is NOT a pansy!” Cordelia fumed, slightly jabbing her boyfriend in the ribs. “Is too!” He retorted. “You’re just jealous!” Buffy said defensively of the actor. “Oh yeah? Well what about Kate Winslet? She is HOT! And that nude scene, whoa boy! I could watch that over and over. Ah, hell, just give me the drawing!” Xander said, with a grin. “Xander! You are such a perv!” Willow said, and blew her nose on a tissue. “That was such a romantic scene and your acting like all it was--was a free chance to see a girl naked!” “And is there anything wrong with that?” He asked. “Oh yeah? Well what if Leo had done a nude scene?” Buffy asked, her face still damp from tears. The look of disgust on Xander’s face gave Buffy her answer. “That would NOT have been okay.” “Why not?” Willow questioned. “Well...well...just...um....just because!!!” He exclaimed. “Oh, great answer,” Cordelia said sarcastically. “Well anyway, the only cool part about the movie was when the ship went down. I mean, I laughed so hard when that guy fell and hit the propeller--” “XANDER!” All three girls yelled in unison. “Are you saying that ‘Titanic’ had no emotional effect on you at all?” Buffy questioned. “You didn’t feel one thing when you watched fifteen hundred people die?” “Well, it had a little effect. It..it was a little sad,” he mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Only a little?” Cordelia asked. “Okay, it was really said. But nothing to cry over!” Xander said quickly. “So you’re telling us that you didn’t once shed one little tear through out the whole movie?” Willow asked, staring at him intently. “N..n..no!” He yelled, feeling his cheeks turn red. “Oh really? So who was that sniffling next to me, then?” Cordelia questioned, arching an eyebrow. “I..I..uh...” he stammered. The three girls looked at him with knowing expressions. He sighed. “All right! So I did cry! But only a little!” “So the big macho guy admits it. Alexander Harris cried during ‘Titanic’,” Buffy laughed, amused. “I’m warning you, Slayer! Don’t tell anybody!” He growled. “Or what? You’ll hurt me?” She asked, pretending to be scared. “Don’t worry, Xander. I won’t tell a single soul! Wouldn’t want to bruise your fragile male ego.” “Good. ‘Cause you know, I have a rep to protect!” Xander said defensively. Cordelia snorted. “What rep?” “Duh! My rep as a stud,” he said. The three girls couldn’t help but laugh. “The only rep you have, Harris, is being a geek!” Cordelia giggled. Xander sported a hurt look. “That was harsh!” “Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologized, giving him a pouty look. “Can you forgive me?” “Yeah, I guess,” he grumbled, his girlfriend squeezing his arm tighter with a big grin on her face. “But the movie is still nothing to get worked up over.” “Well I don’t care what you think. It was a tragic movie, and I love it. I think I could go back and see it again!” Buffy exclaimed, her eyes twinkling. “Yeah! We should go tomorrow!” Willow squealed, a broad smile on her face. Xander groaned loudly. “Not again!” “Well no one said _you_ had to go with us,” Buffy said. “I’ll just ask Angel if he wants to go.” “And I’ll ask Oz,” Willow said, her cheek growing slightly red at the thought of asking him to go with her. Cordelia gave her two friends a mischievous grin. “And I can ask Devon if he wants to go.” Xander’s eyes opened wide at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. “Excuse me! You are NOT going to go see _that_ movie with...with HIM!” Cordelia stifled her laugh. “I forbid it!” “You can’t forbid me to do anything. Besides, you won’t go with me, so who is?” She questioned. “I...I don’t know! Ask...ask Giles or something!” “Giles?” Buffy burst out laughing. “Like old stuffy Giles would go to the movies with us! Let alone go see ‘Titanic!’” “But--but----” Xander stuttered, knowing he was losing the battle. “OH Fine! I’ll go see ‘Titanic’ again with you.” “Thank you,” Cordelia said, kissing him on the cheek. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, annoyed at himself for giving in so easily. “But it will be the _last_ time, you hear me? The LAST.” “Fine, fine. That last time. Just as long as you go with me,” Cordelia grinned. “Gee, Xander. You’re such a nice guy! Going to see a chick flick and all,” Willow teased. “Yeah? Well I’d like too see you try to get Oz and Angel to go! They’d rather be dead than go see that movie.” “Well Angel doesn’t have to worry about that cause he’s already dead, and Oz wouldn’t mind,” Buffy said, using one of Xander’s jokes against him. “Do you three like to gang up on me? Do you get your jollies out of it?” Xander asked. “It’s just so easy to do,” Buffy laughed as they reached her house. “Aww...don’t get so defensive! We are just getting you back for that little stunt you pulled last week,” Willow said. “It’s the perfect punishment. “Oh come on, guys! I didn’t know the spell wouldn’t work!” He exclaimed. “Yeah, but you were stupid enough to do it! And don’t think that watching ‘Titanic’ over and over again is all the punishment you will get,” Cordelia said, walking into Buffy’s house. “What do you mean by that?” Xander asked suspiciously. “Oh just a little revenge,” Willow said, and Cordelia led him up the stairs with Buffy and Willow close behind. **TEN MINUTES LATER** “I am NOT going out like this!” Xander shouted, staring at his reflection in the mirror. “You are too!” Willow exclaimed, her laugher ringing through out the house. “You can’t make me!” He yelled. “Maybe we can’t, but we can get proof,” Buffy snickered, pulling out her Polaroid camera. “NO! NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!” He screeched, running out of her room. “Quick! Grab him!” Willow shouted, pulling on his skirt. Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him back into her room. Xander struggled but Buffy was too strong and held him in place while Cordelia snapped the thirty-six roll exposure film. “Noooooooo!” He wailed, but it was too late. They had their evidence. **NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL** “How could you have done this to me?” Xander groaned, hiding behind the large desk in the library. “How could you ask Amy to cast a spell making every woman fall in love with you?” Cordelia asked. “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” He yelled. “The spell was only meant for you!!!” “Yeah, yeah,” Cordelia said, filing her nails. Giles came bursting into the library. “My God! Have you seen those pictures? They are posted all around the school!” “WHAT?!!” Xander screamed, and jumped up, banging his head on the desk. “Tell me that isn’t true!” Giles started to laugh. “So that was you?” “Cordy! You told me they would only be put on the library doors!” She smiled evily. “I did, didn’t I? Whoops!” “I can’t believe you did this to me!” He groaned, and went back to hiding under the desk. Giles walked over the Cordy. “It worked,” he whispered, and she grinned widely at him. “I told you so,” she said. **IN THE HALLWAY** In the hallway, a mob of students crowded around the 12x14 picture that was taped to the trophy case. “Can you believe that?” “I knew that guy was a pansy!” “I thought he was rather cute, until now.” “Man, whoever did this was definitely seeking the ultimate revenge.” “I never knew he liked to wear women’s clothing!” “Look at all that makeup on his face!” “And that wig!” “What a dork!” In the middle of the mob stood Buffy and Willow, admiring their handy work. The picture of was Xander, wearing Joyce’s bright pink dress. His curly, yellow wig contrasted the electric blue eye shadow and cherry red lipstick that had been so carefully applied to his face. “Like I said,” Willow grinned, “just a little revenge.” THE END ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:54 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (2/3) See Part 1/3 for all the other stuff, this is the story! ~ At home, curled up in her bed, Buffy let the tears come. Sobs wracked her body as she tried again and again to tell herself it hadn't mattered, that when the sun rose she would be able to forget what had taken place tonight, and it wouldn't hurt her anymore. She was shivering hard, her pillow already soaked with tears and a pile of tissues slowly growing in her wastebasket. That bastard. She had thought there might have been some chance, however small, that Angel's soul would have been reachable...but if it was, she knew he never would have let the demon that controlled him say those things, make him feel this way. And his performance had been so _convincing_. Not even fighting back. The way he had just stared up at her, his eyes wide and showing such pain and betrayal, had made her falter for barely a second. She'd held herself together so she wouldn't show him how badly he'd hurt her, but now all she could do was wish she had been stupid and gullible enough to take him at his word. To let him touch her, to let herself feel him close to her again. She was still crying when there was a light scratching sound at her window. Taking a breath, she blew her nose and swiped at her tears, then forced the emotion down and moved, as if enchanted, toward the window. The spell broke itself the moment she laid eyes on him. "No," she whispered softly. His eyes sought her out, burning through the glass, and he motioned her to open the window. She did, putting her coldest glare. "Get--" "Buffy," he cut her off, and the way his voice sounded wasn't quite natural-- wasn't what she'd have expected him to sound like. "Let me talk. Please. Just...five minutes. If I can't convince you in five minutes that _I'm not lying to you_...I'll go." The part of her that was screaming at her to be a Slayer and not a sniveling, lovesick child was buried beneath the rest, and she nodded. "Five minutes." He took a deep breath, then swallowed and looked at her. His voice shook when he spoke. "And now I don't even know where to start," he said softly. Then he sighed. "I just...I want you to know how sorry I am. How much I care for you." "You're not making any impressions," she snapped, wishing it were the truth. "I'm not surprised. I've seen what he-- I've done to you, in the memories... Buffy, I swear, one day I'll make sure the demon is destroyed. I just don't know how, yet. Don't know how to make it up to you." He took a quick breath. "I just want you to be safe. And to remember that no matter what I may say, tomorrow or afterward, I love you. Whatever part of me he can't control, loves you. More than anything, than any_one_, I've known in over two centuries. You're the first good thing that's happened to me. You're the only person who ever made me feel human." He looked at her unchanging expression for a long moment, taking another short breath as red tears began to form in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over. "You don't believe me, and I don't blame you, but...I wish there was some way I could find to prove it to you." As Buffy listened, she felt her own throat constricting, even as she heard Angel's voice getting more and more shaky. She looked at him, and was amazed to see the blood tears that were slowly trickling down, across the smooth landscape of his skin. She bit back the words that rose to her lips, knowing if she spoke the Slayer in her would be buried once and for all underneath the torn young woman who only wanted her love back, and nothing else. She'd lose the battle that had begun the moment she had realized the Angel she loved was gone. Angel's eyes left her, falling to the branches he was balanced in so precariously. They lingered there a moment before returning to her face. "You don't know how many nights I spent sitting here, watching you sleep," he said softly. "Wishing I could be in there, with you. Protecting you." Almost before she realized it had happened, something inside Buffy broke. She didn't have the strength to resist anymore, and the tears she'd been holding back till that moment flooded her eyes and blurred her vision. It was in that moment that Angel leaned forward and kissed her gently, then pulled away and whispered. "I won't ask to come in. I know you don't want to have to re-curse your house so I can't once I go back to being who I was, at sunrise." He swallowed. "But...the porch. Please." Her lips still feeling the touch of his, Buffy nodded and moved away from the window, then turned and ran down the steps, glad her mother had gone out of town for the weekend. She couldn't explain this to herself-- certainly, then, she couldn't explain it to her mother. She fumbled with the lock for a few seconds before the door let her push it open, then she stepped out into the night. From the shadows, stepped Angel. He stood in front of her for a long moment, as though afraid that if he tried to touch her, she'd crumble to dust in his hands. Finally, just when Buffy felt there was no way she could stand it any longer, he reached up and took her face in his hands, leaning down to affix his lips to her own. They stood like that for too long for Buffy to keep track of time. She was lost in him the moment they touched, as soon as their lips closed on each other's and their tongues began to cautiously, slowly move into each others' mouths. Nothing between them was touching, except their lips, and Buffy's eyes fell shut of their own accord as soon as he had touched her. Previously separated, now they were one, together, two parts of one whole and now joined for a few brief seconds that somehow stretched into an eternity. There was something warm on her face-- and his was stained with the blood from his tears. The tears themselves had mingled with her own when they had been kissing, and now both were stained with blood and salt and water. When she finally felt the slight sensation of him pulling away, Buffy knew there was nothing she could doubt about his story, now. He had been telling her the truth. And she hadn't believed him. "Angel, I..." "Shh, love," he whispered, kissing her gently again. This one didn't last nearly as long as the last, but it meant no less than the one that had come before it. "I know." Feeling a sudden sob wrack her body, Buffy collapsed against him, tears streaming down her face as they began to flow anew. She couldn't let him go, couldn't let herself lose him again... "Shh, shhh," he said soothingly, his arms around her and his hands stroking her back and hair gently. His cheek rested against the top of her head, drinking in the scent of her hair, as she cried in his arms. By the time she pulled away, there were stains in her hair from Angel's tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Then she gave him a slight tug, toward the doorway. "I can't," he said softly. "You can't invite me in or I'll-- " "I'll recurse it," she said, her voice still quiet and shaking, tight from the tears that wouldn't cease. "Please. I'm inviting you in." * Angel swallowed, meeting her eyes-- and saw there only the hard determination and longing he himself felt. Buffy gave his arm another light pull, and he nodded, kissing her softly again. "I love you," he said. "Always." She nodded, and they moved into the living room, up the stairway, into her room. The door had barely shut when she kissed him again. This time, there was more of a desperation in it than before, and when he returned the kiss he felt the hunger both of them were feeling, for one another. It had been weeks since they had been able to be close to each other like this, and neither knew when it would happen again-- and soon his hands were moving under her shirt, and her fingers were working on the buttons of his, and their lips seemed locked together. A sudden, crystal clear thought sprang into his mind. He would hurt her if he did this. Worse than he had when he'd gone back to being a vampire. Going to the Bronze, needing to see her- - - he'd been so selfish. He pulled away from her, suddenly. "Stop," he whispered. She drew back, staring at him in shock. He winced, feeling his stomach twist and wondering if she was thinking again that it all might have been a ruse-- Angelus doing his best to hurt her in the guide of her lover. "What?" she asked. Only now her tone was guarded, cautious-- and completely incapable of hiding the fear and betrayal he must have been instilling, deep in her heart. "I...don't want to hurt you," he whispered. "I don't know what he'll do to you tomorrow if we do anything now." "He can't hurt me," she whispered, moving back toward him. It was all Angel could do not to give in. But he summoned every piece of himself he could and hoped it would be enough. Then he placed his hands on her shoulders and shook his head. "No," he said. "That's not true. And he's hurt you too much already." He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly, for just a moment. Then he pulled away, but only enough so he could speak. "I only want to be with you tonight. It may be the last few hours we have together-- for a long time-- and I want to make sure neither of us regrets a moment." She nodded, ever so slightly, and he smoothed her hair away from her face. Then he drew her to him, and held her close, trying to memorize every detail of her. The next hours were a blur of touching, kissing, being, on both their parts-- and it wasn't until they finally curled around each other on Buffy's bed that the Slayer fell fast asleep in Angel's arms. He was left with only his thoughts to keep him company, at that point, but by then the only thing he was aware of was the weight of the woman he loved in his arms. ~ (More to come, comments and critiques appreciated.) ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #144 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. 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