From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #145 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Thursday, April 23 1998 Volume 02 : Number 145 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (1/3) BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (1/?) BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (2/?) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:49 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (1/3) ::evil grin:: Now...HERE's something more my speed. Mwahaha. ~ Acknowledgements: October Project, for their amazing songs. Sarah, for sitting and letting me inflict the aforementioned amazing songs on her and then putting up with me when I finished the story myself. Notes: This is Angst fic. Evil-Angel-Fic (EAF) and Evil-Buffy-Fic (EBF) all in one, neither of which acronyms has quite the same ring to it as "ELF", but ah well, this isn't the seaQuest and I haven't seen a Lucas in Sunnydale, so Buffy and Angel will have to suffice. There's a leetle bit've profanity. All comments/crits please direct to me here (KylenRevik@aol.com), 'cause I thrive on them. :) Disclaimer: BlahblahblahStandardDisclaimerAppliesblahblahblah... Story time! ~ "A Moment's Redemption" //When the darkness falls like a curtain And the night ahead is long and uncertain Dream Beyond the loss and the hope of redemption.// -October Project, "Sunday Morning Yellow Sky" "Willow." "Isn't this great, I mean, Oz says he just _found_ this music--" "Willow," Buffy repeated, her voice shaking slightly. "And then earlier, he was--" "_Willow_!" This time, her friend stopped talking, and looked over at her. "What, Buffy?" "Over there." The Slayer pointed toward the shadows, where a tall, early-twenties young man had stepped out from the darkness of the bar. Willow followed her friend's finger until her eyes met with the same sight. "Omigod, is that..." Buffy nodded, standing and leaving her soda behind. "Yeah." She stepped away from the table. "I'm gonna go figure out what's going on." Willow nodded. "No blood baths at the Bronze. Yeah. Good idea. Should I, um, like maybe go tell Xander--" Buffy glanced across the room to where Xander was flirting with a couple of girls-- who looked utterly bored. "No." "Cordelia?" Cordelia was engaged in activities much the same as Xander's, the difference being that the objects of her attentions didn't look upset in the slightest. Buffy shook her head again. "No, I'll be okay." Willow noddd, and Buffy left, approaching the vampire who stood in the corner, motionless, yet watching her as she moved toward him. She stopped several feet away. "Angel, what are you doing here." She didn't know what he expected. Was this some sort of new twist on the "let's hurt the Slayer" game he seemed to be playing with more and more intensity these days? He was silent for a long few moments, then he swallowed. "I need to talk to you," he said. "But not here." She almost laughed in his face at that. "What, you think I'm just going to _leave_ with you?" She shook her head. "No." Then her glare turned more dangerous. "And Angel, I have stakes with me. So clear out. And don't hurt anybody." She moved to turn around, walk back to Willow and forget this had ever happened, when Angel grabbed her by the wrist. "Buffy, _please_! You don't understand. I'm...me again." She jerked around, tearing her arm away from him. "_What_?! she snapped, her eyes turning hard to cover the wrenching sensation she felt, deep within herself. He shook his head. "It's too hard to explain. I...made a deal. With the demon inside me." He took a quick breath. "Because I couldn't stand not being with you." There was a long pause. "But I'm only like this for tonight. At sunrise--" "Shut up," she snapped. "Even for you, that's low." Then she turned and stalked back to Willow, leaving Angelus behind herself. Willow had been watching the entire exchange, and Buffy shook her head when it looked like her friend was going to question her. "I can't talk about it," she said softly, feeling her voice catch. "Buffy--" "No," she said. "Tell the guys I went home." She picked up her jacket and pulled it on, then slipped out the door before Willow could question her any further. * "Get away from me," Buffy snapped, hearing the door of the Bronze open and shut again behind her. "Buffy--" "Get _away_!" She was shaking with rage as she stalked away, in the direction of her home. He had to hurry. Had to get there as soon as she could. Why Angel hadn't attacked her already, she didn't know-- but she was going to get away from him before she had the chance to find out. She heard him behind her, following her, and bit back the tears that found their way to the corners of her eyes. She would _not_ cry in front of that-- that _monster_. She was walking quickly now, half-afraid he'd follow her. Not wanting to have to look in his eyes if he tried to speak to her again, because she knew all she'd be doing when she saw him would be to search out the shred of him that might bit be lying to her. Caught up in her thoughts, Buffy didn't even see him when he stepped onto the sidewalk in front of her and she'd have run into him if he hadn't spoken aloud, in that horrible, wonderfully smooth voice of his, the voice that had alternately soothed and haunted her. "Buffy, stop." She froze, taking a split second t to realize where he was, his proximity to her. Her heartbeat quickened slightly, and she fought to get it to slow back to normal. This was her Angel. Standing before her now, eyes locked with hers. And she'd been right-- she was searching blindly and stupidly for something, anything in his expression that would tell her he had been sincere back at the Bronze, and he had his soul back. But he was too good an actor for her to find the chinks she knew had to be in his armor. "Buffy," he said again softly, and she could have sworn there was a tear in the corner of his eye. She couldn't answer-- her throat had closed over and there were no words she could find that would have expressed the sheer depth of her fury and pain, the almost self-loathing she felt when she saw him and realized how desperately she wished his words were true. He was a monster, she told herself. He'd threatened Willow. Killed Ms. Calendar. Killed who knew how many other innocents. He'd been tormenting her since the moment he'd lost his soul. She hated him. She had to. "I-- I need to talk to you," he whispered. He moved one hand toward her cheek. "Buffy, you don't know how badly I need you..." She slapped his hand away, and he recoiled as though she'd shoved a stake through his heart. "Don't touch me, you son of a bitch," she hissed. "You don't understand!" he said. There was a brief, silent moment before he spoke again. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't know about the curse. That I'd lose my soul." A pause. "Or you." Feeling something twist hard inside her gut, Buffy didn't answer. So he kept talking. "There were a few minutes...I woke up and realized...I couldn't understand what was going on and then it was too late, and I had no way of telling you..." He swallowed hard, then moved to touch her again. This time, though, Buffy didn't stop at dodging his hand. She delivered a quick kick to his throat, then followed with a sharp blow to his stomach-- then she gasped in shock as he didn't fight back and let her knock him to the ground. Now he was staring up at her, motionless. Buffy didn't know how long they stayed like that, staring into each others eyes. Neither spoke until Buffy took a quick breath and hissed, to keep her voice from shaking, "Just stay the hell away from me, you manipulative, soulless _bastard_." Then, before the tears in her eyes spilled over, and he could see what he'd moved her to, she turned and ran away, as quickly as she could. ~ (More to follow...) ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 13:51:24 -0400 (EDT) From: sarah Subject: BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (1/?) Why, yes! I'd love your comments! An Ode to Truth By Sarah Liz Gordy Disclaimer: Not mine. Props to Joss, cause he's the man with the incredible imagination, and the Cranberries, for musical genius. Like I said, if you recognize it, tis'nt mine. And Rachel, for listening to me babble over pineapple and helping to flood my imagination with song. Though, by the way, I found this one all on my own. Oh yea, it does contain one or two swear words, so kiddies, close your eyes when you see them. I. //Understand the things I say Don't turn away from me... Understand what I've become It wasn't my design// "Ode To My Family" - The Cranberries "Buffy, come into the kitchen, please." Closing the front door, she obligingly trekked to the back of the house and settled into a chair. "You're home early, Mom." "Buffy, we need to talk." Her mother turned from the sink and set down her water glass. Buffy missed the sadness in her eyes. 'She's completely calm. It can't be that bad.' "I'm not sure how to start this." 'Uh oh.' "Buffy, you know I love you very much," Joyce began. 'Oh shit.' "And I never want to do anything to compromise that love." "Mom," Buffy interrupted, "is this about last week?" She remembered that fight. It was one of the larger ones. And Buffy was only through half of her period of grounding for it. "Not exactly. It's about everything, Buffy. I'm at my wits end." 'I can't believe she's this calm. It's like she's going to tear into me, but silently. I think this is worse than last week.' "Putting aside the fact that I never see you, and when I do you treat me like an inconsequential fly on the wall, I'm worried. I Buffy," she looked drained. "We've been around this same block so many times, I'm beginning to think it's not you. That maybe, somewhere I messed up." Overcome with guilt, but not sure how to comfort her, Buffy just listened. "I've been thinking about last summer. Your father offered you a place to stay, if every you wanted to. I'm considering taking him up on his offer. But I wanted to talk to you about it first." Joyce put up a hand to stop the flow of words she knew were coming. Before you say anything, I want you to know that this isn't simply a scare tactic. I'm genuinely worried about you here. Maybe Sunnydale isn't for you. Maybe I shouldn't have taken you from your father, from LA." "No Mom, I don't want to leave you, or Sunnydale. It's just... complicated." "Make it simple." She looked at her mother and tried to find the words. Buffy had promised her self long ago that she would never drag her mother down to her world. At the time it was the perfect plan, but now? 'Kendra's parents knew who she was,' she rationalized. But that was, admittedly, a completely different situation. 'But what about Angel? Not telling Mom my real nature would rank right up there with Angel not telling me about his. Of course, it wasn't a very pleasant situation she I *did* find out, but it went beyond the Vampire/Slayer thing. Oh, that was a big part, but there was also the trust issue. At the time Angel didn't trust me enough to make the right decision. He may have been right. Perhaps I was right holding out on Mom at first. Neither of us was ready. But now...' "Okay." Astounded at the prospect of compromise, Joyce nearly choked on her words. "Excuse me?" Continuing on as if she hadn't heard her mother exclamation, "But I don't think I can do it in 25 words or less. And it's probably a good thing you're sitting down. On second thought, come upstairs with me. I have a few things to show you." Joyce followed her young daughter up the stairs, bewildered at not so much her actions as the sudden confidence she'd not been privy to for years. "Cop a squat. I want you to give me your word that you'll let me say what I have to say before you do anything." Buffy waited expectantly until she had her mother's response. "Alright. Well... um" Buffy looked at her watch. Almost four hours till sundown. "Damn," she muttered. "What?" "It would be a lot easier to show you, but I can't just yet, but in a few hours, I promise to prove what I'm about to claim." "Alright, so claim." "Okay. Well, ya' know X-Files? Well, they have a bunch of really weird things on that show. One of them is government conspiracy. Well, you don't believe all of the conspiracies they go after, but it makes you realize that A) the government can do pretty much what ever they want, and B) people are disgustingly easy to manipulate if you spin it right. They make you believe things that aren't true, and they cover up the truth with convenience. "You want to join the department of defense? "You promised not to interrupt. But no, I don't what to join the DOD. I want to stop covering up the truth with convenience. I think you are ready for it." Joyce raised her eyebrows. "Mom, do you believed in angels? She was caught slightly off guard from the rapid subject change. "Of course, dear." "Then I suppose you believe in devils as well." "I suppose..." "Jesus exorcised a man inhabited by demons." "Alright, I believe in demons. Do you want to become a priest now?" "No Mother," she replied patiently. "Either way, it's not a matter of becoming. I am what I am. I had no choice and I cannot change. But don't worry, I'm cool with that now." Joyce looked at her child in askance. Ignoring her mother's perception of the situation, she continued on. "So, you're cool with demons inhabiting people. Okay. New line of questioning. Do you believe that a person has a spirit, and that something happens to that spirit after death?" "Yes." "Do you believe in ghosts?" "Where is this leading to, please?" "Mom, can you admit that, like government conspiracies, there's stuff out there that not only can we not explain, but neither do we even realize exist?" "I suppose that makes sense." Joyce paused to consider. "You're not trying to tell me that you are a werewolf or something, are you?" Laughing, "No Mom, I'm not even a vampire." "Oh good. That's one career choice I wouldn't approve of." "You may still not approve - give yourself time." "What are you trying to tell me, Buffy?" "Mom... Okay. Throughout time, there have been demons. Along side of the demons, have been those who choose to fight them. And for every generation there has also been one girl who's had no choice - who was born into a legacy that she kinda has to live. I'm one of those girls." "You fight demons," she said, her voice low and disbelieving." "Yes." "Any demons in particular?" she said smiling, thinking how strange her daughter's sense of humor was. Buffy opened her closet, but blocked the view with her body. She brought out a hand full of hewn stakes and tossed them on the bed next to her mother. "Vampires." *** I know you all are *dying* to tell me what you think. Come on, this is the first fic I've ever posted! You don't want to scar me for life, do you? Nah, I didn't think so. And Rach... you *gotta* hear these songs... Until the next part, Sarah Liz x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X-Phile, x x sarah x FoLC, x x x and adamant believer in Angel's humanity x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x(it's just taken a leave of absence) x x x x x ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 14:04:40 -0400 (EDT) From: sarah Subject: BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (2/?) I'm back! I still want your comments! for disclaimer, see first part. An Ode to Truth By Sarah Liz Gordy II. //All the things you said to me today Changed my perspective in every way Those things come to mean So much to me// "Dreaming My Dreams" - The Cranberries She couldn't believe she was here. A cemetery. At night. Besides the outstanding legal issues, it gave her the creeps in a way she did not want to contemplate. If she did, she might have had to admit that maybe it's not just the wind at night. Admit that her daughter wasn't just a really accomplished lair. Admit to Bela Lugosi and Boris Karlof that the only reason she could watch them all those years ago, was because her mother assured her that there were no such things as vampires. Buffy had told her what would happen after dark. Not exactly every gory detail, mind you, but enough so she'd get the gist. Of course even this little foray, assuming for a moment that Buffy was indeed a Slayer (it still sounded strange to Joyce), did not explain everything. Oh, the late nights, low grades, trouble with the principal, and missing clothes (that she realized now where all at one point torn, shredded, or caked with gore) were all covered. However, it did not explain things like her new boyfriend Angel. Well, to a point it did If Joyce were in Buffy's place, she could see that a boy her own age might be rather immature. And though Joyce didn't know the extent of Buffy's physical prowess, if she fought off vampires, a single overzealous twenty-year-old shouldn't be difficult. And then there was the whole mortality issue that Joyce didn't particularly want to face at all. Buffy hadn't said anything about it, but if she'd been completely immune to vampires *that* would have been mentioned. Knowing that you may not live until the ripe old age of thirty, well, it may not make you rush things, but Joyce understood why Buffy lived everyday as if that day counted, really counted. Considering it, she understood so much more - she was so proud of her daughter. At the same time, pondering these things ripped her heart in two. Knowing that your daughter risks her life every single night, instead of doing "normal" teenage things. Knowing that one of these days, she won't come home. Or that after Buffy moves out on her own, that the phone will ring one day, and you'll hear of her demise - a brutal death, to be sure. And that somewhere, there will be a monster with your daughter's blood, her power, and her very essence coursing through his veins. Or the worst scenario of all. That you simply will never hear from her again. That somewhere, there will be a demon with your daughter's stolen body, her lilting voice, her grace, her mind, her memories, everything but her soul. The strength of that vampire would be great. The next Slayer might not be able to exorcise the demon in time for the mass destruction that would inevitable follow the christening of the curse'd one's new host. She dreaded the thought of having to bury her only child, but welcomed it far more than the other option given. So, she steeled herself to that knowledge. One day, she'll have to bury Buffy. Unless she was buried first. But no, she wouldn't think of that right now. Now she had to concentrate on Buffy. Even so, there were circumstances, two in fact, which would necessitate someone else taking care of the body her daughter would leave behind. Who could she talk to? What record was permanent enough? Permanent enough, that if the worst ever happened, someone might know what to do with her ashes? That is, if anyone paused enough to care for a vampire demon that was once a young girl, loved by those around her. Born into something not of her own choosing, she fulfilled her duties the best that she could for as long as she could, protecting for as long as her body would last, as long as her body did not betray her, for her will, Joyce realized, never would. Would a Slayer care that once, the vampire she'd just slew was smart and caring and just a beautiful young girl? Someone who loved and hated, laughed and cried, and tried to enjoy life while she could, painfully aware of her own mortality, unlike the other innocents of her age. Would she stop, after all the vampire's history of carnage, to say a prayer for a soul long departed? Would she let her Watcher advise her that once, long ago, there was someone who loved this now vampire enough to wish a prayer said while her ashes scattered to the fates, mixed with the dust an dirt and trod upon by immortal and mortal alike? Would they know that someone remembered, that someone cared? Would she just slay the immortal body, forgetting that she herself could end with such a fate - going out with neither a whisper nor a bang, but just letting the candle burn? Joyce was snapped from her musings by Buffy's head whipping around. She could see a dim outline of a large, probably male, form. It slowly approached from the shadows. Her distant hope that there were no monsters, no vampires, and no vampire slayers, faded. Everything Buffy said was true. Who else would be walking in a graveyard at night? Then she heard the stranger speak. "Buffy?" The stranger, so intent on his subject and being wary in general, he completely missed the other mortal standing aside, in the shadows of a mausoleum. Buffy, simply happy her mother was taking this all so well, and happy she was out of the house, ran into the open arms of Angel. He held on to her, stroking her hair. "Buffy, you know you shouldn't be out here. If your mother catches you sneaking back in, you'll be in even worse trouble." Joyce smiled from her vantage point, hidden away. 'Maybe he's not *all* bad.' "I know, but..." He didn't let her finish. "I told you I would hunt for you. I know how much it means to you, but Sweetheart, I *am* capable of doing it." "I know, but..." A different, less cultured voice interrupted from somewhere across the graveyard. "There are no exceptions tonight, Slayer," he spat out, the last word an insult. "Our master bids us bring you this message of greeting." "Jeez," she did her best to sound disgusted. "What epoch are you from? Speak American!" She did so love to get on their nerves. A pissed vampire was one who left himself vulnerable at some point. For his part, the herald just glared. "Yea, well, we're waiting," said Angel, standing behind and to the side of Buffy. "Since you feel that way, *turncoat*, you can have the message too. Boys!" Three lanky vampires with beyond ugly game faces emerged from behind the speaker, across from Joyce. Buffy and Angel each brought out a stake. The vampires were standing still one moment, and were almost flying the next - towards her. Towards Buffy and Angel, at any rate. Her daughter seemed to ready herself, calmly shifting into a fighting stance. Angel, however, looked like a tightly coiled spring. A moment before the group of undead demons were before the two, he sprung up with what sounded to Joyce like an inhuman growl of anger. 'How is it,' she thought, 'that a kid like him is able to fight these creatures. Is he special like Buffy? She had mentioned something about those who hunted by choice. Perhaps he is one of those. That would certainly explain the attraction between the two.' Joyce was satisfied with the explanation and continued to watch as Buffy quickly dispatched the three attacking her with the same stake. She was quite comfortable and assured with her logic regarding Angel until after he finished off the single vampire that had attacked him. Angel lounged on a tombstone, waiting for Buffy, but not quite calm enough to erase his game face. It was then that Joyce screamed. *** Well? x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X-Phile, x x sarah x FoLC, x x x and adamant believer in Angel's humanity x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x(it's just taken a leave of absence) x x x x x ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #145 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)