From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #152 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Wednesday, April 29 1998 Volume 02 : Number 152 In this issue: DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff Re: DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff BUFFYFIC: "Bitten" (1/1) by Ingrid BUFFYFIC: The Rope -- poem (1/1) by tj thwaites BUFFYFIC: The Huntress -- poem (1/1) by tj thwaites BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Critique -- "Bitten" (1/1) by Ingrid Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 18:51:48 -0400 From: ingrid29@juno.com (Ingrid E Stanton) Subject: DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) Do it again! Do it again! - -Ingrid _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 19:05:06 EDT From: JMHnoodles Subject: DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) Oooh, I like it! Get the next part out, fast! Jen ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 19:42:06 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff Okay. Now, I know I've only been on this list for, oh, say, under a week, but I was just wondering...it seems to me, in a lot of the fic I've been reading, that people do an awful lot of "telling" instead of "showing". Yes, I've seen exceptions to this, so *please* no one take offense-- because even that fic which I've thought could use some work was very, very well done. But basically, what I'm wondering is the amount of writing experience the writers here have. I like critiquing people's work, and so far from what I've seen people on the list want critiques...I just kinda need to know if I should be looking for very, very broad things like continuity or if I should be looking for the more nitpicky (but extremely effective where storytelling is concerned) things like dialects and accents and thoughts. To address one thing, just very broadly, the idea of "telling" instead of "showing". In all the writing classes I've taken, one of the first things drilled into our heads was "Show, don't tell." This philosophy is illustrated by the following. ~ Number 1 is an example of "telling". Spike was annoyed that Dru was being a pest, but he didn't show it. Number 2, an example of "showing": Spike sighed, biting back his initial impulse to push Dru's hand out of the way. "C'mon, love," he said through his teeth, "you know I 'aven't got time f'that sort've thing." Dru's expression shifted to a pout, and she cradled her doll close, protectively. "But Spiiiike," she whined-- (Spike winced. Whining, his Dru! He cursed inwardly, wishing there were a tactful way to tell her to shut up without hurting her feelings--) "Spike, I want you to come an' play wit' me an' Miss Emily. She wants a tea party." "No, Dru." "Spike--" "Pet," he said, picking his words slowly and meticulously, "I think it'd be best if you didn't insist upon that right now, s'that sound all right, then, love?" Dru looked at him for a moment, then turned and skipped out of the room. The moment she was out of sight, Spike let out a breath he had barely realized he'd been holding in. He rubbed his hand over his chin, shaking his head slowly. *Much as I love her,* he thought, *sometimes...* The thought trailed off, though, unfinished, and Spike turned back to the work he'd been doing. ~ Obviously, "2" takes a lot more time to do than "1", but the end result is definately a more engaging sort of writing, IMHO. Anyway. I realize I'm quite running at the mouth here, and hope you all will forgive me...I just thought maybe I could bring up a couple quick points that would *really* improve some of the writing I've seen on the list in the past week or so that I've been around. Responses welcome, I'd like to see what some other people have to say about this. My $.02 (tho I prolly spent that quite a while back) Rachel ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 21:25:10 EDT From: Blu2cool Subject: Re: DISCUSS: BUFFYFIC: Must Be the Weather (a Spike story) (1/2) In a message dated 4/28/98, ingrid29@juno.com writes: > Do it again! Do it again! That's the most enthusiastic response I have gotten so far. ::giggles:: I'll have the next part up as soon I can. I promise. Thanks to all you guys who have given me positive feedback, I love getting it! Blu Blu2cool@AOL.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 23:08:08 EDT From: JMHnoodles Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff In a message dated 98-04-28 19:44:03 EDT, you write: << Okay. Now, I know I've only been on this list for, oh, say, under a week, but I was just wondering...it seems to me, in a lot of the fic I've been reading, that people do an awful lot of "telling" instead of "showing". Yes, I've seen exceptions to this, so *please* no one take offense-- because even that fic which I've thought could use some work was very, very well done. >> I'd have to say that I completely agreed with everything Rachel said. I heard a really, really good saying once: "Never write anything you wouldn't be ashamed to have read aloud at your funeral." If you're going to bother to write something and share it with others, you *should* pay attention to the nitpicky little things like accents and character types and such. Take the time to flesh things out. When you write dialogue, think hard, "Is this something this character would say? Would he/she say it this way?" I've only posted one fic to this board and I've begun to post another to the Slayer Fanfic site (I'm kinda apprehensive about sending it here). Guess how many I have saved in my computer? About 20. I won't post them, I don't think they're good enough. BE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC. I often don't write feedback because I won't lie to people. Just make the story as true to form as it possibly can be! :-) Jen (who has used up her all her 2 centses for the rest of this life,a nd probably many after) PS- And for Pete's sake, have someone spell- and grammar-check your fics. PPS- I'm going to start critiquing things now. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 23:09:39 -0400 From: ingrid29@juno.com (Ingrid E Stanton) Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Bitten" (1/1) by Ingrid Disclaimer: Cordelia Xander, and Buffy are the property of Wheedon, the WB, Sandollar, Kuzui, and M. E. No infringement intended. "The Phantom of the Opera" is the Webber peoples’ thingy! Again, nothing is mine! I’m just an unoriginal hack! Summary: Wow! Everybody who liked the last ep. a whole lot, raise your hand!! Three cheers for Spike, the man! Anyway, the *one* element the episode lacked (for me, anyway,) was real Cordy emotion. So consider this an add on to "I have Eyes Only for You." A vignette, if you will. SPOILERS: As you may have guessed, there *are* spoilers for to "I have Eyes Only for You." They’re pretty minimal, if you ask me. *** "Bitten," by Ingrid *** Cordelia’s reflection stared back at her anxiously through the mirror as she peeled the gauze from her cheek. The two red holes were still there… like a vampire’s kiss. She shuddered. It had been horrible. She’d always harbored a special fear of snakes in the recesses of her mind ever since the third-grade science fair. Bobby’s project had tipped over, and there’d been glass and snakes everywhere. That’s why she’d dumped him on the spot. Even with the bite mark on her ankle, she’d managed to march out of the gym looking dignified. True, she’d collapsed in the hall after about 2 steps outside, but only Harmony had seen that. The mark on her ankle was barely visible, and she always wore socks now. God forbid bare feet came into fashion again. Now she had two tremendous bloody marks on her face, and no amount of makeup was going to help her out. She grimaced and touched near one of the wounds. Her hand snapped back at the pain she felt. Reluctantly, she looked back up at the mirror. She covered the right side of her face with her hand and wondered whether masks might suddenly become the trend of the moment. She was thinking of something in the way of "The Phantom of the Opera." What the hell did she care, anyway, she thought, wincing as she re-affixed the bandage. It wasn’t like her popularity was soaring these days, anyway. She’d hardly spoken to any of her friends since the love-spell disaster, and she’d been eating lunch with Buffy. She didn’t feel like the same person, even when she’d brushed her hair and touched up her lipstick. No amount she could apply would conceal the fact that her life was changing. Who she was was changing. A part of her screamed against it, disgusted with anything in her that would condescend to the life she’d been leading for the past month-and-a-half. But there was something that wasn’t protesting at all- something that enjoyed hunting for the latest demon, joining in the juvenile banter in the library. Literally coming out of the closet with Xander. She patted the patch on her face and smiled suddenly. She looked ridiculous. The crumpled up bandage was loosing its adhesive, barely dangling on her face. Her overly red lipstick made her look like she’d been eating too many ice-pops, and that smile was definitely a fool’s smile. So let there be a scar. Let there be something to mark this point in her life. So even if she turned around, she’d remember it when she looked in the mirror. She wiped off her lipstick and left the room. *** FIN. Short and sweet. Comments apprectiated. And for those of you wondering if I’m ever gonna finish "Reunion," I’d like to assure you that I’m trying. Really! I have SAT’s this weekend. Just give me time, okay? _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 23:41:55 -0600 From: tthwaite@banff.net (tj thwaites) Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Rope -- poem (1/1) by tj thwaites Title: The Rope Author: tj thwaites E-mail: tthwaite@banff.net Classification: poem Spoilers: none Summary: Buffy's POV, thoughts one morning after another run in with Angelus. Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to the great God Joss (tj genuflects humbly). The Rope The end of my rope is very near. I can feel it in my bones. I'm draining the last of my reserves And my strength begins to fail. I wonder if I can go on If I have the will to live. I know I can't go on this way. I don't know what to do. But can I take the final path And end my woes right now? Can this be my one and final friend? Will it ease the pain? My troubles will definitely come to an end. But what about the others? I am not a desert island in the sea, Though I sometimes feel that way. I am still connected to the world And those others-they would not know That I have reached the end of my will. And have nowhere to turn. But somehow, I find solace in these words That I place upon this page. And as the dawn lights up my room The new day cheers me up. And to my surprise there is a huge knot At the end of my rope To which to hang with tooth and nail And gather new strength For the long climb back up to the world. Then the mirror smiles back. End Author's Note: I wrote this poem ten years ago during a really rough patch of real life. But I think it could apply to Buffy. Feedback welcome at tthwaite@banff.net. Flames will be used to heat my hot chocolate. ta, tj - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Noel:"Disappointment doesn't kill." Abby:"Right. Rejection kills. Disappointment only maims." -- "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" If you can keep your head when those about you are losing theirs,you obviously don't know what's going on. Your heart is where your duty lies, your head is just along to help with the driving. An optimist sees the glass half full A pessimist sees the glass half empty And a realist understands that soon he's going to have to wash the glass @-}-}-- tj thwaites @-}-}-- @-}-}-- tthwaite@banff.net @-}-}-- @-}-}-- Box 2890, Banff, AB, T0L 0C0 @-}-}-- - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 23:42:04 -0600 From: tthwaite@banff.net (tj thwaites) Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Huntress -- poem (1/1) by tj thwaites Title: The Huntress Author: tj thwaites E-mail: tthwaite@banff.net Classification: poem Spoilers: none Summary: Angel's POV, try reading this from both perspectives- Angel with a soul, and post S/I Angelus returned. Disclaimer: Angel belongs to the great God Joss (tj genuflects humbly). The Huntress The Huntress, So beautiful, A tigress stalking her prey; She waits So patiently. She sizes up the herd, And singles out Her victim. From across the bar I see her; Dressed in black, Dressed to kill. She moves, The hunt begins He stands no chance. She knows all the tricks. All too soon He's hers. And she gloats She feeds Her own lusts Without thought, Or care. And my own inner demons Applaud. Feedback welcome at tthwaite@banff.net. Flames will be used to heat my hot chocolate. ta, tj - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Noel:"Disappointment doesn't kill." Abby:"Right. Rejection kills. Disappointment only maims." -- "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" If you can keep your head when those about you are losing theirs,you obviously don't know what's going on. Your heart is where your duty lies, your head is just along to help with the driving. An optimist sees the glass half full A pessimist sees the glass half empty And a realist understands that soon he's going to have to wash the glass @-}-}-- tj thwaites @-}-}-- @-}-}-- tthwaite@banff.net @-}-}-- @-}-}-- Box 2890, Banff, AB, T0L 0C0 @-}-}-- - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 29 Apr 1998 09:11:01 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Critique -- "Bitten" (1/1) by Ingrid In a message dated 98-04-28 23:18:32 EDT, ingrid29@juno.com writes: Okee-ay. I hope Ingrid won't mind, but I'm going to critique this one publically, just to give more of a feeling of what I meant when I said showing instead of telling and such. (And Ingrid, before you panic-- I *like* this one, it's definally an example of what someone *SHOULD* do when writing, and not what they shouldn't!) >*** >"Bitten," by Ingrid >*** > >Cordelia’s reflection stared back at her anxiously through the >mirror as she peeled the gauze from her cheek. The two red holes >were still there… like a vampire’s kiss. > >She shuddered. > >It had been horrible. She’d always harbored a special fear of >snakes in the recesses of her mind ever since the third-grade >science fair. Bobby’s project had tipped over, and there’d been >glass and snakes everywhere. That’s why she’d dumped him on >the spot. Even with the bite mark on her ankle, she’d managed >to march out of the gym looking dignified. True, she’d collapsed >in the hall after about 2 steps outside, but only Harmony had seen >that. When I first read this, I paused a moment at the "that's why she'd dumped him on the spot"-- after all, they were only in third grade! Then I took a second or two to think about it, and realized that given the way Cordelia seems to define herself by whose arm she's hanging off of, it makes absolutely perfect sense, plus it exposes a little bit more character than we, the readers, knew of before. The mention of Harmony (blonde friend, who she called a sheep, right?) evokes the thought of all those cliques of girls you knew in elementary school who somehow managed to carry their oh-so-shallow groups all the way through to high school, getting tighter and tighter and more nauseating with every step, so that's also a great way to establish more of her character/experiences that make her who she is. >The mark on her ankle was barely visible, and she always wore >socks now. God forbid bare feet came into fashion again. ::grin:: Perfectly Cordie thought, too. >Now she had two tremendous bloody marks on her face, and no >amount of makeup was going to help her out. She grimaced and >touched near one of the wounds. Her hand snapped back at the pain >she felt. Reluctantly, she looked back up at the mirror. She covered >the right side of her face with her hand and wondered whether masks >might suddenly become the trend of the moment. She was thinking >of something in the way of "The Phantom of the Opera." > >What the hell did she care, anyway, she thought, wincing as she >re-affixed the bandage. It wasn’t like her popularity was soaring >these days, anyway. She’d hardly spoken to any of her friends since >the love-spell disaster, and she’d been eating lunch with Buffy. This is also good-- starting to delve more into her feelings, her emotions, and how she's being impacted as far as her friendships with Buffy & co are concerned. The way "and she'd been eating lunch with Buffy" is tacked on there makes me wonder-- doesn't Buffy usually eat with Willow? I'd have to go back and check the tape from last night to make sure, but I think Buffy might have been sitting with or near Willow and Xander. Continuity's TRES important, coming from sQ fandom I've had that one beaten into my head soooo many times. Which is why I recommend that writers do their best to check their facts. And in this case, if Buffy *does* eat with Will and Xander, then maybe adjusting Cordelia's thought to something like "and she'd been eating lunch with Buffy and the dork-patrol" or something like that might work even more. Especially if you can figure on a way to make it clear that Cordelia's not so sure that she considers the "dork patrol" to be *quite* as dorky as she thought they were @ the beginning of the year. >She didn’t feel like the same person, even when she’d brushed her hair >and touched up her lipstick. No amount she could apply would conceal >the fact that her life was changing. Who she was was changing. A part Changing into? >of her screamed against it, disgusted with anything in her that would >condescend to the life she’d been leading for the past month-and-a-half. Again, this is a great Cordelia reaction-- self-disgust from the fact that suddenly she's hanging out with a bunch of total _losers_, heck, she's DATING one of them, and actually letting herself be _seen_ with the other, and so on, and so on... :) >But there was something that wasn’t protesting at all- something that >enjoyed hunting for the latest demon, joining in the juvenile banter in >the library. And that's the clincher-- she does seem to be having a lot more fun than she "should" be having, given how she's behaved toward Xander and Willow in the past, and the fact that being buds with Buffy's prolly not that wonderful for her image. >Literally coming out of the closet with Xander. ::falls on the floor laughing:: Loveit. Great turn of phrase. Maybe add a "Several times." to the end of it, tho it also stands fine on its own. >She patted the patch on her face and smiled suddenly. She looked >ridiculous. The crumpled up bandage was loosing its adhesive, barely >dangling on her face. Her overly red lipstick made her look like she’d >been eating too many ice-pops, and that smile was definitely a fool’s >smile. And the reader can just *see* her mentally casting off the feeling of "Oy, I'm being such a LOSER!" in favor of the "But what the hell, it's FUN!" feeling. >So let there be a scar. > >Let there be something to mark this point in her life. So even if she >turned around, she’d remember it when she looked in the mirror. > >She wiped off her lipstick and left the room. Perfect ending. Cordelia's breaking down her walls, letting herself get away from the constant "image image image" way that her life has been going for forever, now. >FIN. Short and sweet. Comments apprectiated. ::claps:: Comments given. Wonderful piece. :) >And for those of you >wondering if I’m ever gonna finish "Reunion," I’d like to assure you >that I’m trying. Really! I have SAT’s this weekend. Just give me time, >okay? Luck! And Ingrid, again, I hope you don't mind that I've made a sort of example of your work here. I really did enjoy it, and thought there were a lot of people on the list who could benefit from seeing a thourough critique of something not written expressly for the purpose of demonstrating an example. Rachel ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 29 Apr 1998 06:24:59 PDT From: "Leslie S." Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff Rachel made some great points with her post. I am, however, wondering if people wanting feedback are looking for public feedback, hoping for praises and smiles, or are they truly interested in more of a "critique" of their writing. Also if an actual critique is wanted, does the writer want his or her laundry aired in public?? A while ago I posted a suggestion about posting "common" writing problems to the list. (ex. "your" does not equal "you are", for that you want the contraction "you're") Of course I was not nearly as eloquent as Rachel, but the underlying idea is the same. General suggestions should be posted to the list. I want to be a better writer, and I would probably keep "telling" instead of "showing" had that point not been made. Maybe the next point to be made should be about punctuation. (But what do I know??? I think purple socks go with everything!!) Leslie ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 29 Apr 1998 09:47:35 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Showing Instead of Telling, & Other Stuff In a message dated 98-04-29 09:30:22 EDT, leslie_s_@hotmail.com writes: >Rachel made some great points with her post. I am, however, wondering >if people wanting feedback are looking for public feedback, hoping for >praises and smiles, or are they truly interested in more of a "critique" >of their writing. Also if an actual critique is wanted, does the writer >want his or her laundry aired in public?? Which is one reason I decided to do Ingrid's piece-- because it really was _well_ written, and there were only one or two things I think I pointed out that could have been checked/improved on. Perhaps writers could post something in the headers of their work-- "Comments" being a sort of "I liked it" thing, and then "critique" being the more intensive sort of thing? I also think it's extremely important to offer *constructive* feedback. Okay, so maybe somebody did something and you think it could have been improved upon-- but *tell them how you think it could be better*. The same goes the other way-- if you like something, tell a writer _why_. I've had people look at my work and say they loved it, and not known what about it made it good-- was it a certain phrase, a piece of info, etc? The flip is also true-- I've had people completely rip into my work but not tell me how to fix it. I don't think you should put words into people's pens/mouths/keys, but give them a hint, like an "Oh, I think maybe Cordelia should go dancing with the hot guy and then feel guilty and go back to Xander, instead of her just flat-out saying she has a boyfriend and no thanks" sort of thing. >A while ago I posted a suggestion about posting "common" writing >problems to the list. (ex. "your" does not equal "you are", for that >you want the contraction "you're") Of course I was not nearly as >eloquent as Rachel, but the underlying idea is the same. Yeah- and the underlying idea is basically just PROOFREAD PROOFREAD PROOFREAD! Have your friends read your work! Tell them to scribble all over printed copies, then _take their suggestions to heart_. You don't necessarily need to follow every suggestion someone gives, but at the same time, it's also important to really think about every idea someone gives you. Maybe the story _would_ be stronger if Cordelia went and danced with the hot guy, then saw Xander looking sad and rejected by the side and politely excused herself. Maybe that would show off more of how she's not a completely shallow person. Get my drift? :) Or, if you want to keep her turning down the hot guy, then be prepared to defend it when it's called into question. Or have her waver for a moment then lean closer to Xander and make a point of saying she has a partner she's happy with, etc-- and then have Xander say that he's impressed she's sticking by him and have her shoot him a dirty look. >General suggestions should be posted to the list. I want to be a better >writer, and I would probably keep "telling" instead of "showing" had >that point not been made. You're welcome. :) I'm glad to know that people are willing to listen. :) >Maybe the next point to be made should be about punctuation. (But what >do I know??? I think purple socks go with everything!!) ::giggles:: Well, what point about punctuation? I haven't been paying close attn, so this one is your point to make. :) That'll be another quarter, Rachel :) ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #152 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. 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