From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #181 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Tuesday, May 12 1998 Volume 02 : Number 181 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: VA-Step six- Acceptance,(4/7) by Andrea BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules BUFFYFIC: VA- Step six - Acceptance, (5/7) by Andrea BUFFYFIC: VA- Step six -Acceptance (6/7) by Andrea See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 06:50:25 PDT From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: VA-Step six- Acceptance,(4/7) by Andrea disclaimers in part one. Antoine looked puzzled, then, "Huh, oh right...anyway, I had been performing the ritual in the cellar of our house. It had no windows and I had to turn the lights off before I could go upstairs. She collapsed walking to the stairs and I ran and picked her up. I was halfway up the stairs when she woke and spoke to me, 'It needs the light, I can't fight it long.' She fell back, unconscious again. I spent the night sitting on the stairs in the dark, waiting to see if she would wake again. Because it was her, my Mandy, the child I had known. Not the stranger who had moved into her body. When she finally woke I sat her on the stairs and grabbed her hands. 'Mandy can you hear me?' She was quiet for so long, her little body so tense then, 'Dark, you must keep us all in the dark. Please. So no one else will be hurt. Uncle, the dark. It's the only place I can break through. I'm sorry.' Her voice was so panicked, so young. I carried her upstairs and put her on the couch. I sat in my chair to think. Then I remembered the room, in this church. Where you slept last night. It was dark and hidden. I thought that eventually someone other than those affected would notice the children. I called the other parents; told them we needed to keep the children in the dark. I offered to keep them in the room at the church. Then I went and bought supplies, food and blankets. The cots were already there from when the church had been used as a hiding place for fugitives and others seeking asylum. Twelve children were affected and of those ten came to the church that night. We put the children in that room and locked the door. Then we each took turns sitting outside the door, listening for any activity. They were quiet for a few days. We received the news that the other children had gone missing, piles of bones found in their parents' bedrooms. Can you imagine how horrified we were? We didn't know what was happening or why? Most of all we had no idea of any way to help the children, our children. On the fifth day I was on watch. When I took their supper in I tripped over something on the floor. Turning the flashlight on it I saw bones. I flipped on the light switch to get a better look. They were bones, turning to the children I saw that there was only nine of them. And they were growling. I turned and ran out of the room. Sitting outside the door I thought of them. Had they looked bigger or had it just been my fear? I called the other parents thinking we needed to have more than one person on guard. For our own safety now more than for our children. I spent the night frantically looking for any information I could find on demonic possession. I was finally a true believer. There could be no other explanation. No group of children could turn into these monsters on there own. On the seventh day one father couldn't take in anymore, he went into the room to find his child. To take him home. Taking a flashlight he went in. They left the flashlight lying on top of his bones. On the tenth day the man who would save my life knocked on my door." "Finally. These kiddies were worse than me and I was very, very bad." He was sickened by the thoughts of these children. It reminded him of the annointed one, evil children had never been his favorite. They were something you should only find at the Hellmouth. "It wasn't them! I told you my Mandy was not responsible!" Antoine turned on him, his eyes shooting fire, "She was not in control of her actions...You should understand that!" "Why? Because I've killed also? I don't expect anyone to absolve me. I AM RESPONSIBLE." He was getting angry, did no one ever take the blame anymore? "Fine, you waste your second chance crying about something you can never change. If Mandy had been as lucky as you I know she would have done something with it," Antoine sat gripping the sides of his chair as if he was trying to hold himself in it, "What are you doing...except trying to end it?" "Look, why don't you just finish your little confession and I'll be on my way." He was boiling mad at the man, but his curiousity wouldn't let him leave. "Right, I forget, it's just a story to you. To me it is the greatest failure of my life. I lost the one thing I valued in this world." Antoine slumped back in his chair all the fire drained from him. He stared at him, shocked by how much older Antoine looked since he had started his tale. "Sorry. The resposibility issue is a bit of a hotspot with me. I didn't mean to judge your niece. I'm sure she wasn't in control and I'm sure she didn't invite the demon into her life." He leaned towards Antoine feeling sick that he had upset this man, that he had hurt him, "Please, I want to hear what happened. Who was this man?" "He is...was my best friend. He died trying to save Mandy. He did save the other children. He was a hero." Antoine looked at him curiously, "Do you have friends...I mean...do vampires...care?" "I have Dru, my girlfriend. She...I love her. And long ago there was Angel. He taught me how to be the killer I am. We don't really get along though. Too much history. He regained his soul a long time ago and was a good guy. I tried to kill him and his girlfriend. Then lost his soul again and slept with mine. Now he's good again, but we still aren't close. You know I really didn't have time for friends when I was a monster. It's more time consuming than you would think." Feeling suddenly vulnerable he shuddered at the thought of Angel being the closest thing he had to a friend. How sad. "I'll be your friend. I already am," smiling, his earlier anger forgotten Antoine leaned forward, "Shall I continue?" "Please." "So I quickly filled Joseph in on what was going on." "Joseph?" "The man at the door, my friend. Pay attention." "Well you could have introduced him better." "Fine, I apologize. May I continue?" "Your tale." ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 11:38:47 -0400 From: sah (by way of sah ) Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. Crossovers are great, and expected, but general vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't use Buffy characters belong somewhere else. 2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist. Please put "DISCUSS" in your subject line. Requests for missing story parts should go directly to the author, and not be posted to the list. 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If you have any questions about these rules, please contact either one of us offlist. If you have subscription problems or questions, the fastest way to get help is to e-mail one of us at the addresses below, at the kirby@xmission.com addy which is the "official" e-mail owner of the list. Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com sah * romana@mindspring.com * romana@aol.com NatPack * Jungle Patrol * Bishop * Bossy the Lost Dwarf * BTVS Listowner "I feel nauseous. What is this world coming to, that a perfectly nice, reasonably sane atheist who forwards me slash and thrives on Xena subtext, can suddenly start watching 7th Heaven and planning FIC, for Elvis' sake?" --jk ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 09:26:10 PDT From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: VA- Step six - Acceptance, (5/7) by Andrea Disclaimers in part one. Shaking his head, Antoine continued, " Alright then. Joseph asked so many questions like, how long this had been going on? What were the first signs? Where the other parents looking as worn out as me? Had I been losing weight? All sorts of questions that I couldn't see the point of...then. It took a couple hours of questioning before I realized that he had known something was wrong before I had told him. And when I told him my story, which even I found insane, he believed it immediately. He never questioned that the children were under some sort of spell or possessed. I called him on it. He just smiled and said he could help. He wasn't sure that he could save them. He thought it may be too late, the souls might not be anchored firmly enough in the bodies anymore. I remember staring at him, shocked at how calm he was, how matter of fact. I yelled at him then, asked him what he was, who he was. I had known him since I was Mandy's age and I hadn't known he believed in the supernatural. He let me yell, held me when I broke down crying. After I had calmed down he began to speak. He told me of his association with a group who believed in the supernatural. How they had come to him when he was in college. How he had the ability to see into the future. Immediately I thought of how he always had been able to guess what team would win at any sporting event. Funny we never thought anything of it. I never thought anything of it. He had worked with them in secret for over twenty years. They helped people who became enmeshed with the spirit world. I was one of those people now. He explained about the entity we were dealing with. It was a demon, but you knew that didn't you? Anyway this particular demon was called (insert demon name here). He wasn't the strongest of demons but he was getting stronger here. His intention was to create his body and destroy innocence. He needed all this death to create his body. He would possess people then cause them to kill by draining all the energy from the people around them. The only thing he couldn't convert into energy was the bones. I think I threw up at that point. Partly from relief. I had been convinced they were eating the people. Funny how some forms of death and murder seem more acceptable. Sorry, anyway the demon would possess many people usually young children. Needing to feed off their energy until strong enough to be able to drain those closest to them. Slowly he would pare down the number until only one was left. That one would be transformed through all the stored energy into (again, insert demon name here). He didn't know what had happened, how the demon had gotten strong enough to possess our children. The demon could usually only possess children who were weak, usually the sick or starving. And they usually all died long before he could create his body. This time Joseph was afraid he would succeed unless we stopped him." Antoine paused staring off into the past. "So what did you do?" He was on the edge of his seat. "We stopped him" "Yah, well I figured that. How?" "Oh. Right. Well, Joseph said we had done the right thing by putting them in the dark, but we shouldn't have put them together. That the inital child would start to drain the other children of their energy. That was why one of the children had died. The inital child had drained him. I had thought they all killed him. Thinking I only had to worry about one child I started to go into the room. After all, a grown man should be able to overcome a small child, even if the child was possessed, right? Joseph stopped me. Told me the initial child didn't need to touch me to drain my energy and also that all the children would help. They were all connected to the same demon. Deciding finally that there was strength in numbers a group of thirty men entered into the room. We..." "Why did he want to know if you had lost weight?" "Could you wait, I'll get to it." "Sorry, I was just thinking that..." "It will come up soon enough." "It's just that..." "Fine. I was losing weight because my niece was converting all the fat and muscle in my body to the energy she needed to become a demon. Happy?" "I kinda figured that's what it was. Won't say another word." He sat back in his chair satisfied he had been right. Glaring at him, Antoine poured a new cup of tea and continued," So, where was I? Right, okay, we went into the room and turned the light on. I was literally shaking in my shoes. The children just sat there quietly. They seemed unnatural somehow, larger and almost glowing. I'm still not sure if it was real or a trick of my fear. Doesn't matter anyway. Mandy sat away from the rest of the children. Joseph and I went over to her while the rest of the men spirited the other children away. She looked at us, her eyes lingering on Joseph, then focusing on me. I remember feeling suddenly colder and totally exhausted. Joseph turned to me, yelled for me to get out of the room. He followed as Mandy's joyful laughter chased us from the room. Locking the door from the outside we collapsed into the chairs we are sitting on now. You know, you remind me of him. I'm not sure why." "Well it's fairly safe to say I'm not his reincarnation." Antoine laughed, "True. I should finish this, I didn't mean to tell it in such detail, I only wanted you to see that your existence can still be worthwhile. Instead I'm using you as my confessor." "I don't mind," realizing that he truly didn't, "I feel bad for her, I hope she didn't know what was happening. That's one thing I'm grateful for, when the demon was killing, when I was killing, I was not aware of it. I've only experienced it as a memory. Like a vivid dream I can't let go. I can't imagine being trapped and unable to stop yourself as you destroyed those you love." "She knew. I wish she had been oblivious also, but if she had been, I would be dead and another demon would be loose." Antoine smiled sadly at him, "She got her chance for redemption though, she died free." "How?" - --------------------------------------- Author's note: You may have noticed that as of now the demons name appears to be 'insert demon name here'. I didn't forget to change it I just can't seem to get him named so if anyone has any suggestions I would be so grateful. Thanks. Andrea ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 09:27:06 PDT From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: VA- Step six -Acceptance (6/7) by Andrea disclaimers in part one. Antoine stared off into space, collecting himself, then began. "Joseph and I sat outside the room for hours and he told me everything he knew about this demon. I won't tell you everything just that Mandy was the initial child. That she had been able to hear his voice and he fed off her energy until he was strong enough to get the other children. He told me that the demon weakened without light. That he needed it to convert flesh into energy. They didn't know how he did it exactly, but leaving the children in the dark should weaken him enough to free them. We sat there, both of us truly believing that the children separated and left in the dark would soon be fine. And some of them were. Actually all of them were except Mandy. We could still hear her laughing from behind the door three days later. Joseph insisted we stop putting food in the room for her. He said we had to force the demon to use its stored energy. We had to weaken Mandy to weaken it. I could tell that Joseph wasn't telling me something, but I couldn't confront him with it. One by one we received calls from the other parents that their children seemed normal again. The children all said the bad feelings were gone. Joseph left to check on them. He returned five hours later. Frowning, he sat down and looked at me. I felt my stomach drop, he looked so sad. I remember his words, "They're all fine." I couldn't figure out why this wasn't good news. He looked at the floor for a few minutes and then destroyed the remainder of my world. "For Mandy... I think it's too late, the transformation has gone too far. The other children recovered so fast, the demon had obviously transferred most of his energy into her already. I'm sorry." I sat, stunned, we couldn't save her. She was going to become a demon. Then Joseph spoke again, "I can't let the demon have his body. Do you understand?" I knew then that my best friend intended to kill my Mandy. I stared at him, at the pain in his face, a pale reflection of mine. Moving quickly I grabbed a silver candlestick, actually it's the one on the shelf behind you, and hit him over the head. Pulling the book and revealing the secret door I undid the locks and turned on the lights. Desperate to get Mandy somewhere away from Joseph I ran into the room. She was waiting for me. She barely looked like my niece anymore. And as I felt my strength draining from me I realized she wasn't. I collapsed on the floor unable to move. She stood over me laughing in a voice I didn't recognize. Suddenly, we were plunged into darkness and I heard a muffled thud as Joseph tackled her. There was a mind-shattering scream as Mandy took his energy from him. I watched, frozen, as everything that was Joseph disappeared. He screamed to me before he died, "You have to kill her before she completes the change." I knew he was right, this creature was not my Mandy, just as you are not your demon. Realizing I still held the candlestick in my hand I hit her over the head again and again, but she would not fall. Tears streaming down my face I prayed for strength and then..." Antoine paused struggling to find words. "Um...you can't stop there." Antoine hesitated then pulling himself together went on, "Then my Mandy spoke to me for the last time. She begged me to finish it, not to let the demon win. For her I swung the candlestick one last time and fell as her head split open. She didn't move and not caring any longer whether I lived, I crawled over to her body. Looking into her eyes I saw only love. The demon had fled its dying host. Picking her up I cradled her and sobbed. She opened her eyes once, smiled and then slipped away. My precious Mandy once again." Antoine stopped the tears streaming down his face. "Brave child,"his eyes filling with tears for the little girl and for Antoine, "no wonder you loved her so much." "She was special," Antoine smiled, "I was so lucky to have known her just as I am lucky to know you now." "Will you kill me then?" figuring he had finally found the meaning in Antoine's sad tale, "Rid the world of another demon?" "How could you even ask me that," jumping up from his chair Antoine strode across the room to stand in front of him, "Did you hear nothing I said? Do you think I would have killed her if she could have controlled the demon?" "I am the demon," struggling to make Antoine understand, " I let this happen to me." "How? Did you make the choice knowing fully what you would become? Did you plan on killing? Did you realize the demon would be in control? Mandy talked back to the voice in her head, is it her fault?" Antoine spat the words at him. "No...I don't know," trembling, he tried to hold on to his words, "I need to be punished." "No, you want to be punished. That won't erase what the demon...you did. Why not try to replace the bad with good. That's what I did. Still do. That's why I sit in this church with the doors unlocked day after day waiting for lost souls. I can't erase what happened, but maybe I can do some good for others," Antoine was gesturing wildly around at their surroundings, "It is my salvation and my punishment in one, living here where she died, I save other lives." He was starting to feel the slightest hint of understanding, "So, you accepted what happened, which was in no way your fault by the way, and tried to replace bad with good?" "Exactly." "So I should do penance here instead of in hell?" "No...not penance, you do this for you. You didn't choose to kill all those people, even if you chose to become a vampire. There is no way you could have known what would happen. I'm just saying, doing good will help you deal with the guilt you feel. And it will also help this world." "I know what I could do. I could help the slayer kill other vampires. I could save people from other demons. I could..." "...volunteer?" "Yah, no, I think I would prefer to help the Slayer," smiling at Antoine he stood up from his chair, "Getting rid of other vampires certainly seemed to help Angel deal." "Angel?" "Not important." Thinking of Angel's guilt, his suddenly slammed him in the gut, "Okay, so say I've got a reason to continue, but how do I deal with the guilt long enough to do anything other than brood?" "Do you trust me?" Antoine said suddenly serious again. "What? Yes, I think I actually do." "Then let me hold the guilt. I'll tell you if you should be feeling it. Accept what you did before, but don't dwell on it." "I don't think I can." "You may not think so now, but it will get easier. The memories will fade and the more good you do the farther back they will go. It's getting early, are you planning on driving back tonight?" "Yah, Dru probably is...well Dru, so I'd better get back," He looked at Antoine reluctant to leave him, "Can I come back and visit?" "Please, I want to know how you are doing." Antoine smiled at him, "Maybe next time I'll let you talk." "I've enjoyed listening, I'll never forget about Mandy." "Good, its good that she exists still in our thoughts." Antoine led him from the comfort of the little room back into the recrimination of the church. He faltered a little and Antoine put his hand under his elbow and led him towards the lobby, away from the altar. At the door Antoine surprised him by grabbing him into a huge hug. He stood stiffly, the enjoyment of being touched warring with his unfamiliarity of having anyone but Dru touch him. Feeling uncomfortable he blurted out, "You should lock your doors." Antoine just looked at him knowingly. "Well, at least let me protect this place against vampires, I can get a spell." Chuckling Antoine said, "Do you really think many vampires go to churches?" "I did once. Please, what if an old enemy wants to hurt me through you." "Fine, for you. There can't be that many vampires with souls that I could help running around. How did you come to get your soul back anyway? "Long story. The short version is, Angel's girlfriend and her friends were trying to restore his soul and they kind of overreached. " "Exactly how many did they restore, how many are there?" "Twenty-two right now, we lost two in the first week. Suicide." "You won't...you promise?" He stood staring at this person who seemed so invested in his future already and smiled, "Not without telling you. It's getting close to morning, I'd better go. Good-bye." He slipped out the door and ran to the car, turning he saw Antoine in the doorway waving. Thinking of something that had been bothering him since Antoine had finished his story he turned back, "Why was the demon strong enough to possess those kids, I thought he was a weak demon?" "Huh...oh, turns out we were living on a Hellmouth, all paranormal activity is stronger there." "There's a hellmouth here too?" "Too? No, it wasn't here, I had the church moved here. I'm not quite that stupid. Someone tells me I'm living on a Hellmouth I move. It was in a town called Sunnydale. It's about two hours away from here. Avoid it." Laughing he had answered him, "I live there." Getting into the car he savoured Antoines look of shock. Turning the car on he headed for home. Feeling hopeful that he could accomplish something good too, in a small way, make up for all of the bad. And he had done fairly well, although all Angel ever remembered were the few slip-ups he had made. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #181 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. 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