From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #198 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Friday, May 22 1998 Volume 02 : Number 198 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: BBETA:Life's A Bitch (5/?) BUFFYFIC: Angel's Hope (1/1) BUFFYFIC: POEM: Unwanted BUFFYFIC: OFF TOPIC!!!: BUFFY MAILING LISTS BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (2/4) BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (1/4) BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (3/4) BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (4/4) Re: BUFFYFIC: OFF TOPIC!!!: BUFFY MAILING LISTS BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (12/?) BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (4/12) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 19:26:21 EDT From: G90210 Subject: BUFFYFIC: BBETA:Life's A Bitch (5/?) AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was just a thought I had one day. Because Buffy has to deal with stuff, most people don't think exist(right they don't, come on now for my own mentalness, they don't!) What about when she has to face real stuff, like real diseases. I don't know why I thought of this, but oh well I did. TITLE: Life's A Bitch AUTHOR: mInDy (G90210@aol.com or LoveAVamp@aol.com) SUMMARY: I don't know how to write one to this, so read.......it's about Buffy and Angel for those of you who it matters too. SPOILERS: None at the moment. TIME LINE: After S/I IMPORTANT: Angel IS good in my story, he does has soul, and the curse can't be broken this time. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!! WARNING: Look at the title and the language will be explained. Life's A Bitch by:mInDy ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Angel was listening to his radio, waiting on Buffy and Willow to get back. He was very worried about all of this. He knew Buffy could handle vampires, demons, whatever, and he knew she would get through this.....but how could he help? With the vampires and demons, he could help her fight them, tell her she beat the master, she could kill them. But this was different, this was something he never knew much about. He wanted her to be ok, he wanted it to be like it was going to be, how he had planned it to be this whole week, but now it wasn't going to be. Someone was opening his door. He went to see who it was. There she was, by herself, he guessed Willow dropped her off and left the two of them be alone. Angel didn't know what to do, he just stood there staring at her. She didn't look like Buffy, his Buffy, just a copied of image of her. Her face wasn't as full of life as it had been. Her eyes were, a pale green, and not the emarald color he loved so much. Her face was deathly pale, almost the color of his, except she had a hint of rose coloring from the heat outside. She walked over to him and just looked at him. She needed him now, she knew in her heart that it wasn't his fault. She would never blame it on him. She walked a little closer to him, and put her arms around her neck, holding him, needing him to hold her too. And he did just that. He put his arms around her, and completed the hug, pulling her closer. He had no idea on what to do right now, just to hold her and never let go. To never let another man hurt her like that again. To always love her, till death do they part, and then in heaven. Which, he knew he could. A song in the background played, that fit the moment so right, they started swinging lightly to the music. The song could've been sung from both of them, at different parts, it sounded like the other one was singing. And when the song was over, they didn't stop their dance. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* End Part 5 TBC.......FEEDBACK PLEAZE!!!!! ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 20:38:55 -0400 From: Jessica Dubois Subject: BUFFYFIC: Angel's Hope (1/1) Title: Angel's Hope (1/1) Author: Jessica Dubois E-mail: Jessica.Dubois@sympatico.ca Distribution: Please ask first. It'll be archived eventually at my own site, The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells, Rating: PG Summery: A companion piece to Willow's Challenge, it's in Angel POV. Disclaimer: I don't own Willow or Angel. Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, and 'Grr Arg' do. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is being made. Feedback: Yes, please. Angel's Hope By: Jessica Dubois Angel dug his hands deeper into his pockets as he headed towards the Bronze. He had checked on Buffy, and she was doing fine. Besides, for once, it felt wrong to be lurking. He thought that maybe in the Bronze, he might not feel like such an intruder. His eyes scanned the Bronze, as they always did when he entered, for any signs of a threat. He might pretend to be human, but he was still a predator at heart. A faint smile came to his mouth as he saw Willow sitting alone at a table. She was staring off into space, and stirring her drink incessantly. He slipped into a corner, and continued to watch her. The pretty hacker seemed almost... sad. Willow was the closest thing he had to a friend. While he might... feel for Buffy, it was impossible for them to be truly friends, especially with the Slayer/Vampire thing in front of them. Xander was a rival for Buffy's affections, which ruled him out, and Giles... Angel smirked. Giles was still wary of him, and worried that his relationship with Buffy would get her harmed, or worse, killed. No, Willow was the only one even close to being a friend to him, his first friend since he had been a boy back in Ireland. He moved towards her, a smile coming to his lips as he saw how happy she seemed to see him. She sat up straight, a smile coming to her lips, and even from here, he could see the light dancing in her eyes. "How are you, Willow?" he asked as she looked up at him. He motioned as to whether he could sit, as he examined her face. She seemed pale, but her face lit up with a smile, as she quickly nodded. "Good. If you're looking for Buffy, she's out patrolling." she told him. Angel felt a smile curving his lips. He didn't know what it was about Willow, but he had a hard time being aloof around her. It was almost as if she DEMANDED he participate, and that there wasn't any way around it. "I know. But vamp activity is pretty low right now. So she'll be fine." He didn't mention that he hadn't felt comfortable around her. "I thought that since Xander was away, you might like some company." He saw Willow's face explode in happiness. "I could always use company. Especially since I rarely see you, and you rarely talk, and we really..." Angel felt another smile tugging at his lips. Willow was so... normal. It was nice. He noticed her look down, and he could sense the blood rushing into her face, even though he couldn't see it. And he heard her mumble, "And I really should be quiet now." Angel chuckled softly. "It's alright, Willow. I don't mind if you babble. It almost makes me feel... normal." And it did. And that scared him. He wasn't normal, and never would be. He had to remember that. "You are normal," Willow shot back at him. "In a..." Willow sputtered to a stop, realizing how silly her statement was. "Ok, you're not normal. You're special, and you deserve to feel happy." Angel grunted at that, a discordant negative sound. He didn't deserve to be happy. After all he'd done, he didn't deserve happiness, or the second chance Willow was trying to offer. "You do," Willow insisted. "You're a great guy, and a great friend. You help people, and if it weren't for you, Buffy, Xander and I would probably be dead." Angel had been growing more and more uncomfortable as she went on, and couldn't help what he said next. It was pure instinct. "Don't say that." "It's true," she said softly. screamed something inside him. "And I want to thank you for it." Angel looked at her, all his guilt and sadness reflecting in his eyes. He had to get out of here. She meant well, but she didn't understand... "I didn't do anything." He glanced around the Bronze, while desperately trying to control the emotions raging through him. When he realized that he couldn't, he moved to get up, while muttering, "I should go." Willow put a hand on his arm, and he turned to look at her. He thought, as the lights glinted from her hair. "Angel, I'm your friend, and I'm always here for you. Remember that, ok?" Willow looked so hopeful. He gave a quick nod, and headed for the exit to the Bronze. He needed space, without the people crowding around him. He ended up on the roof of the Bronze. It was always tranquil there, even with the noise filtering through from below. He thought back to his conversation with Willow. 'Angel, I'm your friend...' Friend. He hadn't had a real friend in... centuries. Perhaps... Perhaps this time would be different. Perhaps he could really have a friend again. It might be a futile hope, but then again, what else could he do, but hope? Fin Feedback, Please! Should I do more of these? - -- "Ours is a forbidden love." - Willow, Lie to Me "She's dancing... Dancing with Death!" - Drucilla, IOHE4U Keeper of Willow's Spellcasting Ability Visit my Site The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/attenborough/295/index.html ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:09:10 EDT From: Aglx Subject: BUFFYFIC: POEM: Unwanted Title: Unwanted Type: Poem/Song Rating: G all the way. Author: Michelle (Aglx@aol.com) Spoilers: Kinda. It would be best if you saw Becoming before reading this. Notes: This is a sappy, depressing poem that I wrote. It has nothing to do with me or anything. I wrote it for a school project (weird project) and then I made it into a song when I started song writting. Feedback: Please, but off-list. This is a poem I wrote a long time ago. It was turned into a song when I got into song writting and now, after seeing "Becoming" I realized it really fits with the way Buffy is probally feeling. So, I'm sharing it with all of you. ~~~ A life unwanted, unasked for, Where fantasies never come true. Dreams become your worst nightmares, And time will never undo. The pain in my heart grows stronger. Everything I had, now gone. You've left me alone forever, But I must continue on. The sky, so dark, so lonely. The song in my heart so sad. A new start is my only hope, Since I've lost everything I had. A life unwanted, unasked for. A future that will never last. My destiny chosen against my will. My life will go by so fast. ~~~ E-mail me off list and let me know what do you think? ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:51:20 -0400 From: Conor Subject: BUFFYFIC: OFF TOPIC!!!: BUFFY MAILING LISTS I know I'm not supposed to post other than fiction, but I was wondering if someone could give me the address for a regular Buffy list. thanks, - -R ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:50:58 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (2/4) See part 1 for disclaimers. E-mail KylenRevik@aol.com for missing pieces. Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ~ II. We were children. Forever delighting in smashing what we passed and not cleaning up the rubble in our wake. We were children. A gang of three, rowdy and playful, delighting in the sheer mysteries posed by ourselves and each other. We were children as we gulped the wine we weren't allowed to touch, and tormented small animals that walked on two legs and felt, and did not know why they were the targets we had selected. But neither did we, for we were children. We were children, and as careless with those toys as if they had been made of wood and not flesh and blood. We were children without parents to guide us or a conscience to tell us we'd misbehaved. With no boundaries and no reason to care had we crossed them. We were children as we traveled the countrysides and divided two against one then one against two, our loyalties shifting. Those of children often do. But unlike children, the grudges were never held too long, for we were also something more: A family. A band of roaming gypsies at night. And all we had was each other. We were children and in death understood only that we'd been granted eternal life without the rules which already lay broken at our feet. Childhood lasting forever, with each other. But like any group of playmates, we children argued, only to make up, heal the breaks The mendings were shoddily done but served the needs of the past. Like children, we cared little for the quality so long as the job was done and we could go on in our blood-sweetened innocence, pretending all had been healed. We stared down pronouncing ourselves gods. Two boy-kings and their queen out to rule the world or destroy it. If it wasn't ours, it would be no-one's. We were children engaged in a game we hadn't wanted until we were too deep in to climb up from the pit. We were children who thought every ill could be solved with an embrace and a bedtime snack. We were stupidly blind to the rest of the world for as long as we could be. We were helpless until we refused to be, and then it was too late. So still, we were children. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:50:43 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (1/4) Notes: I wrote this after tuesday's episode, because it was the only way I was gonna be able to sleep. It's about the general loss of innocence that I think was seriously stepped up in that ep, on everyone's part. Thanks to Sarah for telling me "Rach, try writing some poetry" when I said I was all empty inside and couldn't write a thing. Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Distribution: Not without my express permission, please. Comments: Yes, please, to KylenRevik@aol.com. ~ We Were Children I. We were children. Living our lives and spinning till we hardly knew which way was the sun so we could turn our faces toward it. We were children. Children who had never touched life as we let the tides in the ocean of life and fate guide us. We were children, and we did as we were told when there was no reason not to. We were children and we thought that was what we would always be. We were children who never cared what time we came home or who was there to greet us, because there would always be a tomorrow and a second chance. We were children when we looked to the sky and saw the clouds overhead. We were children, and like children, we were careless. Words fell from our lips breaking like the crystal vase a child must never touch. We were naive, always looking forward or up because we were too small to see the world on level, and too weak to bend it to our wills. The wills of children awake past their bedtime and wanting to know if they could just have ten more minutes. Like children, we docily took the pat on the head and counted ourselves "lucky" for the roof the clothes the family the friends the love and our childhood innocence. We were children, an excuse that meant it was alright. To be blind was allowed, to feel was too painful and too advanced and not something we would need. Because in a world of unending horror, we were protected. We were children. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:50:59 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (3/4) See part one for disclaimers and notes. E-mail KylenRevik@aol.com with comments or requests for missing pieces. ~ III. We were children meeting on the playground picking teams by heartbeats and diets Good and Evil Black and White Children honor no shades of grey. We battled for glory and hope and destruction and memories. We took no prisoners We spared no life We showed no mercy. We were children, and we relished the fight not seeing how it was not we who should have fought. Not for the reasons they gave us. The greyness crept in but we were children and never thought to look toward the edges Seeing none of the signs that said Black and White were merging. Warning shots were fired-- we suppose that now, looking back - --But we were children and paid them no heed at the time. We were too engaged in the myopia of battle and the grand goals we had laid out As they stretched on before us forever a field marked in team colors and blood We were divided by the things every child knows are separate. We never thought to question and never wondered if by chasing the goals of the rest of the world and our ancestors we might have been killing our own dreams to live as we wished. We carried the legacies left us by past generations and never thought to wonder if like us, they too were children. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 22:51:01 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "We Were Children" (4/4) See part one for disclaimers and notes. Comments and requests for missing pieces to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ~ IV. They are children. Fighting was not meant for them, and in the end we're naught but pawns, doing as we've been told for thousands of millennia. Obeying the most basic desires for right and wrong to be at odds. Behaving like children forever. They are children, asking of fate what they dare not ask for in themselves while they wish an ending from her hands. They must learn, for in time even children must rise up from the arms of their protectors to decide for themselves if they will continue to take on the fight of their parents' ancestors who went so far before and most likely were only children when they set out upon this course of action. And in the end the future and its beginning will be in the hands of these. These squabbling children Who pretend to be more and have never been less. But still, they will always be children. END Copyright 1998 Rachel Brody ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 21:58:42 -0500 (CDT) From: Jill Kirby Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: OFF TOPIC!!!: BUFFY MAILING LISTS At 10:51 PM 5/21/98 -0400, Conor wrote: >I know I'm not supposed to post other than fiction, but I was wondering >if someone could give me the address for a regular Buffy list. Anyone interested in the general Buffy discussion list, go here for info: http://www.mindspring.com/~romana/buffylist/ Please note that we are not processing any new s*bscriptions to either list until after the holiday weekend. Now, back to your regular Buffy fiction. :) Jill Jill Kirby ~~ jtkirby@mcs.com ~~ www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/4107 NatPack ~~ ABotCoS ~~ NP4 ~~ Dreamer/Minstrel ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 00:16:12 -0700 From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (12/?) Name: The Chronicles of the White Knight #12 Determined Author: Taygeta Address: taygeta@juno.com Feedback: Please! Uses in anything: Sure, but tell me first. Spoiler: Not really, might have mentioned a past episode. Disclaimer: The Buffy characters portrayed in this story and any other references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of its creater Joss Whedon, and its owners Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. Rating: PG ******************************** The Chronicles of the White Knight #12 Determined By: Taygeta Cordelia held her composure when she heard the news of Xander and Buffy from various people during school. Held it still when she had to pass by him in the hall and share a class with Buffy during third period history. Never once throughout the entirety of that day did she let her poise falter, until the mere words of gossip hit her of the extent of their truth. It was by chance that she saw them in the hall that day. She had opted to take the longer route to her cheerleaders' meeting as opposed to the shorter route and had bumped into the couple in the hall. Buffy was noticeably holding hands with Xander and they had been laughing over some inside joke, but when they spotted her in the hall the laughter quickly subsided. At that moment, Cordelia came to grips with the reality that the relationship she had known with Xander was truly over in his eyes and that she had lost somehow in her scheme of things. The conversation was brief and awkward and they parted not soon after their first encounter with each other. As she walked towards the room where the meeting was to be held, something in her caused her to turn back and sit down in contemplation on a nearby bench. She couldn't conceive how it was possible that everything that she had planned to the utmost detail had gone awry. The Colin plan was the only thing that had worked, and the only problem with it was that it had worked all too well. Cordelia had wanted to make Xander jealous and she had accomplished just that, however, she had never thought that he would break up with her over one dance. She had to keep her pride, and despite the drab personality of Colin Williams and her missing Xander, that meant she had to continue to date Colin as if she liked him…which she didn't. She shook her head in frustration and in doing so she closed her eyes, and saw the image of their clasped hands had seared itself into her memory. It made her recall how she and Xander use to do the same thing, which brought her to the memories of their short, but sweet relationship. How was it that she got the short end of the stick, when she was the one that was trying so hard to keep him in her arms? There was the keyword…try, but in trying all she had succeeded was pushing him farther away from her…more than he had ever been before. A wave of realization hit her even quicker than the surge of sadness that had overcome her just minutes before. It made her realize that she was going about this all wrong by just sitting around and brooding over him. After all, she was Cordelia Chase, and what Cordelia Chase wants…she gets…no matter the cost. *********************** End of Part 12 _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 10:08:29 PDT From: "Jennifer M." Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (4/12) TITLE: Best Intentions AUTHOR: Jennifer M. (cliodhna25@hotmail.com) SUMMARY: What would happen if Buffy's mom found her diary? Up to this point, Joyce has over-reacted a bit to Buffy's secret life. If you would like the previous three parts, please just write to me and I can e-mail them back. Also, I combined a couple of parts, so the total number has changed. RATING: PG. TIME PERIOD: Maybe past Becoming 1? (My version is definitely different than Becoming 2!) THANKYOUS: Thanks Leslie S.! FEEDBACK: Please! Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. DISTRIBUTION: Please ask. DISCLAIMER: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, et al. The idea is mine, though! Best Intentions Part 4 Giles sat heavily on his chair. He looked at the blotchy face of the woman sitting on his cot. "Oh, my. Uh, Mrs. Summers I realize you think that is what you needed to do, but, uh, I think you've made a grave mistake. We must," he stopped and then stood up, extending his hand to her. "Come on. We have to go and get her." "No Mr. Giles. I can't do that. Not until I know what's going on with her. With you! And, I *know* what I did was best for my daughter. There are just things that don't make sense. There are so many problems right now. Her father and me, that ex-boyfriend of hers… Angel? Did you know that he's stalking her? He came to our house and threatened her! So, it's really no wonder that she's gone… That she needs some time to relax and get her feelings in order. I *really* think she needs some help." "Please Mrs. Summers, let me explain. Or, or try to..." Xander and Willow walked into the Library. "Yo! G-man! Where ya hidin'?" Xander called out. The two kids stopped at the office door when they saw him in the room with Joyce. "Mrs. Summers! What happened? Where's Buffy?" Willow asked shrilly. Her worst fear seemed to be coming true. Both she and Xander were wondering why she was absent. Willow suddenly remembered what Principal Snyder said to her earlier in the day: < "Rosenburg! Where's that delinquent friend of yours?" "Uh, sir?" she asked him. "Delinquent?" "Don't play dumb! You know who I mean!" he said, obviously frustrated. "That trouble-maker, Summers? Did she skip school again today?" he barked at her. "Um, well, I don't think so, Mr. Snyder. Buffy's not one to just…" "That's enough, Rosenburg. No need to stick up for her. You tell your 'friend' that I'm keeping my eye on her! And, she'd better make an appearance today. You're dismissed," he snapped. Willow escaped to the Computer Lab, still wondering where Buffy was. > "Uh, Willow, Xander. I think I need some time alone with Mrs. Summers. Please, why don't you, uh, go on home. I will need you back… No wait. Stay here. I think maybe the two of you can help sort this whole thing out," Giles told the teenagers. He pulled a handkerchief from his tweed jacket pocket-- and wiped his forehead. "Mr. Giles, do you really think it is a good idea to involve them? They are so young… Buffy's best friends." Joyce said sadly. "That's right, Mrs. Summers. We're Buffy's best friends, and if she's in some kind of trouble, we need to know about it. We have to help her," Xander told her. "Well, there's nothing you can do to help her right now," Joyce said quietly, looking at her hands. "Willow, go and make up a sign and lock the library doors. W-we're going to need some time to work this out. Please, hurry," Giles told the girl. Willow nodded her head and got up to do as he bid. "Xander, please, go and make us some tea." "OK, Giles." Willow and Xander left the office. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #198 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)