From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #300 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Thursday, August 13 1998 Volume 02 : Number 300 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Five: The Dreaming Tree" (5b/9) BUFFYFIC: IOHM (6/?) Willow BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 11/? See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1998 23:54:07 EDT From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Five: The Dreaming Tree" (5b/9) Comments and requests for missing pieces to KylenRevik@aol.com, please! See part one for notes and disclaimers. ~ At the words, Buffy felt a shiver of recognition pass through her. She could discount a spectre of Spike, she had never known him and never cared about him. He had never betrayed her the way Angel had, he had never hurt her-- "He never gave a damn 'bout you, either, princess," came a suddenly cocky voice from behind her. Buffy whirled, and found herself face-to-face with Whistler, though by now she was fairly certain he was anything but the real deal. "This is sick," she snapped. "Well," the demon said with a shrug, "s'true. Angel hurt you 'cause ya let him-- Spikey over there," he gestured back to a point behind Buffy, and she didn't turn to face it, "well, he jus' didn't." "What's that got to do with _anything_?" Buffy demanded through her teeth. "Nothin'," the demon said with a half-grin. "Only that you gotta stop lettin' other people play fast an' loose wit' th'way you see things." "Go to Hell," Buffy snapped, turning and stalking back, the fact that the spectre of Angel was no longer standing behind her not even registering. "Already been there, sweetness," Whistler replied from behind her. Buffy turned back, ignoring the ripping sensation in her chest, intent on tearing the demon's immortal throat out. Instead, she found herself face-to-face with another Garou-- this one dressed in loose, ripped jeans, she noted with something akin to relief. He reached out one hand toward her, and it wasn't until the fingers touched her cheek that Buffy realized he wasn't in human form or lupine, but somewhere between the two. "Trust in Gaia," he said, a moment before he leaned forward to place a light kiss on her forehead. Buffy tore away, taking a fast step backward, tumbling into someone's waiting arms. "Careful there," said a kind, gentle voice. Buffy felt tears prick her eyes as she recognized it, choking on her breath as arms encircled her. "Xander..." she whispered, trying to push away. The anger that had haunted her all the times she had seen him since coming home was suddenly gone, she was simply relieved that Xander was here, something constant, someone she knew, someone who, while he had betrayed her, hadn't done anything she shouldn't have been able to see coming. Xander's betrayal, out of all of them, had at least been motivated by love, because he had cared about her, because he thought what he was doing was right. "You're gonna hurt yourself," the dark-haired teen said, pushing her to arms' length but still holding her arms. "Buff, you gotta learn you can't fix everything." Buffy felt a twisting inside her, wanting to shove herself away from him again, still failing because she couldn't muster the strength to be as rough as she would have to be to get Xander to forsake her. Despite his selfishness, he would never leave her-- and he had always tried to do what he thought would be best for her. Which was more than she could say about a lot of people. Willow and Giles were the only ones she trusted more. Xander reached forward, wiping a single tear from the corner of her eye before it had the chance to trickle down her face. "Hey," he said, "why so glum?" Buffy shook her head, pulling away slightly, not wanting him to touch her. Not wanting the memories that came with the contact. "You can't deny everything that's ever happened to you," Angel's voice sounded from behind her. Buffy turned to look at him, feeling Xander's hand on her shoulder. "Don't," he whispered. "Don't listen to him." "Why not?" Angel asked. He looked at Buffy, and his eyes were full of questioning concern. "Buffy, you can't live like this, denying that you loved me, refusing to admit that--" "--that you hurt her?" Xander's voice was rife with fury. "That you tore out everything that made her feel like she might be a normal, happy person, and replaced it with an ache she doesn't know how to get rid of?" "It wasn't my fault!" Angel objected, and Buffy could see blood tears beginning to form in the corners of her dead lover's eyes. "I never meant to hurt you, Buffy, you've got to believe that!" Buffy swallowed, pressing herself backward into Xander's arms, turning so she wouldn't have to face Angel's eyes, the ones that had stared to her, full of betrayal and pain as she had shoved a sword through his stomach and pushed him into hell. The eyes that had been watching her from the shadows in the back alleys of Los Angeles while she'd been on the run, the eyes that had made contact with her own just as she was about to cut the pain out of her life because it had seemed like she would never be able to get rid of it any other way. The eyes that had taken in the unwashed hair, the dirty razors, the torn clothes, and the haunted air that had surrounded her, and told her that wasn't going to be how things would end. That she was the Slayer, and the last thing in the world she was supposed to slay was herself. But even barely thinking of the memories was enough to bring them rushing back, and Buffy felt her chest heave with a sudden sob as Xander's arms encircled her, holding her close. "Don't-- don't let him--" she cried softly, fighting to get the words out. Xander stroked her hair, making soft noises to calm her for a few seconds. "I won't, baby," he said softly. "I won't let him hurt you." Something in his voice sounded strangely flat, but through her tears, Buffy was barely aware of the sudden change. "Buffy," Angel's voice came again. "Buffy, get away from him, you don't know what's happening--" Tearing herself away from Xander as the rage in her chest forced itself outward, Buffy whirled, her voice far louder than she had intended. "Leave me the fuck _alone_!" she screamed, watching Angel as he didn't so much as flinch away. His refusal to let her cow him only angered her further. "You just walked into my _life_, you changed _everything_, dammit, you made me _love_ you and then you just _walked the fuck out of everything_!" She felt her breath catch in her throat, and choked slightly, taking a step toward him. "You thought everything would be _okay_ when you came back from Hell?" She shook her head. "It _wasn't_! It _isn't_! I spent three _months_ hating myself, and you act like it was _nothing_! That you're the only one who regrets what happened!" When she paused to take a breath, Buffy was surprised to hear Xander's voice, from behind her, picking up where she had left off. "You expect her to trust you again?" the teen asked of the vampire, his voice cold, demanding, and leaving no room for a response. A dark, bitter chuckle sounded. "You expect her to trust _anybody_ again? When she could see pieces of you in him?" Buffy turned back, away from Angel, just in time to see a malicious smile spread across Xander's face as the teen morphed once more, and she found herself face-to-face with her deepest, darkest nightmare. "Pieces of me," said the demon who once again wore her love's face, "in you?" Buffy felt her heart quicken, the pounding pick up speed as Angelus shot her a sneering glare and walked past her to where Angel stood, his expression one of guilt and shock. She could feel her skin pricking where it had touched the other, crawling with disgust for what the demon was and everything it had done. Several meters away, Angelus was circling his better half, the grin on his face one of contempt and amusement. "You poor _sap_," came the same voice that had only moments before been pleading with Buffy to forgive him, to trust him again. "You thought just because you got away from me, she would forgive everything?" He shook his head, chuckling. "Not even close." He glanced back at Buffy, a mock-sympathetic pout taking over his features. "Hey there, lover," he said, "miss me much?" "Burn in Hell," Buffy hissed. "Eh...no," the demon replied. Then a sudden smile took over his features, and he made a sharp, sudden gesture. "You, on the other hand...payback's only fair, don'tcha think?" "_No_!" came a scream from the spectre of Angel as it launched itself at its unholy doppleganger, knocking the demon to the ground. But it was too late, Buffy realized as the ground fell out from under her feet and she felt herself falling. Too late, because it was time for the world's retribution against her and she'd accumulated enough of an interest on her debt as it was. * "_Damn_ you!" Giles shouted, struggling against the grip of the Garou, his gaze burning and full of hate as he stared at the vampire and the werewolf who sat across the way. He wasn't sure which of them he was more furious with: Quirin, who was holding him back; Sef, the pack's dreamwalker, who was currently in a trance state; or Angel, also in a trance, whose expression was shifting faster than light on the surface of rippling water. "Hush," said one of the older werewolves, the one Giles took to be the matriarch of the pack, the one who had refused to give a name when he had demanded one. "You'll distract him." As Quirin's grip on him became tighter, Giles realized he had no chance of getting out of the cave at this point. Not when he was surrounded by Garou and a vampire, not when they had his Slayer, not when Buffy was-- His thoughts broke off abruptly as he heard her scream. A chilling, bloodcurdling scream, the likes of which he had never heard come from her mouth before, in all the time he had known her. And like that, he was struggling again, desperate to break Quirin's hold on him so her could go to her side and assure himself Buffy was alright, breathing, safe, that the pack's dreamwalker and Angel hadn't done anything to her they wouldn't be able to repair. He heard the female bark something to Quirin, in a tongue he didn't understand, and next thing he knew he was being dragged out of the room, through the cave-tunnels and back into another room. Behind them, he could hear someone pushing shut doors that had been made with pegs, cordage, and wood that had fallen in storms. When the older Garou finally released him, Giles realized he was blocking the way to the door, and there was no way he would be able to fight his way by. Sudden feelings of failure and inadequacy rose up in his chest, only to be pushed down, told Giles had no time for self-hatred now. Not when his Slayer was in danger, being ministered to by a pack of miscreants she had no business being near. "Stay away from her," the Garou rumbled in a tone that could only be described as one of warning. Giles felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle as he heard another scream, and he moved to shove past the Garou. No one- - - _no one_-- told him what he could and could not do as far as his Slayer was concerned. The Garou had other ideas, pushing Giles back against a stone wall of the cave with a snarl. "These are _not_ your affairs, _Watcher_," it hissed. Giles felt his heart pumping madly beneath his chest, and commanded the fight-or-flight instinct down in favor of the one that told him now would most likely be a good time to be a calm, rational person. No matter how loathe he was to pursue such a passive course of action. It wouldn't do Buffy any good to come out of that damnable trance-state the Garou had put her in to find that Giles had been ripped to pieces by frustrated members of the pack in her absence. Taking a calming breath, Giles fixed an icy glare upon Quirin, refusing to give any other sign of having heard the words that he had spoken. Many times, Giles had heard his title used as an insult-- he had done it himself, back in college, when he had been running from the Network and into the arms of the demons of darkness, back when he had thought rebelling against the system was the cool thing to do-- but never had he heard it done in quite the way this Garou had just done, in a tone that seemed to dehumanize both the title and the one who bore it. Never before had someone used the job he took such pride in as a way of cutting through to him before. As he heard a third scream from behind the locked door, and caught the look of warning cast him by the aging Garou, Giles forced himself to swallow anything resembling indignation or pride, taking it all inside, nurturing it deep. Reassuring himself with the knowledge that Buffy would be alright if he could only have patience. And after that ceased to convince him, Giles quieted his desire to be with his Slayer by telling himself that if anything happened to her, then both the Garou and Angel would learn-- firsthand-- of a revenge far more potent than the one the gypsies of Rumania had visited upon a bloodthirsty vampire over a hundred years ago. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please! ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1998 22:11:52 -0700 From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (6/?) Willow TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #6 Willow AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Yes...please...whatever the complaint DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG-13 SERIES DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs INSTALLMENT DESCRIPTION: Willow's perspective DISCLAIMER: The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. AUTHOR'S NOTE: To tell everyone the truth...I do not really feel all that great about this installment and I'm very unsure about sending this out. Willow isn't exactly one of my stronger characters to portray...even if this is my 3rd first person account her..goes to show you what I think about my other story! Feedback would be of the definitively appreciative. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #6 Willow By: Taygeta "Hey, Will," Xander said as he met me in front of the school, "Need help?" I glanced at Giles who looked like he was doing fine with a box of our Slayer Stuff, "I think we got it…um…is Buffy still here?" "Uh…no…Cordy stopped by to take her home awhile ago… about ten. Good thing, too, she took a 10-minute power nap and give or take a few minutes more, I'm pretty sure she would have looked about ready to steam roll the undead," he sand and continued with a sigh, "I'm really worried about her." "We all are," I said softly, "She wants so bad to get back at Druscilla as if killing her will make everything all better.' "Yeah, I know…there's this gleam in her eye - I mean - " he faltered and hesitated. "I know what you mean, Xander…on second thought, Giles does look like he could use some help," I said glancing back at the Watcher, wanting to make the awkwardness go away. "Then call me Help…" he replied with his usual Xander grin, "I'll meet you inside." Shifting the bag I carried from my right shoulder to the left, I continued my walk into the school. I often wondered why it was that the janitors never considered why were at school so late sometimes, but I guess Giles has some type of deal with them…not that they're around much…although… What really plagues my mind, especially now, is what we would do without Giles, and I guess that's what had me scared that night when he had been taken prisoner. If only he hadn't pushed me out of the way, he wouldn't have gotten that concussion that caused him to be later unconscious. I know I shouldn't be blaming myself for that, but I can't help but think that I am to blame. I mean, if I had just been on the defensive…I would have been able to get out of harm's way before that vampire leapt out of nowhere. I remember the British accented voice calling out to me, "Willow, look out!" like it had been shouted a second before. That 10-second event still occurs in horrific slow motion in nightmares that derive themselves from those days of living Hell. Even though, my nightmares plague my mind at night and day, I wonder what Giles' sees in his own, since he had to sit in that hellhole and live in that dank darkness and breath those putrid odors and ghastly smells… Giles once told me how the smell of something is remarkably powerful in memorization and even though I had known that fact for years, the way he had said it made me think it was the most wonderful sense to have. Now, I have much to debate on the greatness of the natural abilities that we call 'senses.' Two pending factors have made me think otherwise of smell. How could something be so wonderful be a double-edge sword…the other side filled with sadness, disgust, and anger…? The stench of the box of a room that they had locked Giles in was brimmed with the foulness of death when Oz and I had arrived to execute the rescue plan. My stomach, already knotted as it was, churned in disgust, especially when we managed to get the door open after we had retrieved the key from a dusted vampire who had been standing guard. I stood frozen when I saw the bloody and torn state he was in and I almost thought he was dead until he opened his eyes slightly and moaned painfully, "Willow…Oz…" I couldn't begin to say how glad I was to hear his voice, no matter its ravaged state…and for a minute during that day, my guilt had disappeared, knowing that in the end he was okay, but only for a minute. I even smiled slightly as we carried Giles out and met the rest in the room where they had been, hoping that they had defeated Druscilla and Spike. My smile faded as quickly as it came when we reached the room and found Buffy lying unconscious on the floor…Xander not too far off in the same state, but was coming to. Cordelia was a nervous wreck as she sat there helpless at what to do, and Giles, despite his state took command…as he always did. He asked no questions…there was no time considering that vampires were up and about in the castle and would come to the room at any moment. Xander and Giles, despite their own major injuries both insisted on bringing Buffy to safety, even though Oz, Cordelia, and I had only a few bruises from our last confrontation. We knew better than to argue, but I sure felt weird about it, as if I wasn't doing enough for our group…I've always felt that and that day, even more so then ever. Especially when we found out later that Buffy lost her sight. It was then that I realized that if only Giles hadn't needed to take me out of harm's way, Buffy would be able to still see, Giles wouldn't feel as if he had failed her - us - in any way, and everyone else wouldn't feel so disappointed. We haven't actually opened up to each other… not that we ever did *really* before. Still, ever since Buffy lost her eyes, we seem to have all lost a little bit of our faith in ourselves, in the world, and perhaps in just about everything else. I used to be able to think and live on the concept that everything was going to be okay in the end or that it wasn't as bad as it seems to be, but this *is* bad and as far as I can see we're never going to be okay. And in a way, I'm glad that a lot of that optimistic faith I once I had is gone. Losing that and everyone else's loss has caused us to be even closer than ever. Maybe it was how it's suppose to be…I'm not sure how to explain it, but I think we're all better friends, despite what guilt we harbor from everything. We all have guilt, I can see it in my face and being able to do that, I can see it in their eyes…except for Buffy, I can see it in her want…in her fight. I want what the rest of them want…to be able to live again, but we're not going to be able to do that, at least not until we've all come to terms with all of this. The only way that's going to happen is that Druscilla and Angelus must die, and I for one am willing and able to take on that task with everyone else if it means that at least some of that lost faith is restored. _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 01:48:39 EDT From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 11/? TITLE: What Just Happened? AUTHOR: Azziel Savament E-MAIL: Uvs3000@aol.com FEEDBACK: I need it to live. PLEASE MORE!!!! If I don't get more feed = back=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85. HAHAH=85I'm out of my min= d=85. So don't put=0Ait past me!!!!!!!!!! RATING: PG-14 just to be safe. CONTENT: Angst, Confusion, and the usual. SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning a= fter=0Aher surprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out = that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she se= nt Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it?????? DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J= oss=0AWhedon. NOTE: Now I can have some real fun now that I have explained what happen= ed to=0Athe Judge and Have Zeal in the story=85=85.out of Buffy's body. = In the next=0Asection someone is going to die. HEHEHHE Guess??????? Part 11: You Just Might Get it Location: Buffy's House Buffy and Angel were on her porch talking nonchalantly, both not trying t= o=0Abring up the happenings of the past few days. "Do you want to go to the Bronze tomorrow night?" Buffy always enjoyed= =0Apartying, and after what had happened she believed she deserved to. I= t always=0Amade her happier when Angel came with her, and now that they h= ad moved their=0Arelationship to the next level she was planning to spend= a lot more time with=0Ahim. She looked = into his deep brown eyes,=0Awaiting for his response; she loved him so mu= ch she couldn't help herself. "Sure, I'd love to." With that Angel slowly lowered his face to hers, an= d=0Atheir lips soon united. It started off slowly, but as always their p= assion=0Agrew. Her arms encircled his neck to pull him in, and to deepen= the kiss.=0AHis arms wrapped around her waist, quickly pulling her close= r. Both seemingly=0Anever wanted to part. Unfortunately for them, her front door flew open, and her mother was stan= ding=0Athere in awe of what her daughter was doing. "What the hell do yo= u think you=0Aare doing to my daughter!" Her mother had a very irritated= look on her face.=0AMiss Summers soon grabbed her daughter buy her arm, = and pulled her away from=0AAngel and into the house. Angel was only able to get one word out before Miss Summers slammed the d= oor=0Aon his face. "Buffy!" He cried. Angel soon learned that his call= ing her=0Aname just infuriated her mother more as he heard the sound of t= he dead bolt=0Alocking. He decided to go around back threw her window, a= nd wait for her in=0Aher room. He hoped Buffy was able to explain to her= mother how much that he=0Aloves her and that his intentions are only the= best. But something in the=0Aback of his mind told him from her reactio= n he was screwed. Location: Living Room "Buffy who the hell was that?" She was enraged, not over the fact that s= he=0Acaught them on the porch, but at the fact that Buffy had never told = her about=0Aa boyfriend. Before Buffy could answer her mother continued.= "Where have you=0Abeen all day, you didn't even call yesterday. All I = got was a phone call from=0AWillow saying that you'd be staying over her = house for the night. Now you=0Adon't even come home till=85" She quickly= looked at her watch then continued.=0A"11:30, Where were you!? I'm taki= ng it you weren't at Willow's last night.=0AWere you with this boy!?" Buffy was in such shock at her mothers' accusations, she couldn't help bu= t=0Atell the truth. All that kept playing over and over again in her hea= d was=0Athat it was true. She had finally made love to Angel, and it see= med that=0Aeveryone was finding out about it. "Yes." Was the first thin= g that came out=0Aof her mouth, she was even more shocked that she was ac= tually telling the=0Atruth. "You know he is only after one thing." By then her mother was pacing the= =0Aroom. Under her breath Buffy muttered, 'Well he already got that,' before she w= as=0Aable to censor herself. Worst of all, it seemed her mother had hear= d some of=0Aher mutterings. "What did you say?" "Nothing. It's not like that with Angel; we love each other." The look = on=0Aher mother's face seem to soften at the mentioning of the word 'love= .' "I just don't want to see you get hurt." With those last few words she= =0Amotioned her daughter at the stairs, and finished her last thought. "= Go to=0Abed, we'll talk more about this in the morning, by then I'm sure = I won't be as=0Aupset." "Sure." She quickly took her mother's advice, and went to her room. When she entered the room she was meet by an interesting site, Angel asle= ep on=0Aher bed. She has not realized that the argument had taken so lon= g. Her=0Amother had said that it was only 11:30, but the clock in her ro= om told her=0Adifferently. She could not help but laugh to herself, her = mother's watch must=0Ahave stopped, it was almost 1:00am. Good thing or = her mother would have=0Areally been pissed. Buffy did not have the heart to wake him so she decided to write in her d= iary.=0AShe had not written in it in over a week, and since she was reall= y not tired,=0Ashe thought it was about time. She made herself comfortab= le on her floor,=0Awith her back to her bed. She opened the book to an e= mpty page and began to=0Awrite. Dear Diary, < I know its' been a while since I've wrote in you, but I've been busy. = So=0Amany things have happened, I don't even know were to begin. (She lo= oked up=0Afrom the page, and thought to herself for a moment. Only one t= hing could come=0Ato her mind, Angel.) I know! I finally made love with= Angel. Angel, every=0Atime I even think of him it sends shivers down my= spin. (But with the thought=0Aof Angel also came the thought of the nig= htmare that came right after their=0Atime together.) Ya know what the sa= ddest part of it all was, that even in the=0Aarms of the man I love, I st= ill had a nightmare. Well, kind of a nightmare.=0AYou see I have learned= a lot in the past few days. Think you can't help but=0Alearn a few thin= gs when you're possessed, especial when you are possessed by=0AZeal. I h= ate her for what I've learned, or maybe I hate myself a little for=0Awhat= I know now. The whole thing leads me to a poem I once read: The tape on her mouth Silences her mind, Unable to think forbidden Thought. It's happened before Silently cursing The oppressor, its existence; Conformity Unbearable pain And harsh warnings The tape, torn off, leaving Small flecks, Vermilion. Intense fear, scared Alone she stands up Never again will they steal her Identity Ha, never again my ass, you know what they say what goes around comes aro= und.=0AI'm not saying that the whole experience was bad, I just hated the= fact that I=0Ahad no control over what Zeal was doing. Note to self: Th= ank Angel. I did=0Alearn one thing, I know what the dream means. I have= been such a fool.=0ASometimes you should be careful what you wish for, b= ut even now I don't regret=0Awhat I've done. I just don't know if I'll e= ver be able to tell Angel what=0AI've learned. > She slowly closed the book, still lamenting on her recent thoughts. She= =0Adecided to get some rest, and climbed into bed beside Angel. She quic= kly=0Afound comfort by snuggling up in his arms, and rested her head on h= is chest.=0A With that last thought she slipped into sleep. End of Part 11 So are you confused yet? HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEH ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #300 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. 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