From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #370 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Monday, November 16 1998 Volume 02 : Number 370 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: Sound of Silence (2/2) BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/3) BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/2) BUFFYFIC: Losing You (17/20) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1998 19:32:27 EST From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sound of Silence (2/2) See Part 1 Consider this The hint of the century Consider this The slip that brought me To my knees failed What if all these fantasies Come flailing around Now I've said too much I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try But that was just a dream That was just a dream -REM Losing My Religion The dreams weren't really dreams at all, by memories. Of that night, of the first time we met in the alley, and he gave me that cross. Our first kiss in my bedroom, the kiss on the ice- his fear that I would reject him for who he truly was. That night on the docks when he gave me the ring. I kept it with me always, even if I didn't always wear it. People say that it gets easier with time, easier to let go. Not for me. It keeps getting harder and harder not to wear the ring, and even harder to take it off. I know I should move on, but I can't. I'll never love again. * * * * * * * * * * Willow couldn't tell if it had been only moments, or if it had been hours since she read the letter. No one had said anything. They just sat their, Xander with his arms around Cordelia, pale and defeated. Joyce crying silently on the couch, hugging a pillow tightly to her breast. Giles sagged over in weary defeat, all the hope of the summer gone, with only an empty nothingness to keep him going. Willow desperately wished that Oz was still there, but he had left with the band to help with the equipment. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and tell her it would be all right. But it wouldn't be, and they all knew it. Then the light finally went on. "I know where she is!" Willow blurted out. They looked at her, flickers of hope dancing in their eyes. Willow forged ahead, "She said she would always be here with us. She's at Angel's apartment, planning to watch over us from afar." Xander looked doubtful, "Why would she go there? First of all its a good-bye note, which pretty much means she's going out of town. And if she wasn't going out of town, I doubt she'd go to his apartment. I mean, she always said she could never go back to that place, that it held too many painful memories." Willow should her head in certainty, "She said we were only things in this world, she sacrificed Angel so that we could live. Whatever drove her back her also drove her back to her duty. She won't let harm come to us, because then it would be like she sacrificed Angel for nothing. She'd never let that happen." Xander frowned, "OK, say she didn't leave town, why his apartment. Why flee back to bad memories?" "Because," Willow explained patiently, "Its also the only place left where she has good memories. It'll make her feel like she still has a part of him that hasn't lost yet, but it will also never let her forget what she did to him. Its half punishment and half comfort." Joyce put in firmly, "Then we go to Angel's." But Giles hesitated, "I'm not sure that would be entirely wise. In fact it could cause her to flee again." Joyce turned on him, eyes flashing. "That is my little girl. She belongs home in her bed, safe and sound. After three months of hell I have got her back, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose her again" She snapped. Giles looked at her sadly, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were that simple. If Buffy were really just your little girl. But Joyce, your to have to face the fact that she isn't just your little girl anymore." She glared at him. "Of course," she said bitingly, "She's the Slayer. How could I forget?" "That's not what I'm talking about. Partially yes. She is the Slayer, and the fate of the entire world is resting on her little shoulders. But I was referring more to the fact that while Buffy was gone she grew up. She sent her true love to an eternity of suffering, pain and torture of such extremes you couldn't possibly imagine. She is the Slayer, but she is more than that. She is a girl with the emotional maturity and burden of an old woman. Destiny has decreed that she fight for world she does not love, leaving her no other choice or alternative but death. Because you missed her is no reason to upset the already fragile emotional balance she has spent the last two years of her life creating. If we are to save her, to get her back we are going to need all our powers of persuasion and more." * * * * Willow hushed the group as Giles picked silently away at the Angel's lock. This was their only chance. If Buffy was here and they scared her off she would flee Sunnydale permanently, and no amount of pleading would bring her back. If Buffy wasn't there then all hope was lost. A Slayer trained in the art of hiding in the shadows who didn't want to be found never would be. *Click* The door swung open soundlessly, inviting them in. Giles motioned them in, Willow in the lead while he brought up the rear. A faint murmur of relief arose from the group. There on the bed was their Slayer. Tear stains streaked her cheeks and her golden hair lay tousled on the pillow. "My poor baby." Joyce breathed. "I'm hardly a baby now am I?" Buffy said from the bed. Willow jumped, she had thought that Buffy was sound asleep. They stood their dumbly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to say, all internally prepared speeches had flown straight out of their brains. Knowing this was their last chance no one was willing to say the wrong thing, each waiting for someone else to start. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Buffy teased humorously from the bed. "Why are you here, anyway? Come to rub salt in the wound? Well say 'I told you' and leave. Xander spread his hands in defeat. "We never meant to hurt you Buffy. If we had known..." Buffy jumped up angrily from the bed. "If you had known what Xander? You did know. You knew and you didn't tell me." He paled. "If you had known you wouldn't have fought your all, and you would have died. This had nothing to do with Angel and everything to do with you." "I know. Xander I know that you are too good a friend to let personal feelings affect you so terribly. And I know that you did the right thing." Her voice had softened but now regained its former steel. "Angel is not dead. Instead he will suffer eternally for my mistake. If you had known it wouldn't have made a difference." Willow stepped forward, "We love you Buffy, we want you to come home with us." Buffy's eyes filled with tears. "I can't," she mumbled, "I can't leave here." Joyce shook her head in confusion, "What do you mean you have to stay here? Come home, there's nothing here for you." Buffy shook her head stubbornly, "You were doing just fine without me. You don't need me in your life, screwing up you life, always putting you in danger." "We put ourselves in danger, Buffy. We do it for you. But its our choice, and only our choice." Xander argued gently. At this Giles, who until then had remained silent, spoke softly, "But that's not why you want to stay, is it Buffy?" His voice was gentle, understanding. Eyes filled with tears she shook her head. "No," she said in an almost inaudible voice. "You can't keep holding onto him. Angel is gone. I understand that it takes time, but eventually you will need to move on. Learn from him, honor his memory with what he would want. Would Angel want you living in his apartment in order to torture yourself with guilt?" Again the almost imperceptible "No" "Would Angel want you to spend your few remaining years in grief?" "No" "Would he blame you in anyway for what happened?" "He should." Her voice grew more defiant. "Would he?" Defiance gone, "No" "Will you come home with us?" "But Giles," The tears flew freely now, "I miss him so much. I can't think of anything else. Its not getting easier with time, its getting harder!" Tears had evolved into full-fledged sobs. Giles crossed them room in a flash and held his shaking Slayer in his arms. "It does get easier with time, Buffy. I promise you it does. But you have to say good- bye first. The wound will never heal unless you let it." "But I don't want to let him go." She protested into his chest. "But you have to Buffy. Just as we all have to let go someday." "When I die will you forget me too?" Giles went rigid, not a soul in the room moved. "Moving on is not forgetting, Buffy," he managed to stumble out. "And I could never forget you." "I love you Giles." He stroked her hair gently, "I love you too Buffy." * * * * * I walked into the mansion, my heart racing. I had to move on, Giles was right. I had a date, a guy at school named Scott asked me out. I had to let Angel rest, I had to move on with my life. Giles was also right when he said I only had a few years left. Who am I kidding? I'll be lucky if I have that. I am the Slayer, and I cannot grieve for the remainder of my life. I could get sloppy, grief does that, and shorten those precious years to less. I had come to say good-bye. I lay the claddaugh ring on the floor. I can't do this, my heart screams, I can't betray him again. But my head tells me that he would understand, that he would want this. I put the ring down, and said good-bye. Good-bye. ~Fin~ ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1998 19:29:23 EST From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/3) Title: The Sound of Silence (1/3) Author: Meg R-C E-Mail: RcCola503@aol.com Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top. But if its negative, can you add something constructive to it? Please. Spoilers: Alternate Ending to Dead Man's Party (The second episode of the season, I'm not sure thats the actual name) Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Whedon and the WB own Buffy and gang, and REM owns Losing My Religion. No copyright infringment intended. Summary: Alternate ending to DMP. What if Buffy made it out of the house if Willow hadn't caught her packing? I got outta that house as fast as my legs could carry me. I must have been running for at least an hour, duffel bag slapping against my legs, threatening to sweep my feet out from under me. I didn't have any specific place in mind, I just let my feet do the deciding. God knows how long it was before I finally stopped, tired and out of breath. I was there, at his apartment. I hadn't been back since he'd... since that morning. That awful morning when Angel died, and Angelus held my heart in the palm of his hand and broke it into a million pieces. Pieces that still lay crumbled on that floor. But staring at the door, I knew that was where I wanted to be. That was where I had to be. My feet hadn't brought me there accidentally, they knew that whenever I got too upset to think straight, that was the first place to go. It had become an unconcious act, when I was upset I ran to Angel. To Angel and his waiting arms, ready to comfort me whenever the world became too much to handle. But he wouldn't be there today. He would never be there again. I'm so sorry, Angel, I miss you so much. I dropped immediately onto the bed, too exhausted emotionally and physically to do anything but dream and remember. Remember that night when he held me, swearing his undying love for me and saving me from the world and my duty, even if it was for just one night. One night out of hundreds that I wouldn't change or trade away for anything else. I remember the feeling of his arms around me, remember the feeling of being absolutely safe. Dreaming of unfulfilled wishes and voiceless wishes I fell into a deep slumber. * * * * Willow walked slowly up to Buffy's room, dreading the confrontation sure to come, but too weary to avoid the unevidable any longer. She hadn't seen Buffy in over an hour, and now that most of the party guests were gone, she had finally come to fetch Buffy for the Talk. The Talk, the one that they all wanted avoid. But Willow knew that if they all kept silent, eventually it would become burried, like everything else they had left unsaid. Buffy needed to understand what her leaving had done to them, and they needed to know why Buffy had felt that fleeing was her best bet. Once before they had all left it hanging, when Angel turned and Jenny died the wounds were covered but never healed, and quiet hostilities had raged between them. Willow was determined to see that not happen again. But when she entered Buffy's room a pit settled at the bottom of her stomach as she looked at the clothing strewn out on the bed, so many outfits missing, and the white envelope sitting on the bed. The dejavu was overwhelming, and Willow shivered in the sweaty party heat. She scooped up the letter and fled down the stairs, knowing full well what she would find written inside. * * * * "Giles!" Willow's voice echoed throughout the now almost deserted house, the Slayerettes, Giles, and Joyce being the only people left for cleanup. "Giles!" He appeared in front of her, "What Willow?" Annoyed that she had been yelling so loudly. "Buffy's..." Willow couldn't say it. If she said it, then was true. Denial was truly a beautiful thing. It gotten them through the last three months, no reason it shouldn't help her now. "What?! Is something wrong? Where is she?" His was panicked, terrified. "I don't know." Willow mumbled. By then the rest of the gang had gathered. "Don't what Willow?" Xander voice was shaky. They couldn't lose her again. They couldn't handle it. "I don't know where she is. She's gone. She left a note." Stunned silence followed as Willow ripped open the envelope and began to read. Dear Everyone~ I'm sorry I came home, I'm sorry I hurt you so much that you can't even look me in the eye. Can't even stand to be around me without and entire party of people as a backup distraction. I know I shouldn't have come back, you were better off without me. I thank you for being kind enough to pretend that you wanted me back, and I'm sorry to have put you through that. I was selfish though, I needed something that I couldn't have. I love you all very much, and I will always be here, protecting and serving my duty. I know you want to know what happened that night. Angelus pulled the sword, and opened a vortex that only his blood could close. But Willow, you brilliant sweet friend, you brought Angel back to me. It was more than I ever deserved, that moment with him. But duty calls, duty calls. You all would have been so proud. I sent Angel to Hell. He closed his eyes, so trusting, with no memories of Angelus's deeds. I kissed him, told him I loved him, he told me he loved me, and then I ran him through, sealing the vortex. I betrayed my only love for a world that has yet to prove its worth. There is no greater gift that I can give to you. Angel and I will suffer in our eternal Hell's so that you may enjoy your lives. I sacrificed him for you, to me there is nothing else in this world. My only regret is that when Angel, with my betrayal deep in his eyes, reached for me, I did not take his hand. At least then in that Hell we would be together. Love Always, The Slayer Silence. Loud oppressive silence. No one stirred, each lost in their own private thoughts on the cruel trick fate had played on their beloved friend. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1998 19:36:49 EST From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Sound of Silence (1/2) OK, I'm really sorry to send this twice. But the last time I sent it I forgot to run spell check. I thought I had, but I hadn't. So sorry, but this is the real one. ~Meg Title: The Sound of Silence (1/2) Author: Meg R-C E-Mail: RcCola503@aol.com Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top. But if its negative, can you add something constructive to it? Please. Spoilers: Alternate Ending to Dead Man's Party (The second episode of the season, I'm not sure that's the actual name) Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Whedon and the WB own Buffy and gang, and REM owns Losing My Religion. No copyright infringement intended. Summary: Alternate ending to DMP. What if Buffy made it out of the house if Willow hadn't caught her packing? I got outta that house as fast as my legs could carry me. I must have been running for at least an hour, duffel bag slapping against my legs, threatening to sweep my feet out from under me. I didn't have any specific place in mind, I just let my feet do the deciding. God knows how long it was before I finally stopped, tired and out of breath. I was there, at his apartment. I hadn't been back since he'd... since that morning. That awful morning when Angel died, and Angelus held my heart in the palm of his hand and broke it into a million pieces. Pieces that still lay crumbled on that floor. But staring at the door, I knew that was where I wanted to be. That was where I had to be. My feet hadn't brought me there accidentally, they knew that whenever I got too upset to think straight, that was the first place to go. It had become an unconscious act, when I was upset I ran to Angel. To Angel and his waiting arms, ready to comfort me whenever the world became too much to handle. But he wouldn't be there today. He would never be there again. I'm so sorry, Angel, I miss you so much. I dropped immediately onto the bed, too exhausted emotionally and physically to do anything but dream and remember. Remember that night when he held me, swearing his undying love for me and saving me from the world and my duty, even if it was for just one night. One night out of hundreds that I wouldn't change or trade away for anything else. I remember the feeling of his arms around me, remember the feeling of being absolutely safe. Dreaming of unfulfilled wishes and voiceless wishes I fell into a deep slumber. * * * * Willow walked slowly up to Buffy's room, dreading the confrontation sure to come, but too weary to avoid the inevitable any longer. She hadn't seen Buffy in over an hour, and now that most of the party guests were gone, she had finally come to fetch Buffy for the Talk. The Talk, the one that they all wanted avoid. But Willow knew that if they all kept silent, eventually it would become buried, like everything else they had left unsaid. Buffy needed to understand what her leaving had done to them, and they needed to know why Buffy had felt that fleeing was her best bet. Once before they had all left it hanging, when Angel turned and Jenny died the wounds were covered but never healed, and quiet hostilities had raged between them. Willow was determined to see that not happen again. But when she entered Buffy's room a pit settled at the bottom of her stomach as she looked at the clothing strewn out on the bed, so many outfits missing, and the white envelope sitting on the bed. The dejavu was overwhelming, and Willow shivered in the sweaty party heat. She scooped up the letter and fled down the stairs, knowing full well what she would find written inside. * * * * "Giles!" Willow's voice echoed throughout the now almost deserted house, the Slayerettes, Giles, and Joyce being the only people left for cleanup. "Giles!" He appeared in front of her, "What Willow?" Annoyed that she had been yelling so loudly. "Buffy's..." Willow couldn't say it. If she said it, then was true. Denial was truly a beautiful thing. It gotten them through the last three months, no reason it shouldn't help her now. "What?! Is something wrong? Where is she?" His was panicked, terrified. "I don't know." Willow mumbled. By then the rest of the gang had gathered. "Don't what Willow?" Xander voice was shaky. They couldn't lose her again. They couldn't handle it. "I don't know where she is. She's gone. She left a note." Stunned silence followed as Willow ripped open the envelope and began to read. Dear Everyone~ I'm sorry I came home, I'm sorry I hurt you so much that you can't even look me in the eye. Can't even stand to be around me without and entire party of people as a backup distraction. I know I shouldn't have come back, you were better off without me. I thank you for being kind enough to pretend that you wanted me back, and I'm sorry to have put you through that. I was selfish though, I needed something that I couldn't have. I love you all very much, and I will always be here, protecting and serving my duty. I know you want to know what happened that night. Angelus pulled the sword, and opened a vortex that only his blood could close. But Willow, you brilliant sweet friend, you brought Angel back to me. It was more than I ever deserved, that moment with him. But duty calls, duty calls. You all would have been so proud. I sent Angel to Hell. He closed his eyes, so trusting, with no memories of Angelus's deeds. I kissed him, told him I loved him, he told me he loved me, and then I ran him through, sealing the vortex. I betrayed my only love for a world that has yet to prove its worth. There is no greater gift that I can give to you. Angel and I will suffer in our eternal Hell's so that you may enjoy your lives. I sacrificed him for you, to me there is nothing else in this world. My only regret is that when Angel, with my betrayal deep in his eyes, reached for me, I did not take his hand. At least then in that Hell we would be together. Love Always, The Slayer Silence. Loud oppressive silence. No one stirred, each lost in their own private thoughts on the cruel trick fate had played on their beloved friend. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1998 23:03:35 EST From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Losing You (17/20) TITLE: Losing You AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com DISTRIBUTION: My site, those I gave permission to. Otherwise, please ask. I'll say yes, I just like to know where it's going. SUMMARY: Willow/Xander story with vampiric twist. SPOILERS: Sort of through F,H&T, just on the basis that Faith exists RATING: PG-13. DISCLAIMER: Buffy & Co. are Joss & Co's. No copyright infringement intended. Losing You (17/20) earlier parts can be found at http://members.aol.com/danilynn27/fanfic.htm "How did you get in here?" Xander demanded, stepping slightly in front of Willow. Spike held up a small "Welcome" sign. "Landlord of this apartment complex extended us a lovely invitation. We just had to take her up on it, to be polite, you know." "Get out," Xander said. "Get out? Is that any way to speak to your fellow vampires? You *are* one of us now, you are aware?" Spike replied with a sarcastic edge. "Spike?" a voice came from outside. "Come in, luv, it's safe," Spike said. Drusilla stepped into the room. "Oh, and Xander. Brought you your sire." Dru stepped towards Xander and Willow. "You've been a very bad playmate. You left to prepare for the party and you never came back. Naughty, naughty." She turned towards Willow. "And you. You're the girl who stole my playmate." Before Willow knew what had happened Drusilla had slapped Willow hard across the face. The force of the impact knocked her away from Xander and sent her reeling backwards. Xander moved to catch her before she fell but Spike stepped in between, grabbing Willow and brandishing a stake dangerously close to the girl's heart. "One wrong move, mate, and I dust your girlfriend." Xander froze. Willow stared at him helplessly, trapped by Spike's grip. Her cheek was already bruising from Drusilla's slap. "Why are you here, Spike?" Xander asked, trying to buy Willow time. "Same reason I always come. You see, my ultimate goal is to destroy the slayer. To destroy the slayer, it's usually not a bad idea to destroy her friends. I thought I had you done for, but your friends did that bloody curse. There went my plan of forcing the slayer to kill her own friends. Although, why I thought she'd do it, I have no idea, she never could kill Angelus," Spike explained. "It's was just an idea I fancied." Xander kept a careful eye on Drusilla while Spike talked. He'd learned the hard way not to forget about her. The mad vampiress stood off to the side, eagerly watching Spike, waiting, watching for events to unfold. "Well, that idea didn't pan out," Spike continued. "So I just decided I'd have to do this the hard way." In a sudden move, Spike flung Willow aside, sending her careening into the wall. Xander heard the crack as Willow's skull hit the wood and she slumped to the floor, unconscious. "I'll just have to kill you myself," Spike finished. "Ooh. Fighting," Drusilla cooed. She moved towards Willow, prepared to ward off any attempt Xander made at reaching her. "It's just you and me, pal," Spike said. Xander swallowed. Spike was older, faster, and plus he had the distinct advantage of having a stake on him. Xander knew he didn't stand much of a chance unless some sort of slayer-type help miraculously arrived. But at this point, he didn't really care. Xander lunged for Spike, catching the vampire master unaware and dragging him down to the floor. He managed to get one or two direct punches off until Spike easily threw him off and stood up. Xander scrambled to his feet. Spike swung, his fist connecting with Xander's jaw. In anger, Xander felt his face morph into its vampiric visage. Spike's face mirrored his own. The two vampires traded punches, kicks, throws. But as valiantly as Xander fought, it was clear Spike had the advantage. Spike drew back for a final solid punch, and delivered, sending Xander sprawling across the floor and slamming into the wall. Spike quickly moved, grabbing Xander's neck and trapping the boy. "Well, that certainly got my appetite worked up," Spike commented. "Fun while it lasted. You tried. It was good of you. But in the end . . it all ends the same way." Frantic, Xander looked across the room at Willow. She was coming out of it, staggering to her feet. Their eyes met and locked. "No," Willow managed to say, starting to run towards Xander, to stop Spike. But Drusilla grabbed her, held her back. "No, no," Drusilla scolded. "You don't get to play. You only get to watch." Willow fought against Drusilla, her eyes never leaving Xander's. Xander fought madly against Spike. But he was losing. "Willow, I love you!" he managed to scream out. "No!" Willow screamed. But it was too late. Spike swung the stake, and his aim was true. To Willow's horror, Xander crumbled to dust before her eyes. ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #370 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)