From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #390 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Tuesday, December 8 1998 Volume 02 : Number 390 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: Torn (2/?) BUFFYFIC: Letters Home (1/1) (fwd) by Melina BUFFYFIC: Torn (3/?) BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 7 Dec 1998 22:17:45 EST From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (2/?) TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. I got so much positive feedback on this story I tried to get part two out as fast as I could! Thanks to all of you who wrote! Nothing like kind words to give this writer a happy :) Hopefully I can write more tonight. Torn Part Two Willow hastily reached out and grabbed Xander by the sleeve, yanking him inside the room. She hastily looked around outside for any sign of Oz's distinctive zebra-striped van, and much to her relief, found none. She shut the door behind her and turned to face Xander. Xander stood before her, hands deep in his pants pockets, a sheepish grin on his face. "Xander, what are you doing here?" Willow asked. "I, ah, wanted to talk to you," Xander said. "We have inventions called the telephone now," Willow reminded him. "You could have called." "Yeah, I could have, but I guess I should have said I wanted to see you," Xander said, taking off his jacket and draping it over the bannister of the stairs. He walked into the living room and paced the room nervously. Willow followed him in. Xander reached up and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Oh god," he said. "I don't know where to start." "How about at the beginning?" Willow suggested, sitting down on the sofa. Xander stopped pacing and turned to look at Willow. He took the few steps across the room quickly and dropped onto the sofa beside her. "Willow . . " he started. He reconsidered his words. "Wills," he said, using his nickname for her. That didn't sound right either. "Willster . . " Oh, no, that definitely didn't sound right. Xander looked over at Willow. She was watching him carefully, and unable to keep a smile off her face. Xander was encouraged. He reached over and took both of her small hands in his own large ones. "You know what? I have no idea how to say this," Xander finally said. He looked at Willow. Right into her bright, sparkling green eyes. He noticed the way her red hair shone auburn in the light, and how her smile made her eyes light up. She had the most gorgeous green eyes. They were casting a spell on him. All thoughts of conversation went out of his head. He leaned forward and brought his lips to Willow's. It was a short, gentle, sweet kiss. The most innocent of kisses. Xander pulled away, looking for some sign in Willow's reaction that he hadn't just crossed a line. ***** "Xander," Willow said softly, her eyes never leaving his brown ones. Deep brown eyes. Eyes she always thought she could get lost in if only given the chance. His kiss had sent shivers up and down her spine. She wanted another. She craved another. Maybe Xander was really who she wanted to be with. Maybe . . Another voice was shouting "You're not supposed to! You're not supposed to!" in her mind. But oh, she didn't want to listen to that voice. She wanted to listen to the voice that told her to kiss Xander, forget Oz. Oz! The thought of his name shocked Willow back into her senses. She sat up straight, pulling away from Xander, trying to ignore the hurt look in his eyes. "Xander, you have to go," she told him. "I mean, I want you to stay, but you have to go." "Why do I have to go if you want me to stay?" Xander asked. "Which one is it, Will?" "I'm going to take a guess and say she wants you to go because I'm coming over," a third voice said from behind them. Willow spun around. Oz stood at the entrance to the living room. He'd apparently let himself in. Oh god. How much did he see? ***** Oz still stood in the living room entrance. It was a strange scene before him. Willow. His Willow. And Xander. On the couch. Rather close together. But he hadn't seen anything incriminating. She wouldn't have kissed him again, would she? Not after the phone call earlier. He looked over at Xander, meeting his eyes. His stomach tied itself into a tight knot at what was in Xander's eyes. Oz could read them. Xander's eyes were narrowed, challenging. Clearly letting him know that he had competition. Oz didn't like competition. Plus the fact his worst fear was coming true. He'd always known Willow had a thing for Xander. He'd even called her on it early in the dating phase. He'd accepted it. It was part of Willow. Who she was. And he hadn't worried, cause Xander had no interest in Willow. But now, at the look in Xander's eyes, Oz could tell Xander had suddenly found that interest. A lot of interest. This was not good. ***** Xander stood up from the couch, eyeing Oz carefully. Oz was looking back at him with the same steady gaze. Xander could read Oz's eyes. Oz was not going to let Willow go without a fight. Through the wordless communication, it was as if the two boys reached a mutual understanding. They were competitors now. Each knew what the other wanted. And each knew the other fully intended to get it. And neither one of them was going to let Willow go. Thoughts were running through Xander's head at whirlwind pace. Okay, Oz was here. So obviously Willow and Oz had *not* broken up, or they were going to try to work things out. A complication. He hadn't counted on complications. He didn't like complications. He was going to take a stand and say they were not good. But he could deal with complications. They just took a little more time. He knew he had to tread carefully. One wrong move and he could push Willow right back into Oz's arms. And Xander certainly did not intend to let Willow go into anybody's arms but his own. ***** Oh god. Willow looked back and forth from Oz to Xander. Watching the two boys glare at each other, she felt decidedly like some prize in a macho contest. She was not going to stand for being a prize. She was a person. A person with feelings and right now the way she was feeling was not good. Okay, time to deal with things. Willow cleared her throat. "Okay," she started. The boys broke their staring duel and turned their attention toward her. "Xander, I want you to go home." Oz shot a victorious look in Xander's direction. "But I'm going to call you or come over later, okay?" she finished. Xander shot a smug look back at Oz. Xander walked across the living room, and as he passed by Willow, he leaned close and whispered in her ear. "I'll talk to you later." His warm breath on her skin made her feel all tingly. She swallowed. Ignore the tingly. Xander picked his jacket up off the bannister and left, closing the door softly behind him. Willow turned to face Oz who was standing just inside the living room. She couldn't quite read the expression on his face. It's Oz, Willow reminded herself. Not Mr. Emotion Guy in the first place. She could do this. "Hi," Willow said. "Hi," Oz replied. She looked at him. He looked at her. Now what? End Part Two ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 8 Dec 1998 00:30:15 -0500 (EST) From: Dalton Spence Subject: BUFFYFIC: Letters Home (1/1) (fwd) by Melina I am forwarding this for the author at her request, so please send any feedback to her at the email address below. You can find this fanfic and more at her site at . * * * * * C U T H E R E * * * * * Disclaimer: This is a Highlander/Buffy/Sentinel crossover. These characters are owned by Davis/Panzer, Mutant Enemy, Pet Fly and their respective corporate partners. This is just for fun and not for profit. Rating: PG-13 for a little harmless innuendo. Notes: What follows is unrelentingly silly, and may be a good example of Why Writers Should Not Be Allowed to Hang Out Together at Cons -- Eng and Rachael are the co-conspirators who encouraged me. Then again, we had far too much fun and I'd kill anyone who tried to keep us from hanging out together. This isn't intended to offend the Clan Denial, Tribe Denial, or whatever the group who insist Angel's hunky dory call themselves (well...maybe it's intended to tweak the CD just a little...) Shameless troll for feedback: Readers' thoughts and comments are highly desired -- even if you are reading this long after it was originally posted, I'd still like to hear what you think. Comments to melinaclrk@geocities.com. _________________________________________________________________ Letters Home by Melina Clark Dear Joe, I know it's been a while since you've heard from me. I'm sure you have half the Watchers in the western world out looking for me, and I apologize for that. I needed some time on my own to try to come to terms with everything that's happened. I'm at an old Buddhist monastery here in Malaysia. The peace and serenity that I've found here have helped me to realize that I was used as a weapon to kill Richie. I've been studying and training, and I'm almost ready to come back and face the battle ahead. I'm sure that you feel betrayed by my disappearance, and I don't blame you, but I need your help. I hope that you can find it within yourself to forgive me and help me face what must come. I'll look for you once I'm back in Paris. If you see Amanda, give her my love. And if you see Adam, tell him I'm sorry for asking him to do what I did that night. It wasn't fair. Duncan P.S. You may not recognize me; I've lost some weight and cut my hair. P.P.S. Remind me to tell you about the interesting people I met here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Giles, I know it's been way too long since you've heard from me. I'm sorry about that--I never wanted to disappoint you. But I needed to get away from Sunnydale--sending Angel to hell was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I just couldn't face it there. I'm at an old monastery in Malaysia. I've learned some cool chants and met some interesting people here. One of them's a guy who has a Watcher too, though his Watcher's not supposed to help him or anything. Kinda weird, huh? He's had a worse year than I've had--at least I didn't cut Angel's head off or anything. That would be kinda gross. Besides killing his best friend, Duncan has some serious repression issues when it comes to this other friend of his. Speaking of repression reminds me of this other guy here--well, that's a whole 'nother Oprah, and I'll tell you about it when I get home. Do me a favor though--if I'm ever as repressed as he is, just go ahead and kill me, 'kay? I'll be home soon. Tell Willow and Xander and Oz I said hi (okay, tell Cordie too) and check on my mom for me. TTFN Buffy P.S. You may not recognize me 'cuz I got a haircut. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Simon, Sorry it's been so long since I've been in touch. I just couldn't stay in Cascade after Blair died--I had to get away. I thought about going back to Peru, but somehow I ended up in this monastery in Malaysia. The clean air and simple life have helped to put things in perspective. I've met some interesting people here, too. They both have people called Watchers...sort of like a Guide but not really, I guess. I may be responsible for Blair's death, but at least I didn't chop off his head or send him to hell or anything. It's amazing how other people's problems can make yours a little easier to deal with, ya know? I think I'm ready to come home. I hope my job is still waiting for me, it's all I've got left. Jim P.S. You may not recognize me--I shaved my head. ~~ the end ~~ (I warned you it was silly!) Posted September 9, 1998 ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 8 Dec 1998 14:02:45 EST From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (3/?) TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. I was a bad girl and wrote this when I should have been studying for my bio exam. Here you go, the product of my moment of distraction :) Torn Part Three Willow and Oz continued to just look at each other, unsure of what to say, what to do. Their comfort levels with each other had been shattered when Oz caught Willow in Xander's arms. Oz wanted nothing more but to step forward and take Willow into his arms and just hold her for eternity, to tell Willow he still loved her, that he was just hurt and confused and didnt know what to do and that he could forgive her, in time. Something Buffy had told him a few days ago was repeating in his head. Buffy had come to talk to him, to tell him how much Willow was hurting and how badly she wanted to talk to him again. And Buffy had told him something Giles once told her. "Forgiveness is an act of compassion. It isn't done because the other person deserves it. It's done because the other person needs it." Oz knew Willow wanted him to forgive her. And he wanted to forgive her. But he couldn't just forget what he'd seen. Nothing had hurt so much as the sight of the girl he loved and thought he was gonna love forever doing the smoochie thing with another guy. And that's what held him back. He could forgive but he didn't think he could forget. He needed time. But now he didn't feel like he had time, not with Xander making it obvious he was after Willow. It was act now, or lose her forever. ***** Willow watched Oz watch her. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she should just say she was sorry, or if she should try to explain, or if she should say something else entirely. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. She didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to lose him. Agh! Willow thought in her mind. She was so confused! She didn't want to lose Oz. And she didn't want to let go of Xander. But she couldn't think about that now. She wanted to make things right with Oz, or start to make them right anyway. She forced herself to say something. "Um, do you wanna go to my room? Cause, you know, my parents are in the kitchen, and I'm sure you want to talk . . alone." Her voice caught on the word alone. Before when she said 'alone' to Oz it was because they wanted privacy to engage in some serious smoochies. Alone now suddenly had a whole other meaning. "Yeah, that would work," Oz said. Willow turned and started towards the staircase. Oz followed behind her. A few minutes later, they were alone in Willow's room. Willow sat in the overstuffed armchair. Oz stood before the fish tank, watching Willow's new tropical fish swim lazily through the water. Willow and Oz had bought the fish together, to replace the ones Angelus killed. Willow had named one of the fish Oz. Willow watched Oz the person watch Oz the fish. They were both quiet for a few minutes. "You know, Oz-fish looks a little lonely," Oz said, his back still turned. "He does?" Willow said, perplexed. "Yeah. He looks like he needs a friend. Or a girlfriend," Oz said. "He's got this thing going, where he wants to be with someone, but he's not sure what to do to have that. And he wants to be sure that the fish he hooks up with wants to be with him too." "Well, I know there's someone who wants to be with Oz . . the fish, I mean," Willow said. "And she'll probably do whatever she has to do to have the Oz- fish want to be with her again." Oz turned away from the fish to face Willow. "I don't know what to feel," Oz said. "Because I want to be with you. But I only want to be with you if you want to be with me." "I do want to be with you, Oz," Willow said. "God, I am so sorry!" Tears welled up in her eyes again. Oz crossed the room and bent down, making himself on eye level with Willow. He reached out and tenderly wiped the tears away. "Don't cry," he said. "But I feel so bad," Willow choked out in between sobs. "I can't believe I did this to you. I am scum. I'm not even scum! I'm the scum that feeds off of scum!" Oz smiled. "Well, I still like scum. I like it a lot actually." ***** Oz looked at a teary Willow before him. He hesitated a little bit, and then pulled her out of the chair and into his arms, hugging her close. Willow was tense at first, but then relaxed into his arms. It felt good, having her in his arms again. He could almost forget the pain, forget the hurt. Just hug her. Almost. Almost forget. He had Willow in his arms again, but he couldn't focus on that. All he kept seeing was Willow in Xander's arms. He silently cursed Xander for not remaining oblivious. Willow's fingers kneaded tiny circles in his back. She wasn't just holding him anymore, she was clutching him. Hanging on for dear life it almost seemed. Oz tightened his embrace, trying to silently convey to Willow that he wasn't going anywhere. Slowly, Willow's sobs subsided to a sniffle. He kissed the top of her head, relishing the smell of her shampoo. Willow pulled back a few inches, and regarded him with a certain intensity Oz didn't know what to make of. It was as if she was analyzing him, taking in every detail of his face and committing it to memory. Her finger traced his jawline, brushed across his lips. At that moment all of the doubt and fear and hurt and confusion went out of Oz's head. All he wanted was to kiss her. So he did. The kiss was hesitant at first, both unsure. Oz turned up the intensity, trying to convey through their lips how much he loved her. It grew deeper, sweeter, more passionate. Willow was kissing him as hungrily as he was kissing her. God, he'd missed her. They pulled apart slowly, both breathing hard. Oz dropped a kiss on the top of her nose. "We can work this out, we can get past it," he said. "I love you." "I love you too," Willow responded, eyes shining. He kissed her again. ***** Willow brought her lips to meet Oz's happily, reveling in the sound of the words he'd said to her for the first time tonight. He loves me. He still wants to be with me. She'd be the biggest fool in the world to throw it away for . . Xander. Xander. Oh damn him. She knew she should choose Oz. She wanted to choose Oz. Any girl with an ounce of sense in her body would choose Oz! So why was some little part of her heart still screaming "Xander!"? A wave of guilt washed over Willow. Here she was kissing Oz, and she was thinking about Xander? She kissed Oz harder, trying to drive away any thoughts of that other guy. Forget him. But her heart wouldn't let her. End Part Three ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 8 Dec 1998 17:35:39 -0500 (EST) From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. 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Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #390 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)