From: rubberstampers-owner@xmission.com (rubberstampers Digest) To: rubberstampers-digest@xmission.com Subject: rubberstampers Digest V2 #2514 Reply-To: rubberstampers@xmission.com Sender: rubberstampers-owner@xmission.com Errors-To: rubberstampers-owner@xmission.com Precedence: rubberstampers Digest Saturday, August 16 1997 Volume 02 : Number 2514 In this issue: Re: RS: TAN got my order from Fran RS: COMM Penny Black New price list RS: TAN 20 years ago Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! RS: COMM Stampendous Price lower RS: Halloween Goody Bag Swap Received Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! RS: COMM Kaleidacolor Pads Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! RS: TAN: speaking of Eudora.... RS: Ft. Collins :) RS: Fwd: fwd: Men are from... RS: COMM....40% off Rubbernecker 20% OFF UM'S See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the rubberstampers or rubberstampers-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:03:12 -0400 (EDT) From: FranRShaw@aol.com Subject: Re: RS: TAN got my order from Fran In a message dated 97-08-16 03:03:58 EDT, Silkkstmpr@aol.com writes: << BAM....ghost poo everywhere!! >> I never realized what you all were talking about about when you mentioned "ghost poo"... now I know... it's packing popcorn! DUH!!! Hugs, - -Fran the Frantic Stamper :-@ - ------------------------------------ For great paper deals, check: http://www.angelfire.com/biz/franticstamp This message was from FranRShaw@aol.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:04:01 -0700 From: ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) Subject: RS: COMM Penny Black New price list I talked to Penny Black last night and they have had price increases on a few of the paper products. Not Stamps...If you have one of my Penny Black price lists saved or printed, please write for a new one.. I'm ordering from Penny Black again. Last day to order is Wednesday, Aug.20. Thanks Ruthann ruthann@key-net.net Stampenous again Aug.16 30% off, Embossing Arts 30% off Aug.18. DJ Inkers 30% off soon,Penny Black & Art Impressions often. Write for price lists if you need them. This message was from ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:04:15 -0400 (EDT) From: Thepebbles@aol.com Subject: RS: TAN 20 years ago >What were you doing 20 yrs. ago today? Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard?< Are you kidding??? I barely can remember what I did yesterday! Pebbles This message was from Thepebbles@aol.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 05:33:34 -0600 From: becky-bear@juno.com Subject: Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! I see you as about 5'6'' tall, dark brown, shortish hair.. Healthy and in good shape. Attractive. Brown eyes. How'd I do!! becky-bear On Sat, 16 Aug 1997 07:01:39 -0400 (EDT) Katina Choovanski writes: > > >I didn't follow this thread closely when it popped up a few weeks ago >but >not I'm curious cuz when I met Ant Judy the other day she said that I >don't look anything like she imagined! > >That makes me wonder what y'all are imagining! Anyone? > >Katchoo > >This message was from Katina Choovanski >-- >The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling >Modems >Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . > This message was from becky-bear@juno.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:26:53 -0700 From: ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) Subject: RS: COMM Stampendous Price lower I have Kaleidacolor pads listed at $7.67 on price lists I emailed to people. That was a mistake. The Kaleidacolor price is $6.97. Change it on your list if you have it.. Still taking orders today..till midnight.. - -- Ruthann ruthann@key-net.net Stampenous again Aug.16 30% off, Embossing Arts 30% off Aug.18. DJ Inkers 30% off soon,Penny Black & Art Impressions often. Write for price lists if you need them. This message was from ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:29:58 -0400 (EDT) From: RBRNUT@aol.com Subject: RS: Halloween Goody Bag Swap Received I received my Halloween Goody Bag Swap: What a great bunch of ideas.... Marci Williams: A flat brown paper bag with a great pumpkin smile on the front...adorned with shredded pale green curling ribbon....Simple but what a great effect. Carole Mork: A small brown paper bag with GLOW IN THE DARK images! A great skeleton, too cute spiders and kids holding pumpkins. Tied with orange and black curling ribbon. Teresa Durn: White bag with great pumpkin stamp surrounded by bats and boos. Great colors on the pumpkin....rich and dark. Beth Womack: Small glossy white bag with bear dressed in a pumpkin costume and kitty in a bag.....great background of blackish gray color....what did you use? Princess Cha Cha: Spatter painted white bag with orange and black ghost ribbon down one side....sealed with a fun foam stamped ghostly boo stamp....Great effect! No name: White glossy bag that is scalloped at the top....orange tissue inside. Stamped with cute bats, pumpkins and a a happy halloween stamp. At the top is a happy embossed ghost tied with purple yarn. I love these stamps. Thanks Boomer for hosting this swap!!!!!Got a lot of great ideas! Lori Hecker This message was from RBRNUT@aol.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:27:05 -0400 From: Terri Bradbury Subject: Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! Melissa, Sweet Melissa: I picture you as petite, with blue eyes, shoulder length dark blonde/light brown hair, small, upturned nose and pouty lips. You are very pretty and don't have to wear much or any make-up! You always have a smile on your face, and you hum alot! You have a hug ready for anyone who wants one at all times! So, how did I do? What about me? Hugs Terri StampaTerria This message was from Terri Bradbury - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:33:34 -0700 From: ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) Subject: RS: COMM Kaleidacolor Pads I'll be doing Stampendous tomorrow morning. Write if you need a price list. Kaleidacolor Pads $6.97 each. Colors are: Spectrum, Pastel, Royal Satin, Country, Calypso, Bouquet, Birthstone, Autumn Leaves, Berry Blaze, Nostalgia, Caribbean Sea and Bordeaux. I'm ordering them from Stampendous again on Saturday. Mailing on one pad is $1.01 two $1.47 three $2.16 four or more $3.00 sugg.retail is $9.98, this is 30% off. Ruthann ruthann@key-net.net Stampenous again Aug.16 30% off, Embossing Arts 30% off Aug.18. DJ Inkers 30% off soon,Penny Black 30% off Wed.Aug.20 Write for price lists if you need them. - -- Ruthann ruthann@key-net.net Stampenous again Aug.16 30% off, Embossing Arts 30% off Aug.18. DJ Inkers 30% off soon,Penny Black & Art Impressions often. Write for price lists if you need them. This message was from ruthann@key-net.net (Ruthann Gigliotti) - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:41:50 -0400 From: Terri Bradbury Subject: Re: RS: TAN Describe me, too! Colleen, I picture you as about 5'6" - 5'7", medium-length red hair, green eyes, small nose, full lips, in very good physical shape (you work-out & watch what you eat). You wear no make-up, cuz that's not your "style" and you like t-shirts and jeans. People like you, because you like yourself. You love children and animals and they are love you back! How'd I do? Hugs Terri StampaTerria This message was from Terri Bradbury - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 09:59:01 -0400 (EDT) From: Bibelots@aol.com Subject: RS: TAN: speaking of Eudora.... Wonder if anyone can help me get started with this Eudora Light program. I downloaded it a while back, and it seems to be ok, but I'm not sure how to get started with it. Tried to send myself a message at another address but get an error message on the order of "invalid network address" -- anyone got a clue about what I did wrong and how to fix it? Clueless, deborah This message was from Bibelots@aol.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 10:08:12 EDT From: celticstmpr@juno.com (Laurie M.) Subject: RS: Ft. Collins :) Have a fun time....I'm off to the store :) wish I could go, Waaaaaa! Laurie This message was from celticstmpr@juno.com (Laurie M.) - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 07:09:19 -0700 From: "Surprise Surprise" Subject: RS: Fwd: fwd: Men are from... This is a multi-part message in MIME format. You need a MIME compliant mail reader to completely decode it. - --=_-=_-APJLNPGOABHLAAAA Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Length: 12277 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit This one is just to good, I had to pass it on. >You may want to print this out and read it later... >--------------------------------------------------- >WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE > by Matt Groening > > >RELATIONSHIPS: > >First of all, a man does not call it a relationship -- he refers to it as >"that time when me and Suzie were doin it on a semi-regular basis". >When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to >her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are >Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more >trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a >Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know >you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and >you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a >chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken >phone call, and 99% of all men have made at least one. There are >community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; >alas, these classes rarely prove effective. > > SEX: > >Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of >foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the >foreplay. > > MATURITY: > >Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can >function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball >cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high >school romances rarely work out. > > MAGAZINES: > >Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's >magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the >female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy >and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned >on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit >laughter from women. > > HANDWRITING: > >To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just >chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot >their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large >loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from >a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the >end of the note. > > COMEDY: > >Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching >television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, >the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even >try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge. The women >will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out. > > BATHROOMS: > >A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, >razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The >average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man >would not be able to identify most of these items. > > GROCERIES: > >A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the >store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in >his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. >He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the >checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car >on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going >to the 10-items-or-less lane. > > SHOES: > >When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit , then >slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic >bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress >shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are >under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. > > > LEG WARMERS: > >Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing >the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time >she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for >the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." > > GOING OUT: > >When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. >When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready >to go out, as soon as she finds her earrings, finishes putting on her >makeup... > > CATS: > >Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't >looking, men kick cats. > > OFFSPRING: > >Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about >dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends >and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is >vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. > > LOW BLOWS: > >Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on TV. One of >the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "Oh, gee. That >must have hurt." The man groans and doubles over, and actually FEELS >the pain. > > DRESSING UP: > >A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the >garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress >up for: weddings, funerals. > > DAVID LETTERMAN: > >Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the >Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad >haircut. > > LAUNDRY: > >Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article >of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about >eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out >of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul >and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect >to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated >by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style." > > WEDDINGS: > >When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men >talk about "the bachelor party". > > SOCKS: > >Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks. Women >wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have >pictures of clouds, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back. > > NICKNAMES: > >If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle go out for lunch, they will >call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, >Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately >refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. > > EATING OUT: > >... and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw >in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have >anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. >When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. > > MIRRORS: > >Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are >ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny >surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head. > > MENOPAUSE: > >When a woman reached menopause, she goes through a variety of >complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The >nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. >Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator >glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes >shopping for a Porsche. > > THE TELEPHONE: > >Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone >to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her >girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the >same friend and they will talk for three hours. > > DIRECTIONS: > >If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar >surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. >Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask >for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while >saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." >and, "I know I'm in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store." > > ADMITTING MISTAKES: > >Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted >he was wrong was General George Custer. > > RICHARD GERE: > >Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men >hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works >at the health club and dates only married women. > > MADONNA: > >Same as above, but reversed. Same reason. > > TOYS: > >Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of >11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession >with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive >and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature >TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic >equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. >Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to >operate. > > PLANTS: > >A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The >man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to >an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. > > CAMERAS: > >Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state >of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography >classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end >up taking better pictures. > > LOCKER ROOMS: > >In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and >women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as >well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. >Women talk about one thing in the locker -- sex. And not in abstract >terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they >never lie. > > GARAGES: > >Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawn mowers. Men >use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they >watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages. > > MOVIES: > >Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. >This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced >by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is >Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. > > JEWELRY: > >Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with >wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look >like a lounge singer named Vic. > > SPORT ARENAS: > >Simply put, men can always find their way around stadiums and arenas. >The women usually end up following men. > > TIME: > >When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's >using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football games's >just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, >commercials, or replays. > > CONVERSATION: > >Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great >movie.", "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that >size.", "Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia >guys", etc. Women, not having this problem, try to initiate >conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by >the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good >restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. > > FRIENDS: > >Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time. Men on a boys' night >out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the >Doritos" or "Got any more beer?" > > RESTROOMS: > >Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms >as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each >other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together >like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man >excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tots, I was >just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?" > > > Free web-based e-mail, Forever, From anywhere! http://www.mailexcite.com - --=_-=_-APJLNPGOABHLAAAA Resent-From: "D Earl Commander" Resent-Date: Sat, 16 Aug 97 5:04:34 MDT Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Incognito-Version: 4.10.1 Received: by shep2.internal.shepards.com with VINES-ISMTP; Sat, 16 Aug 97 5:04:37 MDT From: "D Earl Commander" Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 05:01:00 -0600 X-Incognito-Sn: 1332 Subject: fwd: Men are from... X-Priority: 3 (Normal) Resent-Message-Id: Message-Id: <199708161101.FAA24214@shepards.com> To: Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Length: 15200 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Comments By: D Earl Commander@CITOPSPSS@Shepards Originally To: Dave, Stophel, -, Work, , Jeff, DeLotelle, , Lynann K. Bowyer, , Candy, Hasbrouck, , Carl, Cason, , Jimmy, Rash, , Sheila, Lockhart, , Cheryl, Cowan, , Jay, Evans, , Earl, Commander, -, Work, , Patty, Christensen, , Joanna, Binion, , Michelle, Koops Originally From: "Daryl Randall" Original Date: 11/19/96 12:51 PM Comments: I think you'll like this one...... Love, P.C. - -------------------------[Original Message]-------------------------- Received: by shep2.internal.shepards.com; Tue, 19 Nov 96 11:51:25 MST Received: from ndcrelay.mci.com by internet.shepards.com with SMTP id AA01795 (InterLock SMTP Gateway 3.0 for ); Tue, 19 Nov 1996 11:51:06 -0700 Received: by ndcrelay.mci.com; (8.6.12/1.1.8.2/07Nov95-0827AM) id NAA18516; Tue, 19 Nov 1996 13:51:05 -0500 Received: from pop3a.mail.mci.com by ndcrelay.mci.com; (8.6.12/1.1.8.2/14Nov95-0411PM) id NAA25501; Tue, 19 Nov 1996 13:51:04 -0500 Received: from localHost ([166.37.11.221]) by pop3a.mail.mci.com (post.office MTA v2.1 0910 ID# 0-10275) with SMTP id AAA16980; Tue, 19 Nov 1996 13:51:03 -0500 Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1996 11:45 -0700 (MST) From: "Daryl Randall" To: Dave Stophel - Work , Jeff DeLotelle , "Lynann K. Bowyer" , Candy Hasbrouck , Carl Cason , Jimmy Rash , Sheila Lockhart , Cheryl Cowan , Jay Evans , Earl Commander - Work , Patty Christensen , Joanna Binion , Michelle Koops , Steve Kramer , Cindy Monahan , Mark Moore , Ken Gieson , John Ibbotson , Colleen Wright , Katherine Thomas , Kathy Wilson - Home Subject: Men are from... X-Mailer: MailRoom v1.0d Message-Id: <19961119185101.AAA16980@localHost> You may want to print this out and read it later... - --------------------------------------------------- WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening RELATIONSHIPS: First of all, a man does not call it a relationship -- he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were doin it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made at least one. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective. SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay. MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note. COMEDY: Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out. BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane. SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit , then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. LEG WARMERS: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." GOING OUT: When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earrings, finishes putting on her makeup... CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. LOW BLOWS: Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on TV. One of the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "Oh, gee. That must have hurt." The man groans and doubles over, and actually FEELS the pain. DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. DAVID LETTERMAN: Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut. LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style." WEDDINGS: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party". SOCKS: Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks. Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back. NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: ... and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head. MENOPAUSE: When a woman reached menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. DIRECTIONS: If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know I'm in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store." ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer. RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women. MADONNA: Same as above, but reversed. Same reason. TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate. PLANTS: A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. CAMERAS: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures. LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker -- sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie. GARAGES: Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawn mowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages. MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. SPORT ARENAS: Simply put, men can always find their way around stadiums and arenas. The women usually end up following men. TIME: When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football games's just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. CONVERSATION: Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great movie.", "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.", "Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys", etc. Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. FRIENDS: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time. Men on a boys' night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "Got any more beer?" RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tots, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?" - --=_-=_-APJLNPGOABHLAAAA-- This message was from "Surprise Surprise" - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 10:11:38 -0400 (EDT) From: Sargies@aol.com Subject: RS: COMM....40% off Rubbernecker 20% OFF UM'S Would love to get this order in By Wenesday << Okay got all the questions I needed to ask them to answer all of your questions I will do 40% off all mounted Rubbernecker stamps.... I will also do UM Rubbernecker stamps at 20% off... So let me know if you would like anything... I am so excited there is so many I would like to have also... RETAIL 40%MOUNTED 20% OFF UM'S AA 2.50 1.50 1.00 A 3.00 1.80 1.20 B 3.50 2.10 1.40 C 4.00 2.40 1.60 D 4.50 2.70 1.80 E 5.00 3.00 2.00 F 5.50 3.30 2.20 G 6.00 3.60 2.40 H 6.50 3.90 2.60 I 7.00 4.20 2.80 J 7.50 4.50 3.00 K 8.00 4.80 3.20 L 8.50 5.10 3.40 M 9.00 5.40 3.60 N 9.50 5.70 3.80 P 10.50 6.30 4.20 Q 12.00 7.20 4.80 MM 18.00 10.80 7.20 QQ 24.00 14.40 9.60 XX 30.00 18.00 12.00 >> This message was from Sargies@aol.com - -- The rubberstampers mailing list is proudly sponsored by the Dueling Modems Arts & Crafts Forum. Point your web browser at http://crafts.dm.net/ . ------------------------------ End of rubberstampers Digest V2 #2514 ************************************* To subscribe to rubberstampers Digest, send the command: subscribe rubberstampers-digest in the body of a message to "majordomo@xmission.com". 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